Hello, my name is Sam. There's a lot that I can say about myself, but if you'd like that then you could always message me and we can have a nice cup of tea together :D
I am not very old, so I might not have too much life experience, but I do like to help people. I know that life often throws unexpected blows at people, but I am so extremely optimistic. Hopefully some of my optimism will rub off on the people to whom I am giving advice. I am happy to help with anything! :)
Gender: Female
Location: California
Age: 17
Member Since: February 24, 2007
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Last Update: October 17, 2011
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F/16 I have this amazing boyfriend who I've been dating for 2 weeks. I like him, but only when I'm with him. I partially think it's because I'm still hung up on my ex. All I can think about is my ex, and how I want to be with him. Just a few months ago I was with my ex, until some things happened that screwed us up. Now I'm dating this other kid, and he's my first boyfriend since my ex 2 years ago.
I do like my current boyfriend, but when I'm with him and we're alone things are sexual and I don't like that. Whenever I see him in school all I can think about is wanting to be with my ex instead of him. He's such a nice guy, and I do like him, it's just I know I would rather be with my ex and that's all that would make me happy. I sometimes feel if I could just get my ex to actually reject me then I would be able to put my feelings aside and would realize how good I have it now.
I don't want to lose my boyfriend, but I just feel like it's the wrong thing to stay with him while I have such strong feelings for someone else. He knows about my ex, and how I used to feel, I don't know if he's aware I never lost those feelings, but..he knows about him. So it's not like my feelings are a complete secret.
I just don't know what I should do, should I stay with my boyfriend? Try to get back with my ex? Talk to my ex and realize he doesn't want me? Just back off from boys all together until i figure things out? Idk, I just need some sort of help. (link)
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Hello.
The fact that you do love your ex and merely like your current boyfriend is a problem. I think that you should think about why you and your ex broke up and rationalize whether or not that would be a problem again if you got back together. If it wouldn't be, then I think you should tell your ex how you still feel about him. I'd hate to advocate for you to talk to your ex behind you current boyfriend's back, but as long as you don't physically "cheat" on your boyfriend, then I think you aren't really doing anything wrong. It could also be argued that you are emotionally "cheating" on him right now, so I think that clearing up your feelings about your ex is the way to go.
If your ex still loves you as well, and the possibility of getting back together with him becomes available, then I would think that's exactly what you would do. Provided that you let your current boyfriend down gently and perhaps are honest with him about the situation, then I think you will be much happier being with the guy you actually love.
IF your boyfriend says he has no feelings or for some reason you realize that it isn't a good idea to pursue that previous relationship, then you're still left with a boyfriend that you aren't too crazy about. The thing about the relationship being too "sexual" and you not liking him when you are away from him leads me to think that your relationship is almost entirely physical. I've been in the exact same type of relationship, and though it isn't bad, it also isn't very great.
Regardless of your feelings for your ex, there are tons of great guys that have the potential to gain your love in the future. So why settle for a boyfriend who is mediocre at best? Relationships are supposed to be fun and happy. Also, it's perfectly possible that your current boyfriend IS crazy about you, so by staying with him you are just stringing along his feelings. Ultimately, I feel that the two of you will break up, so why not end it sooner rather than later?
Don't stay in a relationship that doesn't make you completely happy. If your ex doesn't reciprocate your feelings, then please try to break off this new relationship and wait for a better match to come along.
I wish you all the best!
Take care.
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