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Hey everyone. 19/male here.
My girlfriend (18) and I have been going out for almost 8 months, and so far we have mostly had fun. This has been my first serious relationship and I am completely in love with her. We do fight somewhat often, but we usually manage to work it out and make up. Unfortunately, we both have different goals for both the summer and for the future... she wants to move out by the end of the summer because she can't stand her family and needs to get her own space and be her own person. She says this is a necessity and she has to do it with or without me. I originally told her I was on board, but after really thinking about that I don't know if i'm ready, or if I can take a semester off of college to work to make the money to move out. I've already told her this and she became extremely upset, and we both don't know what to do. We both love each other very much and are extremely attached but have different goals. I know if we broke up we both would be devastated severely. While I have considered it I feel like I could never do it because I care and love her so much. I guess my question is basically, what should I do....?
Paying the funds to move out of the house is a big deal, and she shouldn't be expecting you to do so! If you give her some time to cool off, she will probably realize this; most likely she is having a hard time accepting a sudden change in plans, what with all of these big decisions being made.
Be there in every way you can to support her non-financially. Explain, if you haven't already, the sacrifices you would have to make to help her fund living on her own. And try to counsel her in her other options. For instance, she could always find a roommate and split the cost of rent, if she found a place, or find a friend/someone she knows who shares similar moving-out-for the summer goals.
Coming from my own experience, she is probably seriously overwhelmed by moving out, her ability to do so, and other life changes. There is a strong possibility that her becoming upset has a lot more to do with her fear of not being able to move out/the fact that you changed your mind than you not wanting to move in with her.
Once again, give her space to cool off, and by no means should you think of altering your life plans for this! As for breaking up, I wasn't sure how this entered into the equation, unless she is the one threatening this in which case she is either totally confused or a total asshole. Making a choice to give up certain things to pay to live on your own is big and not something she should expect from you (I'm reiterating here)! Even the choice to move in with someone is something that (I've heard) is big. Someone who tries to get you to do either before you are ready is not someone worth being with in the first place.
But as for you breaking up with her - relax. These are difficult decisions; it's going to be a bit intense for her sorting them through. So step back, let her be frustrated, and once this has calmed down you can go on with your relationship.
~~As a side note, if the only way she can move out is by depending on your money, she probably isn't ready to and her actions towards you start to borderline manipulative.(Once she is more calm) try to point her in the way of student loans, jobs, ect.
(Rating: 5) Thank you for your insight