about

I'm psychic and a sociologist, and combined with the many different professions I've had, husbands, friends and family, and my share of bad neighbors too, gives me the knowledge and experience to cast new light on many old problems that we all face. Ask questions about anything you want and need answers to: Boyfriend or husband, school, sex, decorating, careers and career changes, family and friends, pets, diets and health and illnesses, finances, moving and relocating, divorce or marriage, and the nosey problem neighbor. -- Ask JR








advice

This might be long....but anyway: My parents moved into a house this past summer--a bigger house, that NO BODY but my mom wanted to move into. Okay, so she got her way. That's fine.
Now, a new house needs new things, according to her logic. It seems like almost every time I visit there is new STUFF just piling up; new furniture, new accessories. And it doesn't stop at the house. Ever since I was a kid, she'd buy me new clothes even when I didn't ask. Many of you would think that's gerat, and that I shouldn't complain. But really, I don't NEED the clothes, and I know it's just a manifestation of her shopping addiction. She doesn't splurge millions like a movie star, but I'm still starting to get concerned. It seems like almost every time I see her, she's just bought new things. I don't know if I'm in the minority that doesn't care too much for shopping...but really, how can I bring it to her attention that her behavior is actually destructive? And at the very least, how can i let her know that i really don't want her to buy me new clothes all the time?

Is there a dad in the picture?

If so, talk to him about your feelings and concerns about your mom.

Shopping addiction is a illness and used as a substitute for lacking control of one's own life and some kind of unfulfilled emptiness. It's a momnetary fix.

Talk to your dad whether they are married now or not. The both of you can help get control of this together with team effort.

If not a dad, then sit and talk to your mother and tell her not to buy you anything that you will refuse to accept it from now on and leave it at her house and do not take it! Simple.

Tell your mom that you feel she is substituting shopping for another problem and ask her what is bothering her. Maybe talking will bring it to the surface, maybe talking will help her acknowledge her problem, and maybe lead to seeing a therapist.

Hey, she's your mom and there's nothing to loose and everything to gain...

[view]

(Rating: 5) Thanks so much, I really appreciate the advice. My parents are still married, although it's a shaky situation-- and when i bring the whole shopping thing to her attention, she denies it. I need to sit down with her and really tell her how I feel.
<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker