I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172983
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This may be kinda long, but I need to ask someone. I just started taking birth control pills 3 weeks ago. I think I may be pregnant but, I havent missed my next scheduled period. Since I just started taking the pill, that messes up my cycle for this month. I have other signs of possibly being pregnant. Being on my pills the nurse told me I should be getting my period around the 13th of this month. My boyfriend and I are very sexually active..in fact every night. I know we shouldnt do it, but it is unprotected each time. Is there a way that I could find out now if I could be pregnant..like take a pregnancy test tomorrow and find out? Im really nervous and want to know if I am now. I need to know what to do soon. Thanks. (link)
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First of all, the pill is not an effective form of birth control until AFTER you have completed the first cycle of them. That means that all the unprotected sex you've had this month has been TOTALLY unprotected - not just from STDs, but from pregnancy as well.
I'd stop having sex now, or I'd do it with a condom. Wait and see if your period comes; if it does not, your body generally doesn't make enough pregancy hormones to give an accurate test until two weeks after a missed period.
If you think you are genuinely pregnant, then go to your doctor. She will probably recommend that you stop taking the pill until you know whether you are pregnant or not. The pill will not abort your baby, but it can lead to significant developmental problems in a fetus.
I don't know whether this is nerves about sex and pregnancy, or an actual chance of pregnancy. If you are only three or so weeks pregnant, you won't be getting any 'signs' of pregnancy. The first sign that exists is missing periods. Morning sickness, breast tenderness, food cravings - those things are not instantly apparent. It's worth noting that many symptoms of pregnancy are also present during PMS.
Good luck.
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ok well latly i have been remembering times when i was younger that i did not like at all. my family would take pictures of me when i was in the bathtub.(i was about 10 or so at the time) and i recall one time when my grandmother was scratching my back but went below my pants line and i freaked out,ran away and cryed. my mom said i was making to big of a deal out of it. again when i was about 9, my mom would suggest that i sleep topless in the summer if i got hot. i always thought that was strange. plus my family(including aunts and grandparents) spanked my butt for no reason at all. just when they passed me they would. i dont like thinking that they did that to me, but i was younger at the time and i didnt know any better because i though a lot of famlies were like that. well now i know that they're not and theres also a lot of other problems going on in my house(not sexualy). but is there something i can do about it now that im older and know it was wrong...(is it wrong?) or if i should just forget about it because its passes. oh and i have always felt that i would get raped before im 18...please help me if you can... (link)
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Okay. I do not think you have suffered sexual abuse in any way - that is, I don't think your family intended anything overtly sexual by their actions. Many families are touchy feely, and many kids sleep in very little in hot weather.
However, you have experienced what it feels like to be extremely uncomfortable. I think you should learn from this experience - even if someone is not doing anything which is technically 'wrong', it's not okay to make you feel uneasy about it. If things like this happen in the future, you need to stand up for yourself.
'Could you not spank me? I don't think it is funny, and it makes me uncomfortable.'
A simple sentence said directly and making eye contact can do wonders.
It sounds to me like you have issues over the control of your body - hence the fear of rape. Start speaking your mind in every day situations...be firm without being aggressive. This will help you gain control over your emotional and physical space.
You might also want to look into taking a self-defence course; they're offered in most neighborhoods. This will give you strategies; if you WERE attacked, you'd know how to deal with it.
I think it's all about being a strong, confident woman...and I think that is attainable for anyone who wants to be that way. You CAN do it.
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I'm searching for a good birth control method to use. I have taken Ortho Tri-Cyclen, and Depro Vera before, and would not be incredubly unwilling to try them again. The problem is that I have a very hard time remembering the pill each day, and I have heard bad things about the shot. Such as: weight gain, increase in discharge... and I find it hard to believe that it is healthy to go through your life without having your period.
I know that this should be a question for my gynocologist, but I could not get an appointment for another month or so. I was wondering if anyone could give me some pointers on a good method of birth control. Perhaps some good and bad experiences you have had?
Of course, older columnists prefered. (link)
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It takes 21 days to form a habit. It you and your doctor decide that the pill is best for you, then there are a few ways you can help yourself remember. Do you eat any of your meals at the same time every day? If so, take a pill with the same meal each day.
Buy a watch with a timer on it; set it for, say, 10:00am (or a time which is doable for your life), and make sure you've got the pills with you. Maybe you have a purse you carry around with you everywhere? Stick the pills in there, and you can't help but take them on time.
There are also other methods of birth control, including the IUD. This will not stop periods, is cheap, and requires little maintanance. Ask your doctor about this or other possible forms of birth control, and also about what can happen to your body if you don't have periods (ie if you go on the shot).
I think the pill is regarded as the easiest and safest method by many women, and once you figure out strategies to make sure you're taking it every day you'll be good to go.
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Okay here's the deal: (sorry if it's long but i really need advice w/ this)
three years ago i dated this guy Dave for three weeks. after those three weeks he dumped me cause i wouldn't sleep w/ him. loser. anyway; i moved on and started dating his friend. almost three years later we're stil together. they're not friends anymore tho.
so lately wherever we go and Dave's there, he'll totaly hit on me and he won't leave me alone. if we're at a party he'll follow me around all night asking me stupid questions and completely stalking me. this weekend we were at a party and my boyfriend and i were just in a corner talking and kissing and he comes up right between us and starts a convo w/ me. my boyfriend thinks it's funny cause Dave is being such a loser. my boyfriend wants me to tell him off but i just can't be mean to someone, i've never ben able to tell anyone off but i CAN'T stand Dave. usualy when he's talking to me i just walk away and totaly ignore him but he doesn't get the hint. what would you do? (link)
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You don't have to be mean in order to get your point across. You simply need to be polite and firm.
Tell him that you're sure he's a great guy, but you are not interested in being friends with him. Let him know that it bothers you when he follows you around.
You are the only person that can put a stop to it. Confrontation can be hard, but think of it this way: Two minutes uncomfortable conversation with Dave, or untold minutes of agony while he follows you around or bugs you.
You can always write an email or AIM him if you don't want to have the conversation in person. Don't giggle, flinch, or give the impression you are joking - let him know you are serious. This isn't being mean, it's being honest.
Good luck.
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ok see i knew that i would be seeing my boyfriend on friday (last friday) so i didnt eat rly anything all week maybe 3 things..seriously! and i only drank water and see when i saw my boyfriend he said i looked thinner!!...i was happy and i was wondering what are other bad things that'll happen if i keep up what ive been doin?? plz dont say..you'll die or get sick!! it made me feel better about my self cz my stomach wasent as big almost flat (link)
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What happens? First, your body will think it is being starved. This means it will stop burning calories - everything you put in your mouth will be converted straight to fat cells. Your body does this to protect itself.
Eating disorders WILL make you sick and CAN lead to death, whether you want to hear about it or not. If you develop anorexia, your life will be dominated by calorie counting, lying to friends and family, and developing serious health problems.
If you are genuinely overweight or want to feel better about yourself, there are better longterm ways of doing so. One is a healthy level of exercise. This will tone your stomach or other areas, increase your general fitness, and get you in a good lifelong habit.
Eating disorders happen when you think you are controlling the food, but one day you wake up and realize that the food is controlling you.
Will your boyfriend find you attractive when you become emaciated, lose your hair, suffer constant dizziness, have irregular heartbeats, grow a fine layer of downey hair all over your body to keep yourself warm, and love your disorder more than him?
I'm sorry to say, but unless you have a positive relationship with your body/self, you're not going to be able to have a healthy one with anyone else.
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i have a friend name leon and he is gay he ueses guy for there money and i want him to stop doing it, its not him i know he will not do that, what can i do to stop him. (link)
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Okay. If he IS using guys for their money, then it IS him and he IS doing that. I understand how frustrating it can be for a friend to watch another friend make screwed up choices, but there really isn't anything you can do about it.
You can let him know how you feel, but that might only cause more problems in your friendship. Generally, I'd say that if you want to be friends with Leon then you're stuck with ALL of Leon - the good and bad. It's your choice to hang out with him or not...and while you can let him know you are concerned about his possibly destructive behaviour, you can't actually make him stop.
Sorry!
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I'm so sorry if it's long....
i am in love. I know it, and I can feel it. I talked to the same guy for 2 years. He lives 45 minutes away and it kills me. i see him almost every weekend, but I suffer through the week without him. It's all I think about .He's all I wish I had. It makes me miserable to be without him. Does anyone else have this feeling? This feeling when the phone rings it just might be him, or when you see his face again you just fall in love all over again? My mother tells me I'm too young to be in love. 16 is just a beginning, she says. I believe love has no boundries. I just want to know, how do you feel your in love? Express yourselves...because I know everyone loves someone. (link)
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I was in love at sixteen, but I'd be the first person to tell you it's not all love can be. I will not deny I had deep feelings and an intense relationship...but it doesn't change the fact that we were both young.
You're right about love being limitless - every relationship you have will show you more of what love is. What you perceive as love now will broaden as you grow into yourself, relate to other people, and share more of yourself. Love is an amazing, incredible thing...and it only gets better, stronger, and more real.
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i really want to lose alot of weight, my mom says i should start now at 14 if i want to lose weight. im not going to post my weight becuz i know people will say stuff bout it, well i have tae-bo and yoga and i have a bunch of magizines with exercises, i have a fitness bike and we have slim fast, what should i use if i want to lose weight. please help me! thanks so much* (link)
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First, you'll want to see a doctor. He or she can tell you a healthy weight for your age, height, and frame. You'd be surprised what a side range of weights are considered healthy.
It's important that you do not get too skinny or too extreme in your dieting; at 14, your body is developing rapidly and needs food (energy) to allow those changes to happen healthfully.
Being healthy and wanting to lose weight is best achieved by simply eating less and exercising more, but a doctor can give you specifics which apply only to you. If you are overweight and stick to a healthy weight loss plan, you can realistically expect to lose 1-2 pounds per week. Anymore than that is considered dangerous.
Good luck.
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If your a virgin (( girl )) then how can you get pregnant? (link)
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You can get pregnant if sperm enters your vagina. This could happen if a guy came on your pubic region or in your anus (sperm could drip back into your vagina), if a finger with sperm on it got inside you, etc.
Best to keep all semen away from your vagina - and to keep in mind that if it's going near your mouth, you'll want to have your boyfriend wear a condom and/or be tested for STDs.
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umm...why would u wanna swallow the cum when u giv head?? i think taht is just really sick. i don't think i can do it to my bf. and im not sure wat he wants me to do. i hav also heard that u can get hiv or usmthin from swallowing cum or can get a STD. is this true? and wats sooo great bout swallowing cum from a guy? i would rather just giv head and use a condom. that way i dotn hav to taste it or nething. wat would b best? o im 13/f (and not a slut. im a virgin and ive never gave head and ive been wit my bf for 3 years!!) (link)
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You can get an STD whether or not you swallow the cum - if no condom is used. Before a guy comes, there is precum and that would carry any infection...as would any open sores or cuts on his penis.
It's smart to use a condom, and it's great that you are making your mind up about sexual things before you are in a position where you might have to just jump to a quick decision. It's always best to figure out how you really feel and then stick to it.
Your feelings might change, or they might not, but the important thing is that you are true to yourself.
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ive always wanted to be on a hip hop dance team but never have and i really wanna be on one..how can i get on one? my school is gay and doesnt have one...i live in waterford michigan if you know anything plz lemme know. im an okay dancer but i dont know if id be good enough to be on a hip hop dance team...grr someone give me some advice please! p.s ima white girl lol (link)
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1. Your school isn't gay. Most schools don't crave sex acts, let alone with a school of the same gender. ;)
2. Pontiac is right next door to you, and if there is a city which probably has several hip-hop dance teams, it is that city. I don't know if their high schools would let someone from a different district particupate, but it's worth finding out.
3. Also, call your local Chamber of Commerce and ask for a copy of the continuing eduation brochure. The city will offer classes in all sorts of dance, and hip-hop could be one of them. If not, ask them to start a class!
4. White girls have rhythm, too. Good luck!
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Ok on wed I went to chruch and we had a lesson about sex bracelets but I didn't no any thing about them and I want to know as much as I can so I can tell my church about it I really want to know and if you know any thing about them tell me please. (link)
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First of all, if the lesson didn't tell you what a sex bracelet WAS, it didn't do it's job. I haven't got the faintest idea what they may be, though they may be referred to a 'true love waits' bracelet - a commitment to remain a virgin until marriage.
Why not ask the leader of the group? He or she will probably be happy to help, and will give more accurate information than a friend would. Asking also shows that you are interested in what they've been teaching and want to apply it to your life.
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I'm 16 years old and want to start going to a gyno. I've had sex once in my life, it was actually a mistake a few years ago, and I know I was very young. (He didn't really go in that far and I doubt even my hymen is broke) My mom is fine with the idea and thinks nothing of it but just that I want to make sure everythings fine down there. Also, I sometimes finger myself and I don't even know if my hymen is broke. Will the gyno tell my mom I'm not a virgin or that my hymen is broke? If my mom found out I had sex or finger myself, I'd be so embarrased. Is it all confidential? (link)
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1. Most hymens are partially or completely gone by mid-adolescence. It's a rumour that the hymen breaking is what hurts when you first have sex - in reality it's the tightness of your vagina muscles getting stretched out. A doctor will not be able to tell if you have had sex, but it is in your best interests to be honest with the doctor.
2. Your doctor will not tell your mother anything which is discussed. Everything is confidential, unless you were to specifically state wanting to hurt yourself or another person.
3. Your doctor will never know whether or not you masturbate, though I'm sure she expects it. It's completely normal.
4. Things to have prepared for the gyno: a written list of any questions you might have, the start date of your last period, info about how long your periods usually last, etc. You'll want to schedule your gyno appointment for about 14 days after your period starts - this sets you in mid-cycle, which is the best time for an exam to take place.
Make sure to ask the doctor about anything you feel unsure about; you can even ask her to give you a play-by-play of what she is doing.
5. Finally, congratulations for taking responsibility for your sexual health. It's a smart move. Building a trust relationship with a gyno now will help you in the future, which is always a good thing.
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Ok I know this may sound wierd and all but the other day I was searching around in my parents room and i found strange things like handcuffs, whips, and wierd looking masks. I remember watching something on television about this sort of thing but im not sure if its really happening with my parents. Can somebody tell me what i should look out for. (link)
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You shouldn't really be looking out for anything. Your parent's sex life is completely their own business. How would it make you feel if they read your diary, searched your room for condoms/dildos/whatever, or asked you how often you masturbate?
It's okay to be curious about sex, but not about specific's people's sex lives. Unless those people volunteer the information, it means it's not for you to know.
Also: it's fine and normal if your parents are into handcuffs, whips, etc. They aren't freaks, though they'd probably freak out if they knew you had seen their sex toys.
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I've just read one of the questions someone asked on this website abt beads given out during mardi gras or smth like that . I wear beads around my neck all the time , and i want to make sure no one mistakes me for someone who flashes .I want to know : what do these beads look like ? (link)
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They look like trash, plain and simple. Only someone drunk enough to show their boobs to another human being would think it was okay to wear these beads in the light of day.
Each strand is VERY long, often needing to be looped two or three times around the neck. They come in a variety of colours, though they usually have a metallic shine to them.
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Because its cool to talk to someone who used to live close to where I do now. You don't have to 'share' I was just curious. (link)
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Ah. I went to high school in Waterford, which is about a half hour from Utica...and a half hour in the OTHER direction is where I lived.
My dad still lives near Utica, though. Right on Lake St. Claire.
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My boyfriend told me he didn't love me but he likes me alot. He doesn't know that I love him and he keeps trying to get me to tell him but I wont, I think he's guessed. I just want to cry, I knew he didn't love me but when he told me it just made everything 10 times worse. I really love him, what shall I do? (link)
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Does he not love you because you've only been dating one week, or because he'll never love you? It's important to try to see what he's feeling without pushing. If he doesn't see your relationship as going anywhere, then it's time to bail & find someone who can appreciate wonderful you.
It was either incredibly honest or terrible insensitive for him to blurt out that he did not love you. You are in the position to decide what you want to put up with from this and future relationships; do you want respect and mutual love, or desperate unhappiness?
Good luck.
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Hi guys, This may sound weird comming form a 22 yera old but my doctor was no help when I asked her this question. Some imput from you guys might be good. I have been on and off of the pill sence I have been 15. I recently started up again after being off of them for a few years. This is my second month. I know the hormones are supose to affect you but I am finding myself very moody. I have never had bad PMS or every been moody. I find myself wanting to cry a lot more for no reason, or just really snippy at everyone. I hate this its not me. I was always happy and I loved everyone. The last 2 months have been hell with these mood swings. I am even snapping at my BF whom I love more than anything in the world. I dont want this new attitude to ruin anything we have. I am really worried. I dont want to be off the pill cause we are not ready for kids yet. Is there anything I can do to get back to normal? Thanks guys I really appreciate your info. *Christin* (link)
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You need to talk to your gyno again. Explain that your mood swings are significantly affecting your life and ask if there is a pill which could have less side affects.
Specifically, ask about the 'mini pill.' It still protects against pregnancy, but with a significantly lower dose of hormones. It's commonly given to women with problems like you are describing.
There are also tri-phasic pills such as Ortho Tri-Cyclen. Only your doctor can give you a different prescription; it's worth asking about the patch, the Depo-Provera shot, or IUDs. There are a plethora of birth control choices out there - assert yourself. You doctor needs to be helping you, not hindering you.
Maybe find yourself a new doctor? Preferably a gyno.
Good luck resolving this.
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how do you get a guy to bug off? i mean, he stares at me touches me, and sings to me. EEWW!!! and if it isnt bad enough, there is this other guy, and he keeps telling me that he loves me. ew to him to! He says hes just kidding, but he does it like everyday. its disgusting!! (link)
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If you don't like it, tell them so. Say it firmly without giggling, laughing, or other signs that you are messing around.
If you let them know upfront you don't appreciate their actions and they still do it, stop hanging out with them. It's that simple.
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Hey i was wondering i know your supposed to take the pregnancy test after your exspected period but... what if you have sex like...i was supposed to start my period on the 27th and i had sex on the 26th and i have skipped my period so when should i take the test ?? I rate high !!!!! (link)
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Generally speaking, you will get the most accurate answer two weeks after the expected start date for your period. It takes a few weeks for the pregnancy hormone to get into your blood, which is what the tests check for.
Stress will make your period late. There's really nothing you can do now except wait to see if your period comes, and taking a test if it does not within the next two weeks.
Do you have reason to believe you might be pregnant? Remember this panic you are feeling the next time you decide to have sex, and take action accordingly. Protection is a smart, smart thing to do.
Good luck.
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