Hi everybody, I haven't been on here in a long time! But I am now in real need.. So here's the story..
I'm 23 years old, I go to college, and I have a boyfriend that I've been with for almost a year. My boyfriend, code-name 'Justin' is a really great guy. Any girl would be so lucky to have him. He's kind, he doesn't get mad easily, he cares and really tries to make me happy, he holds my hand when we walk and tells me he loves me everyday. (Just writing this I feel like a complete ass). So Justin lives in a city that is about a 45 minute drive from me. Every weekend for the last year he has driven down here and stayed with me. I adore him and we've even talked about getting married, both of us are convinced we've found 'the one'.
And the only thing I can complain about is that he isn't really into sex enough.. He loves sex, but he never initiates it, its always me. So its lacking a little bit in that department. But here's where it gets rocky.. I have been on hormonal birth control for 7 years, since I was 16. I recently realized that it was causing my anxiety to be worse and that is why I had been suffering with it for so long. So I came off the medication and that is when my body and feelings started going crazy. They say it takes 1-3 months to level out to normal. I read that the birth control will suppress sex-drive, which is true, I was always kind of indifferent. But they didn't say that once off it, the sex-drive would come back with a vengeance!! I mean its been BAD!! I can't stop thinking about sex, anytime I SEE someone of the opposite sex I think about it. But here's the problem.. 3 weeks ago I was looking for a room for rent and found the one I live in now. A super nice little house with a really nice and really cool guy. For this post I'll call him 'Mark'. Mark and I play video games and watch movies almost every afternoon after school and work. We laugh a lot and joke and have fun. Last week, I tried to set him up and brought a single friend of mine over who he had mentioned before that he thought was cute. So we were hanging out and ended up the 3 of us in our underwear laughing and watching TV. Shortly after she had to go home because she worked in the morning. Mark and I proceeded to get naked and hang out in our livingroom. Nothing happened, we just were flirting and made up a 'naked monday' rule in our house, as a joke but you know what I mean. Then we went to our separate rooms and went to sleep.
Last night, Halloween, we were watching TV and he decided Halloween is now a naked holiday in our house and jokingly tried to get my clothes off. I went with it, I won't deny I always thought he was attractive and my hormones are still totally out of whack. I mean, I just walk by my roommate and catch a whiff of his cologne and my legs start shaking and I just want to jump his bones, even though I do love my Boyfriend. I just want sex, without the feelings, just sex. All of this isn't helped by the fact that my boyfriend and I have been arguing for the past couple of days..
So last night, one thing led to another and I had sex with Mark. It was just sex, no feelings, and now I feel terrible for cheating on Justin. I feel like the best thing to do is act like it never happened, don't tell Justin and just move on and try to forget about it. I feel like if he made a mistake like that, and he felt terrible for it and never wanted to do it again, that I would rather not know about it. Something like that is never forgiven.. What should I do? I feel like a complete ass for doing that to him, and I'm afraid I have put our relationship in jeopardy, a relationship and quite honestly potential marriage. I just cheated on my future husband.. ='[
Please don't say anything mean, I feel bad enough, I just want to know what I should do now..
You're gonna have to come clean. I've heard people saying "ignorance is bliss" and "it'll just start a fight." That's no way to maintain a relationship. It should be built on trust and honesty. Personal experience time: my girlfriend left for a week about 3 years ago. We have had issues with a stagnant sex life and still do today. I slept with another woman when she was out of town. I came clean as soon as she came back. Things were rocky, and we weren't certain of our future. However, she has explicitly stated that the only reason we stayed together is that I told her directly and immediately, instead of her finding out on her own. We've built that trust back in the years since.
You need to tell him, and soon. You're also going to have to move out of that house. There is no way he's going to be ok with you still living there. Even if he breaks up with you, if you have any faith that the relationship could possibly be rekindled, you need to move out. It's not good for you emotionally anyhow.
It'll be rough, but it's the right thing to do.
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Thank you for the advice. I feel so terrible..
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