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How soon is too soon?
Male, mid 20's.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I don't think I'm ready. She keeps pulling this "why am I with you if we aren't going to have a future" bit, and if she was being bitchy about it, I'd snap back at her, but instead, she just keeps crying and crying.
I mean, I want to keep her in my life, but how do I make her stop pushing so hard to get married if I'm not ready?
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Explain to her your view. Literally, that's one of the best ways. Women want to hear honesty, and fighting back or snapping back is tempting, but that'll just make her upset and think that "he doesnt want to discuss this, meaning he doesn't want me"
also let her know :
"if i'm going to spend the rest of my life with you, why does it matter if we get married now or later...it's just a piece of paper stating our commitment to each other. If we know we love each other, why does a piece of paper matter now?"
it works. and if she keeps crying and crying, you need to be careful because you are hurting her. she seems very delicate, so be as calm as possible about it, you don't want her to leave.
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Have you explained to her WHY you're not ready?
I'm not in this exact situation, but I've been with my boyfriend for a very long time and we've discussed this when our friends have become engaged.
I think that maybe your girlfriend is hurt by the fact that you're not ready. This is nothing personal against you, it's just how us girls work. When we hear that you're "not ready", that makes us feel like you don't love us enough to devote yourself to us for the rest of your life. Crazy as that sounds, that's what happens. So, I think you should rationally sit down with her and explain to her why you aren't ready, whatever the reason may be. Reassure her that you love her and it has nothing to do with that (as long as this is the truth, which i'm assuming it is), and just explain that it's not the right time.
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You need to sit her down and have a very serious discussion about all this.
If you are not ready to be married, don't let
her push you into doing it. It would not work
out over the long haul. You would always blame
her for rushing you...not a good way to start,
as you know already.
That being said, women have a ticking biological
clock and women in their mid 20's may start to
feel like time is running out if they want kids.
If she is feeling all this big time, she also
needs to be free to find someone who is ready
to settle down. Unfortunately, that may not
be with you.
Be very honest with her about what you want.
Do not rush into marriage. Even if the talk results in a parting of ways, its better to
face that now.
It will ultimately be up to her to decide weather to wait for you or to move on to someone else who is ready for a family. Thats basically what it boils down to. You'll have to be strong enough
to let her go should that be the result.
Good luck. Reaching a crossroads in a relationship
is never easy for anyone involved.
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