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Retired Insurance ManagerAge:
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March 17, 2006Answers:
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I've been away for a while due to a serious illness and subsequent health issues. Favourite quotes of the moment:
The children of Israel wandered the desert for 40 years - Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions!
Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. whatever we do to the thread, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect. - Chief Seattle.
We spend the first 12 months of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk. We spend the next 12 years telling them to sit down and shut up!
As you slide down the bannisters of life, may the splinters never be pointing the wrong way.
May you be in Heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.
I've been very happily married since August 1980 to a wonderful man and have beautiful twin girls, now aged 31. Both are married to wonderful young men and one of our girls has recently made us grandparents to a beautiful, smart and feisty granddaughter. I studied geology with the Open University. I am retired from being a manager in a large UK based insurance company which I actually quite enjoyed. (How sad is that?). I love anything to do with the environment and wildlife and try to do my bit for preservation and conservation. I would like there to be a decent world for our grandchildren to inherit. I also have CFS so find life a bit of a challenge at times but always hope for better health in the future.
I have a deep interest in the spiritual and the paranormal worlds, having experienced several incidents myself, and have been involved in meditation groups and groups that (safely) explore the paranormal. There is more to this life than we would normally credit, so an open mind is always the best option. You're not so likely to get caught by surprise!
I have a deep fascination for anything to do with Ancient Egypt, as you can probably tell by my name. I have statues and paintings all around the house. As my hubby has a similar interest in Native Americans, we tend to have a lot of unusual wall decorations, like a tomahawk.
I love cars, especially vintage ones, but my all time favourite has to be the Bugatti Chiron, what a car!
I have had a lot to do with animals over the years. I have fostered many, helped to set up a wildlife charitable hospital and raised a diverse range of young animals from bats to fox cubs and different species of birds, even a baby deer! I have had great pleasure in sharing my life and home with a number of animals over the years, most of them rescues. I am currently sponsoring an Amur Tiger, they are such beautiful cats and desperately need help, there are so few of them left. I was lucky enough a couple of years ago to meet some Aye-Aye's and Livingstone's Bats, a truly wonderful experience. We now have three cats, Oliver and Mollie, a brother and sister, he's a ginger and she's a tortoiseshell and a black and white called Daisy. She arrived in a taxi and was left on our doorstep in a cat carrier with the message that 'they knew we loved cats and would be good to her'. She has settled down well and gets on wonderfully with the other two.
If you have a pet that is showing ANY signs of illness or distress, please, please, please take it to a vet! Even if finance is an issue, work that out later. It is cruel to leave an animal suffering for any reason. Most animals do not show signs of illness until they have been ill for some time, basic instinct tells them it is a display of vulnerability, and certain death in the wild. Their instincts have not caught up with domesticity.
I do feel that we should all treat others as we would wish to be treated. Bad karma comes back to haunt us.
advice
i'm 54 and from texas. i moved to nc 3 yrs ago to help my kids with their kids. they both travel a lot for work and i stay with their children.I've had problems with depression and from jan to march of 07, i was homebound. my life was literally falling apart. my son and his wife confronted me about how things were getting bad for me. they offered to help however they could. my daughter in law took my finances and kept those perfectly for me until i was better. i barely remember what went on in that period of time but i did something because we had a great relationship until one day they brought back all my records and told me i did not respect them and they felt like i wasn't trying. it's been 6 months and our relationship is very cold and i miss them so much and would do anything to get back to having a family again.she's an a-type personality and i'm the polar opposite. she is organized to the max, she has a very volitile relationship with her mom, who is a very cold fish. i don't worry about much as i always think things will work out, although i've made great strides in taking action instead of waiting for a problem to work itself out. please help me as this means everything to me. even my son acts stand-offish to me. granny
Well you have been having a tough time. There could be a few reasons for their change of attitude.
Did you get help with your depression? If you didn't, maybe they thought that you weren't trying in that way and decided 'tough love' was what was needed. If you did get help, were you following the advice you were given? If not, again, they may have decided on the tough love to try to get you to help yourself. Sometimes this approach works, sometimes it doesn't. It really does depend on the personality involved and the level of the depression.
You did make a major life change in order to help your family. Could this depression have been building up over the last three years, resulting in the episode earlier this year? Perhaps they are feeling a little guilty about this and don't know how to handle it. Only they would be able to tell you.
It does sound as though your daughter-in-law has had her share of relationship issues and may find it difficult to deal with emotions. If you, at that point where you don't remember much, had an emotional outburst, it could have made them feel unable to cope with your condition. A lot of people find it very difficult to deal with depression, as finding the right thing to say and knowing how to react is very hard.
It's good that you are making such an effort to work out your problems now. Maybe you should write them a letter explaining how you feel and apologising if you did say something out of turn. Tell them that you would like to know what went wrong and that you'd like to build bridges as you miss the relationship you had before.
If they were prepared to do all they did whilst you were ill, there's a good chance that you can all work this out now. Let them know that you do respect them and truly appreciate all they did for you. Hopefully they will then be able to talk to you and start to mend the breach. They may be missing you as well.
(Rating: 5) i have to say you opened my eyes. I will write them a letter and ask to start mending our relationship. I did recieve wonderful help with my depression and I feel like myself again. Your wise and wonderful. Thanks very much, Beverly