Trying to keep this short: boyfriend of four years, have lived together three - have had issues with finding messages and texts, nothing ever extremely horrible, though. ex girlfriend used to text him pictures of her face, he'd say cute, but confronted and reply was that meant nothing, he's known her forever they just talk sometimes. fb message to a girl and told her she was pretty, but it was an old coworker. lots of random messages at like, 2am when i'm sleeping to girls (only girls) saying hey, none of the girls really reply though (at least that i can see), he was just bored and wanted to talk to people. always an answer. the one time i definitely found a DISGUSTING conversation, i got so upset and ran out of the house. when i came back, we were talking and when i wanted to go back upstairs to show him, he told me he wanted to see why i was upset and when he saw that he deleted it cause he was embarrassed but it was an old conversation with a girl he re-added on Facebook and when you re-add someone, old conversations pop up. i saw it was more recent on his message box and the month of the conversation was the but once again, i'm not a Facebook expert i wasn't sure if that was exactly true and since the message was gone i couldn't prove it anymore, so i let it slide and haven't looked at anything again since.
well, till today. my friends just recently broke up over this issue so i don't know if that was it or what came over me, but i looked. facebook, didn't see anything (but there's the archived option where i found those things before but mobile doesn't show you that stuff). no texts. but then i saw he had a myspace app and apparently he still has myspace, none of our friends do and this profile i found seems to be new, not the old one i knew him to have. the earliest date for a profile pic upload was like a month ago but i don't know if that's just how it looks with privacy settings and whatnot, i have no idea how new myspace works. all his friends on there though are trashy girls, with their cleavage out or they're half-naked. there is not one guy. and he's "connected" to alot of them and their photos which i googled and i guess that means you like their photo and their stuff will instantly post on your stream or something. also, lots of "hey" messages on there as well, but not a lot of replies again. one woman, a conversation. she's married. he says he's single. then he says he lives in new york (she lives there) he makes a comment she's gorgeous. she keeps her side of the conversation completely normal, non-flirty. she just seems like an older lady that wants to chat with people. he says a lot of other random things that aren't true in there (i guess just for conversation? idk)
he's on her top 8 or whatever haha, he doesn't have one. so i don't know how to really take it. i haven't read anything truly sexually or anything but still the fact he has this page and it seems to have it to talk to trashy chicks is pissing me off. especially when we just had a fight (which we've had a lot) about him thinking i'm cheating on him, when the only friends i have are HIS friends cause he didn't like my girl friends cause he thought they were sluts.
i just don't know how to feel - like i understand i crept, i betrayed his trust but i found things - what about MINE? i know nothings indefinitely said, whether he deleted it all or not i don't know... i feel like i just can't come at him with "YOU SAID THIS GIRLS PRETTY AND THATS IT". lots of people nowadays seem to think that that's ok, harmless flirting. i don't do that with guys, though. i don't message anyone. i just feel this is shady. i have a tendency to go into arguments, get flustered and then i just back out cause i lost my point and ground and i don't want to do that. i took photos this time of the conversation, checked the dates so i know everything's from like, two days ago and i can show them again if i need to.
i just need opinions. is this a line crossed? would you say anything or just know that this is there and keep that in mind? part of me just wants to make a myspace just to solely send him a friend request on it, just so he gets the message that i know its there and i can see his friends and stuff. and i just won't even say anything to him about it.
and sorry if this posted twice - i went to double check and see if it posted and i didn't see it listed so i thought maybe it didn't submit!
Harmless flirting is only harmless until the other girl goes with it. I have no doubt that given the opportunity to cheat on you, he would. I know, because I was this guy. I was unhappy in my relationship and sought other outlets. It was "harmless flirting" until an opportunity arose and I slept with another woman. I came forward about my infidelity. We worked through our problems, I rebuilt her trust in me, and now after 9 years together we're engaged. The point is, I don't believe a cheater is always a cheater. I do believe, however, that there is one of two issues here: he's either not serious about your relationship, or there is a problem with it and the communication is not up to par for him to discuss it with you. The latter was my issue.
I say confront him. If he gets angry and defensive, point out that this is not the first time and there is overwhelming evidence against him. If he wants out of the relationship, it's a sure sign he's been wanting out but didn't want to pull the trigger. He was hoping he'd get caught and you'd do the dirty work and end it. If you think he's worth it, don't let him off the hook that easily, and fight for him. Otherwise, kick him to the curb.
This is a problem that can only escalate with your inaction.
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thank you very VERY much! this sounds like the way to go and the advice is perfect for me!
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