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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Hello,I've been in a long distance relationship for quite some time now,as of a week ago,I didnt hear from my guy,due to some personal problems and his dad being in the hospital. Below,I have written the text message he sent me:
''Dear___ ,So it's been long enough and I think you deserve an explanation for my absence.I've been drifting apart. mostly because I dont know what I'm doing right now.I need to get my life back on point and I just cant rely on you right now.And when I say rely on you,I mean for you to be okay with whatever life we would live together.There's a dream and then there is reality and right now its looking difficult for me becauseI cant seem to find a stable job.But Ive made a commitment from today and from nowIm going to change my a lot of my ways.And I cant keep this long distance relationship thing with us going anymore.No more photos,no more videos or anything like that.I really need to focus on my life right now instead of our life.I definately think we can work in the future but right now I need to focus on myself sincerely from the depths of my heart.I feel like part of the stress that put my dad in the hospital is my fault.I'll talk to you soon.''
So,essentially,I have different scenarios.
Either Im being let down easy,and this is my chance to exit.
Or,he wants me to wait for him to get his life together
Or he is calling it off but gave me a little hope while he runs away
Or he really means what he says.
Im very confused,first he cuts ties,and then says,yeah,we have a future.... Its confusing....
Its hard,its very very very hard,and I just want to know what to do.I love him dearly,I love his family so much.
He is struggling with jobs,and he wants a stable one,so he can get a place for us to move in together....
Thank you in advance for your advice
The Answer
The only respectful thing to do, is assume he means what he says. He's definitely calling it off, but it's also clear that he hasn't really thought through what 'off' means.
He's also definitely confused, and you don't have to just be confused with him. It's totally legitimate to ask him some follow up questions and expect clear answers: Did he just break up with you? Does he still want to talk to you at all? Are you no longer together and now free to see others? Is he asking you to wait for him or to have reduced expectations of him while he looks for work?
Do yourself a favour and just ask him the tough questions now. He's not a moron, he knows what his text looked like, and he knows it was vague. You are owed some more clarity than that.
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