Member Since: June 8, 2021
Answers: 2
Last Update: June 8, 2021
Visitors: 582
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I’m a 22 year old adult. My mom is now 50.
When I was a toddler, my father cheated on my mom & thus they had an extremely toxic, domestic abusive type of relationship. As a result, my mom used me to let out her anger & frustration. Her way of discipline was screaming, threatening, locking me in the bedroom, & often times hitting me. She would always call me a lazy, spoiled, undisciplined child. The rest of the time however, she was very nurturing & loving. On occasion, my parents would showering me with material items. Since I’m an only child, people have always assumed I was privileged.
Today, however, my mother still abuses me. I am very fully aware that she, on the other hand, has helped me in countless ways. Considering I am severely anxiety crippled and I am yet unable to find my purpose in life. I can’t drive, don’t work or don’t go to school. She aids me in that, to which I’ll forever be thankful. But I struggle to see how that could possibly excuse her abuse.
My mom would call me names in the heat of the moment, but worst of all she would call me manipulative when I would simply try to explain myself. To the point where I begin to doubt my own intentions. She drilled it into my head so much that I now labeled myself as no longer a human, but a manipulative monster.
Later when she’s not angry, she would say things like “I was just angry, we all say things when we’re angry," “You’ve said way worse to me,” “You’ll understand when you have kids,”.
She’ll sometimes opt for humiliation as to embarrass me in front of other family members. She would call them up immediately in the heat of the moment & angrily tell them what I had said/done. The way I cope with my emotions is very unhealthy as I constantly fall back on self harm to get me through it.
Mind you, I’m not dropping grenades in the middle of the street or shooting up heroin. The topic that gets her riled up the most is the fact that I’m not going to college. She’ll get extremely hostile talking about it, maybe due to her seeing other kids my age on social media going after their dreams while I wasn’t. Or possibly due to empty promises of attending college.
(My reasoning is complicated, but most has to due to my lack of confidence to even pass one single class. But that’s besides the point)
Something I’m grateful to have realized during my 22 years of living is that no matter if I was going to Harvard or Yale, or on the brink of achieving a masters degree of some sort, my mother will remain abusive until she decides to change. To which unfortunately I doubt she will.
As they say, you can’t train an old dog new tricks.
This was less of a cry for advice and more of a rant, but I’d be very grateful to hear another persons perspective on this matter. I would appreciate some advice either way. Thank you. (link)
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Hello and I hope you're doing good today. I see a lot of manipulation and controlling in what she does. Mostly, she will treat you unkindly, and instead of feeling bad, or apologizing she makes up whatever she can to comfort herself in that moment. It makes her feel better. The pushing of college it sounds like she needs a trophy. If you go against the grain, your own way. Speaking your mind, thinking and doing differently than what she believes and wants. Taking any love and affection away as a form of punishment. Taking her traumas out on you. Because in a normal setting you don't just yell at people. You don't yell at the banker, you don't yell at the cashier. She's a narcissist, and I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that.
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Someone told me: “Some things come to you easier than they come to others...and few will fully understand this without judgment/jealousy/envy.” What do they mean by this? Why would a person think that things come easily for me? (link)
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I think it's strange the way that people project their own insecurities on people. But those aren't yours, those comments are about them. They feel that they have it so hard. But at the end of the day, they don't watch you struggle, or have bad days. Probably because you don't talk about them. Don't let that comment hold you back. They could definitely also be jealous, but more than anything I think they feel like you're farther ahead in life.
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