Hey, my name is Brandi & I'm 18! I actually use to have one of these accounts, but can't seem to remember the password, so I made a new one. I'm here to help not judge, so ask anything. (:
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Member Since: May 29, 2012
Answers: 16
Last Update: May 17, 2015
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My boyfriend and I are in our mid-twenties. We have been together for about a year and a half and I've never had a reason to feel like I can't trust him. Yesterday evening, he went to bed and left his phone laying out on the counter. Now, looking into each other's phones is something we promised we'd never do. Neither of us get jealous easily and we've always gotten along SO well because we're both laid back.
Well, what I found hurt me a lot. There were two different girls that he had been texting from time to time over the course of the past few months. With one girl, he would text her randomly and tell her that she looked beautiful in her new Facebook photo, and then a few weeks later he would say that he wished he could come see her. The other girl, he'd call her sweet names and he said he'd be off work for a few days and thought that they should meet up. From what I could tell, he never met up with either of them. But seeing him flirt and sweet talk other girls hurts so bad and I don't accept that. Plus, if he's willing to say those things, what else has he done that I wouldn't find in his phone?
I don't know what to do. I don't put up with cheating but if it IS just words in a message, it is different from physical cheating but still is a betrayal of my trust. What I don't understand is that our whole relationship has felt like it's in that "honeymoon" stage. I've never felt like he's been unhappy at any point. We constantly have so much fun together and have rarely had even the smallest of arguments. He brags about me to all of his friends, his family loves me, we've made plans for our future... and then I discover he texts random girls every once in a while. They're never ongoing conversations but still very inappropriate.
I left him while he was sleeping and went back to my own house. Since then we've briefly discussed the situation but I really don't want to talk to him because there's nothing he can say to justify what he's done. He keeps apologizing and saying how bad he feels, and that he'd never actually cheat on me, the texts are just an ego boost for him and he only sends them when he's drunk, that's why he quits replying. It makes sense, but at the same time, I will not tolerate cheating and I'm just hurt so bad that I feel like I will always have doubts in the back of my mind.. but beside this situation, we are SOOOO good together and I don't want to throw that away. (link)
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First of all, I know many couples that share the trust and decide not to go through each other\'s phones. I completely understand that. But there comes a point, especially when you\'re living together and carrying on a serious relationship that it\'s not even a concern if one or the other picks their significant other\'s phone up. I can only imagine the hurt you felt when you saw those messages and I\'m sorry you\'re going through this :( but don\'t go back to him just because you care so much about him. I know that sounds crazy, but going straight back to him will make him think that he can/could keep doing that and you would come back. I think if in a little while you do decide you all are a match and you want to be back with him, the phone rule should be thrown out the door. It does make sense that he could have possibly been drunk doing those things but he should have told you or deleted their numbers and learned from doing it the first time. Drunk is no excuse to continuously make the same mistake. I really hope things work out for you and overall you\'re happy! (: Hope this helps.
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Hi!
So there once was this guy from church that I was seeing for like a whole year.As many relationships start off , it was nice and wonderful at the beginning . In a span of 2-3 months he said that he loved me, we had done "some things " together and he had also told me that he wanted to take me to his grad next year and that by then, he would like to make things official with us. As the school year came and went by , we would always have our ups and downs. we would always bicker about what our relationship was and how he wanted our relationship to be hushed. Because we were never official, things got complicated as we continued to act like a couple even though when really we never were one.
He would always make excuses about how half of the time he felt like he would date me and how half of the time he wouldn't because he didn't want anything to be serious at the moment. Although i knew i shouldve took it as a red flag, I would always ignore it because I didn't want to lose him .
So ,when the following year finally came he told his parents that he was going to take me as his grad date. But instead of being ok with it, they were shocked and disapproved of it . They gave him a whole lecture about how it would be best if he dated someone outside of church . And their reasoning behind this was because they didn't want any rumors and awkwardness happening around in the church.
To sum things up, in the end he took a different girl to his grad , I got jealous and he broke up our so called bond. Although he said that we could maybe get back in the future and that things would never change between us, the whole friendship became really hard on me because things were changing and he wasn't texting me as much as he used to.
And now that I think about it, I feel like he never tried hard enough to make it work.
I feel hurt and used, that now whenever he does text me, it feels that it is only just for the sake of it.
And as for that , I haven't answered his text yet. I don't know what to do !! Is it best if I continue to ignore him , or should I continue to talk to him and be a friend?!?!!
Please help !
Thanks
Ps sorry for the long message haha (link)
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Hey! Sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you. As I read your question, some of the things you said took me back to a past experience I had with my boyfriend. I would try so hard to be with him & he never really tried at all. He would say things like, "I don't know if I'm ready for a serious relationship right now, I just got out of college." Some excuse. But I was so tied up in him that I let it slip. Finally he quit texting me all together. What I done is showed him that I could be okay without him. I quit txtin him & calling him. I also found someone new. After a year, he finally came back.
It's hard being friends with someone, when what you really want is so much more. Then there's the feeling that if you aren't friends then you're not gonna be anything at all. But if he doesn't come back to you, then I promise he isn't worth it. & his parents should have never said that. You think they would be supportive and be happy that he is with someone that goes to church and has the same beliefs as him. But I would just tell him that if he doesn't want to be serious you don't want to keep dragging your feelings on and leave it at that.
I hope things work out for the best and that he realizes that it's not about what his parents or anyone else thinks. It's about how him & you feel! I hope I've helped & goodluck!
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this is a bit long, but it is some juicy stuff! (I'm 21, almost 22)
So, there's this guy and I used to like him back in high school and maybe a bit before. I've known him for.. 14ish years. we were never really friends.. maybe early on in like 3rd/4th grade. We kind of had a mutual hatred for each other in High school as well. ANYWAYS
So it all started with a FB poke. I poked him, because.. I still consider him the hottest guy I've ever liked. and a few weeks later I was super surprised when he poked me back, whatever. No big deal. Then on april fools day, he said hey text me (and put his number). I didn't it being april fools day. I was convinced it had to be a prank, because to me nothing else made sense. I asked him a few days later, he said it wasn't.. he wanted to ask me something but never mind. I was like okay. and still continued to think it was a prank. (paranoid, I know!)
so then.. one night he just FB messages me and says basically oh hey, let me come over.. let's hook up.. I have never been more.. baffled/surprised/confused in my life. So, I know, not very lovely but I did see him that night (he lives super close). We didn't have sex. But I gave him a bj. (I'm 21, don't lecture me on how bad it was, I know.. I know.. awful, but I used to like him! so.. that counts for something) So after he says oh don't tell anyone about this I have a gf. (not that I would tell anyways)
but okay, here is my question. Obviously he was drunk (well not obv. but he was), and obviously he was just using me because he knew I used to like him and because I lived so close. But why would he cheat on his gf? I mean in general are guys really that.. uh.. I don't know desperate they'll hook up with some random girl.
I'm just super confused about everything in life now!, I haven't talked to him since. I haven't told anyone about it. and I just need some thoughts about all this. please share. (and I know! I'm awful, so don't feel the need to tell me that)
thanks for anything! (link)
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Haha, you have cracked me up. First off, you are not awful lol. You like him, so there's nothing wrong with that. & second, guys cheat for many different reasons. There's still some that I have yet to figure out, but maybe because he's not happy with his girlfriend, he's not getting what he wants from her, or because he honestly doesn't know what he wants. Guys are confusing creatures.
The next time he tried talking to me though, I wouldn't reply to him, that'll get to him the most. Remember guys want what they can't have.
I hope this has helped ya some, & good luck (:
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I am a seventeen year old female and I a 25 year old boyfriend. When we first started dating he didnt ask me my age nor did i ask his. We feel deeply in love and then the age came into play. We've had sex alot and He haseven proposed to me a couple of times. I really really love him. Both our birthdays are in july so i'll be eighteen and he'll be 26. Please tell me what I should do. I don't want anything bad to happen to him because of me. Thanks... (link)
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Don't let people get you down about this. My friend and her boyfriend are 6 years apart. You're mature at the age you are, for the most part. Girls do mature faster than guys. If you love him, then be with him. You are going to run into bumps because of the age difference. He is going to be ready to marry/ have children before you are I'm assuming. But if he loves and cares about you then he will wait on all that until you're ready. Just don't let him rush you into things that you're not ready for, such as marriage. It's close to July, so it won't be much longer until you're at the age of consent, if it is 18. Google the state that you're living in & find out the age of consent, in some states it's even as young as 16.By the way, don't let people bring you down! I hope this helps & good luck! (:
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19/f. About four months ago my first love and I broke up after he confessed that he cheated on me. We were not together for a very long amount of time, but the feelings I had for him were both very real and very strong. For a few months after that, I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. A few weeks ago we had a very long chat, and the memories of the great times we had together came back and washed away any bitterness I might have felt towards him. Since then all I can think about is trying to get back together with him when we are both back at school. I just feel so silly. I know he's moved on and I should too, but I also just want to be with him again. What do I do? (link)
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It's very hard to be mad at someone you feel so strongly about. & you shouldn't feel silly at all, because you can't change your emotions or how you feel toward someone. If I were you, I would talk to him about it. Ask him if he still feels something for you & if he could see you in his future. Also, another thing to think about is if you can trust him again after he cheated on you. I hope this helps & things work out for you! (:
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Hello, I am 17/f He is 22/m. (The other woman is 27 and has two younger children(not his).) Let's call him John. Okay, John is my bestfriend's brother's bestfriend, if you can wrap your mind around that. I don't normally give men the time of day. Until him, obviously. He and my best friend, lets call her louise, grew up together in the same house, she being a year younger then me. He moved here from another state and his bestfriend hooked him up with his other good friend. Lets call her Marie. They dated about 6 months. He went to visit family and found out she was cheating while he was gone. he broke it off. He spent a couple days with my best friend focusing on improving himself. well being as he was hanging out with my bestfriend I hung out as well. This is when I first noticed him on that kind of level. Shortened he did too and my bestfriend started us off. Honestly The first weekend after us three hung out I stayed at his house all weekend. It was amazing. He was such a gentleman never tried anything and stayed on his side of the bed til we fell asleep. I awoke in the middle of the night to his arm around me. We got more comfortable and hung out for the next two weeks and my feelings were growing fast as were his. We would text all day. After work I had to go home as soon as I got off but he would come 20 mins away to literally see me for 5 mins. He would say it didnt matter he just wanted to see me. We would sit in my car and just talk. That 5 mins would turn into an hour and then it was like it was no time at all. Not nearly enough.Then all of a sudden he stopped texting and stop coming around. He had ended up getting back with his ex despite his feelings for me. So I told him we could be friends and he was okay with that. Months went by and I tried constantl to forget everything. everytime I saw them together Id have to walk away because If i didnt i would cry. One day my bestfriend and I caught him alone and he acted almost like it used to be with out the hand holding or stroking my hair, etc. He ended up confiding to my best friend that heand his girl fight constantly and that he made a huge mistake in taking her back. That he made a decision that he didnt think through. That he thinks all the time that we couldve had something real good by now. My bestfriend became the middle man. He ended up getting out to hang out more and more and then one day he woke me up at my bestfriends house. somehow we ended up laying down together like old times and this was a couple weeks after he told me that it was fair to me for him to be stringing me along that he didnt want to hurt me anymore that he was sorry. So i stopped talking to him avoided him, did whatever. Well I guess me not being around he got fed up with which i assume is why he woke me up that day. ever since that day everytime (link)
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I've almost been in this same situation, & let me say that it is not easy at all. First off, it doesn't sound like you are his back-up plan to me at all. If he isn't trying anything with you & he keeps coming back to you then obviously there's something between the two of you. When I was in your shoes, I completely stayed out of contact with the guy. When I knew he was gonna be somewhere I wouldn't go. I told him how I felt & that I wanted to be with him, to let him know where I stood & left it at that! It's hard, but in the long run it's honestly the best thing to do. Being in a different stage of life, as you said they were, is a huge factor. It's just not gonna work between them. Her trying to run him is going to back fire too. Sometimes when a guy is caught up in something & doesn't see that it can be better, they just hang around. You've showed him that it can be better & once you're not there anymore he is going to realize that, like he has to a point, or he wouldn't come back to you.
I guess what I'm saying is tell him where you stand & that you think you all can have something great, but until he makes his mind up on what he for sure wants to do then you can't keep dragging on your feelings. I hope this helps & things work out for you! Good luck (:
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Ok so from November-March I dated this guy named Brendan, he was my first boyfriend ever and he is really sweet and funny and a gentleman and so nice and cute and he is practically like the total package. I broke up with him in March and decided I just wanted to be friends. A week later, this guy named Ryan asked me out and I said yes because Im nice and I dont want to reject people because I know what it feels like to be rejected so I didnt wanna make him feel bad. He was kind of the player-ish type and all my friends hate him, and told me that he would only hurt me. I didnt believe my friends when I should've. I broke up with him after he started flirting and cheating on me with other girls. He thinks we're still friends like me and Brendan though =/ Brendan and I reccently started talking more and I think I might like him again, I broke his heart though and I dont want to fall for him and have him break mine. Im scared to talk to him now... =/ I already created a bad reputation by dating Ryan... Help? I want to be his friend but I think Im falling for him again. (link)
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If you like Brendan, then don't fight it, just let it happen. But talk to him, of course, and see where you all stand, and make sure it's really what you want before you get back with him. I would say that he is scared of having his heart broke again, but I'm sure you all can work it out. As for Ryan, I would let him know that you prefer not to be friends with him, because the way he done you. I hope this helps & things work out for you! (:
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I don't honestly know what to do. This guy made me feel really special, and it wasn't just in a friend way, he would use the words beautiful, babe and much more. I really fell for him & when I told him... He stopped texting me, he would ignore my messages because obviously he would of read them. He still acknowledges me whenever I see him, like with a smile. But avoids the question whenever I tell him how I feel (I've told him more than once) but it seems like I'm not getting anywhere. The only thing I could think of was telling him in person, so from across the room I mimed “what's wrong? Don't ignore my messages. You need to tell me where I stand” he was saying he couldn't hear me, and kept repeating what? I kept frowning and then laughing, then he started laughing. (I'm a teen at school also) when I got out of the room, he was stood with his friends so I didn't say a thing. I don't really know what to do? I never have a chance to speak up front. Now that I'm no longer at that school, I will hardly see him. Can someone please tell me what could be the possibly reasons for why he's done this? What I need to do, to possibly solve it? Please, that would be a massive help. (link)
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I must ask, does he reply to your messages when you're not telling him how you feel about him or did he just quit talking to you all together? If that's the case, then he may have led you on without thinking he was, or he may not know what to say. I would find time to pull him away from his friends & just ask him where you stand with him. Let him know that you're confused about the situation & you thought it was becoming something more than friends. If that doesn't work & you still don't want to give up on him then play hard to get. I hope this helps & things work out for you! (:
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