about

I am a married police/fire/medical dispatcher. I graduated from Pacific Lutheran University in 2002 with my BA in Psychology with a minor in Sociology and will be seeking my MA in Conflict Negotioation and Crisis resolution in the fall of 2008. I like being the person that people come to when they have concerns because I have a solid head on my shoulders and try to greet everyone fairly. That being said, if you're kidding yourself or being selfish I'll be the very first person to tell you that you need to get off your behind and go do something with your life because nobody is going to do it for you.

I believe that taking personal responsibility for your actions is key to living and loving life. If you never blame anyone else for things you had control over people will respect you and forgive you your transgressions. Lying is never worth the words you waste and nothing (NOTHING) is worth lying about. If you feel the need to lie about it you seriously need to reconsider your motivation, your relationship, or whatever else factors into you deciding that lying is a good decision.

Take a look at those people that you surround yourself with. Are they really worth your time or are they energy vampires that are trying to remove the life from you, your cashflow, or your time? Think about that, those relationships must also assist you in bettering your life NOT just theirs.

Please contact me, even if it's just to tell me that I'm full of crap. If you say it in a meaningful and honest way I will consider what you're saying.

Remember: communication is key. God Bless!

advice

okay so in like two weeks is a school party for valentines day and well i want to go but i want my boyfriend to go with me!!! but he doesnt like to go to them or his parents wont let him. any ways... i cant hang with him after school or on weekends.. we are trying to make plans but ya. well i really need help on ways to give him hints on the dance... i was thinking of bringing it up to my friend lidsey right by him but i dont know. so any opinions are great!! PLEASE HELP. thanks bunches!! 14/f

Why not just ask him if he's going to be able to go with you? It's not really like you're spoiling a surprise or anything if you're already dating him. Ask him if he wants to go! If he doesn't or isn't allowed to then you have a different problem inthat you have to decide if you want to go alone or with someone else.

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I need to get my boyfriend something for valentine's day but i don't know what to get him. for christmas i got him some cologne and now I have no idea what i should get him. he is into basketball, football, and track. he's a prep. my budget is low. any good clothing websites for guys?

You might consider a magazine subscription. It sounds impersonal but if he is into sports maybe Sports Illustrated. They're usually around $20 and keep on giving for the next year.

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k…well I’m 16 and my boyfriends 17.

I am so in love with this boy, but sometimes I wonder if we can make it. I’m really not good at long distance relationships, and he moved 3 hours away from me. I’m really upset, and this has stressed me out to the point of sickness. I don’t want to lose him, but here lately we’ve been arguing a lot. And yesterday he really made me feel bad. But I don’t want to break up, we’ve been together for 13 months, btw. What should I do?

xOxO

What do you think you should do? I don't know that anyone can sit down and just tell you that you should either stick it out or run, we don't have enough information. What I don't want is you feeling stressed. I have done long distance several times in my marriage, my husband went to the middle east for a year and then to another state for several months, it's rough and it's so hard to be reassuring when you're unable to see them.. having a relationship with a voice over the phone is demanding, demeaning, and quite frankly almost doomed if you're not completly comitted.

I guess my questions for you are a) is he coming back? b) when will you be able to be able to be together? Things like that. Is there a light at the end of this tunnel or are you just torturing yourselves because you're so stuck on him? If he's not coming back then I suggest that you break it up, remain in contact, and live life knowing that if you're meant to be together then you two will be together LATER. If it is meant to be then he will come back to you and you'll be able to pick right up. I don't know that anyone can expect you to put your life on hold at such a young age if they aren't sure it's going to work out for you two.

I suggest that you have a conversation with him about what you two really expect to get out of this situation now and later. At that age if you're not planning on being married you're almost certainly doomed and to boot it's impacting your health.

I know this will be a difficult conversation and I'm sorry. Remember, everything in life worth having is worth working for. Blessed Be.

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ok so my friend is like 17 and she has this cousin who's 30 and he keeps tapping her on the butt and hip and kissing her on the cheek every so often and saying he loves her. Problem is, she feels the same way. Now he's never done anything more than that and they've always been close but my friend is confused. She doesn't love him like family but like, well, u know, she's in love with him. She told me about it a few weeks ago and she doesn't know what to do. problem is, neither do I. Any answer would b helpful. She knows loving her cousin that way is wrong but isn't sure what 2 do.

The unfortunate answer to this is that she needs to grow up and divert her affections and attention to someone a) not a family member, and b) her own age. These two factors are probably playing in. It is flattering when someone older than us thinks we're special and gives us attention and that's just what they're going for. Men LOVE the attention of women half their age so that's probably why he's doing it.

Please keep in mind: saying that you love someone doesn't mean that you're IN love with them. If she really wants to know she can sit him down and ask why all of this is going on and see what he has to say. If he suggests an inappropriate relationship she needs to run and quickly.

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I'm 17 and my girlfriend is 15 turning 16 soon, We've been together a several months now, we plan to be tgether for a LONG time. So everytime we are making out or anything and i go to move further, (fingering her or gttting her hand down my pants)i dont know whether to be direct and ask her if she want me to finger her or for her to rub me. Would girls rather i ask them before i do, or wait till i do it for a "dont do that"? I've rubbed around her vaginal area before but never gone inside, I asked if she wanted me to just rub above and she said yes..then after i went to go back down and she told me not to, she hurt her leg recently and so i asked if it was because it was hurting or whether she didnt want me to...she said both. *****Should i ask her "Do you want me to keep asking you if you want me to or do you want to tell me when your ready for me to do that?" just to see what she says?*****

I see no reason, however uncomfortable for you, to sit her down in a non-sexual situation and say that you'd really like to know where she stands on all things sexual. Explain to her that by participating in sexual things the two of you have decided to be adult about your relationship and therefore you must sit and talk like adults too. It's nothing to be embarassed about and she may answer that she doesn't know and that her thoughts on that matter change from day to day. That is OK too! This is a wonderful time of change, experience, exploration, and for you two COMMUNICATION. Be adult about it and face the situation head on. It will foster a more meaningful relationship for you two if you're able to handle this camly and obtain a clear resolution.

Keep in mind, she may be so uncomfortable that she blows up at you and causes a scene just to avoid the conversation. If this happens don't buy into it, just back out of the conversation for now and understand that she's obviously not ready to be adult about the situation which means she's not ready for things sexual either. If this happens I suggest that you reevaluate your relationship.

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I have been best friends with a guy named Dan for over five years. We get along so well, and we kind of flirt with eachother. Now, I've begun to realize that I like him, more than just a friend. It's the classic situation: I want to tell him how I feel but I'm so scared that it'll ruin the friendship (if he doesn't like me, that is). Right now we're really close, but we flirt, so it's not like that weird, brother and sister relationship. What should I do? I'm running out of time because a lot of girls like him and I don't think he'll be single for too long. Thanks

You need to first truly evaluate how you feel about Dan. It sounds like you already have and you've decided that you honestly think that a relationship with him could work (and really, that loud chewing noise he makes while eating carrots isn't that bothersome, right? ha ha).

I suggest that after you truly know how you feel you sit him down in a quiet place with none of your other friends around (and not while you're highly intoxicated) and tell him that you have romantic feelings toward him. Tell him that you understand if he does not and you will not let this get in the way of your friendship if he does not but that you owe it to him, as a friend, to be upfront with him about how you feel because on the off chance that he feels the same way you two should give it a shot. It won't ruin the friendship if you don't let it. Don't get embarassed if he doesn't feel the same way, it could be that he used to but to be your friend he had to block out those feelings so he has stopped thinking about you in a romantic way.

You owe it to yourself and to him to be honest about it and be adult too, no crying, or pouting, or anything juvenile. Honest, accepting, forgiving, and loving.

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16/f with my first bf (he's 15, five months younger than me)

well, he's really REALLY experienced...I mean, this guy's been in relationships for like 10 years lol

well, I'm not into hookups. I'm into a really...passionate relationship. like, very loving.

we've been going out for 23 days.

and he's already grabbing at my crotch and feeling me up.

i mean, i like it and all. it's like fine...whatever.

but when he does sexual things like that, i feel really embarrassed. and he even QUESTIONS me after...like....why did you yell, you didn't like it?
sometimes he slowly forces things on me. like, he went up my shirt and onto my bra, and started touching me there. it's not that it feels uncomfortable..im just afraid he thinks I'm easy and he's using advantage of me. I'm a really shy/sensitive girl...and i'm also nice. so I don't want him to think I'm easy..
we're already makiing out, and I just feel like its too soon to be doing it. and he tells me he loves me ...
and he always tells me that he'd love to make love to me one day, and that he has dreams about giving me oral sex. I feel so awkward. He expects me to promise sexual things in the future..towards him.
I'm scared, really.
But I like him a lot. Its just that I'm not experienced so I don't know how to tell 'bad' guys from good.
Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated. I don't want to end up being raped :(

I completly agree with what JaLye said. Do not let this little 'playa' push you into anything. You're a beautiful special woman and nobody (underline that and say it again NOBODY) should be pressuring, pushing, cajoling, or convincing you to do anything (ANYTHING) you don't want to do!

I don't particularly care how cute you think he is or how much you like him, your relationship is very new and at that age, yes I remember it, he'll get old quick.. damn quick. So stand up for yourself, tell him your phyiscal boundaries and you'll let him know when those change and if he's not man enough to deal with what you want then he's no man you want. Women don't get anywhere in life by bending our wills or backs for what the men want so don't you start early. This may sound harsh, and believe me I'm all about cooking for my husband and giving in to what he likes but that's just it, he's my husband. He worked really, really hard to get to that status and it's worked out great for both of us.

Put your big girl panties on and lay down your rules honey and don't be ashamed of them!

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okay my name is michaela nad i am a tough girl usually but when it comes to my boyfriend i feel older yet like i dont have to stand up for some things because he is there..... so a while back i thought my boyfriend was cheating on me because some gurl said she loved my guy!! well i think that she just has a crush on him. but well we have gone out three times. four and a half mounths was the longest but i have know him for a year and a half. well today we were walking and i called him retarded as a joke because he was being stupid. and after that i accidentally said "i love you." it just slipped. i wasnt even ready to tell him that and i dont think he was ready to hear it. but he said it back at least but really really quiet. i am kinda freaked out and i dont know how i am going to react around him. i think i should just act normal but i seriously i dont think i can now. what should i do?!?!?!?!?!

I know this might be a little tough for you, but honestly I'd suggest that you sit him down and tell him basically what you just told me: that you weren't ready to say that and it slipped. Now, just because you're not ready to "say that" in terms of your relationship doesn't mean that you do not love him. Spread the love far and wide, dear! Love everybody and don't be ashamed of it (I mean the feeling, not anything physical). Just because you love somebody doesn't mean you're IN love with them. Those are two separate things.

If you're uncomfy telling him then write an open and honest note and ask him to read it while you're present and to ask any questions or concerns that he may have. Don't let little things like this rule your life, it's such a small annoyance really that you may have freaked him out but if you're open and honest about it (and if he is open and honest about it) you both can work it out. Happy talking!

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