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Ok... So My Boyfriend has some.. family problems with his older brother/guardian....like Incessant rape? I can't take it anymore I've been understanding about it and since I live so far away I can't do anything to stop it but talk to my boyfriend and comfort him when he's depressed. Some of my other friends call me "the fortune cookie" because I'll change completely from a hyper bubbly girl to someone who seems as if they're reading off of fortune cookies!

Countless times I've talked him out of suicide and harming himself, I've even gotten him to stop taking drugs and drinking.

But It seems I've run out of things to say to comfort him, and today I asked him what was wrong.
"My life." was his answer.
I tried to explain it as shattered glass, to relate to how he was feeling. but if anything I think I made him worse off.

So not only does it depress me to see him depressed, to know he lies about how he feels so I won't worry, but him lying just makes me worry more.

I've often said to myself, " How's it feel to know everything you do never matters at all? "

When we first met he said I'd leave just like everyone else in his life, but here I am...a little over a year later! and as each day goes by, no matter how much I love him I'm beginning to think that maybe I've made his life worse off?

So what should I do?
I'm open to any suggestions
because if it's able to make him happy I'm willing to do anything...

I say what I mean and I mean what I say, so I hope you can do the same to help me before I crack and go back to my own ways before he made my life happier...

My advice would be to encourage him to seek some kind of professional help. It's can be a long, long, loooong process to get better from something like depression, but something like seeing a psychiatrist/therapist often helps after a while of agony. The trick is sticking it out.

Other than that, everything you've already done seems plenty in making him feel better. It's like this: you may help him an infinite amount, but when you have depression, all that happiness that you cause usually remains on this top level of your emotional side, the very top level, while right under the surface there is this huge mess of feeling dead and sad and useless all of the time. It's going to take a while for him to get better from this, not gonna lie. Largely, though, it's something that he's gotta fight. Hopefully, he'll have some sort of professional with him, but really, there's nothing along the lines of pep talks or chocolate cake that are going to make a difference. If you spend all your energy trying to make him happy, and then he gets to the point where he can't be happy, he'll just feel upset that he let you down when he knows you care so much about him.

Please, don't blame yourself for this, or tell yourself that you have not made his life better. Depression is this huge condition/disorder/thing that is pretty damn painful, confusing, and often scary for the people going through it. Getting over the depression is something huge and it takes something a lot more than a friendship or a relationship to cure it, or sometimes even to get the person feeling "happy."

What you have done so far for him is truly amazing, don't even try to kid yourself on that one. You've stayed with someone who is facing some serious mental shit and still want to do everything you can to help him. Rereading that line about how you've talked him out of cutting, drugs, drinking, and suicide, I almost can't believe it - those are some serious vices to crack.

If anything, take a little of the weight off your own shoulders - do you have anyone to talk about about this? His problems are serious, not easy things for you or I or his parents to solve. Having someone that listens to you, that stays by you even on your worst days is huge when faced with something like depression. In fact, it's probably the most you could do for him. Understand that, no matter how much you want to, depression is not something you can talk him out of. Once you accept this, accept that being the trusted confidante you already are is the most you can do to help him. This will take a huge weight off of your shoulders.

Please, don't feel like this is your fault, that you are responsible for this in any way. You've done so much to help this guy already.

Just as a side note, though, if it's true that he's being raped at home, telling a guidance councilor/social worker/kids help phone, or suggesting he do so, probably couldn't hurt.

Edit/ Additional Comments:

It can be hard to buck the system when everyone makes it seem like the only way to get better. Speaking from an insider, though, I can understand how "the system" is complicated, even flawed. Although it probably is the best way to deal with more serious forms of depression, there are alternative things that also help, and there are therapeutic things that don't involve traditional therapy. I'm no expert, but you could drop me one in my inbox if you'd like to hear the whole insiders/whatever has ever worked for me bit (though I don't claim to have gone through anything as intense as your boyfriend has). But really - sometimes even simple things like getting a good nights sleep, or exercising (endorphins are really good for you)can help.

Wish you both luck and hang in there =]

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(Rating: 5) for starters I'd like to say thank you so much because I did take into realization and thought about what you said, I've tried going for help, I've tried talking him into getting help, but his parents passed away, and he has an unconditional love for his brother so it's really hard to do anything without offending him
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