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I hope that if you come to this site, you feel at least some reassurance. Life is messy, life isn't perfect, and I love that there is a place, virtual as it is that can acknowledge this. I don't pretend to be perfect or know everything, but I promise that if you ask me a question, or if I see one and take an interest, I will answer it as best I can.Check out my forum here:
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Well , lets just say i let my jelousy take complete control over myself . Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost a year now [ in a bout a month anna half we will be ] . But i am still just as jelous and insecure as i was just starting to get in the relationship . I seriously don't know why i am , he has not done anything to make me feel like i shouldn't trust him , or be mad when he talks to girls , but i just am ! i hate when he talks to other girls but then i again he doesnt like [ certain ] boys but he has a reason as so do i . But i just need help because im scared if i havent gotten over it in a year where the hell is it going to stop ? We can never go through one day with out me bringing up past things or getting mad about something , but he's the laid back one . Any help please ?
Maybe a good solution to this would be just to not bring up anything that has to do with your jealousy (ei. I saw you talking to so and so), mentally or otherwise. If you start thinking of something that involves him doing something that piques your jealousy, mentally find the root of your anxiety, and then argue with yourself until you convince yourself that there is nothing to worry about. It sounds cheesy but it actually works - seriously, the wonders you learn in therapy. Basically, say you get a thought "oh no, he's talking to julia who is really pretty and so much more like him than I am... what if he secretly wants to be with her?" Then you think about your reasons behind this... maybe they both like star trek, or dress in all black, wow, I'm making your boyfriend sound really weird... maybe they like the same music, or maybe he sees her a lot in the hallways, whatever. Then you look at the flaws to these arguments. Say, he sees her a lot in the hallways, but they are obviously unattracted to each other. Or maybe you come to realize mentally, that although they may have certain things in common, you two are more compatible for other reasons. Then you think of the good times between you and your boyfriend, how much he appreciates you when you're together. Bring up, in your mind, all the good stuff he does for you, all the reasons you have for knowing there is nothing to worry about in terms of him cheating or him liking anyone else. And you just do this, every time you have one of these thoughts.
Yes, it is important to share what's bugging you in a relationship, but if it's the same stuff and stuff that you already know isn't a big deal (ei he isn't being overly flirtatious or cheating), it's best not to bring it up, because there's no point and will do nothing but cause unnecessary stress. You already know that it should be okay for him to talk to other girls, so all you need to do is fix the problem from your end.
The jealousy will end when you learn to control your thoughts and paranoias, which takes time, but isn't too difficult in the long run.
(Rating: 5) you made a lot of sense to me , thanks