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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
My dream has always been to go to the ocean and etcc. My family has never gone for two main reasons my dad hates them, and my mom hates flying.
I told my boyfriend (whom I've been with 3 years) that I have always wanted to go there since I was little. Next month is my 23 birthday, and he surprised me by booking a trip to take me there! I am so excited!
However, I am worried my mom is going to be very angry. I told her how I wanted to visit a friend who moved to Texas for a job and she said "oh no I would be too nervous you flying there" she has always done stuff like this. I didn't go to the college of my choice, because it was 2 hours away and that was too far away from her.
I am worried about her reaction when I tell her. Should I feel bad? What should I say? I'm not wrong, am I?
The Answer
You shouldn't feel bad.
Your mother's fears are her own, and she needs to handle them in a respectful way.
You don't OWE it to her to never fly. You do owe your boyfriend the respect of not cancelling this fantastic trip because you are worried about hurting your mother's crazy feelings!
Lots of people are afraid of flying. Many of those people STILL FLY, because they know despite their fears it's a rather safe thing to do and a necessary way of getting about.
Your mother is allowed to be afraid, but she has no right to be angry, and frankly, if you surrender to your mother's crazy, your boyfriend would have every right to be pissed off with you. I wouldn't want to date a 23 year old who lives their dedicated to making their mom not act like a crazy people, at the expense of their own life.
Tell your mother. It's okay to be nervous of her reaction - it will be bad, but don't back down. She can be as afraid as she wants. She has no right to be angry, and no reason to stop you. Be sympathetic to her - it's sad that she so scarred - but let her know that her fear will not be stopping you. If you are clear and firm, she will have to learn to cope with the fact that you are your own person.
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