MzJENNiFER's advice column

what do i do? I am 3 weeks from having a baby and I feel my partner is has an addiction. I feel the last 9 months have been all about him and I am starting to really resent him for the way he has treated me and for his wanting to go to the pub takes priority over me and my feelings. I have moved across the globe to be with him and to be treated like this breaks my heart. I feel I have spent the weekends of the last 9 months in the pub watching him drink or at home alone in the middle of no where whilst he is out with his buddies. He seems to believe his actions and attitude will change when the baby comes and I guess I am kindof waiting hoping that is true but I really dont think it is. I feel he is an addict as his friday, saturday and sunday night have to be spent drinking or taking drugs. He is 31 and I am 29. He does not see his drinking and partying as an addiction as 'its only on weekends' but this weekend has really proved to me that it is.
He will not change especially when a baby is screaming for attention when he could be out away from the responsibility.
Last weekend he begged for me to go to a festival with him which i did and on the way home he said that was it for him and he was going to stay home on weekends from now on as its so close the due date. This weekend he tells me the day before that we are going to a wedding, he could not drink responsibly he had to get himself totally drunk. He stayed home on saturday night and acted like a complete miserable so and so commenting on me personally and on how he would like to go to the pub and take drugs. Then he has a few cans of beer and is all happy and then decides he wants to be nice to me. I went to bed. Sunday he acts like a miserable so and so and hardly speaks to me all day, takes me to lunch and on the way home tries to stop by the pub 'for one' he can not do one drink. I say no so he drops me off home and goes to the pub. He cannot stay home one weekend out of 9 months without getting himself wasted. What do I do? I have tried being quiet about his behavoir I have tried being very vocal, i have tried only commenting on the positive things he does, I have tried not commenting on how it makes me feel but rather how he diserves to be treating himself better. I cant help but feel that he is not interested in a life with me and the baby and that he is just waiting for me to leave. But at the moment I cant fly and I have no support around me. I have organised 2 back up labour partners just in case he is not around or is not able for it.
I am just really sad that this is the case and that my pregnancy has been this way. I am angry at him for I thought we were perfect for each other yet as soon as I fell pregnant life for us changed dramatically. How do I get on with focusing on the baby and me when I have to worry and tolerate his behaviour. I have tried kicking him out but he wont leave, he knows I have no where to go at the moment. I am at the end of it, I am sad and lonely and cant tell my family about what is happening as they will worry and beg me to come home but I cant for a few months at least. I always imagined that pregnancy would be a happy time for me yet here I am trying to be strong on the outside when inside i am really sad that he has not allowed me to enjoy the pregnancy and that he does not seem excited about the baby at all. I want my baby to have a father but its looking like he just is not able and that makes me really really sad as i thought he was the one and that our relationship was 100% solid. I dont know how much longer I can be strong for? What happens if the baby comes and I break down? I feel like I am at breaking point already. can you suggest anything that may help me remain strong and positive and keep a little self esteem?

My Goodness! You do not need a man like that. You should go to the police about his achohol and drug abuse and tell the family what has been going on [the full story]. If you don't, your only endangering yourself and your baby. You can get someone better. Look, this is hard to type but my dad was the same way and he almost killed me and my mom. My mom still has scars. My mom took control and got the help she needed. Now she is providing me a great education, a nice big house, and I have a wonderful step dad that is like a real dad to me. My mom works with people like you and some of them end up hurt and in the hospitals and some aren't even that fortunate. Take control now. Don't hesitate to get your life in order. You can do better and you will. Make sure you have a restraining order [for you and your upcoming baby] over this man and make sure to move away. FAR AWAY.
♥ Mz.JENNiFER

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i've made out a few times but it seems like everytime i do make out with some one, theres no...connection or chemistry. Is there suppossed to be? thanks guys

Well, this depends on the person you are making out with. If you want a serious reletionship, try to find sparks. If not, then kiss whomever you are kissing.

True love is based on connection and chemistry. Just keep that in mind.
♥ Mz.JENNiFER

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When me and my boyfriend fool around I don't say a word!!! Yeah I don't talk at all. He wishies I will but i'm kinda shy about that and don't know what to say? Any ideas on what can I say???

Hey, I know how you feel. I went threw the same thing. Just say what comes to mind and what you feel. Repeat what your boyfriend says [if he says anything] but don't repeat it right after he said it. That would be very awkward. :D Just keep it cool. This is a very hard topic so here are some ideas;
*Baby don't stop
*Ohhhh Yes
*Don't stop it
*hahaha. Your crushing me [just to be funny, if he's on top]

Most importantly, have fun. Let loose. And show effection.

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i just want to let you know, i read your advice, and i really enjoy it! you seem like a great person, and i just thought it was nessecary to say this! thanks for giving me some GREAT advice!
morgan :D

awe! thanks Morgan. i'm sure you give great advice too.
♥ Mz.JENNiFER

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ok so me and my bf fight alot. we both love each other more then words could explain but we have 2 problems; my rebellious attitude and his inability to show affection! We have been dating for 1 1/2 years! i love this man and i wanna spend the rest of my life with him! last night i told him i needed a lil break because i havent been able to forget about all the times hes hurt me (lil things that shouldnt matter but they do to me). and well after we talked about it and everything he said it was fine but asked me not to take toooo long. understandable right? well i have this lil habit of holding grudges and not letting them go. so i guess what i need is ways to move on from all those bad things and start over with him. i dont wanna us to be over for good but i cant continue to be with him with all these lil things getting in the way. i just need a way to i guess not forget them but to just let them completely go and forgive him for all of them! im in DIER NEED!!!!!!!

Okay, first of all, I recommend seeing a shrink or someone of that sort. It's not that you are mental or anything, it's just because it seems you need a way to relief anger.
Or if that's not for you then try being optimistic. You don't have to be all preppy but think of how it could be worser. Be grateful [in other words].
If that isn't for you. Talk to your boyfriend. Tell him how you feel. Relationships are built on honesty.
Good Luck
♥ Mz.JENNiFER

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I am 15 F. Live in Oregon... what are some summer jobs i could do during the summer to get money? Is there any where you can even work at 15?

Of course you can work at the age of 15.
Here are some possibilities
*Babysitting
*Pool Cleaner
*Lawn Mower
*Paper Route Girl
Maybe even running around doing errands for a close neighbor.
♥ Mz.JENNiFER

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So, a very dear freind of mine got raped 3 weeks ago. she has just turned 14
her parents are worried about her health cause since the inncadent she has BARLY been eating. shes refuses to go to therpy. she doesnt talk much eather. shes not herself. i understand that she needs time to adjust. shes kinda like in shock.

last night, she called me. crying hastericly. she thinks she pregnate. her period stoped and never came back. i keep telling her that it has only been 3 weeks and that nothing is sure.
she took a pregnacy test and she said she took it 2 times one time it said she was pregnate, the other said she wassnt, both taken the same week.

hellppp
thank all you guys so much.

Oh Goodness! I am sure your friend is a complete fret right now. Comfort your friend. Tell her everything is going to be fine and that it's not her fault. Ask your friend to see a doctor. Remember always to treat your friend the same. For she might feel that you are only her friend because you feel bad for her if you don't. But in a way, treat her different. Keep on reassuring your friend that this isn't her fault and ask her to talk to her parents. Tell your friend to not let this ruin her life. Talk to her about the options with the child[ren]; That is if there is one. Remember that no pregnancy test is 100% accurate so be aware of that. The best thing to do is have your friend see a doctor.
Best of Luck,
♥ Mz.JENNiFER

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Awhile ago i deleted most of my mysic because i'm so sick of listenting to the same things over and over again.
Now I have no clue what to download.
I'm into pop/r&b/rock, pretty much just anything that sounds good with a good beat to it.
I don't want anything that recently just came out because chances are, i have it.

thanks.

Well, what I would do is go on myspace.com and click on Music. Then search through different genres of music. Find the music you like and download it
♥ Mz.JENNiFER

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ok on addictinggames.com the impossible quiz. i've gotten all the way to the vanishing cursor thing. but the second one that you can't skip. i pressed all the buttons at least a million times and it keeps saying it's wrong.
so my question is. what do i do ?

Here is an answer site: http://www.dabontv.com/game382cheats.html
♥ Mz.JENNiFER

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I am auditioning for a singing contest but I don't know what to sing. The Contest is on Saturday. I like slow easy songs but something I can dance to and is a little upbeat. Something that can be or is aprropiate. Thanks in advance♥

Hmm..well, the song "Big Girls Don't Cry" would be a good song to sing to :D
♥ Mz.JENNiFER

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