I'm just here to do what I love: giving people advice/helping them out. (: I always do my best.
Gender: Female
Age: 19
Member Since: April 6, 2012
Answers: 28
Last Update: May 26, 2015
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It's gross, especially when it's overt and/or persistant. I thought a relationship was meant to be between 2 people? Why do some couples try to get other people's attention? I noticed yesterday at the mall. There was this interracial couple all over each other, as we stood in line at this food place, and i'd focus on other things but they'd sometimes look back with this look on their face line they want their relationship to interest people, incite anger or jealousy, etc. it was awkward for me, directly behind them, and others in line. I have no problem with any couple, interracial, gay, lesbian, transgender, one young and one old, etc. I'm happy others can find love and be in relationships. I'm not jealous either, it's just uncomfortable to essentially be viewing foreplay without consent. There were children in line, too. Some people seem to get a sexual thrill out of people seeing their pda and that just seems sick and self centered. It makes me understand why there are countries that ban it. (link)
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I think some couples just love the thrill - some form of exhibitionism. Yes, many people would rather not see such things so it makes sense that some countries disallow it or look down on such behaviour.
Just to address why some couples do that (other than the thrill): they may be insecure in their relationship. Just like how (as many videos tend to show) people on Facebook have such great and successful lives but in reality they're pretty bored and unhappy. Similarly, some couples may feel like they need validation from other people or people's reactions, and need to 'show off' their relationship in order for it to feel 'real' or like they're really going well.
This is not fact, it's just a theory I have. I think there is some substantial research that would support the idea of showing off (in whatever sense) in order to compensate for insecurities.
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Is it ok and normal? (link)
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Seems just fine to me.
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For four-five years i have been in a happy relationship with a man, lets call him Bob.
However last year, I did the wrongest thing someone could do, I slept with someone else, lets call him Will.
I first met Will properly at someones birthday meal. I was sitting next to him. I told him that i was a cheerleader just in convosation and his eyes lit up. At this point he began to brainwash me. For the next 3 months he groomed me.
Bob at the time could see this (At this point we were a long distance relationship) and warned me against him. I did not listen.
Will would say things to me like "your such a freak, but your so cute" he'd convinve me to stay up late for him, he even convinced me to dump Bob.
Will tried time and time again to get my pants off me. He would come to my house to watch a film kiss me a bit and before the film had finished he would leave. he was grroming me from the start to always want more. Until eventually, he looked at me and said to me "Shall we just do it" he said as he undid my jeans.
I dont know what I was thinking, but I said okay and we had sex. We had sex another time after this too. He texted me to come round and i did, like a fool.
Will controlled me through the time I knew him. Brainwashed me, to the point he dumped me a week before my birthday and I still invited him to my birthday celebration.
All throughout this I was still in a realtionship with Bob. I didnt tell Bob untilafter it happened. Although I lied throughout to Bob and myself about what was happening.
I am still with Bob, and Will I no longer speak too.
A year on I've realised that I'm still under Will's control, I still wont say a bad word about him. Even though I think he is a snake (and a mix of other profanities)I want to break this bond, for mine and my boyfriends sake.
S few things need to happen:
- he score needs to be equalised. Will needs to feel the exact same humiliation that Bob felt, the feeling of helplessness.
-I need to break this bond i have between Will and I.
-I need to speak out against Will.
Bob should have been the one to get my virginity, not Will. Will really is nothing to me. and I want to prove this to Bob. Im just looking for some ideas, opinions. Bob is an amazing guy, he has taken me back but continues to remind me of what Ive done and the connection between me and Will. Im desperate to show him I am not under Wills control.
(link)
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You can't show him you're not under Will's control if you honestly still are.
The score will be equalised eventually. I personally don't believe in revenge and all that, that retribution will come to everyone for everything. Perhaps not in the same way. Will may feel utter humiliation and helplessness some time in the future, but not necessarily in terms of a relationship (especially since he seems to play it like a game). It doesn't seem like there's anything you can do to even the score anyway (please don't do anything drastic).
Good on you that you no longer have contact with Will. It is not such a bad thing that you won't say a bad word about him because you know that you think ill of him which should be enough unless someone you care about is about to fall into his trap. At least you know for sure to avoid him at all costs. And anyway, it's commonly construed that always saying bad things about an 'ex' sort of person in a 'he sucks he sucks he sucks' way just means you're not over them.
Will seems like a very manipulative guy who's only looking out for himself. He is seriously not worth your while.
If you really want to sever all mental/emotional ties, just focus on everything bad about him and what he had done.
If you are definitely not under Will's control anymore, your actions should be able to show it. It isn't nice of Bob to keep bringing it up like that, unless you're on that topic in conversation.
Tell him to stop reminding you of it because he is just slowing down that process of 'forgetting' Will, he is bringing the hurt back on himself, and putting a lot of guilt on you which is unfair. Unless you feel no guilt at all... because you did have a part to play in this.
Take responsibility for the fact that you did not say no, though Will shouldn't be playing you like that.
Do you love Bob? It might be time you reflect and think deeply about this because if you really, truly are in love with him, you wouldn't be under Will's spell and would have found the strength to say no. You are very lucky to have an amazing man who will still take you back after that and who loves you.
I hope this helped to clear some things up. Just let Will be, wherever he is. Focus on yourself and Bob.
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19/f
About six months ago I got out of a 3 year long relationship. He was my first for everything and he goes to the same university that I do. For the past 3 or so months, I have had a form of friends with benefits with a guy who is also one of my best friends.
The problem naturally is I do somewhat like the guy but with school ending in less than a month there would be no real point trying to start a long distance relationship. I am at the point now that I have sort of given up on needing a relationship and just want to have fun with someone I trust. He is the type of person who I can have fun with, without worrying about things being awkward afterwards. Only thing is that our makeout sessions tend to be very spaced out and always whenever he makes the move. I feel if I were to he may react badly and I am scared to. Should I talk to him about this?
The way I see it, there is only a month left of school and I'd like to spend more time with him, even if it just means in a physical way. Should I just make a move myself or should I just talk to him and see if he agrees?
Any advice will do
Thanks (link)
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I don't know your friend with benefits, but I don't think a lot of people enjoy always making the first move (I could be wrong). Try it some day. Maybe not full-fledged but initiate a kiss or something and gauge his reaction. If you two are very comfortable, this shouldn't be much of a problem. And talking about it shouldn't hurt either.
If you do not want to start anything serious, that's up to you but this thing you have with your friend could be a rebound relationship. Sex to get over the ex. It is only possible, I'm not saying this is the case. (:
Be freeeeee! (: But don't lose track of your studies haha. Hopefully the end to this FWB & school isn't ugly.
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So one of my coworkers is really witty and funny. I thought he was showing interest in me lately, due to body language, eye contact etc as well as making many lighthearted innuendos towards me. I brushed this off thinking it was just kinda of funny.
But yesterday I found out that he says these things to a lot of other girls at work. my question is, what is the point of it exactly? just keep making sexual jokes and hopefully a girl will actually reciprocate with sex? Or is it a poor flirting tool? (link)
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Sorry to hear that it wasn't just for you. It seems you are affected by that.
I wouldn't say it's a "poor" flirting tool cos it works on some people. Haha. And clearly it has gotten your attention since it's unusual, as it probably has with the other girls.
Does your coworker express the same body language and eye contact with the other girls at work?
Perhaps it is just the way he is, maybe sexual innuendos and jokes are 'his thing'. In my experience, a man usually only does that with female FRIENDS not just girls in general but not everyone is the same. (: I think he's more into making girls laugh than hoping one would reciprocate with sex.
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Everyday I go to the mall.
I see couples walk by, holding hands or kissing.
I don't like to see people happy like that
I want to be happy like that...:(
I love this guy... Like, LOVE love. I don't want to tell him that, though. Or I don't want to ask him out. That's the guy's job! Any advice on what to do? I've loved him for FIVE STRAIGHT YEARS. (link)
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1) You DO NOT need a man (or any other person) to be happy.
2) Be patient, your time will come. Don't rush.
3) In this day and age, asking the other person out is hardly "the guy's job". It's the life lesson of "if you want it, go and get it". Don't be in despair because you've loved him for 5 years and he hasn't asked you out when you haven't done anything about it. Be proactive, get close to him and ask him out. The worst that can happen is "no" and from there, there's nowhere else to go but onward (i.e. move on).
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my boyfriends best friend tries to come close to me..he said he likes me, but he behaves very innocent in front of my boyfriend....... my boyfriend trusts him a lot. If I tell my boyfriend I think it would start drama between them & maybe me. Should I tell him? (link)
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I think the best way to work around this is to confront your boyfriend's best bud (who by the way has proven to be a horrible friend, what with going after you and all). He is being two-faced. Tell the best friend that what he is doing is wrong, he will never have you and to stop doing what he's doing.
Alternatively, you could subtly direct conversations with your boyfriend toward finding out how much he really trusts his friend in comparison to how much he trusts you, and if he would believe you if you were to tell him something as 'absurd' as this. Best of luck!
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