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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I'm pissed as I can be. I'm wondering if I'm wrong.
I'm a woman in love with a guy. He says he loves me too. Blah blah.
Anyways he gets sexy photos from me and all. But his page is covered with photos of nearly naked women.
He recently followed on his Instagram a page of girls sending private selfies. He also follows porn stars and of course my Instagram is covered with these photos. I've confronted him about this and he tells me to stop being jealous because they are other beautiful women in the world and he can look all he wants. And I can't say or do anything... It pisses me off. I don't think that this right. Especially since we are talking about getting married.
Let me ask. Am I paranoid or is he just a lustful idiot? Pardon me. But I think he has a problem. He seems to be getting worse. Everyday my "photos you may like " page are getting more explicit. I'm not happy. Fine. I understand they are pretty girls in the world. But he seems to want more and more of these type of women and he likes to look and look and look. It disgusts me.
I can't bring it up again. But it bothers me.
What is it going to be like when we get married? Is he going to sleep with me and then go look at half naked girls on the internet? Looking at close ups of boobs and asses? It bothers me. And I can't do much here. But honestly. I think he has a problem.
How do I handle this?
The Answer
Expecting someone to be 'satisfied with what you send' is unrealistic, however, that doesn't make what he is doing okay.
The truth is that many, many people desire variety when it comes to sexual arousal. There is no 'enough' you can give a person. It's totally fair for people to want to look at other people sexually. Being loyal isn't about never wanting anything but your partner - it's about choosing to be loyal even if you lust after others.
The real problem with his behavior is that he is doing it publicly, rudely, possibly obsessively to a degree that is harmful to other important things in his life - including your relationship.
Your best bet, if you really want to marry this guy, is to get some pre-marital counselling and bring it up there. If you do get married, the 'paying for sexual services' becomes a shared financial burden and it's one you can very reasonably object to. Saying 'it's okay to look' is the same as saying 'it's okay to chew gum' but if you are obsessively chewing gum all the mother fucking time, then you are being really rude and have a problem.
You might also point out what his co-workers, friends and future children might think of this very public sexual obsession of his. Does he think he may be overlooked for work or a promotion because of this? I'll be honest, I look at people's social media platforms when I hire and I would not someone who behaved the way you describe. Many people may, very reasonably, hold a lower opinion of him because of his constant, public obsession with sexual images.
Finally, you should block him on Instagram. I don't mean that you should ignore this behavior or pretend it's not happening, but if it's upsetting you that much, stop exposing yourself to it.
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