About Daimeera
Hello there!
I'm a 21 year old female from Nova Scotia, Canada. I'm not as active on this site as I once was, but I will almost certainly reply to private questions sent to me.
Let's see, about me. I've been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia Syndrome, Clinical Depression, as well as some other related mental and physical illnesses. Despite this, I'm happier now than I can ever remember being.
I've been a vegan since August 2007. In other words, I do my best not to consume anything of animal origin, ranging from the obvious (meat), to the somewhat obvious (eggs and dairy), to the not-so-obvious (honey, wool, silk, and more). I love this life. I have so much more appreciation for everything and everyone around me, and I feel so at peace with myself and the world. I wake up everyday and know that I'm making a difference. It's been a huge turning point in my life.
I recently graduated from high school after an extra three years due to my illness. It was a long road, but it felt amazing to walk across that stage. An added bonus was having the 15th highest average (over my high school career) out of 258 students!
I intend to pursue a career in psychology, first obtaining my BA, and then attending graduate school in order to study for my PhD. It's a little daunting at times, but I know it will be worth it. I want to help people, plain and simple. I want to make a difference. I want to change the world. And I believe I can, if only in a small way.
I think that's me in a nutshell. I also enjoy writing, knitting, multiple other artistic endeavors (including drawing, photography, music, and more), web design, and many other things. So, feel free to drop me a message if you think there's something I can help with.
Psst, guess what? I, like everyone else, have my very own message board! You can visit it here.
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E-mail: cheekchewingchipmunk@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: NS, Canada
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Age: 21
Member Since: December 6, 2006
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I'm 16/f and I guess I'm just kind of confused about love. I learned in my psychology class that the psychological definition of love is passion+intimacy+commitment (passion meaning sexual attraction and romantic feelings, intimacy meaning being close and feeling close to someone, and commitment meaning wanting to be there forever and making that clear to the other person).
All of that said, I have a boyfriend who I have been with for two years. We've talked about love and about what we feel for each other. Neither one of us are completely in love with each other (because no matter how close we get, I'm still insecure and I still don't feel close and no matter how much he cares about me and wants to stay with me, he finds it hard to believe that we will last forever since we are only sixteen). Both of us want to be in love, but we just aren't. It's highly frustrating for me, because it always feels just out of my reach.
As for why I don't feel close, I think it's because I have been in love before - full, complete love. His name was Eric and he was my best friend. He didn't see me in a romantic way, though. So, I had to settle with hanging out with him alone all day, talking to him on the phone with him all night, and never actually dating him. This also was annoying - until he stopped being my best friend to go do drugs. Then what we had before started to seem like a dream come true. I now long for the days when I had someone who I truly felt close to.
I want that again, but I don't know how to go about feeling closer to my boyfriend. Also, I don't know how to make him feel committed when he thinks we are too young.
Thanks. =)
I'm no expert in love (okay, full disclosure--I'm 21 and have never even been on a date, although much of that was due to illness) but I am interested in human behaviour so maybe I can be of some help.
First of all, you can't make him feel committed. You can't make someone else feel anything; that's up to them. And, you're going to hate to hear this, but 16 IS young. There are many, many more fish in the sea and it's possible you're clinging to one that's familiar and comfortable.
The thing that really jumped out at me, though, was when you said that you're still insecure. That's something that will stress any relationship, unfortunately. And that's not something a relationship can cure. That one's up to you.
Can you analyse why you feel insecure? Part of it is probably a teenager thing--around that age (god I feel old saying that), teens--girls especially--are notoriously skilled at making other teens feel like crap. So that may be part of the problem.
I think the first thing you need to work on is you. And it's hard to do, don't get me wrong. But if you feel insecure, you'll never feel comfortable in any relationship. You'll never have the confidence, no matter how many times your partner reassures you, that he won't leave.
Try to figure out what makes you insecure, and what you love about yourself. Allow your logical mind to take over. Emotions like lying to us. Examine whether or not your boyfriend has given you any reason to doubt him--and if he has, pay attention to that. If not, defer to logic.
Being a teen sucks. Don't let anyone tell you these are the best years of your life. I've barely escaped the teen years and still feel damaged by them at times. Let yourself find you. The rest will follow.
Take care,
Daimeera
21/female
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(Rating: 4)
Thanks! And yeah, I realize that sixteen is young, but I don't think it's impossible that we will last. If I did, I wouldn't be dating him at all. Besides, my parents have been dating since they were fifteen, and they are still going strong. So, I've seen examples of young relationships actually working out, and I want what's best for mine. I also don't think my emotions are "lying to me" - but I do think I don't understand them. Which makes me believe that you are right - I must be insecure about myself as opposed to my relationship per se. Thank you so much for your help. =)
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