heyimcaro's advice column | heyimcaro's Advice About Love Life

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Q: Male, mid 20's.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I don't think I'm ready. She keeps pulling this "why am I with you if we aren't going to have a future" bit, and if she was being bitchy about it, I'd snap back at her, but instead, she just keeps crying and crying.
I mean, I want to keep her in my life, but how do I make her stop pushing so hard to get married if I'm not ready?

Have you explained to her WHY you're not ready?

I'm not in this exact situation, but I've been with my boyfriend for a very long time and we've discussed this when our friends have become engaged.

I think that maybe your girlfriend is hurt by the fact that you're not ready. This is nothing personal against you, it's just how us girls work. When we hear that you're "not ready", that makes us feel like you don't love us enough to devote yourself to us for the rest of your life. Crazy as that sounds, that's what happens. So, I think you should rationally sit down with her and explain to her why you aren't ready, whatever the reason may be. Reassure her that you love her and it has nothing to do with that (as long as this is the truth, which i'm assuming it is), and just explain that it's not the right time.

Q: i was wondering wether i was a slut or not. i am 16 and have had 8 boyfriends, 6 of which i had sex with. i enjoy frequent sex with my current boyfriend who is 19. i also enjoy giving him blow jobs and taking his come in my mouth, on my face or on my breasts. i also enjoy it when he plays with my breasts in public.

yes. you pretty much sound like a slut.

why do you let in play with your boobs in pblic? that is digustting and NO ONE wants to see that.

giving him sex whenever he wants it makes you pretty easy. is there any love in the relationship at all? or is he just using you for the sex? because since he's 19 and you're only 16, that is definitely how it seems.

why don't you take a break for a while, hmm? go without six and a boyfriend and focus on finding someone you actually might love and can see yourself being happy with for a long time. being a slut is no way to live your life.

Q: today i cheated on my boyfriend of 8 months (don't tell me im a skank or anything like that because i obviously think i made a big mistake)
i was at my ex's house, seeing his sister and we sat down on his bed when his sis was downstairs, well he kissed me when i turned around and then i kissed back and i kept telling him no and i dont want to but he like kept guilt tripping me and saying nice things like i have pretty eyes and stuff well one thing let to another and we had sex for like a minute and he ended up cumming ha and like he didnt even tell me he was going to or anything he claims he took it out before he did but i dont know..

what do i do from here i seriously do love my boyfriend a lot and i want to stay with him but i dont know what to do next or who to tell or what to say?

please help me!

I have been in a msimilar situation. I didn't have sex with the guy, but he tried to finger me while i was too intoxicated to know what was going on (seriously bad decision on my part). But we did make out, and I cried for a while thinking about what a terrible thing I did.

Here's your options..
1. Tell your boyfriend and pour your feelings. If you still like this ex, then you should break up with your boyfriend.
2. If you simply got caught up in the moment and just wanted the sex or whatever, then either tell your boy or just keep it the biggest secret ever. That was my decision, and it's been fine. The guy meant nothing to me and I was actualyl disgusted by it. And I have put myself through a lot to kind of punish myself for it.

I just want to say you're not the only one in this situation. While having sex with an ex is definitely not right, things happen. We ALL make mistakes. Anything else, just message me in my inbox (:

Q: So me and my boyfriend will have been together for about two years when his 18th birthday rolls around (beginning of October), and I have no idea what to get/do for him. Last year I had a pretty nice paying summer job, so I was able to buy him an xbox 360 with a game. This year Ive got another decently paying job, so money really isnt an issue. I just want to do/get something special because its his 18th you know?

Any ideas?

you could get him an ipod touch or some sort of ipod, and get it engraved on the back. on the apple website, engraving and shipping is free.

Q: so today at my school vvas senior skip day.. and my boyfriend stayed home. im only a freshman so i vvent to school.. i called him after school and he told me he vvas planning on going camping tonight vvith his vvhole senior class. this vvorries me because i knovv hovv he gets vvhen he is drunk & there vvill be alot of drunk girls there.. & its about an hour avvay from vvhere vve live. im not so sure if i can trust him yet.. i dont vvant to tell him that he cant go but i also dont vvant him to go.. vvhatttt shoulld i do? anythinggg vvoullddd be helpful =]]
thank youuu.

having just graduated myself, no matterwhat you say to him, he'll probably still go. you'll just have to trust him. seniors don't like when younger grades interfere with their plans-- believe me. my class did almost the same thing that his class is, and juniors from another school tried to crash our party.. and let's just say their car was pretty f'ed up and they didn't want to crash our party anymore. haha.

and by the way, please stop making your w's with two v's.. it's really annoying to read.

Q: Everyone here has been saying "if that's how your partner (boyfriend/fiance/whatever) is then that's who you chose and you can't and shouldn't change them" ... what I'm saying is doesn't that go the same for us women? ... for example: when we started dating he knew i didn't like this or that yet he still dated me. So instead of me trying to change him or him trying to change me.. shouldn't we compromise and make changes ourselves without being asked? When you love someone, wouldn't you climb mountains to make things work?

you've described exactly why couples that stay together so long continue to get along and love each other- they COMPROMISE. it's not the same thing as change neccessarily, its about putting the other person before yourself and making them happy before you.

Q: what is the key to getting a boyfriend, and staying with him?
some might say confidence, others may say loyalty, and other important traits such as that, but im wondering, what worked for you in the past? was it just chance that brought you together or did you work on attracting a certain person by displaying confidence or whatever.
im wondering this because i havent gone out with anyone since 2 years ago, guys just dont seem interested.
thanks!

I'd say the key to staying with someone for a long time is compromise and trust. You have to be willing to accomodate that person's interests until they (most likely) become your own on some level. You have to accept them for who they are, and not EVER try to change them. Trust is a pretty big part of a relationship, be it trusting them to go out with friends and no cheat, or something deeper, like trusting their feelings for you and their honesty.

I'd say just go with the flow. Flirt, and have fun. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there, and tell guys how you feel-- "if you don't jump, you'll never know if you can fly".

Hope I helped (:

Q: would you rather love a loser or lose a lover and why?

DEFINITELY love a loser.

losing a lover is probably the hardest thing anyone can go through.

and who cares if they're a "loser"? everyone's taste in significant others is different.

Q: 16/f
over spring break i might go out to dinner with this guy that i really like. i dont think he knows i like him but i've left enough hints and he might like me but i was just wondering what to wear. it'll either be dinner or a movie or both. not likely an official date just...i dont know how to explain it. so what can i wear thats casual yet flirty but not too skanky because although i want him he's not getting me that easy.

a cute short sundress (they have millions at wet seal, if you have one close by), with hole-y jeans underneath. if you're tall, i'd go for flats. if not, some cute wedges that match. if it's still a little cool where you live, add a cute sweater and leave it open.

hope i helped (:

Q: Hi i'm 17 years old and me and my boyfriend (he is also 17) have been dating for 2 and a half years. I am so in love with him and I know that he loves me, but I think that since we have been dating for so long that he feels like he doesn't have to be romantic or say things like "I love you so much blah blah...you know the stuff that makes you feel happy really in love. Well how do I tell him that I miss it when he use to say stuff like that to me and how he used to treat me special. Now I feel like we are some married old couple I mean don't get me wrong everything is good I just miss that first time feelings of when he said sweet things to me. I'm sorry if this is really confusing ,but Idon't know what else to do.

Wow- this is exactly my situation like, last week.

First, talk to him about it a litte. Don't really complain or anything, just say something along the lines of "You know what I was thinking about the other day?" ("no, what?") "About how we used to say all those really cute things like when we first started dating. I sort of miss it." If he doesn't do/say anything, that's perfectly fine. At least you gave him a hint.

Then, write him a super mushy love note. Just explain how much you love him, you can't live without him, etc., and maybe hint at it again in the letter.

Hopefully this will make him realize how much he loves you. And then the cuteness will pick up again. (:

Q: What is a cute name I can gall my boyfriend named Ryan?

ry-man.

Q: ok...so I am with this guy that I really do love but he has 2 big problems...his friends. When its just me and him together its great, but when we are around his friends they are always "cutting on me" and just being flat out jerks. My boyfriend tells them to stop but they don't listen and now him and his friends are fighting and I feel like its my fault. What should I do about all this??? Because I am trying to make it work but it just doesn't seem like they are willing to be nice to me. Plus I haven't done anything to them that would make them be mean towards me.

my boyfriend's friends are the same way with me. one of them even made me cry on time, he was so mean. they're jerks and my boyfriend told them to quit, but they didn't listen either, just like in your case. they had NO reason at all, and it's not like i'm one of those girlfriends that doesn't let her boyfriend hang out with his boys.

what i did was, when they started being rude, i just simply asked/said "is that really necessary? i mean, seriously, do you not have anything else to do to make yourself feel better than diss me because i'm his girlfriend, and you dont have one?" that should shut them up. if it doesn't, then grab your boyfriend's hand and just walk away. they should get the picture that they're just being immature.

as for the being in the cause of their fighting, it's his friend's problem, not yours. you didn't do anything wrong. i know how you feel. over time, his friends has begun to really accept me more and now they're cool with me. so maybe just giving it time will help. (:

Q: My boyfriend is getting me a promise sing. So I'm thinking about getting him one too. A silver one with outside engraving. I'm not sure what it should say. I was thinking of putting our anniversay date on it or I love you. I guess i don't want to mess up on the text. Any suggestions?

Should I just go for the names and a heart in between it?

names might be a little long, so what about initials? that way, if it's something only you two want to share (like a thing just for you two), people won't automactically know what it is. (:

Q: So I have a really great boyfriend, like he's amazing, very cute,sweet and everything.
Just that whenever we cuddle on the couch, he always places his band under my shirt, and just plays with my stomach rubs it, and jiggles it and stuff.
He says stuff like "Ah, you're little belly is so cute."
But I feel weird, because I'm not chubby or anything, quite average, but I do have a tiny bit of a tummy. And he's skelatal.
It just makes me akward, but since he likes to I won't stop him, I just don't know why he likes it so much.

my boyfriend does this to me too. and he's skinny like your boyfriend sounds. it doesn't bother me much, and if he says your tummy is cute, maybe he just likes it? guys are fascinated by our females bodies, since they feel like their bodies have to be perfect.

you might just hint that you dont like it by moving around or turning over or just simply moving his hand when it moves in that direction.

Q: So there's this guy, & I've known him for a little while and we really didn't start talking until about two-three weeks ago. Since then he has just made me like him so much. We talk to each other everyday. I can open up to him really easily & we're just total goofballs around each other. We usually talk on myspace im or by texts, and a few times I'll call him or he'll call me. I go to his house sometimes or we'll be at Subway at the same time. His sister works there & she's one of my friends.
Anyways, he always jokes around with me & teases me. Whenever I leave from seeing him he asks me for a hug. Then the way he looks at me just really makes me think he likes me too. I also spent the night at his house one night after a little get together thing he had, and he was cuddling up to me on the couch, rubbing my arms and stuff. Then when he went to go to bed he said I could sleep with him in his bed & he ended up holding & cuddling with me all night. :) We didn't do anything so don't worry. He told me he wasn't trying to do anything with me anytime soon.
The thing is though he just got out of a 7-year relationship. I know he still loves her but he broke up with her. So I'm not sure if he still wants to be with her or what.
I also was talking to his friend who asked me if I liked him. I asked his friend back if the guy liked me and he said "Well, its just that he just got out of a relationship.." and really didn't say anything else. His friend also made a comment to the guy before I left when we were hugging.. something about "Aww, its your next wife."
But any help on this would be awesome! Thanks so much :)

just keep things where they are right now, to make sure you're not just his rebound girl after the last relationship. if, after a few more weeks, he stills seems interested, then i'd go for it.

Q: Okay so there is this guy I REALLY LIKKEEE! lets call him "shane" and we are good friends. So i asked my friend "bob" to ask shane if He likes me and if he still likes this girl he has been liking for a while.. My friend sent me the convo so i will re write it ( p.s me, bob and shane where all gonna hang out after this haha )

Bob: Do you like anyone?
Shane: Not really.
Bob: Do you like katie?
Shane: idk.
Bob: Do you still like Dianne?
Shane: no

LIKE WHAT THE HECK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!? lol.
Well i didn't even know about that convo till AFTER we all hung out.. And when we where hanging out he would always come VERY close to me, Squish next to me, Put his elbow on my knee, Lean is head on my shoulder
what was all that?

Im so confused.
I just wanna know what this all means

guy aren't confusing- they mean what they say, unlike girls.

don't overthink it. boys are flirty around practically all girls. this one obviously doesn't know what he wants yet.

Q: well he came home on tue n he took a shower n he never called me let me know where hes at or nothing n i was trying 2 get a hold of him so bad so i called his dad up n he got mad at me n wed he came home took a shower n then left n then thru done the same and everytime when i call him he never picks up he hasn't been home since 3 days now n he told his dad 2-mrow hes commign home n dropping money of 4 his son so i dont know whats going 2 happen then but we r going 2 work things over we are going 2 get an apparment 2-gether n he wants me 2 get a job n drive so hes going 2 teach me how 2 drive but he told me i have 2 trust him with aiden he said i have 2 prove it that i can trust him by letting him takeing aiden out 4 5 days n hes going 2 bring him back that same day but if he dont bring him back say i can get him introuble? he said i can by his ssn n we r going 2 get an apparment 2-gether n c how it goes but frist i have 2 get a job he said n he said i have 2 prove it that i got a job so i dont know i want 2 work things out with him what would you do would you work things out with him or no? he wants 2 work things out now he said 2 me i have 2 have trust in him 5 times 2 let him 2 take my son out then we will work things out n i do want him back cuz i am so hurt and we have a kid 2-gether n hes 2yrs old

this is the most confusing question ever and i don't understand it at all.

retype it in ENGLISH and don't use "2" for "to" and all that. jsut type it NORMALLY. explain the situation.

then someone will help you.

Q: My boyfriend just came back from a month long trip to Europe. During his trip, I know he was with a girl named Kate almost every waking minute.(It was a group trip with kids from around the state) He knows I don't like her much, but I try not to think about it. Well now that he's back, they have pictures together, her on his back, him hugging her and things like this. It makes me nervous, I can tell he loves me. But part of me is terrified of what he might have left in Europe. What should I do? Is this wrong of me?

I don't think you're wrong to feel this way at all. I would be the same way with my boyfriend, even though I fully trust him. It's just hard, isn't it?

But anyway, I'd just confront him about it. Just casually, nothing too dramatic. When you see a picture of them when he's around, just sarcastically say "Oh, I LOVE this picture. That's really something I like seeing." Then see what he does. He SHOULD reply telling you that you have nothing to worry about or something along those lines. If you don't get a satisfactory answer, just tell him how you feel about her. I think he'll understand- most boys aren't THAT dumb. haha.

hope i helped (:

Q: sorry if this is really long! ok so im 14 and going to be a freshman in high school. i've liked this one kid for a while, and the past week i thought i finally had a chance. we were at a party and hung out and danced together the entire night. when i had to leave he got said and told me he didnt want me to leave and hugged me. but theres this other girl that he likes, and she likes him too. they were at a different party, and hooked up. but this girl is going to sleep away camp for 6 weeks tomorrow. all my friends are saying he will get over her and start to like me, but i cant bring myself to believe them. he even sends me text messages that talk about how much fun he had at the party with me and how mad he was when i had to leave. all the signs are there, but he likes another girl. i need advice from someone that isn't my friend because sometimes they can say things to just be nice. so like- what do i do!? wait and see what happens this summer, or just get over him!?

Well, I'll try and give you the best advice possible, ha.

It seems to me like this guy really does like you. If he doesn't, then he's putting on a pretty good show. But dont' worry about that, I don't think that's the case here.

If I were you, I'd just wait it out and see what happens- just go with the flow. I have a feeling the hook up with the other girl was maybe just a spur-of-the-moment thing. And I doubt he'll keep liking her if he can't be with her for over a month.

So just go with the flow and see what happens (:

Q: i want to be a little more sexier for my guy. like he's mentioned to me before he'd likes the type of stuff where a girl'd randomly like, push him against the wall and start making out w ith him type of stuff, but i never know how to go about doing it. like i know it's supposed to be random, but it feels a little silly for me to do it i don't know why [ i'm experienced but i'm still new at mostly everything ].

and also i want to know what are some sexy things i can say to him whenever we're kissing or doing whatever?

just anything sexy that i can do/say in general.

thanks!

well, one thing that turns my boyfriend on is when we're kissing, just lying down somewhere (on a couch, bed, etc.), and when we stop or a while, i'll initiate the next "session" by grabbing his hands, putting them over his head & holding them there (so he obviously can't use them). plus i always sort of straddle him while i do this. it puts you in control and my guy, at least, finds it really sexy.

also, when your kissing before foreplay or stuff like that, i just like feel him through his pants and pull his hair (gently, of course), stuff like that.

hope i helped (:

bio

hiii! i'm caroline. i'm eighteen years old, and just started my freshman year of college. i have a magificent boyfriend who i love more than anything. we've been together over three years. he's also my best friend. speaking of which, my other best friends are also pretty fantastic. another huge part of my heart is devoted to god. he's blessed me with so much more than i deserve, and even though i fall short on a daily basis, he's still there for me, every step of the way. i'm a pretty simple girl- i love anything fun, texting, being outdoors, swimming, playing soccer, frisbee, or watching football, spending time with my family, and most of all- living my life to the absolute fullest.

to be frank, i'm not going to answer your questions about girl drama or pregnancy, because i have no experience in either of those categories, nor do i want to listen to you whine about how "we didn't use a condom" or "she's such a &*^#%!!!!". however, i'm totally open to anything else. drop something in my inbox and i'll get to it pretty quick- i'm quite the net nerd (: