Hi there Advicenators.
The last time I logged on here I was 21. Im almost 30 now. Wow I thought I was well put together at that time. I wasn’t. I was looking for validation in being right, or proving that I had the solutions to problems. I didn’t. It makes me think about all the times I went looking for answers online and who was on the other end of that answer. Was it someone like my 21 year old self who didn’t know anything? Be careful out there, friends, and I hope you get the answers you’re looking for.
-Kat
Gender: Female
Location: Washington
Age: 21
MSN: katlzxdcj@live.com
Member Since: June 1, 2007
Answers: 163
Last Update: May 21, 2014
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21/m with 22/fm
Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost a year and a half. At the beginning everything was great; we spent alot of time talking or together so we got to know each other fast and fell in love in only 2 weeks. Lately (or for the past couple of months) she complains that I never talk to her and she misses talking till 4 in the morning like we use to; and since then we've become alittle distant. We're together like 10 hours out of the day (including sleeping for like 2 or 3) but we get on each others nerves alot so you can say we're both not satisfied with this. We love each other and are always there for each other in the good and bad times; it's only been a year and a half but we've gone through alot.
My question is have you girls ever had this probably with a boyfriend you thought was your soul mate? Or your boyfriend that is now your husband?
I know it's a stereotype that men don't like to talk very much so did you just put up with it or did it hurt your relationship?
What I really want is just to make her happy but talking about the same crap everyday doesn't make me wanna talk "how was your day"? "Same annoying girl anoyyed me" or about our money problems.
Men can answer to if you have something useful to say (link)
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This sounds a lot like me and my boyfriend (21f, 23m). We've been together for 4 years and moved in together a few months back and it started off great. However, I've gone through phases since we've been together where I feel like my bf doesn't care or doesn't want to talk to me anymore, etc. And when I reflect on it now, I know it isn't true. It's really just because the honeymoon stage eventually passes, and when you've been with the same person for a while you;ve basically talked about everything in the book. I mean, he wouldn't be living with me if he didn't care, right?
I think with girls (in my opinion) not talking correlates with not caring. I wish I could explain it, but to be quite honest, the way girls think is irrational. It really has a lot to do with that expectation you have when you're young that you'll find your soulmate and it will be perfect and you'll never run out of things to talk about and it will be romance 100% of the time. Guys just really don't have that.
In my experience, when I've been bugging my boyfriend to talk to me or when im telling him that he doesn't talk enough, it's usually because there's something bothering me that I want him to ASK about. 90% of the time there's an underlying issue.
I did find that getting out and hanging out with other people helped, also, go out on dates, Take her somewhere nice or something. I find that show instead of tell makes a difference, if you can't vocalize that you're still into it, then just show her.
In conclusion! I'm a girl and I really can;t explain the mindset you have to be in to think like me, it's very complex. But I can tell you that I no longer badger my boyfriend about talking after he told me this: (this is the short version)
If not talking really makes you that unhappy with our relationship, then fine, just remember, I've been with you for 4 years, I've never once though about cheating, I was with you when you were sick and when you went through hard times with your family. I only want you and I have no intention of ever leaving you. Sometimes I may not talk but that does't mean I don't care. I love you more than anything and I always will.
Boy did that shut me up. Anyways, I really hope it all works out with you two!
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Rating: 5
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Thank you, one step closer to understanding women :)
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