SalenciaM's advice column | SalenciaM's Advice About Love Life

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Q: I have been dating my soulmate for around 9 years now, starting when i was 11 and now that we have graduated he thinks it's time to get married, his bestfriend warned me he is planning to propose this weekend and I'm only 19. I know i want to be with him for forever and I love him soo much! My parents and his always make snarley comments about how marriage at a young age is over rated and we used to agree when we were younger, but now all we want is to just be with eachother and his folks don't beieve in living with eachother before marriage, so that is a big part of wanting to get married ASAP.

But my question is, Am i being blinded by love and will me saying yes to him this weekend be a mistake?

Well the answers before give a good summary of what I would say. But think of it this way.. if you're going to be together forever what's the rush? I'm sure you two are very much in love, but think about getting married, planning a wedding. If you're going to be together in your mid 20s anyway, why not wait until you're older to plan it? My mom and dad met when they were young and married when they were 22. I know thats a bit older than you but my mom always says when she hit 26-28 and her friends were getting married, she wished she had waited to do it differently.

Keep that in mind, theres no rush if you're going to be together anyway.

Q: I met a guy who i heard dont like black women but I like him what do i do should i try to convince him to give me a chance and show him that there are good black women out there or just move on i have seen him looking at me so im not sure what to do

There really is no harm in trying to be friendly and flirty with him, and see how he responds. You never know, thats a very closed minded way to think. But in all honesty, would you really want to be with someone who claims to not like black women? Sounds very shallow and closed off to me.

Q: Hey everyone, I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and 3 months and I know you hear people say this all the time, but I really do love him. A while ago we got into a political discussion about electric fences around the perimeter of countries to keep out immigrants. I disagree with this idea and made this known to him. He however, said he thought it was a good idea. When I asked him if it was right for a child to innocently attempt to get into the country, get shocked and die, he responded 'you have to crack some shells to make an omelette'. This really shocked and upset me.

He has quite a dominating father and two brothers which he's always had to compete with. He is also a little insecure from some childhood difficulties. These reasons are why I think he might be saying things like this as part of his tough guy act.

However, I have an obsessive personality and I just want to feel better about this because the topic is very central to my personal beliefs, and although I love him unconditionally, it would tear me up to think he believed in such atrocities.

He's a loving boyfriend and wonderful person and has always been there for me. What are your thoughts on the situation and what should I do?

You need to asses how important agreeing on these topics is to you. Obviously when you are in a relationship (I've been in one fr 2.5 years) you are going to find plenty of things that are different between you two. It's okay to disagree, but the MOST important thing you have to establish is respect for the other person. You have to respect the fact that he doesn't agree with you, and he needs to respect how you feel about the subjects as well. Next time he starts with the "tough guy" act, you may want to bring up that it's okay if you don't agree, but he needs to understand that you don't have the same beliefs. It's hard when it comes to politics not to try to convince the person you love to think your way, but it's not always the healthiest thing to do in a relationship. If he loves you he needs to respect your opinions and there needs to be a mutual understanding of that.

Q: 19/F - good girl, Christ follower, never dated anyone.

This guy I've known for 3 years is 22. He loves Jesus - which is SUPER attractive, wants to be a pastor etc. I really like him, but the question is, does he like me? Tell me what you think.

Background info: he's super popular, has a lot of friends, is very honoring to his mom and other girls.

I saw him last week (i go to school a few hours away) and took pictures for an event he put on. we talk a lot, he tickles me (never seen him do that to others), he jokes about hooking me up with one of his good friends because we both want to move to Chicago, texts me when I leave and tells me he is thankful for coming and i should transfer to his school, or hang with them more.

I see him the next day at something him and friends are preaching at. I head out early and I make eye contact with him. He walks me out and to my car. Hugs me 3 times in a span of 5 minutes. Asks me if we are going to dance at a wedding coming up, asks me what color i'm wearing to it, we talk about other stuff, he texts me that night and says, "im so grateful you came, can't tell you enough".

Also, we interact on Facebook, twitter, or instagram at least 4 or 5 times a week - (he will like a status, comment or something)

Am i reading too much into this? or does this kid like me?! or interested? how can i tell!?! whatcha think?

He sounds like a good find. In all honesty it sounds like hes into you. Guys in general let it be known when they are interested, he wouldn't be as flirty and sweet to you if he wasn't at least interested in you. I'd keep talking to him, try to become better friends and see if he wants the same. Sounds like a great situation!

Q: I really need to talk to somebody about my life. More about my love life though, obviously. I'm not really keen about 'professional' help though. I just want someone like me, going through the same stuff as I am. My friends aren't listening, they're too busy going off with their boyfriends. (14/f) Please??

I'll help you, I've certainly been through the ringer with different guy situations. 21/f

SalenciaM

Q: So I will try and summarize this as thoroughly as I can without being to long. Im 21 my gf is 35. Everything has been going well. This past weeend we went on a quick trip as per her suggestion. ad a good time and came home ystrday.

After coming home we were both tired. And we texted some. She told me she was wathcing the movie "unfaithful" and "it was about good sex gone bad :(" and kept saying she "missed me" but then said "Where can this really go? Im scared of getting hurt or being hurt"

So I responded and we said goodnight..Today I texted her and she said "Not to think about last nights convo to much. and that she was just out of sorts"

what does all this mean? And how should I handle things? Id really liketo keep seeeing her.

Sappy and emotional movies have a way of getting to women (i would know ;-)). Anyway, it is completely normal to worry occasionally that your partner may cheat on you, seeing a movie like "unfaithful" may have made her think about how upsetting that might be if it were to happen. the next morning she probably woke up and realized she wasn't having those concerns as much as she was when she was watching the movie which is why she texted you. She may also be looking for reassurance. Tell her you'd like to be with her and that you will be faithful. That s really all she is probably looking for.

Q: I have a bf and he is really nice and kind and when we started dating everything was great, but now i have gone off him a little bit and i think hes noticed it by saying he doesn't want to lose me. But theres this guy i can't stop thinking about and i can't get away from him cause i work with him in a small place, hes really nice and were the same age. Everytime i see or talk to him i feel sick and sometimes feel like i can't breathe,i try stay away, i want to tell him how i feel but i can't. I hate feeling this way, i wouldn't cheat on my bf ever, i just want to know some how if he feels the same. Me and him talk outside work and he thanked a friend of his for getting him my number. I don't know what to do

It would be helpful to know your age! anyway, I have been in a similar situation and I'll give you the best advice I can. You can't help but feel attracted to people who are not your boyfriend. There are plenty of guys out there and you are bound to want to flirt and talk to other guys. To me, that is completely natural. But you have to analyze the situation by taking your boyfriend out of the equation. Will you regret it if you never try anything with this boy? You may find that you will start to resent your boyfriend if you feel that he is standing in the way of something you really want to try out. Or you may feel like this boy is just a fun boy to flirt with. At the end of the day, it sounds like your young, and you may want to try out a break. Unless you really see yourself marrying this boy and you are in love, I'd explore other options. If it's meant to be it will happen. Life is short, don't waste time being to scared to take risks!

Q: I have a friend who has a partner,but lately,he has been calling me a lot telling me how much he misses me when he doesn't see me for a while or how much he needs me,in the night when he's in bed he sends me several texts saying'I wish you were with me right now'or'I'd like to spend the whole night hugging you',plus he knows I'm in a relationship so I don't know why he would tell me all these things.All I can do is laugh and asking him to stop talking nonesense,I don't wanna be disrespectful either,because I appreciate him as a friend,what can I say to him? Thanks!

If I were you, and you care about the relationship you are in,..only respond to the text messages hes sends you if they are casual and friendly. any text that implies that he misses you or wants to be flirty you should completely ignore or tell him to stop. This way he will get the message. There is clearly something wrong in his relationship that is pushing him to get attention else where. You don't want to be in a situation with a guy who is like that..especially if he is dating someone else as well.

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Hello everyone ! I've used advicenators before but I'm revamping my account! It's been a few years. Feel free to ask me anything. I've lived in 5 different countries my entire life, currently located in England but frequently travel to NYC.