(Ask A Question.) (Feedback.) (Discussion Board.) (Make Razhie A Favourite.) (Advicenators.)
Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
Favourite Collumnists.
(WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)
The Question
I'm one year into transition from M to F,had an orchi in December,been living as a female since.I've had my gender marker changed {social security,insurances,titles and deeds,driver's license,credit cards,etc.}I show significant growth in breasts and hips.I still get called Sir often and get stared at and called names (99% of the time by males of all ages}.I try not to show how hurtful these things affect me and try to exit bad scenes as fast as I can without crying {blood in the water and all that}.I often fear for my safety and am constantly looking for escape routes and safe places.My female friends say this is all part of the female experience and to get used to it.Now I wonder if I'm brave enough to be female,I never considered that being trans was always living in fear.What should I do now? I'm finally happy with myself and now I'm scared to go on.What do I do now???
The Answer
Goodness. You have to wait more than a few hours! It's not a chat room. Questions are screened, and even then, early morning on a Saturday is a slowish time!
But you are right - chances are no one here has a good answer for you. You'd be best to reach out to a therapist or a support/social group for trans women. You are going through a very particular transition and struggles. Not everyone is going to be able to relate or offer good advice.
It's true that being a woman - out in public - means being at risk for cruel comments about your body, about your weight, about what you are wearing. I live in a big city and it's unusual for me to get through a month without some form of casual street harassment. Some of it's simple rudeness like insisting I smile or cat-calling, and some of it is vulgar and/or frightening. Most women spend a lot of time being aware, on some level, of safe spaces and not safe spaces to be in, and when they are in spaces that are less safe, of ways to get away or get help quickly. That is, unfortunately, a normal part of womanhood.
And it'll be worse for you than a ciswomen - unfortunately - because you'll not just get the harassment aimed at you as a woman, but also as a trans person. You are on the receiving end of a double-bill of bullshit. You ARE at a greater risk of violence than a ciswomen is. Your female friends were right - but also wrong - statistically speaking, you've probably got it much worse than they do.
The best thing you can do is build a support network of positive people - including other trans and queer individuals - who you can talk too and be at peace with.
(View All Other Answers.)