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FYI: I am a 20 year-old recent college grad. Both men I am referring to in this question are only slightly older than me and finishing their degrees.
"Joe" and I began dating 2 1/2 years ago. Our relationship was generally good when last summer (1 1/2 years in)he decided that he didn't want a serious girlfriend. Nothing mean or ugly, he was just being honest. I tried all summer to change his mind but finally gave. (We remained close friends.)
After dating around for a little while, I began seeing "Michael". Our relationship was somewhat rocky because we had both come out of relationships and he had been hurt many times before. During this time, Joe began to develop interest in having a relationship. I thought it over and eventually decided to try things again with Joe. (I stayed in close contact with Michael.)
Joe and I have a really easygoing relationship, but he refuses to discuss a more serious commitment. When we discuss it, he says he doesn't see us going in that direction at this point but is always careful to avoid losing me entirely. In the past few months, Michael has attempted to see other people to no avail. He is convinced that I am the only one for him. We have been getting along beatuifully, and Michael has done everything he to prove to me that we belong together. (Both are fully aware of each other and the current status.)
Michael wants me to leave Joe and become engaged to him. (He's even looking at rings.) I am seriously considering this. I love both men very much (in somewhat different ways) and could she myself happily married to either (in 2-5 years). The difference here is that Michael is willing to commit and Joe is not. Both have treated me very well; although Michael is romantic (flowers) while Joe is considerate (fixs my car). Is there any point in continuing to wait for Joe or should I leave him and accept the proposal from Micheal? (link)
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It really depends on what you want. If you want that commitment than obviously you'd be better off with Michael. If you don't want that right now go with Joe. But if you are really stuck (I'm guessing you are or you wouldn't ask this) then I think you should take into consideration each of them as an individual and not as a guy you love. Think of everything that they love and what they do that makes you happy. Writing them down might be a good way to go about this. Evaluate every little detail of them and then try and come to your own conclusion of which one you want to work with.
In my opinion (just my opinion you don't have to abide by it) Michael is sincere with you on his intentions. I think Joe is sincere also, but not like Michael is. Joe may be wanting to live life a little and see all of his options before he settles down with someone. Michael already sees all of his options and has chosen you. I say respect Michael's wishes to marry someday, but if you aren't ready for marrige than you should tell him. In the long run Michael may be the better one. Joe on the other hand may be letting you live your life longer and so he may be the better one. Once again it comes down to your overall lifestyle. If it was me I would tell Michael that I'm not ready to marry, but that is something you would like later. I would simply tell Joe that I've found someone who is serious about me and I don't want to play a game the rest of my life. (Remember this is just my opinion.)
In conclusion, I think Michael would be the one that could make you happy. He seems determined and focused. To me, Joe sounds like a guy who hasn't quite found what he really loves in life and this could cause you many problems in the future. But if you come down to the decision that you want Joe more, you should tell him how you feel and see if he is ready to commit for you. If not, you still have Michael who really really does love you.
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Rating: 5
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Wow! You really grasped their personality differences. You're absolutely right; Joe doesn't know what he wants with just about anything. He's very contemplative sometimes to the point of being gun-shy. Michael on the other hand makes decisions so quickly he's almost impulsive. He continues to ponder something until he has an answer. Both are incredibly honest but very different.
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