Member Since: April 19, 2021
Answers: 179
Last Update: June 27, 2022
Visitors: 7612
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Hello Advicinators. I am a 13 year old female living in the midwest region of the USA. I'm bullied quite frequently at school, and I want to stop going to tis school for that reason. I've never gone to another school but I feel that it may be better. When I was 11 I started cutting myself to deal with everything. My parents are recently divorced, my mom does drugs and so does my grandma, and my dad can be lazy so I always have to take care of my younger sister, who is 11.
I am very unhappy with my life. I feel ugly and fat, worthless, used, scarred, and that i do not deserve the very oxygen that I am breathing. I have tried some medications but they don't seem to work very well. In short, I'm done. I can't fix me. I've can't stop cutting. I've lost all hope. I think about suicide constantly. I tried twice before. The first time I cut was 1, the second I took sleeping pills slit my wrists in the bath. I am seeing a phycaiatrist. I hate her. I feel as if people only put up with me to get what they need. Help me know why I am like this. I want to stop tis but I don't have anyone to talk to. Don't just say Oh your beautiful and you shouldn't kill yourself (link)
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Hi Honey, I'm glad you reached out. You are living in a very difficult situation, where even the people you should be looking to for advice and support are in fact, part of the problem.
Someone is trying to help you...or you wouldn't be seeing a psychiatrist. However, the single most important factor in receiving good help is the positive relationship between therapist and client. And if you don't have this, not much will be accomplished.
But you do need some really good help and family intervention, as well. I would like to see you get in touch with another therapist, one with whom you can really relate and receive loving support and wisdom.
How to accomplish this ! Tell your parents. Tell your therapist that it just isn't jiving for you, no explanation needed. Ask for what you want. Ask all the adults concerned to help you get a new therapist, and to let you decide which one will be your best choice of those offered.
They should be licensed and professional, of course. Do not let this go ! You are in serious need of help and deserve to receive it.
Let me also give you a contact resource: its the suicide prevention lifelife, at 1 800 273-8255, its free and available 24/7, for someone to talk to.
Good luck and good wishes ! ~Dr. Stephanie
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Hi, We are one planning to start an OTT app for the web, mobile and smart tv with subscription based revenue model. Need solution provider and guidance to enter the market. (link)
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What is an "OTT" Please? One possible source of advice on starting a business could be S.C.O.R.E. , the Service Core of Retired Executives. Its national, volunteer based and they match you with someone from a similar business background. There is no charge for the service.
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How do I stop going after emotionally unavailable men? They're huge babies, have commitment issues, cowards, do not know how to be themselves or hold a conversation.
I have a terrible habit and I keep hurting myself. Also, I attract creeps- why is that? I attract guys who I am never interested in.
Help! hahaha (link)
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It has been almost a year since you first posted this question. Are things any different? Have they improved? Or, is this a lasting pattern ?
If so,I would strongly recommend that you seek a licensed, professional counselor in order to explore things further, get to the bottom of it and resolve what keeps you stuck.
Help is indeed available. In your situation, you might explore both individual and group therapy, upon your therapist's recommendation.
Therapy is available on a sliding fee scale basis in most communities, and costs are always negotiable with private practitioners, as well. Check out what your insurance may cover, if you have any.
Do know that the single most important element in achieving your goals would be the positive relationship you could establish with your therapist. Pick one of the same gender as the parent with whom you felt closest. And let your first impressions be your guide. You are their employer, after all.
Good luck and good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie
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Hi :) 22/F
I have a dilemma. My toddler is two and I want a baby really bad. My boyfriend (Best friend for 3 years - dating for 4 months) is not really keen on it at this very moment. My mom won't be happy at all, but it is all I can think about. How do I get rid of the feeling?
ps. I do not have any friends with babies (or who I can baby sit) and I've also tried to get a puppy or kitten but there is non available at the moment.
Please help me... (link)
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You may want another baby "really bad", but hon, you are not in a good position to have one. You have a boyfriend of four months, which isn't but a drop in the bucket of time, when it comes to developing a solid, committed relationship, one that includes parenting for the long run.
You are willing to get a pet instead, which doesn't say a whole lot about how ready you, yourself, are for parenting. (Dogs and cats are ALWAYS available at your local animal shelter.)
Can you share why your mother wouldn't be happy with your choice to have another baby? I can guess...who is taking care of this one? Who is providing for the expenses, now and in the future? Who is parenting, other than yourself?
Have you taken time to understand just why you are wanting a second baby right now? Those needs should be clearly identified, understood and dealt with. Rather than speculating on what they might be, I would suggest you consult a licensed counselor to explore this and to help resolve your unmet needs.
When you are REALLY ready, then would be the time to consider having a second child. And what does this mean? It means being able to provide a home, including financial means, nurturing, education, preferably both long term , committed parents, and more. Start with putting any baby's needs first, above your own.
Good luck and good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie
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I know this sounds really ridiculous but when I was pooping earlier, it had a really strong smell that smelled like weed and I have no idea why- I’ve never smoked weed or experimented with it in my life- I hate drug culture personally (the only reason I know what it smells like is because certain people in my life have used it before) so I wonder why that odor has gotten to my poop, despite me having never used marijuana of any kind before. I’m a 17 year old male if that helps. (link)
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You are seventeen? Your question strongly suggests a younger age, perhaps twelve? I have a hard time believing that you are seriously having this issue.
Instead, it sounds to me like you may enjoy posting things about "poop" and "drugs", and if so, good luck with getting the answers you merit. (Who smells their feces, anyway?!)
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My little sister (11-14 yo) is going through something, and I have been trying to help as much as I can. Recently, she told me something about herself (that she has a type of mental illness; it's self-diagnosed) and I'm having a hard time believing it.
The reason for that is because throughout her whole life, she liked to pretend to be someone/something else (she would copy what she sees/reads/hears about), so when I realized that she only started showing signs of the mental illness after she had read something about it, I had started having doubts.
I have talked to her about it, and I am trying to be supportive and keep an open mind, but I honestly don't know what to do. This is way bigger than anything else, and if this is true and for real, how can I tell and how can I help? Should I do what I normally do and take her word for it? Or should I do something else? What can I do to help her?
-Mia, age 16 (link)
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Hi Mia, If you could have described in a little detail what your sister does that causes you to think she either has a mental illness or is faking it, it would have been helpful.
But self diagnosis is unreliable, especially from a minor, especially from someone untrained in mental health. Further, her prior history of imitating others is also suspect.
What I would suggest, is that you don't come to any conclusions yet. Have you shared your concern with your parents? And what has their response been?
If this continues, I'd recommend that they take her to a qualified, licensed mental health counselor for a professional diagnostic assessment and recommendations.
She's lucky to have you as her big sister. It seems to me that, whether she is "mentally ill" or not, that her behavior warrants further assessment and possible intervention from a professional.
Good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie
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Recently, I overheard my parents talking about saving money for me and my brothers college tuitions, and about how we should stop spending money on unnecessary things like clothing, and entertainment (amusement parks, going to the swimming pool, etc.). During this summer break, I got to see all my friends go on expensive vacations, while I’m not going anywhere. Also, I’ve been asking my mom for a very long time if she can please buy me some new clothes for the summer, like shorts and tank tops. And I also need new strings for my violin, which can also be expensive. I don’t know what to do, so please help! (link)
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You said you don't know what to do? Next time you write, please include your age. Do you get an allowance? How do you spend your own money? Are you old enough to earn some, yourself? This sounds like a good plan. I think you may need to learn something about what things really cost and what needs to be a priority. Sure, your friends may be going on "expensive vacations", if their families can afford it. Can yours? Or are your own family's priority your future and your higher education? See if you can pick up a few jobs from neighbors or others, doing chores, lawn work, washing cars, etc., and get some spending money of your own going. And by the way, some perspective might also be needed here: there are kids all over the world...who can't worry about getting new clothes or getting entertained, because they haven't got enough food to eat, shelter, or are forced into becoming child soldiers. You may not think you have it so good, until you think about them. You need more money for violin strings? Hey, kiddo, you have a violin ! And lessons? Good luck,
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I want to do a threesome and it's this Saturday but I feel guilty keeping it behind my mom's back because shes sees me as her daughter and all that and because she is my best friend but i really want to do a threesome but I feel guilty and I have been debating whether I should do it or not and I want to but I'm scared and nervous and I don't know what to do. (link)
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By the time I read this and answered you, your Saturday plans will have already taken place. But here are some thoughts to share with you,nevertheless:
You are clearly young and inexperienced. I wish you had included your age. I have to assume you are still a minor and living in your parent's home, or you wouldn't have said what you did.
Given that, you shouldn't be doing anything that you couldn't share with your mother, threesome or anything else. She is responsible for you and you are still a minor! She has your best interests at heart and you are still so young that you cannot foresee all the consequences of your actions.
You said nothing about using birth control. You said nothing about the sex partners you would be with. In my opinion, you shouldn't be having sex at all at your tender young age, much less a twosome, threesome, or any-some.
You are not considering the possibilities of pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, (some of which can be permanent or even fatal!), or how it would affect you emotionally. This is what I mean about not seeing around the corners at your age.
Honey, don't do this. Don't do anything that you feel you have to hide or cannot discuss with a caring and informed adult, preferably your parent, or if not, at least someone who is in a position to help you think through things: a school counselor, your doctor, your religious leader, even Planned Parenthood.
The time has come and gone. But its not too late to make a new plan of action for now and the foreseeable future. Good luck and good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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He'll ooo!!
My names Amy I'm 12 years old and I thought I had just ended my period yesterday so today I tried fingering myself and I went to the restroom to use the bathroom and wash my hand but while using the bathroom I started bleeding is that normal or was i still on my period? I need an answer! (link)
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Amy, you've received some very good answers here. But why arn't you discussing this with your mother, your pediatrician, someone who knows and cares about you? We are strangers and you can't always rely on how informed or smart we are for your answers. Good luck and good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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I turned 16 a few months ago, and even before then I have obsessed over the moment when I could start looking for a job. I’ve had a few that I’ve considered since then but now that I can actually start applying I can’t seem to figure out which ones I have an actual shot at. I say this because I’ve only considered jobs that aren’t in my small town, this is a slight problem for me because the one person that I recently started to believe I will I have to depend on for transportation seems to expect me to only consider jobs in my small town. These job options are very limited, some most likely don’t have good pay, flexible hours, don’t hire people my age and or I wouldn’t be comfortable in the work environment(I get anxiety and don’t want to choose a work option just because it’s convenient). As a result, I feel stagnant and stuck because I feel like I can’t venture out to the options that I am most comfortable with pursuing, and I feel held back because the person that I would look to for transportation also hasn’t looked at job opportunities outside of our small town when they easily could because they have the transportation while I don’t😕. What should I do? (link)
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If you are depending upon the one source for transport, you are pretty well limited to applying for jobs they are willing to transport you to.
Have you looked into other means of transport, such as the bus? Train?
At your age, people are pretty well limited by lack of training or experience to accepting jobs they can handle and for which others will hire them.
So, you'll need to postpone being picky until later, when you will have more to offer an employer.
Take what's available. Go from there, and the sky will be your limit. Plan on getting more education and training, and the world will be your oyster.
Good luck, Dr. Stephanie
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20/M
I'm a pretty social person. In the sens I feel comfortable with people and with large groups.
However something frets me a bit. I don't like going out. Oftentime when I go out I'm just thinking how much I'd like to be home where I do everything I want to and daydream as much as I want.
And this is pretty confusing because this is not by spending your days home you live life right ? You end up getting stuck in a rut maybe ?
And I've been trying to force myself to stay a bit longer each time. But I generally end up feeling burned out even more. And just like I don't fit in and that it's just not for me. From the outside nobody sees that of course but this can be pretty draining.
Do you think I should try even harder and that there is some kind of breaking point I'm gonna pass ? Or should I do how I feel and stop trying so hard ?
English is not my first langage btw sry if there are some mistakes
(link)
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You sound pretty hard on yourself. Try to relax about it, the issue isn't a huge one. And your timing isn't good for expanding your social life anyway, because of the pandemic. Have patience. No one "fits in" everywhere, so try to accept yourself as you are, and become more confortable with yourself. Sooner or later, you will find more , others who are more like yourself, and you'll be fine, I think. Good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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17/F here. Earlier this year, I finally stood up to this girl who'd been bullying me ever since we were freshmen. We were at school, in the hallway on the second floor. She was mocking me when I finally lost it and did what I'd been dreaming of doing for awhile now. I hauled off and punched her in the face. She went reeling back towards the stairs, fell down them, and broke her arm in the fall to the landing below.
I was expelled and had to finish out the school year at a private school that was willing to take me in the middle of a semester. I was also arrested and charged with assault. My parents have hired me a lawyer and he's managed to work out a deal that'll have me serving a month in juvie.
Court is now a week away and I ought to be scared about being locked up. But my guilt outweighs my fear. I have never felt this guilty in my entire life. I never meant to hurt her that badly. I just wanted to be left alone. My friends all say I shouldn't feel bad for her and that I'm getting a raw deal here. Am I? I don't know. I just wish I knew what to do with all this guilt because I have to live with what I've done and I don't know how. (link)
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Have you apologized to the girl you harmed? If not, do so. And make it public. Of course you weren't wrong to defend yourself against a long time bully. But you went too far, and now are facing the consequences. Whether you are getting a "raw deal" or not, is impossible to tell. We all have to live with regrets for the choices we've made. This is yours. Perhaps you'll find a way to make it up, either to her, or to others in the future.
Its too bad that you, yourself, didn't receive help with all the bullying that went on, maybe this is something you could do for others in the future.
And let"s hope the bully in question learned a lesson, herself.
Good wishes, good luck, Dr. Stephanie
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28/f, 32/M
My boyfriend has a dog and like other dogs, she’s afraid of fireworks. She would have panic attacks and sit at your head for 30 minutes. Fireworks has been happening in his neighborhood everyday since I’ve met him and based on my past experiences with other dogs and have taken care of other dogs myself, I said “have you thought about those thunder vests? I’ve heard great things about them. You should give it a try.” And he’s said, “maybe.” When I stayed at his house for a month, even his mom said that when his dog freaks out about fireworks, putting pressure on her helps significantly. So I told him once again to look into it. And even after I left (it’s long distance relationship), I kept watching her have anxiety attacks on FaceTime and I started bringing it up more frequently and he told me because I keep pushing it on him which is why he keeps shutting it down and he doesn’t like it when people tell him how to take care of his dog and he doesn’t think it’ll work. And I was like “??? I keep bringing it up because your dog is having panic attacks. And how would you know it wouldn’t work unless you try it? You can always just try it and then return it. And yeah it might be a hassle to put it on her but you do what you need to do to keep your dog comfortable. And I would back off if you have logical reasonings to why you don’t want to try it like if you’ve tried it before, but instead you just say you don’t THINK it’ll work. And I feel like that’s not a good enough reason.” And he said “well I think I’m doing a great job with her.” I responded “you are doing a great job with zoey but I just think if you could find a solution to her panic attacks, wouldn’t you want to at least try out your options??” He rolled his eyes, looked annoyed, and said he’ll buy the vest tomorrow and her a dog bed (this is a different issue. I said having her own space and her own bed would help with separation anxiety).
I don’t know why but the fact that I had to bring it up for over a month just to get her a thunder vest or a pressure vest seems like a red flag to me?? Like it’s a predictor to his behavior in the future? I’m not 100% sure why. Or am I just overreacting or overthinking the situation. And did I even have the right to even mention anything about his dog? (link)
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My first thought is to ask why there are fireworks "every day" where you live? This is unheard of.
In any case, it sounds like you are more "invested" than he is in taking care of this situation. Of course you have the right to discuss your concerns. You asked whether this could be a red flag? It depends upon whether there's a pattern or not, of disregarding your concerns. He sounds a bit passive aggressive, perhaps?
One way to handle things, if the other person isn't as concerned or doesn't follow through the way you'd like, is to do the thing yourself, i.e., buy the vest.
Pet owners have the responsibility for providing good care for their charges; and if his dog is continuing to be upset by daily fireworks (again, DAILY?), the discussion should perhaps include whether to move or not, or to re-home the dog.
You might also wish to check the laws where you live. Fireworks are subject to local laws and aren't even permitted, in some places, on holidays.
Good luck, Dr. Stephanie
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Someone told me: “Some things come to you easier than they come to others...and few will fully understand this without judgment/jealousy/envy.” What do they mean by this? Why would a person think that things come easily for me? (link)
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In order to understand what someone meant by what they said to you, apart from good guessing, your best bet would be to ask them, rather than us. As to why someone would think things come easily for you, it would have to be because that's what they have observed. ~Dr. Stephanie
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So my boyfriend hugged me today for the first time, twice!! One was a dare and the other was normal. When he did it for the dare, did he do it just for it, or he did it because he loves me??
(link)
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I think that if you were truly boyfriend and girlfriend, you would know why he hugged you. Since it was for the first time, I have to assume you are in a new relationship and that you haven't known each other long enough to consider him your boyfriend yet.
Do know that guys will gladly hug girls, if given half a chance, and that it most likely has less to do with "loving" you, that with sexual attraction to anyone female.
Take it easy, relax, and don't put too much importance on interpreting the meaning of the hugs. Good wishes ~Dr.Stephanie
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I want to cry, I had enough! I’ve been living on my own for almost 2 1/2 years since graduating college. I’ve worked hard to get to where I’m at. In college, I had a high GPA and my goals have always been to better myself both mentally, financially, and spiritually. This has been a long journey and I’ve been to therapy and plan to go back. But I’m triggered by my current living situation. I live in an area that is known as a nice neighborhood but the last two people in my building have been disrupting my peace. One of the guy is across from me in my bedroom and he used to allow his alarm to go off at 4:00AM in the morning and he would have his tv loud. Nevertheless, I started sleeping in my living room. I did tell the property manager several time and he did stop with the alarm but then he started having his tv loud.
Then, I got new neighbors next door to me. I stopped sleeping in my living room because they are talking loud all night. Now, I’m back in my bedroom with a white noise machine.
But the neighbors in my living are talking loud when I’m working it only last 15 minutes today. I’m documenting it.
I just get emotional about self like this because I’m doing everything right. I go to work, have a small group of friend, no man drama, but I’m having issues with people I don’t even know. I also feel unprotected like who has my back. I’m not saying my friends and family don’t but sometimes I wish I lived with someone that could address issues since I’m not confrontational.
Just wanted to get things off my chest
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I believe I may have already answered you, with several suggestions. Having reviewed your description, however, it seems to me that the best solution is for you to move. Try not to take this personally, its people being thrust together in close quarters, including those who are inconsiderate and oblivious to how they affect others. Good luck and good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie
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what should we do if there nothing in your mind?
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Dear Asker, I see that no one has yet answered your question; perhaps its because we are having some difficulty in understanding just what you are asking. Did you mean to ask what to do if you can't think of anything?
Please write again? Include more description of what you are talking about, your age and gender, and try to give a little background.
I believe this will enable us to answer and offer some useful tips for you. Good wishes, ~Dr.Stephanie
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Hello, my high school does a thing where a student can direct a play in the Spring, and I would like to do it next year. Problem is, I don't have an idea for a play and would like some help.
Ideally, this is a drama with only acting and nothing else. We do have some singers so a 'play with music' is fine, but not ideal.
Obviously, I can't completely predict who is and isn't going to audition, but if we go by this year the program has roughly an even amount of boys and girls, a lot of Freshmen and Sophomores joined this year and we have some strong actors. The girls tend to be more 'drama' actors, whereas the boys are comedic and goofy. We have 21 people right now who aren't Seniors, so that is an estimate.
Some good people;
-a boy who is primarily comedic, can (and wants to) pull off 'serious' acting with more work
-a boy who usually plays very eccentric characters, he's also an edge lord
-there are these underclassmen girls who are good at drama acting, I haven't seen them do anything intense but they are able to be realistic and serious
-two more edgy boys who play eccentric characters and I can see being able to do a serious show
-we have a couple of nerdy type boys
-a girl who will be a senior next year who's actually a fantastic actress
-a sweet boy who plays similar characters, usually a romantic interest
-this one girl who's a great comedic and pretty neurotic
-a 'mother' type actress, I've seen her do dramatic monologues before that were good
Any play ideas? (link)
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Hi! Directing a play, what a wonderful opportunity for you to learn and to gain some meaningful theater experience. Good for you !
A classic play involving young people, is "Our Town". Look up the info and a synopsis. ITs about kids growing up, first love, and more.
Another one , which could be really fun (!) is "Archy and Mehitabel" ! (Author of the original book was Don Marquis, and Carol Channing starred in this, on broadway. There might be some singing involved, but that could be done as recitation rather than actual singing.
And if your goofy guys really want to have a ball, check out Monty Python and the Holy Grail, total nonsense that has the audience screaming in laughter !
Okay...just a few ideas, whatever you choose, you are going to find that directing is both a lot of fun, because you get creative control over everything! AND, its also a lot of work and resposibility...again, for EVERYTHING !
you are going to learn a lot, no matter what,I hope you have a ball doing it ! Good luck, and ..."Break a Leg!" ~Dr. Stephanie
Archy is a COCKROACH! Mehitabel is an alley cat!
Your goofy boys might really have fun with this one! In the book, Archy hops around, at night, on a writer's typewriter, composing his thoughts, one letter at a time! Its great fun,check it out!
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When I was 16, I met E. E was around 24 when I met him. E was my coworker at the time, and we seemed to hit it off. We became very good friends. We would joke around with each other a lot, and a bunch of that joking was inappropriate jokes. I didn't think too much of it at the time since my humor was a bit immatur too. We would send each other porn as well. At first, it was just funny stuff that neither of us found arousing, but then it got to actual stuff that we both liked. At this time, I knew he had a gf. I also had a little crush in him at the time, bit it does pretty fast after I found that out, and was happy just being friends.
Fast forward to age 17. He invites me over to his house for the first time, and we decide to play truth or dare. That's when everything started to get out of control. It ended with me and him almost nude and masturbating in front of each other. After a few minutes of that, I have a panic attack and start crying. He ends things and tries to reassure me that it's okay since him and his gf have a look no touch policy.
Again, fast forward to 18. At 18, a bunch of things happen. We take it to the next level, and we have full on intercourse, as well as other explicit things. I start to really catch feels for him. I confess to him, and he says he doesn't feel that same. He tells me that he only used the sex as stress relief. I was crushed, but I kept doing things with him. I knew it was wrong, I knew I was helping him cheat, but this was the closest I would get to a relationship with him, and I took it. I've had a few fights with him, telling him all the things he made me feel, and it's always gone back to us having sex and making up. I even tried cutting him out of my life entirely, but I'm too attached, and only lasted two days before I had to text him. His gf knows of the truth or dare incident and sex we had when they were on a break, but that's it. She doesn't know about everything else that's been happening.
He's planning on proposing to his gf, and I'm absolutely devastated. I've grown really attached, and I think I love him. Right after he told me he's planning on proposing, he sent me more porn. I was telling a friend about this, and she thinks I've been groomed. I've thought about it, but I'm not sure. I let him do all these things, and even initiated some of them. We didn't have full out sex until 18, so it was completely legal. It's just such a confusing situation, and I'm not sure what to think. I'm a female, and E is a male btw.
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Hi There. You say you don't know what to think? I do. You are caught up in a real mess. And its an unhealthy and unfulfilling one for you. Here's what I've gathered from what you told us:
He is in it for the sex, while you , like so many women, find having sex often leads to having feelings for your partner.
But since he really isn't available beyond this, you are being short changed. So is his other girlfriend, the one he plans to marry ! She is going to be with someone who doesn't mind cheating on her, despite whatever so-called "agreements" they've made. And yes, you are helping him to cheat. That couldn't feel very good for you, both because you are being short changed, as well as unethical and hurtful to someone else, whether they know it fully, or not.
You sound as if you are "addicted" to him. And any addiction, where you are not in control, is unhealthy.
You need to take charge of your life, honey. Do what is going to be best for yourself. In my opinion, that means ending your relationship, totally and quickly.
You are never going to get what you want with him, and continuing on will only lead to more pain, emptiness and disappointment.
And even if he did come around, (which isn't likely!), do know that if he is willing to cheat with you, he would also be willing to cheat ON you, at some point, as well.
If you do decide to cut it off, and I hope that you will, you will find it less painful if you do it totally , all at once, quickly and permanently.
Now, please think about what I've said, and put your own best interests ahead of everything else. Do the right thing, both for yourself, and for his girlfriend, as well.
Good luck and good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie
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I’ve been living at my current apartment for 2 years and my lease isn’t up until next year. The last two people who have moved in are loud. Granted the walls are thin. One issue I had was my neighbor would allow his alarm to go off and it would wake me up at 4 in the morning. I told the property manager and they talk to him about. But, I started sleeping in my living room because he would talk and I could here him and his tv would be up. So I started sleeping in my living room. This new person who is a female kept me up all til midnight talking with her friend. Based on her conversation, she seems toxic and no one I want to be around. It’s upsetting because I’m nice and too myself and plus I just want peace. I’m like why do I have to go through this. This is the 2nd floor I would think it’d be people who are quieter. Plus, they’re older than me so I feel they should know to be consider. Now, I’m going back to sleeping in my room because I don’t want to hear her all night.
How do I deal with this? I should move but what can I do in the meanwhile? (link)
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I'm sorry you are in this difficult living situation, not of your own making. It sounds quite serious, in terms of disrupting your peace, rest and quietude.
Even if your manager speaks to your neighbors, even if he takes greater steps, the problem isn't only them: its the building construction that prevents you from having quiet privacy in your own home.
I would do two things: press upon your manager once again, and as many times needed , that this is an intolerable situation. IF the neighbors are in violation of the rules, they could be evicted unless they shape up.
But if things don't change for the better, I would look into the conditions under which you can end your lease early and move out. You will never be able to fix how the building is constructed.
Another alternative might be to remain in the building, but move to a different apartment.
You shouldn't have to put up with sleeping in yourliving room, hearing alarms go off, etc. And these problems just might allow you to be let out of your lease agreement.
You may need to enlist outside help from a renters' group or another city housing authority, if your manager or the owners aren't cooperative.
Good luck and good wishes! I hope you are able to resolve this quickly! ~Dr. Stephanie
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