Q: F/15
Every since the begining of this school year I've been feeling really depressed. There are a lot of different reasons why. First of all, I dont have many friends. I have one close friend who I hang out with everyday, but sometimes she blows me off, which is understandable, to hang out with other people, and I wonder the halls alone, feeling like an idiot, wishing I were at home. I live in a small town and go to a small school so I already know everybody and its hard to make new friends when you're a sophmore in high school and everybody is separated by "levels of coolness".
Last year, life was great. I was a freshmen and I was dating a junior, who I fell for. We broke up after about 4 months and we pretty much lost all contact. Thats what hit me the hardest. I still love him but hes in love with his new girlfriend. I keep thinkin that I'll never find another guy because I've been single for months and everyday I tell myself things will get better but they never do.
I hate waking up everyday knowing that it will just be another sad, pathetic repeat of what happened the day before. I want out of this life. I want to drop out of school. Or move. Or die. I dont care anymore. Ive never felt like this before and Im really starting to scare myself. I keep thinking about killing myself. I've thought about it a couple times before but I always knew in the back of my mind that I would never do it. Now im not so sure.
Usually I would talk to someone about how im feeling to try to work things out but i have nobody to talk to. asking random people for advice on the internet is pointless too....i dont even know why im doing it. I just want to die. I want to stop hurting inside. there are so many other things going on in my life that i cant even explain on here because I dont want to tell anybody. I hate it so much.
please..........does anybody have any good advice. nothing like "try to make more friends" or "you'll get a new boyfriend, just put yourself out there" i need to hear something real.
