My 87-year-old mother is obsessed with my brother (we are all adopted) and has been ever since my birth. I am one of three children (the only girl) who was sexually abused by my adoptive father and sexually exploited by these two brothers. My mother has known this for years, but continues to cottle this 57-year-old brother (who lives with her still, doesn't work, mooches off her, steals from her, lies to her). Her home has been foreclosed, her car lost because of him and her weird desire to support him. Their grocery bill is over $200 a week because he sits there (pays NO bills) lives on unemployment while she struggles to buy food for him, her medicine and her cigs. The house is a sqalor, he does NOTHING to help clean up the house. He is an alcoholic. I have done for her all her life but she throws me under the bus if I try to do anything to change her weird living situation, and trust me, it's weird. Like they were married. She won't talk to me now because I wrote a letter to her doctor asking him to do an evaluation on her cognitive level to see if she is not thinking straight. Her bizarre behavior of late has me really puzzled, even more so than usual. Should I ex-communicate myself totally from this weird situation, it is extremely stressful and I have had problems all my life thanks to the abuse from the "family."
In a word, yes.
Family is supposed to be more than simple blood relations (well, I guess adoption changes that too, but you know what I mean.) These are supposed to be people you can depend upon. It seems as if every member of this "family" has done you wrong at some point and has made no attempt to rectify the situation. You feel a duty to try and help out, but she's made it clear she wants none of your help. She's made her decision, and nothing you do will change it for her. It may sound harsh, but at her age she's not going to be around forever, and your brother is going to get a rude awakening when his money train derails. Clearly, there won't be much of an inheritance for him to claim, so at least there will be no fight over who gets what.
You're fighting a losing battle, and suffering emotionally because of it. So yes, I think you should remove yourself from the situation entirely. It doesn't seem like you'll incur any great loss from doing so. If your mother comes around and tries to make contact with you, and seems earnest about it, you can try again if you feel ready to do so. Otherwise, I would cut contact. Good luck.
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Thank you for taking the time to answer. I am in the process of setting up sessions with a counselor.....yet again, and this time, possibly I can cut ties with them. It has just become the most bizarre circumstances and as I said, I was taken advantage of all my life and abused and taken for granted that I was going to be there to do the grunt work for her and lately, it's just glossed over, taken for granted that I am going out of my way to do things for her, which, to my gritting teeth, benefits him. I try to limit that. I don't know what else to do.
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