I am a female who has been through many things in life. I've made a few foolish choices; but have also made a few okay ones. I feel like hopefully the mistakes I've made or the experiences I've been through can help others avoid pain and/or heartache; so that's why I joined. I wished in life someone had shared their true experiences with me if they were similar and could help.
Most people telling me not to do something; had no idea what I was going through. It was like those y?, non-smoking commercials all over tv and you can tell the people behind them never picked up a cigarette or understand why you did. I've managed to quit; but the commercials still infuriate me.
So that's me. And, I'll try to help if I can.
Member Since: November 23, 2008
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Last Update: June 5, 2011
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Well i'm 22 and i've been with my bf for 2 years. I've always been insecure. Anyways my problem is that when we first started dating my friends wanted to meet him, so i introduced them to him. One of my friends then introduced him to one of my ex gf's (i'm bi by the way). Now long story short about me and my ex gf is that she cheated on me so i dumped her and never had anycontact with her sense i broke up with her. Anyways I was not around when my friend introduced him to my ex gf. So when i found out he was talking to her I started being insecure and scaed that he would cheat of me with her.
My bf constantly tells her our problems and when we fight (which is alot of the time) and she constantly butts in when he tells her whats going on in our relationship. I told him about it one time that he needs to shut his mouth because and none of her god damn busniess what we fight about or anything else for that matter, and his answer was "well i needed someone to talk to about us" Told him sure he could tell someone like one of his guy friends or something but NOT my ex gf. But he said he'll tell anyone he pleases which got me mad at him for a while. She gives him advice about us, which she has no right to because she always cheats on anyone she's with and as so many bf's and gf's at one time.
He told me yesterday that he was talking to her AGAIN for the second or third time this week, he told me that she called him baby. I'm not upset about that i'm just upset that she'll make moves on him and he'll go for it and cheat on me with her (onless she already has made moves on him and he hasn't told me about it).
Am i over reacting or do i have every right to be scared that there's a chance that he'll cheat on me with her?
Any advice on what I should do? (link)
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No you're not overreacting. That situation is ridiculous and he is disrespecting you. But at 22, you kind of hang around losers not realizing there's so much more out there. All of those people around you suck. And you should realize that you can have nice people around you that you can trust and enjoy being around. If you have to watch your back all the time, you will regret wasting these years of your life with these people.
Do yourself a favor. If there's any other state you thought about living in, or something you wanted to study or a job you wanted to try doing in your life, please do so right now. If you and your guy are arguing all the time and he's talking to your ex about it, it's just highly disrespectful and nonsensical. If your ex were a man, would he be doing the same thing? No, because he's a chump. I know you might not believe me now, but he is.
Trust me when I tell you, there are great people out there for you to date, and you should not waste time with people that make you feel unhappy. There's just no need for it. The world has far too much to offer. And when you meet someone great, you're going to be like, I can't believe I stayed around those jerks for 5 years dealing with that uncomfortable situation.
Try Eharmony. They match you based on compatibility. You will probably find happiness there.
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2 days ago i was at my boyfriends house (we r both 18 and have been together for 2 years) and he was studying for some upcoming test. I was getting bored so I started talking to him asking him questions like "how is the studying going" etc. I didn't mean to get on his nerves and I didn't know I was annoying him. Then all of a sudden he just snapped saying "SHUT UP B****" and pinned me on the wall and was about to punch me but at the last second moved his hand and punched the wall instead leaving a hole in the wall.
I was scared and I felt the tears coming but I don't like him to see me cry so I told him "maybe I should leave so I dont interfere with his studying,and I didn't mean to make u mad." So I left and when I got home I just went to bed crying and like 15 minutes later he knocked on my door and was apologizing saying "he was just stressed out, I wasn't the reason why he got mad and he would never treat me like that and he was just really stressed and he loves me so much and doesn't want to lose me etc." he gave me flowers Chocolates and a stuffed bear and the apologizing went on for about 30 minutes and I did eventually forgive him because I feel that if I wasn't bothering him he wouldn't have done that and he's normally a very calm person. But now i'm so scared of him, I don't know why but now he just scares me and I'm always nervous around him. I don't know if I made the right choice forgiving him or if I made the wrong choice
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Get away from him. He is becoming violent, and he's either cheating on you or comparing you to someone in his mind already. That's why something so random got on his nerves.
If you guys stay together, things will get really bad. And just so you know, by your staying with him, he's already lost respect for you. But he might also do you a favor and leave you anyway because he's already comparing you in his mind to someone else or some other ideal. Maybe his friends say he should be with a different type of girl or something. But there's something significant on his mind if this is the first time he's hit you in 2 years of your being together.
The only other thing it could be is that he's been emotionally abusive to you for the past 2 years, and you did not include that part in your question, and his violence is escalating. So no matter what the reasons are for his behavior, you should still get away. He is violent and dangerous, and nothing waits for you down the road with him but private and public humiliation, wasted potential, and possibly prison or death. And yes it often gets that bad. Do not forgive him.
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I am from india. My boyfriend is unhappy with me. All I can do is cry everyday. I dint treat well in the beggining. Gave my friends more importance n all..I cheated on him once and begged for forgiveness. He said forgave me. But everytime we fight he brings it up. Feels like shit.why is he still with me if he can't forget wat I did. He says he can't sleep without drinking every nite,make him very unhappy and disturb him a lot. But he says he can't be without me. I'm trying to change to make him, us happy but all he says is he's not happy with me. It hurts so much!! I really don't wanna live a life thinking how unhappy I made him. If I die maybe in my next life atleast ican be a better person. When we started going out he was the nicest guy ever! Then I changed. God knows why. I was really rude to him amd fought a lot. And he changed after that too seeing me all differnet.we both are so fuckn unhappy. He doesn't easily forget any small mistake I make. Anything I say by mistake also he'll fight with me. If there is any advice to make things normal again, please give me. Or else atlease tell me how to kill myself. Whatever I try I'm scared I'll end up alive and be a huge disgrace for my family.I really love him so much and I'd even die if my non existence makes him happy too. Its because of me he's like this now. I can never forgive myself. Never. (link)
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Okay suicide is never the answer. Right now there are several things going on. For some reason, you were not happy with him, so you were unfaithful. He is staying with you either because he is codependent and afraid to be alone, or he wants to torture you. I know you might not want to hear it, but he does not love you.
In any event, the two of you are feeding off of one another in a way you especially are bound to regret. I know you feel guilty right now, but if you cheated, there is something about him that you were unhappy with. On his end, he should have broken up with you. But it sounds like he might not have had the self-confidence to do so, meaning he might be suffering from a very deep depression. Or he could have broken up with you, yet he can tell that you are easily manipulated, and has decided to make you feel horrible until you do yourself harm.
That said, cheating is an awful thing to do to someone, and karma will come calling for you if he truly was a good man to you. But the best thing for you to do right now, is to live well, and hang on. Do unto others from now on as you would have them do unto you, and your life will be much easier.
It is also a good idea for you to spend a few years alone getting to know who you are. Another person should not be able to make you want to kill yourself. You are very easily swayed by outside forces. The famous quote is a person that stands for nothing falls for anything. You really do not know who you are, and your mind is young. As you gain wisdom, you do not do things like cheat, because you know that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Get to know yourself, what you're about, what makes you you.
You might be the type of person that does not want to settle down with one person, and that is fine. But if you are, then you should be honest with the people you date, and not sneak around behind their backs, and be prepared to share them with other partners as well.
As you sow, so shall you reap. So whatever you do to someone else, expect it to be returned to you, or don't do it all. Get away from anyone that makes you contemplate suicide. There's a dark weird dynamic between the 2 of you, and though you cheated, it sounds like he has the upper hand. Oh and by the way, abused women usually cheat. These are the same women who typically would not cheat, but the desire to cheat is almost uncontrollable when a woman is being emotionally or physically abused, which though you say you were really happy before you cheated, it kind of sounds to me like you were being mentally abused, and you just might not realize it yet.
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I don't know what to do with him! I found out from my bff that my bf made a facebook group thing about our relationshp. I went and red a few things on it and it is personal and nothing anybody should know but us so I told him I knew he had a secret he was keeping from me but not what it was so he would tell me or something but he didn't. i kinda thought that he posted stuff and didn't think it was bad and I wanted to give him chances to say so but he just said he didnt have no secrets so i went back to read the rest and he had made it private only so now it is hidden from me.
I guess what I am asking is if he didn't think this was wrong why did he hide it when i found out? He still denies everything and now i got no proof because i cant see it anymore!!! i have been crying about this and i feel betrayed like he has a secret life on facebook or something! should i stay with him if he isn't going to be honest and still hides things?
Sorry if this is too long! (link)
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I'm sorry I haven't been on here in such a long time. I hope you're okay.
It sounds like your boyfriend has abusive tendencies that will only get worst as you get older, possibly narcissistic tendencies as well.
Why post details of your relationship up online and keep it from you, if only for some sort of weird self validation from his audience, or to relish in the fact that you are the butt of others' jokes. You might already be broken up with this guy by now (I'm sorry I didn't see this question sooner), but if you aren't, get far away from him. There's a mental issue going on with him, but since he's young right now, it's not on full blast. He could possibly become dangerous as he gets older. Not sure, but it sounds like he's heading in that direction.
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Im a 19 year old female and im with a 26 year old man.I just got out of a real bad relationship not to long a go now i have this new man thats 26 hes experienced alot more than i have. my problem is that we fight all the time but its mainly me i have trust issues and jealousy problems and i cant stand to see him with another girl. i know that the girls he hangs out with are his friends but i still get mad a i start accuseing him of cheating on me and we get in to a big fight.does anybody out there know how i can control my jealousy and trust issues and especially my anger towards him when i accuse him of doing thing that he says that not doing and he probably isnt (link)
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I too have jealousy and trust issues, but one thing that I've learned in life (i'm 33, by the way), is that it's not all in your head, no matter how much he tries to convince you that it is.
There are different types of people in life:
1. There are people that cheat regularly and are not jealous,
2. people that cheat regularly and are extremely jealous,
3. people that flirt regularly,
4. and people that are jealous, and are highly faithful in both thought and deed.
Usually people that are jealous and highly faithful in both thought and deed, wind up with people that fall in the first 3 groups if they are not careful, or if they don't know how to be careful.
Another thing that I've learned is that everyone has a vice, no matter how religious they claim to be etc.
They don't have to be complete addicts to have an obvious vice - or at least addiction is not what I mean by using the term vice. I use it more to mean preference of social activity. Be it an activity participated in slightly, moderately or to excess.
You will find that people prefer one thing, or set of things more than other things. And if they are not religious, their vices will be easy to spot, and will especially fall into a couple of main categories:
1. Money,
2. Power (including gossip and public recognition),
3. Love and passion,
4. Drugs and alcohol.
Many times you will find the jealous type that is highly faithful in both thought and deed, is more into drugs or alcohol, whereas the other types hate alcohol drugs, and are often disgusted with people that are interested in those things.
Yet they are usually into money, and power, and cheat or flirt constantly, and feel that things "just happen," romantically and that love can't be controlled, the heart wants what it wants, yada yada yada, blah, blah, blah.
The type that is jealous, and are highly faithful in both thought and deed is usually more of a meek personality type, whose frustrations or expressions are usually directed internally, while the other types always direct their aggressions and expressions outwardly, creating victims and heartbreak without care.
Even though you guys may fight because you are wrong about him cheating specifically at that moment in time, one thing you will come to trust as you get older is your intuition.
Now your intuition may not be telling you information that is spot on accurate all the time, but it's telling you that this guy is just not compatible with you. If he surrounds himself with female friends, chances are he's a flirt of some sort. He might even be a cheater, saving his "female friends," just in case things don't work out between the two of you.
In any event, your intuition is not completely off. Trust yourself, he's not right for you. Any guy that loved you, wouldn't want to torture your mind like that with "female friends," if he was faithful. He's got his own agenda in mind. It may be a future agenda, but what you smell is an agenda. Don't be fooled.
The only people that you can really be with happily are people that are jealous and are highly faithful in both thought and deed, or people that see the error in cheating and flirting and love you enough to not do it in front of you or behind your back ever. Usually they've lost someone they truly loved because of their careless behavior, or suffered some tragedy because of it. So they are in a sense reformed. Sometimes there are people like this but you have to make sure before you take their word for it.
It is hard to find people that you are compatible with, because as you can see, the majority of the people in the world fall into the other 3 categories. The only thing you have in the end is your intuition, surprisingly enough - the thing that everybody wants to discount and call you crazy for.
Also a lot of times you might find someone that is really jealous, and think it's because that person is like you. But you have to make sure that person is not jealous because they are a cheater themselves. So you have to be careful to look for all of the qualities you need, not just jealousy.
In essence you have to trust yourself, and respect yourself, because you are in the minority in this world. You will find that even trusted members of your family will say that you're crazy, because truth be told, you really don't know everything about their love lives either. Most people don't think like you, and the only real way to find them is to use a dating service that matches people based on compatibility like eharmony, or to just trust your instincts. As soon as you feel slightly distrustful, just move on. Unless the person can make you truly feel at ease again, just move on.
Just trust me. Right now it may seem like you won't meet anybody else. But you will. A person that loves you, and is truly like you, will understand the way you feel, and they won't do things to make you feel like you can't trust them ever. They won't get angry at your distrust because they will understand it. And they will make you feel safe, not uncertain.
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18/f
i'm one of those people that when i really want something, i fight for it.
so i'm still in love with my ex. he's going through a tonnn of shit right now and i guess he's just trying to find himself, if you could say. we talk and he confides in me...like he tells me things he said he hasn't told anyone, even his parents. he knows i'll always be there for him. you can say we're pretty good friends. howevvverrr, i always have to text/call him first. he never does it. and i've been trying to see him this week and he blew me off twice (the first time he was sick but then i texted him the day after and he said he was still sick) or maybe do you think he doesn't want to see me? we've broken up in the past before and hung out alot and ended up back together again for another 5 months...could this be the reason? he said he wants to be friends, andd he still tells me everythinggg. like i said, i'm a fighter for what i want, but i'm so confused :/ & i want him, alot. :/ (link)
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He probably was sick that time, but if you're initiating all the contact, chances are he's moved on from you completely emotionally and romantically. Even if he does start to call you from time to time, and uses your friendship as an outlet, he's not interested in you anymore. He is talking to you about things, but chances are he'd be fine without you if you weren't there for him. He just doesn't want to hurt your feelings, and you feel that you are part of his life still because you're "helping him." But if he's said let's just be friends, you should really move on.
Even if you guys wind up getting back together, he knows how to call you, and ask you to come back. If he can hold down a job, tie his shoes, eat when he's hungry and drink when he's thirsty, he's perfectly capable of calling you regularly and maintaining a relationship. If he's not doing that, he doesn't really care about a relationship with you anymore.
He may start to call you, after you stop calling him, and use you as a friend emotionally and maybe even try to use you physically. But before you allow this, understand that unless he says he's committed to you in relationship, he's not committed to you.
Honestly, you should find someone else. There's someone better, trust me. Every time you just move on when a relationship is over, you find that there was a reason for everything, and you will get over it. It's hard at first, but just buck up, and move on. It will bring you closer to the love of your life. Sometimes that guy is the next person, sometimes you will have to learn a few more lessons first. If you're not the love of a lifetimes for the person you're currently with. The only time you're wasting now is your own. Stop texting him and wasting your life. Those are hours of your life you can't get back.
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