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Hi I'm Derfel - & I'm Dannii, trust us 'coz you know what? We're always ....... ALWAYS right! Together we have a phenomenal amount of life experience, advice experience and 'drama management'!! What we haven't come across you could list on the back of a postage stamp (a small one). We'll talk about anything, don't mind getting personal and we genuinely care about YOU! We're hear to help and we're listening. Buy buy just now Derfel & Dannii xx




advice

well my problem is i have this guy friend and i dated him b4 but it didnt work out..well recently i found out from him he still has feelings for me but i dont have feelings like that for him..we're like best friends..well the other day he told me bcuz of his feelings for me we couldnt be friends anymore..but i know if i dated him again id be miserable..plz tell me what to do..i dont want to lose a friend.thankz.
xoxo
in need of advice

All you can do is tell him how you feel and that you don't want to loose the friendship you have together. If he's to immature to deal with his feelings and just be your friend that's his problem and theirs nothing you can do about it.
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Derfel
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when should i look into a boyfriend? i'm 11 now, and i think i'm way too young. whenever i have sex, it will be when i'm married. i will not ever use a condom, because it's against the catholic religion, which i am. so i'll have two kids at the most (maybe). and i will definately be having one child. when should i have a bf? i don't want to go throuhg a break up...should it be when i am old enough to get married, just in casE?

Oh Dear me, you poor deluded catholic idiot! - unfortunately you've been brain washed by the crack pot fools from the roman catholic church, haven't you? I'm not going to waste my time lecturing you and telling you how you belong to the most corrupt organisation in the history of civilisation. Have a nice life, oh no sorry Catholics aren't allowed to enjoy them self's are they? It don't surprise me you need help with a simple question like this, being a catholic you won't be used to making your own decisions. I'd better stop now before I go on all day. Dear god, I do hope you see sense.
Derfel
PS - I was baptised catholic and had an RC education and as a result of that formed my opinion of the catholic church so DON'T DARE tell me I don't know what I'm talking about.

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this guy i know wants to get back with me after he hurt me once got back with me hurt me again and then while i was getting over him he made out with a 12yr old girl when he is 18 and now he thinks everything is ok?

He may think everything is OK, but its not. I think you already know what you should do? - have nothing to do with him, end it with him, make your self quite clear and move on. This guy is a waste of space. Have him back and he'll just keep hurting you.
Make the right decision - even if its the hard one!
Derfel
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im truly not tryin to be rude

u do give good advice, but sumtimes ur really rude about it, instead of assumin that u kno sumthin, y dont u answer the advice nicely, or just not answer it at all, tho i mite only be a teenager, and ur probably sum 30 year old woman or man or wuteva, u shouldn't give advice to sum people if it's gunna be rude or sarcastic remarks, and if ur just gunna be straight up, and ur gunna say it in a way that makes it sound rude, do as i do and say ur not meanin to be rude

every questions that i've asked, u've answered in a rude and uncalled for manner, and i really dont appreciate it, and the questions i've asked are real questions, not sum stupid one like can guys be gay or sumthin, so do u think u could either lighten up, or just not answer questions if ur gunna answer them in a rude or sarcastic way

thanks a bunch
and again NOT tryin to sound rude

Hi, thank you for your comments and I appreciate your saying I give good advice. My policy however it to tell people what I really think and if as I result I am rude and that upsets some one then so be it - frankly I don't give a damb. Good advice is blunt and to the point and I do not suffer fools. So NO I don't think I could not answer questions if I'm going to be rude or sarcastic and in future pleas do not presume to tell me what I should and should not do. I am not unfair and if I have been rude to you their must have been good reason. However you seem perfectly nice now. I'm not a 30 year old woman though, lol!!!
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Derfel
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hey my mom is an acoholic and she was like always drunk when i was younger. and it was horrible i mean she would fight with my dad all the time and she would throw things and pretty much the only memories of my early childhood is of my acoholic mother. well like 2 years ago she went to aaa classes to stop drinking. well now she is starting to drink again and just about everyday she is drunk and i can tell. she drinks no matter where we r but she does it sercretly. then when we r at a store or something she makes me feel really bad if i dont let her buy something with acohol. wat should i do i mean do i say something to her or wat? i mean i love her but she needs help......again.

I really do feel for you in this situation. Dose your dad know she is drinking again?, what about other family members? Because you really shouldn't have to deal with this on your own. The problem with alcoholics is they do not accept they have a problem and their for trying to persuade them to get help is very difficult to say the least. Where you go from hear is a personal decision for the family, based on the specific situation but try to stay calm as hard as it is and, as I say don't attempt this alone. The whole family need to come together on this one because your mom is the first victim of her drinking, but her family is the second. God bless
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Derfel
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well I know everyone is diffrent but i just wanted to know what the average size for a 12 year olds boobs to be i wear a 34b is that bigger than normal are what???

Don't worry about it, you don't have to compare your self with others like that.
Derfel

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ok. ive liked this guy for a couple yrs now and i thought he liked me too. but ever since he started talking to my friends online, all i ever hear is how he likes them and how hott he thinks they are-- but he's never even met them! sometimes me and this guy (he's also my neighbor) walked around the neighborhood at night and it seemed like he liked me as more than a friend. but other times im jsut treated like the "annoying next door neighbor". ive tried to tell him how i feel by writing a note, but he read it threw it away. i know he knows i like him but he doesnt even acknowledge it in any way. i dont know what to do about this. it seems as if he ignores me when im around him; i dont know what to do!

To be honest if he is refusing to communicate theirs not a lot you can do. My advice is very simple. Either ignore him (not all together - speak to him, be polite but nothing more) or contort him face-to-face, tell him how you feel and ask him to be clear with you. Good luck
Derfel
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ok i love my parents, both of them equally. but lately (past couple years) they have been fighting quite a bit...sometimes it gets physical on both parts. ive never really stepped in b4 ive usually kept to myself or expressed my feelings later when they were in a better mood. but just like a month ago while my family and i were on vacation and in the middle of the night they started yelling at each other! and u wanna know what it was about!? a friggin hat!! i guess my mom felt guilty for buying a 40$ shirt and w/ no reason got on my dads case about his 40$ hat. and my dad got "hurt" by it. it was pathetic at the most. so finally upset by the fact that they woke me up and we still had a full day ahead of ourselves and just cause i was tired of it all i got out of bed and barged in on them. my mom in tears yelled go back to bed but i yelled back no this is stupid u guys r fighting while we r on vacation. anyways i ended up mediating for them until 3 in the morning when things seemed to finally be settled and they thanked me and apologized profusly. anyways things were ok the next day until i duno all of a sudden they were yelling again in the middle of disneyland. my mom was crying nad they were both yelling and acting so childish. i was so embarrassed i just ran away from it hoping to reach a bathroom. my dad caught up w/ me and told me he was sorry and that "we would fix this" and i yelled at him a bit for how stupid it all was and he apologized and we went back to my mom and they both apologized then too and hte rest of the vacation was great. i love my parents they r awesome and since then everything has been great... nothing wrong. but now this morning!!! im not sure what started the fight because i was still sleeping until my dad started screaming. but it ended up being that they were fighting about who "broke the rule" first. i guess my mom slapped him aside the head to get him to calm don and my dad slapped her across the face and they are now currently as i type yelling about who started what. its soooo pathetic!! i just wanna walk in and thell them how friggin childish and immature they r!! but im not sure if i should... really it hurt when i had to mediate for 3 hours. i dont know what to do... they swore they would get counciling when i was helping them a month ago but nothing has happened of course. oh and my dad is bypolar and add. and my mom seems to expect to much w/ his condition....grrr

Hi, I appreciate the difficult situation your in. Personally, if it where my parents I'd go through them like a dose of salts, however you may be more tolerant then me. It dose seem as if you have the patience of a saint in fact. Wait until both parance are in a good mood and then sit down with them to hold a 'family meeting'. Explain to them how you feel and how unfair it is of them to put you in this situation. They need to understand that it is Absolutely not acseptable for them to just keep apologising and promising to sort it out and not doing so. Even show them your question and the responses, it may help them face facts. Then insist they make and keep councillors appointments. Therapy with a good councillor can do wonders, but it is a working progress - don't expect results instantly. Then - a hears the big one, tell them you can not cope with this, especially the violence and if it continues your going to talk with your school councillor or the child services. Yes it's a threat, but its one worth making, they've got to take this seriously. Next time theirs an argument and violence is used (even just slapping) call the police. You won't get into trouble and it may be the only way to get them to face their responcabilatys. Good luck & god bless darling, keep us informed!
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Derfel
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can guys be bisexual

Yes of course they can, what a totally stupid question.
Derfel

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y would u automatically assume that i asked 2 other questions on the subject of vaginal discharge,the only other question that i've asked was y hasn't my period cum, so instead of pretending that u kno sumthin u dont, maybe u should politely answer a question instead of making a rude comment like that
sry for makin wut im sayin rude, but im kinda ticked that u would assume that about sum1 u dont even kno!!!!!!

Firstly 'darling' you say I pretend to know something I don't. How dare you, I wonder how many other people who answered your question are studying science (including biology) at the same advanced level I am. And how many people have Completed a college students course to deliver sex education to 11 to 14 year olds as I have. I told you this was not normal and you should seek medical advice. However it is not unheard of to experience some vaginal discharge during puberty especially before starting your period, it is not very common and can in some cases indicate problems (usually minor). Therefor AS I HAVE SAID BEFORE I would go and see your doctor. Secondly I admit the two questions I answered before yours may not have been from you, and I did assume they where. However you asked one question about your vagina and its workings before this and hear we are talking about it again. Make sure it doesn't take over your life honey. Finally don't use the word 'jerk' (as you called me when you gave me feed back) its a lazy word and very out dated. Oh, one more thing I wasn't being rude I was being slightly sarcastic as I am now: you don't what to hear me when I decide to be rude to someone. Feel free to respond and try not to dream about your vagina tonight!
Derfel

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ok, i've been gettin vaginal discharge, and i haven't started my period, is this normal to get it before u start your period, does this mean that i'll soon be gettin my period, and if so are there any other ways to kno that your period mite be startin??
please help
if it makes a difference im 13/f/nc and ill be 14 in the 1st wk of Nov.
thx a bunch!!
~*~*~*wondering*~*~*~

I answered your other TWO questions on this subject yesterday! Now either you keep asking this question because think its funny and cleaver or you are not listening to what you are being told. I'll say what I said yesterday AGAIN: no this is not normal and you should seek medical advice.
Derfel

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Hey all my friends think im a total weirdo cuz i love country music ! i dont think i am i only like the new stuff like keith urban and gretchen wilson i hate the oldies tho ! whos with me does ne one else like country music !

Hi, I like a huge range of different music, which does include country. Like what you like, be who you are and fuck any one who may laugh at you because they don't have the self confidence not to just follow the crowd.
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Derfel
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Hey,
I was wondering if anyone could help me out here obviously lol. Well anyway, im 13 and ive been with my boy friend for almost 2 years(( yeah i know i know a long time to be tied down for my age)). We have done everything but have sex. Ive been thinking about having sex but i know that im not physically and mentally ready, and im for sure not old enough to have sex or even do what im doing. I was just wondeirng if its normal to think what im thinking, what it would be like to have sex and all. Thanks!:)

Yes darling, thinking about sex at 13 is very normal. It seems you and your boy friend have reached a stage in your relationship where sex is the next natural step. After two years together you clearly care for each other very much and know each other well. You've got to discuss this with him, talk about it, find out what you both want, discuss your concerns, plan it. Its a big step and theirs no need to rush. Provided this is what you both what theirs no reason why you shouldn't sleep together and continue on having a sexual relationship. Don't worry about age limits, their are many countries where the legal age for consensual sex is 13
And even younger. When you have sex should be determined by when you feel your ready. But, and I've got to say it - make damb sure you use contraception, you don't want to wind up pregnant.
Have fun
Derfel
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Hey I had a bf for about 2 months and he just broke up with me and i really want him back but how do i get him to take me back?

You don't try to get him back. If he breaks up with you don't go begging him to take you back nor do you have him back if he comes begging to you. Its called self respect. Go out have some fun and let him get on with what ever he wants to do.
Derfel

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okay well my ex boyfriend asked me out i said no when i still really liked him because i didn't want to screw up and hurt him again but he knows i still really like him and he said that he still likes me but last weekend i saw him and this girl i really dont like together and he had his arm around her sholder and stuff i got really mad and now shes always saying how much she likes him what should i do? should i just stop liking him.. its going to be hard

I always say when it comes to relationships and situations like this you've got to decide weather to follow your brain or your hart. It seems to me your brain is saying to you don't do it and your hart is telling you must do it. The ultimate decision has to be a personal one, down to you: But I always say unless theirs a real big reason why not to - its always policy to follow your hart; and remember, in the words of Mr. William Shakespeare in A Midsummer Nights Dream 'The course of true love never did run smoothly'. So I say - go for it. If you never jump you'll never find out how far you can fly, will you?
Good luck and god bless
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Derfel
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me and jenny and ruth have been best mates since september when we met. ruth and jenny knew each other from junior school so they were alredy quite close. recently they've been going off a lot together and everyone thinks they're best mates and that i'm just a tag a long. they'll be in the same class next year and they both do a lot of sport together but i hate sport. also they lvie close to each other but i live on the other side of town. i thought it was getting better but today i found out that jenny dumped her boyfriend ages ago with ruth but i didnt know and i thought she would've told me something like that. i tried talking to them but i hasnt helped. what can i do?

Hi, I can understand how Uncomfortable this whole situation must be. To be honest I would start to spend less time with them and more with your other friends. It may be that Jenny and Ruth are 'best friends' and that you come second. In that case its best you know and don't embarrass your self 'butting in' all the time. On the other hand you may well be jumping to conclusions and find Jenny and Ruth desperate to win your attention back. One way or the other, you've got to find out!
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Derfel
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this slimy clear (sometimes milky) stuff is comming out of my vigina and i think its cum but i dont know. is it? and how do i make this stuff stop comming!!!????PLEASE HELP! SOMETIMES SO MUCH COMES OUT THAT MY PANTS GET WET SO IT LOOKS LIKE I PEED IN MY PANTS! :(

I answered your other question about 'what cum was'. What's coming out of your vagina is NOT cum. You need to go and see your doctor because this should not be happening. I don't want to worry you, this is not likely to be serious.
Derfel

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my best friend and i were spray painting our bikes. Her father comes out in a rage. He starts hitting her and she was screaming for him to stop. She used a bit of foul language towards him, but he was really hitting her. the mom had to try and calm him down.SHould I get help, tell someone or just leave it alone? I don't want it to seem like i'm in their family's business, then again that is my best friend she was crying histerically but i couldn't see her because he told me to leave.

Short answer: YES. You must tell someone about this. A school councillor or teacher you trust would be ideal. Make sure they take it seriously and something is done. You have a responsibility towards your friend, your not interfering with no good reason. Explain to your friend why you did what you did and more importantly that your their to support her.
Derfel
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What is cum? what does it mean? what if you are a girl, can u still cum? if so, are you abnormal?

'Cumming' is often used as a word to mean orgasm and both males and females can have orgasms. Cum however is a slang word for semen (the milky coloured sticky liquid containing sperm) that is ejaculated from a males penis during orgasm.

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female,20 2 children eldest 2 youngest 7 weeks,differant dads when i drink alchol i get violent not al the time just when im stressed my partner over the past 4 weeks my partener has broken my finger n given me a black eye on both occasions he has said sorry and it will never happen again. he has taken my eldest son on as his own. i dont want to be a single mum with 2 children by differant fathers but i dont want to be a nervous wreck either i feel low in myself he alwys puts me down telling me im ugly and fat i just dont know which way to turn the violence only happens when we are both drunk please give me advice

Hi darling,
This man tells you it will never happen again, trust me it'll keep happening and absolutely will not get any better. People who hit their partner like this have vast psychological problems that can not be resolved easily. Your responsibilities lie with your safety and the safety of your children. Your partner is attempting to control you and your domestic life in an attempt to make him feel bigger and take control of his own feelings. You can not allow this to happen - you've got to take the control back and the longer you leave it, the harder it'll be. Get your self some help and get away from him. Make sure your family know what's going on and they'll get you through this. You can do this, good look and god bless
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Derfel
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