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boyfriend issue. wanna kill myself
I am from india. My boyfriend is unhappy with me. All I can do is cry everyday. I dint treat well in the beggining. Gave my friends more importance n all..I cheated on him once and begged for forgiveness. He said forgave me. But everytime we fight he brings it up. Feels like shit.why is he still with me if he can't forget wat I did. He says he can't sleep without drinking every nite,make him very unhappy and disturb him a lot. But he says he can't be without me. I'm trying to change to make him, us happy but all he says is he's not happy with me. It hurts so much!! I really don't wanna live a life thinking how unhappy I made him. If I die maybe in my next life atleast ican be a better person. When we started going out he was the nicest guy ever! Then I changed. God knows why. I was really rude to him amd fought a lot. And he changed after that too seeing me all differnet.we both are so fuckn unhappy. He doesn't easily forget any small mistake I make. Anything I say by mistake also he'll fight with me. If there is any advice to make things normal again, please give me. Or else atlease tell me how to kill myself. Whatever I try I'm scared I'll end up alive and be a huge disgrace for my family.I really love him so much and I'd even die if my non existence makes him happy too. Its because of me he's like this now. I can never forgive myself. Never.
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"He says he can't sleep without drinking every nite,"
This is an excuse alcoholics use. Just for this alone you need to send him packing.
On why he stays with you when he doesn't seem to be that happy, he is an insecure pussy who doesn't feel he will be able to find another girlfriend, so better to be with what you know than set off into the unknown. What a coward. Find a guy who will treat you better and who isn't addicted to booze.
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Okay suicide is never the answer. Right now there are several things going on. For some reason, you were not happy with him, so you were unfaithful. He is staying with you either because he is codependent and afraid to be alone, or he wants to torture you. I know you might not want to hear it, but he does not love you.
In any event, the two of you are feeding off of one another in a way you especially are bound to regret. I know you feel guilty right now, but if you cheated, there is something about him that you were unhappy with. On his end, he should have broken up with you. But it sounds like he might not have had the self-confidence to do so, meaning he might be suffering from a very deep depression. Or he could have broken up with you, yet he can tell that you are easily manipulated, and has decided to make you feel horrible until you do yourself harm.
That said, cheating is an awful thing to do to someone, and karma will come calling for you if he truly was a good man to you. But the best thing for you to do right now, is to live well, and hang on. Do unto others from now on as you would have them do unto you, and your life will be much easier.
It is also a good idea for you to spend a few years alone getting to know who you are. Another person should not be able to make you want to kill yourself. You are very easily swayed by outside forces. The famous quote is a person that stands for nothing falls for anything. You really do not know who you are, and your mind is young. As you gain wisdom, you do not do things like cheat, because you know that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Get to know yourself, what you're about, what makes you you.
You might be the type of person that does not want to settle down with one person, and that is fine. But if you are, then you should be honest with the people you date, and not sneak around behind their backs, and be prepared to share them with other partners as well.
As you sow, so shall you reap. So whatever you do to someone else, expect it to be returned to you, or don't do it all. Get away from anyone that makes you contemplate suicide. There's a dark weird dynamic between the 2 of you, and though you cheated, it sounds like he has the upper hand. Oh and by the way, abused women usually cheat. These are the same women who typically would not cheat, but the desire to cheat is almost uncontrollable when a woman is being emotionally or physically abused, which though you say you were really happy before you cheated, it kind of sounds to me like you were being mentally abused, and you just might not realize it yet.
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I'm sorry I could not figure out how to send you this message any other way . If he says he is going to give you a second chance and u want to take it then great, but it takes two to make a relationship work. Don't focus on messing things up because if you do then you will, worry about getting them right. Be faithful to him and loyal. Because if he is anything like you say he is then he is more than worth it because a good man is hard to find. And as far as him saying you are to friendly with men huh. Sometime we as women don't realize our laughing and conversation may be just us being friendly in our eyes but to the man or men we are laughing and being friendly with it may come off as flirting. So tone it down a notch. And maybe he need to be more confidant. But that is also something you have to build back up in him. He may have lost faith in you. Oh and by thw way since he want to work this out don't let him keep bringing up the past and throwing it in your face. Everyone deserves forgiveness. Reply back I want to know how u feel about this advice
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No one is perfect..... everyone makes mistakes. By killing yourself? what is that going to do to him..he will just become a drunk addict... he will never let it go.. trust me it might be like that now but he needs to let go of it. If he loves you..well he obviously does if he is still with you , he is just not over of how he got treated.. but you need to remeber when your in a relationship.. please do not cheat because the truth is YOU WILL GET THE KARMA back... you love him so much.. you say well you do because you care..but please dont kill yourself... it is not right and it it against God's word. If you really want to have a good thing to go on between you two , please sit down and talk to him about how you feel.. talk to him and show him , well show him more then talk with him because actions speak louder then words. You wont kill anyone or yourself because it is against the coming back to the circle of life you can end up worse then you are by killing yourself. Please for the sake of him and for you and for everyone do not have those thoughts, please repent. And please talk to him , tell him cry show him how much you care about him. I understand that is not a small mistake that is a bigger mistake.. but you cannot go back in time.. please do not do that again if you love him so much.. you shouldn't be cheating on him.
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