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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I'm 23/f and I started talking to this new guy (he's 24) and we really connected we joked and there was some major sexual attraction as well. Last weekend we went on our first date and it was awkward of course but he was a perfect gentleman, but at the end of the night there was no kiss. At first I thought, no big deal, maybe he's not as into me as I imagined. Then he later informs me that he wanted to but he was too scared. So then this whole week we were texting back and forth and more and more he'll fall into this kid-like way of talking. Like I'll ask him if he had a good day at work and he'll respond with "Yeah but I'm so seepy now!" Or we'll talk about going out to dinner again and he says "Yeah can't wait to get the food in my tummy I'm hungee!" And if he has talked this way when we first met I wouldn't have tried to start any kind of relationship. I know some girls think thats cute but I'm not one of them. Last night was the nail in the coffin when I said goodnight and he responds with "Yeah I'm going to bed I'm such a sleepy puppy." It seemed like all my attraction just died. He's a sweet guy, but I don't want a puppy, I would like a man. How do I let this guy off easy? I don't want to hurt the puppy.
The Answer
Hurt the puppy.
It's admirable to not want to hurt someone - no good person delights in causing pain - but the best people know that being honest is even more important than being kind.
There is no magical way to not hurt his feelings. It ALWAYS hurts a person's feelings when someone decides they just aren't into you like that - even if you weren't into them either, it still hurts!
So, hurt the puppy. Don't go out of your way to make it hurt more, but give yourself permission to do the right thing. Doing the right thing is going hurt him. Be clear, but kind. Be clear first. Then kind.
Tell him you just aren't feeling the romantic connection. Don't ask to be friends unless you truly wish to be friends. If you are just ready for this to be at an end, tell him that.
Dragonfly's suspicion that he's 'hiding something' is simply bizarre to me. This is the beginning! If he thought this behaviour was something to hide, he would have hidden it for far longer than a few days! This is probably who he is, and what he thinks is cute. The idea that it means something is up is just weird. The most likely explanation is simply that this is his communication style. If you want to ask him to stop, then go ahead and ask him to stop, but I'd caution against treating him like he's some sort of liar or sicko because of it. This is not a window into is soul, and you are not in any position to psychoanalyze him. It's more than a bit insulting to go making assumptions about someone sexual preferences, gender identity or mental health, based merely on a communication style and the fact he didn't make a move on the first date!
I wouldn't find this behaviour appealing either - but I'd never go so far as too make those sorts of assumptions about a person. That is unkind.
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