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lulabellesvoice@yahoo.comGender:
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Jewelry Design/Massage TherapyMember Since:
September 12, 2005Answers:
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I'm a raw and living foodest. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what that is I only eat foods that have not been cooked. I do this because it maintains all of the nutrients and enzymes intact and is much healthier. I'm not here to try to convert anyone. I think you can reach maximum health by eating all kinds of foods fixed all kinds of ways. This is simply my life choice. What I'm here to do is help educate people as to what is happening to thier food. Did you know that the pharmaceutical companies have lobbied to have a law voted on called "Codex Aimentarius" that will take away our freedom to take suppliments? It has already been implemented in Europe. Of course it is still ok for them to put steroids, antiboitics and harmones in our foods. Have you wondered why there is a great influx of people acting aggressively and out of character? I'm here to help guide you through this mess. If you want to eat meat...eat meat...just get chemically free meat. I'm here to help you understand what is happening to you.
advice
I am at breaking point with my mom. She does not accept the woman I love, with whom I have two sons. This problem is damaging the lives of my family as well as my father and brothers. She twists events to the point of complete fiction and twists them in such a way that we are terribly victimizing her. In truth, knowing her condition, we have taken great care into our dealings with her and have always welcomed her in our lives. Somehow, my partner seems to sit in the wrong way, not greet her in such a way as to appease her, not call enough, not come from a nice enough family - the list is infinite. She doesn't believe that our intentions are pure. My partner has continued to try, despite the fact that she will never be accepted and that she will always accidentally do something wrong - but she has reached the point where she has spiritually given up - she can never show her real self to my mother again.
My mom creates massive drama around every important event in life - from the birth of our son, the completion of my PhD, moving into my first home - they have all been spoiled because of her fiction drama. Everyone in the family knows she has lost her mind, but everyone is afraid to confront her - and rightfully so. If you don't agree with what she says, then you are the enemy. So, she creates this fake world, people try to pacify her and we grow more distant. I am at a loss for what to do. I could talk honestly with her - a strategy which has never worked in the past, or I could keep trudging along trying to be nice and to serve as a bridge between the most important people in my life. My last attempt at honesty resulted in her listing off further transgressions on our part and her continued inability to understand any other viewpoint. Unfortunately, I have reached the point where I am too angry and frustrated to continue this much longer. I'm not willing to lose my mother – despite all of this, she is a very loving and good woman. However, I am afraid that I have no reasonable options to pursue! Any advice would be very appreciated.
Male, early thirties
I do feel for you. I have this same problem with my mother. I don't have a signif so she does these exact same things to my sister-in-law. My mother is nicer towards men than she is w/women though. People like yours and my mother are so unhappy that there IS nothing you can do. No matter what you say it will be wrong. They don't want help and actually think it is everyone else who has the problem, not them. Now I'm not diagnosing here, but it sounds like she has something called BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder. This condition is considered incurable primarily because these people don't think there is anything wrong in the first place. If you could ever get them to truly admit there is a problem than something could be done. But that rarely happens. They think, if only others would do something different everything will be ok. Of course it never is. You have to start thinking of you and your family and start taking care of you. There is a great book you can read that will help you cope w/this situation and it is called, Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back when Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder, by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger. You can purchase this book on Amazon or at your local bookstore. It will be like reading your life w/one exception. They will tell you the most successful choices to make when your mother is behaving badly. As unbelievable as this may sound they do behave pretty similarly. This book is a good start to help you understand what you should do when you mother does or says certain things. I've also included some websites that have support groups for you to choose from. I belong to two and have found them to be helpful. I wish you the best of luck in this and if you have further questions feel free to contact me. Lots of Luck to You!
http://www.bpdresources.com/supportnons.html
http://www.google.com/Top/Health/Mental_Health/Disorders/Personality/Borderline/Support_Groups/
Namaste!
LULABELLE
(Rating: 5) The advice from each of you rings true - but now that you've pointed me to these links and I am aware she that she has some degree of borderline personality disorder. She really does fit in a great deal of the listed qualities. I think I will just try to deal with her with love, yet with an awareness that there may never be a solution and that I can't let her erratic ways disrupt my life or that of my family. Thank you all!