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is he using me? =|
16/f with my first bf (he's 15, five months younger than me)
well, he's really REALLY experienced...I mean, this guy's been in relationships for like 10 years lol
well, I'm not into hookups. I'm into a really...passionate relationship. like, very loving.
we've been going out for 23 days.
and he's already grabbing at my crotch and feeling me up.
i mean, i like it and all. it's like fine...whatever.
but when he does sexual things like that, i feel really embarrassed. and he even QUESTIONS me after...like....why did you yell, you didn't like it?
sometimes he slowly forces things on me. like, he went up my shirt and onto my bra, and started touching me there. it's not that it feels uncomfortable..im just afraid he thinks I'm easy and he's using advantage of me. I'm a really shy/sensitive girl...and i'm also nice. so I don't want him to think I'm easy..
we're already makiing out, and I just feel like its too soon to be doing it. and he tells me he loves me ...
and he always tells me that he'd love to make love to me one day, and that he has dreams about giving me oral sex. I feel so awkward. He expects me to promise sexual things in the future..towards him.
I'm scared, really.
But I like him a lot. Its just that I'm not experienced so I don't know how to tell 'bad' guys from good.
Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated. I don't want to end up being raped :(
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This guy is definitely pushing the limit. You tell him that he either needs to slow down or you're gone! Don't you dare let him push you around like that! Like you said, it's only been 23 days. It's WAY to soon to be getting that physical, especially since it's making you feel uncomfortable! Stand up for yourself and don't let him push you around.
I highly doubt this guy "loves" you. At least not yet anyway. Tell him you're NOT interested in a relationship that's all about being physical. If he has a problem with that, tell him there are plenty of trashy girls he can hook up with.
You are better than this. What he is doing to you is NOT fine.
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Hes going way to far. It sounds like he isnt respecting your boundaries and all he is concerned about is getting as far as he can with you. No good. That isnt love, its just some horny teenage guy who just wants sex and whatnot. You need to lay it on the line you are NOT comfortable with this. You are being pressured to give in and do stuff with him, its not right..dont allow him to take advantage of you. If he cant understand this, then he doesnt desserve you. Watch, once you have a talk about this and let him know you dont like this etc he might decide to dump you because he seems like a prick. Hopefully he will respect you. If he really likes you he will stop with the pressure. If that doesnt stop I would dump him because nobody should fear their boyfriend of rape.
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If you are worried about something like rape, it may be time to either sit him down and give him a serious talk, or rethink the relationship.
It's not that you're easy. It's just that you're uncomfortable with firmly voicing your concerns. When you are yelling in discomfort after he, say, grabs your crotch, and he asks you about it, tell him quite firmly that, yes, you are uncomfortable with what he is doing. Tell him everything you explained here. And if he does something you don't like, stop it right there.
You seem to have the tendency to just let things happen, ie, the feeling up. Don't. Think it over in your head to figure out what you are okay with and not okay with. When he talks about how much he wants oral with you, don't feel ashamed to say, "yeah, I guess you'd like to have oral... Personally I don't really know when I'd ready for that to happen, but please realize it's far in the future." If you can't voice something like that to this guy, for whatever reason, you can't be with him. I guess theoretically you could, but really, hon, all the feelings of being easy and use are only going to get worse if you don't speak up.
I was a little concerned with the rape line, but also how you said he "questions" when you yell. I'm not sure, from what you described, if he actually doesn't care about your comfort level, or if he just doesn't realize it. There are guys out there that are generally oblivious about the whole emotional level girls may need to experience certain things, who think it's fun and normal to do things like feel a girl up fairly early on. This isn't a bad thing, necessarily, but if you are not that kind of girl, you either have to be really firm so he doesn't continue to cross boundaries, or break up with him, if you can't find a way to get him to back off when you need him to.
There is no clear way to separate the "bad" guys from the good, as it mostly depends on how you feel about the guy/ the relationship. If you feel used, or scared in any way, this is a huge warning sign that something's not right.
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I completly agree with what JaLye said. Do not let this little 'playa' push you into anything. You're a beautiful special woman and nobody (underline that and say it again NOBODY) should be pressuring, pushing, cajoling, or convincing you to do anything (ANYTHING) you don't want to do!
I don't particularly care how cute you think he is or how much you like him, your relationship is very new and at that age, yes I remember it, he'll get old quick.. damn quick. So stand up for yourself, tell him your phyiscal boundaries and you'll let him know when those change and if he's not man enough to deal with what you want then he's no man you want. Women don't get anywhere in life by bending our wills or backs for what the men want so don't you start early. This may sound harsh, and believe me I'm all about cooking for my husband and giving in to what he likes but that's just it, he's my husband. He worked really, really hard to get to that status and it's worked out great for both of us.
Put your big girl panties on and lay down your rules honey and don't be ashamed of them!
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well, from what you've told me, i'd say he's a player. if he really loved you, he wouldn't be rushing you, especially when you guys are only about 15 and 16 and you've only been going out for 23 days. don't do something you'll regret in the future. what if he carries a disease? if someone's been sexually active, there's a one in four chance that he has at least one and if he doesn't use a condom, the more the likely that you can get it from him.
also, condoms work only about 90% of the time. if i were you, i wouldn't risk it.
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