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I have resentments towards my elderly my elderly mother and parasite brothe
My 87-year-old mother is obsessed with my brother (we are all adopted) and has been ever since my birth. I am one of three children (the only girl) who was sexually abused by my adoptive father and sexually exploited by these two brothers. My mother has known this for years, but continues to cottle this 57-year-old brother (who lives with her still, doesn't work, mooches off her, steals from her, lies to her). Her home has been foreclosed, her car lost because of him and her weird desire to support him. Their grocery bill is over $200 a week because he sits there (pays NO bills) lives on unemployment while she struggles to buy food for him, her medicine and her cigs. The house is a sqalor, he does NOTHING to help clean up the house. He is an alcoholic. I have done for her all her life but she throws me under the bus if I try to do anything to change her weird living situation, and trust me, it's weird. Like they were married. She won't talk to me now because I wrote a letter to her doctor asking him to do an evaluation on her cognitive level to see if she is not thinking straight. Her bizarre behavior of late has me really puzzled, even more so than usual. Should I ex-communicate myself totally from this weird situation, it is extremely stressful and I have had problems all my life thanks to the abuse from the "family."
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Yes... you have spent your whole life trying to win the approval of a woman who just isn't capable of being your mother. You've been used and exploited. Its time to start thinking about yourself. Your mother made her own choices. She's made her bed, now its time to let her lie in it. It may be difficult to watch her lose everything, but again, its her choice. Its time to walk away from this family. It can never be healthy to be constantly exposed to someone who has abused you over the years. You don't owe these people anything. Cut off contact and concentrate on your own life. If you're not already, seek counseling to help you cope with wreckage these people left in your life. And don't feel guilty. Enough is enough. I believe even the most awful experiences can be used for good, to help others, but you need to learn how to heal from this before you can help anyone, and healing starts with leaving these abusers (yes, your mother included) behind. good luck.
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In a word, yes.
Family is supposed to be more than simple blood relations (well, I guess adoption changes that too, but you know what I mean.) These are supposed to be people you can depend upon. It seems as if every member of this "family" has done you wrong at some point and has made no attempt to rectify the situation. You feel a duty to try and help out, but she's made it clear she wants none of your help. She's made her decision, and nothing you do will change it for her. It may sound harsh, but at her age she's not going to be around forever, and your brother is going to get a rude awakening when his money train derails. Clearly, there won't be much of an inheritance for him to claim, so at least there will be no fight over who gets what.
You're fighting a losing battle, and suffering emotionally because of it. So yes, I think you should remove yourself from the situation entirely. It doesn't seem like you'll incur any great loss from doing so. If your mother comes around and tries to make contact with you, and seems earnest about it, you can try again if you feel ready to do so. Otherwise, I would cut contact. Good luck.
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