I'm a 21 year-old graduate student. I've been in several serious relationships and consider myself to be fairly knowledgeable on the subject. I've also had a difficult family situation and can sympathize with relative induced drama/trauma. I really enjoy people and like to problem-solve. If I weren't in my chosen field (politics/law), I would have probably pursued psychology.
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio
Occupation: Graduate Assistant
Age: 21
Member Since: June 22, 2007
Answers: 16
Last Update: February 25, 2008
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So I have an ex that's in Cali. for training to be in the army.I talked to him for the first time today since months ago.We broke up end of October.After dumping me for his ex.. that lasted less than a month then he tried to get back with me and I denied his offer.He tried for a long time and then he finially gave up, and I was talking to a guy.I ended up with him and he is currently with his girlfriend who he dumped me for.Supposively she's pregnant and their getting married in July.Which is ridiculous because she might not be pregnant.I mean, he has his doubts and today I told him to do whatever will make him happy.He understands , but then again, he's a coward.For one, he hit her.Which is wayy off the line.Which was a while back when he went to his ex after me.Anyways, he told me he called me because they drowned him and they told them to call whomever they think changed their life in some way and had feelings for.And he thought of me.And he told me a flash memory of us when he asked me out.By then, I was like... oh god.. and he stopped telling me details of what he could remember.He also told me that he admitted to his current that he still loved me and that kills her to hear that.And he gets angry when she's talks her stuff about me, which then he sticks up for me when he doesn't even talk to me or have any communication with me.I couldn't admit to him that I miss him or love him.That would be wrong of me to do when I have a boyfriend.And tried to ask me If I missed him and I said I wasn't going to answer that.And he also asked if I ever thought about him and he added that I came to mind every once in awhile to see what I was doing, if I was drinking , am I happy.So I told him obviously because I called him.( I called him a few days ago not knowing he was in Cali for the army., but he didn't answer) And I hate admitting at all that I even had thought about him.I really don't know what to do in the situation though.It's really hard.So I went to the movies with my boyfriend tonight and I called my ex back later on when I got back..I'm not sure why.He told me to call when I wanted or whatever.And he answered shocked and he couldn't understand why I called back, which he thought I wouldn't talk to him again.But yeahh.. I just don't know what to do.I don't want to do anything to hurt my boyfriend and our relationship.I've been with him for almost 3 months.I don't even know what I'm asking.Sorry for being so long.So I guess I'm asking what do I do in this situation.I wouldn't ever go back to my ex.He did me wrong and he knows it and he even told me what he did wrong.Soo.... yeah.I'm just trying to move on.. (link)
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It sounds to me like you never got closure with your ex. He needs to know that you're with someone else now and that you're happy. Let him know that you hope you finds happiness too but that you have moved on. You can still talk to him if you want, but I don't really see the point.
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Hi everyone. I really need some help understanding my boyfriend.. This is ridiculously long so... but advice is soo greatly appreciated. Please.
All right, so my boyfriend & I have been together for almost five years (we're both 21, so we've been together since we were 16). We've been through so many different things; bad, good, everything. Last year we broke up because he felt like he wasn't ready to fully commit to me. After months of being, I guess people would call it, "friends with benefits" we still acted as if we still together anyway. We broke up because he wanted to experiece the partying thing & the whole nine. *rolls eyes* In February, he wanted me back. He said he didn't want to go backwards anymore by messing with other girls. He wanted to move forward & that meant by being with me again & rebuilding our relationship. Things have been great between us ever since. Our relationship felt incredibly real & I believed that this was the real deal, that we were finally on the same level now that he got all that stuff out of his system.
Tonight he texted me this: "I'm in miserable state of mind right now and its not because of u. Youre everything in a girl a guy would want. I'm in a state of depression right now. And its not fair for you."
He thought it'd be best if he was alone.. that he needs to figure things out in his life. It was out of nowhere. I know he has different shit going on in his life but I didn't know it was that serious. I mean yeah its serious but it never seemed to effect him this much before..... & I don't understand why he can't be with me. Maybe I sound selfish, I don't know. But I was depressed for 8 years & knowing how it feels, I would have thought that instead of pushing people away, that instead you'd want to keep the people you love close. & he says he loves me & still wants to be with me & that knows he's making a huge mistake. He says he wants to marry me & everything but he just can't be with me. I just can't seem to understand.
I didn't want to be selfish so I let him go. He's doing it for himself & I can't hate him for it. I told him to think on it but he seems sure that its best for him to be alone. I don't know how sure he can actually be since he said it just came out of nowhere right then & there. I don't think he's lying & I know there's no other girl or anything so its not a bullshit ass excuse just to leave me. I just think he needs more time to think about what he's doing with me.
Before we talked on the phone, in the text I said to him that I'm not going through another break up & then him realizing he made a mistake & then us getting back together again. I told him I'm not going through that shit again because it hurts & if its over then its over for good. But after talking on the phone & understanding that he's doing it for himself & not because he wants to go out & be a guy, I regret saying that. Because it would be wrong for me to walk away because its not like he's breaking up with me to be with someone else, you know. But he said to me that he doesn't want me to ever take him back because he doesn't want to keep doing this to me & because its not fair... & we won't talk or see each other ever again... He knows how much it hurts me. He's right, it does. But still... he's going through depression & I can't hold that against him.
I guess I'm writing this because I want to know what you guys think about this whole thing. Why would someone who is depressed want to break up with a person who loves & cares about them & wants to help them to get better? Is it even good for him to push me away when he knows he loves me & still wants to be with me? Is he being selfish or am I being selfish by still wanting to stand by him? & are we really over for good? He usually knows when he makes a mistake & comes back to me & when we say we won't speak or see each other again, he always ends up calling eventually. I just don't know about this time because its just so much more serious. What can I do? Should I just let him be?
Any & all advice or thoughts would be great. Sorry about the length. Thank you so much. (link)
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I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation; it really hurts to watch someone you're close to go through something like this. One important thing to remember is that his depression is not your fault nor your responsibility. It's great that you're being empathic, but you shouldn't allow your ex to drag you down with him. A good realationship needs two healthy individuals who want to make it work. Right now he's not healthy and even if he wants to make it work he's not in the right frame of mind.
I would advise you to let him know that you'll be there for him if he needs support but that you plan on moving on. Then do it. Go out with your friends. Get more involved in school/work. Meet other guys who are at a better point in their lives. If you want to, go out on a few dates. Just because he's depressed doesn't mean you should be, too. Remember that your life will go on with or without him. ~Dani, f/20
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16/F
To put it simply, I have a fake boyfriend. His name is "Nick." The reason I did this is because all my friends have boyfriends, and I really want one too. Problem is, there are no guys I am even slightly attracted to where I live. So "Nick" has been pretty great for me. I get to brag about him and everything, but I'm still lonely.
Reccently, I started talking over Instant Messenger with this guy, we'll call him Cameron. Cameron lives in South America but is pretty much fluent in English. We talk almost every day, he's so cute, and he actually seems like he cares about me. I know I will probably never meet Cameron, so don't tell me that. I already know.
I'm just so upset that every guy I'm interested in lives so far away. And here, I know everyone at my school, and I'm not interested in any of the guys here. Yet I want a boyfriend so badly, which is why I have a fake one.
What should I do? Should I "break up" with my fake boyfriend? Should I stay with my fake boyfriend even when I am talking to Cameron? Or should I try to look harder for a guy here when school starts back up again?
And don't tell me that being single is okay. Because for me right now, it's not. And also do not tell me that I will "find someone eventually."
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I completely agree that you should "break up" with your fake boyfriend. A fake boyfriend is in no way similiar to a real boyfriend. There's no real point in continuing to lie to your friends, and real guys will be scared away by your fictional perfect man.
I see no harm in having an online realationship with Cameron. The only thing you need to realize here is that since you'll be so far apart you should both be free to see other people if the opportunity arises. His companionship should keep you company until an available close-to-home guy enters your life. And hey, when that does happen, won't you be glad you're available?
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14/f
I'm not sure that I'm completely straight. The idea of lesbian sex doesn't gross me out or anything, it kind of turns me on. like i would do it without protesting. A lot of times I get these huge crushes on girls because they're really attractive. I feel pretty much equally attracted to guys and girls. I'd rather go on a date with/marry a guy, and I first noticed guys, not girls (like when i was little). But still...
Do you think I'm Bi? or Trisexual? I just think I'm a little bit too attracted to females to be "straight".
any advice appreciated.
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Some researchers think that everyone falls on a continum between being completely gay and only attracted to the same sex and being totally straight and only attracted to the opposite sex. From what you say if you have sexual feelings for both men and women, you are probably bisexual. As you get older, your orientation and dating preferences will become clear, so I wouldn't stress out about it too much now.
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ok
15/m
i have a bit of a problem
i can't talk to girls to save my life
i try, and i fail...miserably
like...i'll post on her wall or something, then she'll say something back and i have no idea what to say next so i just post something like "yea..." or "uh huh..." and i know i sound like i'm completely uninterested in the conversation but i actually want to try and talk to girls i'm just really, really bad at it...i cant keep a conversation going! it happened all the time at events like football games throughout the school year- i'd meet someone i liked, but i wouldn't be able to hold a conversation to save my life! so can anyone give me some tips or something to help me out? i just need some help...there's this girl i really like and wanna ask her out eventually but if i can't hardly talk to her then that will be impossible!
thank you so much in advance! (link)
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I'm going to assume that you have no problem talking to other guys (or people in general). Talking to girls in the early stages is not much different than talking to guys. Imagine you were talking to a close friend. What would you say? For the sake of your confidence, I'd advise you to pretend that she already likes you. Now that not too far of a stretch, you're a nice guy who's interested in her, so why shouldn't she like you? The best way to have a conversation with someone you don't know well is to get them to talk about themselves that way it takes the pressure of you and you get to know them.
Here's a sample getting to know you type consversation:
You: "Hey Kylie what'd you think of that math test?"
Her: It was alright not the worst.
You: I didn't understand the way Mrs. Blank explains how to find the slope. Do you understand the stuff she writes on the board?"
There you have it: a conversation! And if you're really lucky one of these consversation could lead to an opportunity to hang out. Let's say Kylie gets the way Mrs. Blank outlines her lectures. Then you could ask her if she wants to get a pizza and go over the notes before your next math test. Getting to know a girl is nothing complicated. Making girl friends (or girlfriends) is a lot like making guy friends. You just have to take it one "hi" at a time. -Dani (f/20)
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will it calse more pain or can he streach me open if his penise is to big? (link)
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It depends on what you're used to. You'll need a lot of foreplay and should probably start out with positions where he can't get really deep access (not doggie). If you're well lubricated and go slow everything should be fine.
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i would like to kno can i brack my hymen by fingering myself? (link)
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Not necessarily. It depends on the current of your hymen, how many fingers you use, how gentle you are,etc. I think you're pretty safe, and the status of hymen has nothing to do with your virginity.
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here are these to really great girls im trying to find out which one i should date, i cant choose!
i need help sooo bad
okayy #1 is Jessica she is very nice, very outgoing, pretty, loves to cook, loves to paint and express herself. I reallly reallly like her a lot.
here is a pic of #1
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=5zm2kgl
#2 this is Haley, she is nice, kind of outgoing, patient, loves to flirt, and loves to kiss, and hug, and very demanding girl. i like her a lot too.
heres a pic of #2
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=5xhrxuw
which one? i dont know, im having a SUPER hard time
thanks!! (link)
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You failed to mention which girl is more interested in you. Relationships aren't a one way street, and if you're willing to put in time and effort then the girl you choose should be too.
Is it possible that you could she both and get to know them better before making a decision? I would also suggest talking with friends who have seen you with both and asking who they prefer.
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