Sometimes my advice is good advice, and sometimes it's just an opinion. Sometimes people don't take good advice (ironically.) If everybody would just talk to each other, we'd have world peace, so you probably won't see "just talk to them" in my column.
I worked as a Registered Nurse for a few years so I know a little about health.
I think and read about spiritual things. I answer spiritual questions without trying to convert anyone to my own beliefs. I'm a non-denominational Christian, but I believe everyone has a path to follow, and God is patient, so I answer spiritual questions from where you are.
Gender: Female
Location: FL
Occupation: Old wise woman
Member Since: January 12, 2004
Answers: 327
Last Update: June 8, 2006
Visitors: 16156
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i really need help losing weight, i am soo depressed. My favorite place is the bar and i wont go cause i dont look good in anything, and i wish one guy would just notice me and tell me that i was pretty but they always go for my friends cause there skinny and beautiful and then that hurts me and i always cry about it cause im not pretty enuf. lately i dont even wanna go anywhere unless im in my sweat pants and a large hoodie because i am way too fat!! no matter what i do i cant seem to keep to a strict diet, i try to work out but never have the time or i just get lazy. I need some motivation, and i wanna know the best way to lose weight fast. So does anyone know any good diets that i could try out???/ or any suggestions for me???? please help before i do alot of harm to myself (link)
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The easiest and most flexible way to loose wight that I have found is to count calories. Keep your daily intake to 1300-1500 calories a day. Most packages have calories on them. It may take a little math sometimes to figure out servings. Get a book with a calorie list. Most diet and nutrition books have them. Keep a food diary of what you ate, otherwise you will loose track.
Measure whenever you can, because then you will be more acurate. When it comes to meats, calories are usually listed by ounces. Estimate 3 ounces is about the size of a deck of cards. If you can find one, get a little scale to check meat servings once in a while.
Keep track of your weight loss once a week, and if you loose more than 3 pounds a week increase your calorie intake by about 100 to 200 calories until you are loosing about 2 pounds a week.
Hopefully you know what good nutrition is. Eat approximately 2 servings of meat, 4 servings of vegetables, 2 fruit servings, 3 or 4 servings of grains or starches, 2 milk or dairy servings a day, and take a multi-vitamin.
It is really difficult to stay on a diet. Your life becomes all about food. I would try for around 300 to 350 calories for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and 100 to 150 calories for snacks. Eat frequently. Experiment with food, especially low calorie and diet food. Some of them are awful, but some aren't bad.
Allow yourself to go off your diet once or twice a week if you need too. If you can stay on it the other 5 days, you will still loose. If you go off longer, forgive yourself and try to get back on track.
To increase activity find a simple exercise that you enjoy and do it 3 times a week for at least 1/2 hour. The easiest thing I can think of is turning on music and dancing free style. No one has to see you and you can have fun.
If you can join a group activity that you enjoy it may help keep you on track. Consider taking a class, like martial arts, or dance. Try a local YMCA or city recreation center and find out what they offer.
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I am almost 19, female, and a freshman in college. The semester will be over in two weeks, but until then I have to continue to suffer, as I have done all semester, because my 17 year old roommate is arrogant, lying, rude, and has no regard for personal space and my own feelings. All semester, she has smoked in our dorm room, which is against the rules, and has left the room in shambles. The rare times that she does clean, she has the gall to blame me for sitting there doing my own thing and not helping her. I keep my own areas clean, and do not feel like I should be held responsible for her messes. I am allergic to the cigarette smoke, and have told her on numerous occasions that if she does not care about my health, perhaps she should care about the school policies. I do not like being a tattle-tale, but I did inform the Security personnel about her misadventures on numerous occasions, but nothing has been done about it. She has been rude to me, and to my fiancé, even going so far as to tell him to, "...get the hell out of my house..." It is not her house, it is our dorm room, and I was told by college personnel that I am entitled to have him visit as long as it is during scheduled visiting hours. He has done nothing to her, and has been nothing short of cordial after said occasion. Her latest thing is to accuse me of having stolen her lighter. I do not have it, nor do I have the other ones that she claims have come up missing. She said she left it in the bathroom, where she usually smokes, although she claims that she came in from outside and put it there. At any rate, I cannot stay another minute with the childe. She also stated that she would start stealing my stuff, just so that I would, "...see what it feels like..." The thing is, I believe she already has stolen some of my belongings, as I am missing various items of jewelry that are not expensive, but were mine nonetheless. I need to know how to deal with this situation. (link)
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If you absolutely can't survive two more weeks, see if there is some way you can change roommates, even if it is just for this short while. Explain to those in charge the fact that you are missing items and she has threatened you with theft. It may be worth it even if it is for a short time. When you ask to switch, don't rant. Keep it short and too the point.
If you can't change, keep your stuff with you or locked up. Avoid her as much as you can.
I have never lived in a dorm so I don't really know what is available to you. Two weeks isn't long, although it sounds like it will be very difficult.
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Hello,
I would like to take this time to ask anyone who asks for adivce to give us a rating. I for one have been a member of this site for a while and have answered numerous quetions and all I have to show for the hundreds of questions around about 20 ratings and responses. So please take the time to rate our adivce because we take the time to answer your questions.
Thank you!
Cspinoza1 (link)
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You answered one of my questions a long time ago, so I went back and rated it. But I think only the ratings for questions that were asked in the last 30 days count on your score. So my rating really didn't make a difference because the question was older than 30 days.
I don't ask many questions, but I usually only rate an answer if I have strong feelings about it. If the answer took thought and was sincere, I give it a 5. If it was rude, it would get a 1. But if I am indifferent, I don't rate it. I don't see much point in a 3. Sometimes a good answer doesn't get a rating from me because of grammar and errors, which are annoying, so I have mixed feelings. (Yours are fine, Cspinoza1)
Ayway, I have answered 250+ questions and have been rated about 20 times, but only 9 count for the score. It doesn't bother me.
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You entered my life like a gentle sigh,
like a quiet breeze blowing softly through the leaves.
You were a stranger first, one who laughed freely and easily,
who spoke of minor intimacies and common grounds,
who made me feel strangely liked and valued.
You became my friend, no longer a stranger,
trusting me with secrets hidden,
confiding what you liked and hated.
We talked and laughed and, as time passed by,
I grew more and more dependent upon your smile.
From strangers to friends was just a baby step,
a step a thousand others take every day.
Without your trust and trusting ways,
without your smiles and encouraging gaze,
I would never have taken the step beyond.
But the gentle breeze blowing through the leaves
is relentless and never ending.
We became closer friends, and closer still,
until much of my life was centered around the times
we spent together.
We traveled far along the path of friendship,
avoiding the bumps somehow, never stumbling,
always in step with one another.
You were my guide, my eyes and ears,
the unfailing light that lit the road before us.
Hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder,
you brought me along our course,
to a destination I had never seen before.
You became my best friend along that journey,
the anchor in my life where none had ever been.
You did a good job of guiding our steps,
a job no other could ever do,
and it wasn't your fault, really, when I stumbled.
Somewhere along our path,
perhaps where the heights were making me dizzy with joy,
I simply lost my balance and fell.
By the grace of God, I fell not to either side, nor to the rear,
but fell instead forward, along the path we'd tread.
My plunge forward was unguided, and my steps were steps you never intended.
I fell in love with you.
From strangers, to friends, to close friends, to best friends.
And beyond.
I've never been sorry for any step we've taken together,
no, not even for the fall I took alone.
I never knew, before knowing you, how empty my life had been.
I thought I was happy. I thought I was successful.
I thought I had known love and all that love can bring.
But the gentle breeze, blowing softly through the leaves,
carries the smell of wild flowers and still wilder beasts,
and what you brought into my life can never be assessed.
We are so very different, you and I. And yet so much the same.
And our differences merge with our similarities,
giving rise to something special and unique.
We talk.
Of all the things I value about this thing that is us,
and there are so many I often lose count,
I value most the way we talk about any thing any time any where.
And each time I listen to you, each time I ponder what you've said,
I learn something new. About you. About me. About the world.
I've learned to trust in your instincts.
I love the vitality and zest that is so much a part of you.
I never would have believed the breeze, blowing softly through the leaves,
could be so filled with life.
I treasure that spark of spirit in you,
that flashing flare of fire that animates all that you do.
It's easy to see how much you love life,
even when life is sometimes less than lovable,
and that love is always mirrored in your eyes and smile.
You are never more beautiful than when that spark ignites
and your vitality blazes in your happy face.
And, yes, I love your beauty, shallow as that may sound.
I love the way your eyes change from blue to blue-green,
the way the morning sun catches afire in your hair,
the way your nostrils move when you breathe deep breaths,
the way your tongue slips out of its safe harbor when you think deep thoughts.
I love the curve of your cheek,
that soft milky canvas for the faint scar you won't talk about.
I love your tiny eyelashes, the small gaps in your teeth,
the way your earlobes hang lower than mine.
Your beauty truly takes my breath away.
I love the way you trust in me, never quite whole hearted,
but always just enough.
That trust started as a small seed, I think,
a tentative whisper of unearned confidence,
often shrouded by a cloak of hesitation and unsurety.
I could always tell when you faltered,
when the steps we took were uncertain and questioned.
And yet still you trusted me,
with your secrets, with your feelings, with yourself.
You'll never know how much that trust has meant to me.
I love the way you understand me too well.
It's uncanny sometimes how well you know my thoughts, my feelings, my moods,
frightening at times how closely our lives have become interlinked.
You know so much of me, secrets I've never told,
thoughts I've never shared, parts of me I've never seen myself.
You've discovered a window into my being,
a window I didn't know was there,
a window no one else has ever found.
It's almost as if our two souls have merged into one,
almost as if the hand of God has repaired that which once was broken.
I love the way we have fun doing the strangest things,
or the way we can enjoy each other doing nothing at all.
We shop and walk, eat and talk,
playing games apart and united.
We study and drill, work and play,
listening to music and singing the words together.
We have fun with each other,
frolicking in our shared pleasures,
you enjoying the thrill of life,
me just enjoying you.
I'm not blinded by my love, though, and know you are not perfect.
You are impatient and easy to anger,
too intolerant when you should tolerate,
too forgiving when you shouldn't forgive.
You allow the stresses of life to mold your day,
allow the commitments of life to shape your way.
I know your imperfections as well as your perfections,
know your faults as well as your assets.
And I find I love you not in spite of those,
but as much because of them as anything else.
Your life has touched mine.
My friendship with you, my love for you,
all that you are and aren't,
have changed my life in ways you cannot fathom,
in ways I could never describe in depth.
The gentle breeze, blowing softly through the leaves,
has worked her wondrous magic,
transforming the one she touched.
I'm not the same man I was a year ago.
I will never be that man again.
The communication we've shared has taught me to value our honest openness,
and I know I'll never be satisfied again with less.
Your trust in me has taught me to trust in you,
knowing you will never intentionally cause me pain.
Your spark of vitality has transformed the way I see life,
giving me reason again to live and cause to celebrate.
Your beauty, both inner and outer, has renewed the wonder
with which I see the world, and has restored my sense of awe.
Even the fun we share, that senseless sense of joy,
has changed the way I live and think.
As much as you've altered my present, though,
the effect you've had on my future is just as great.
I once thought I knew what love meant to me,
once thought I had experienced all that life had to offer.
I lived and I loved, and I hurt and I grew,
and I believed I could never love again,
could never willingly face the pain of caring.
Love was a myth, I thought, and true love, lasting love,
was just a lie told by poets.
But I was wrong.
In learning to love you, I discovered I've never loved before.
Not truly. Not entirely. Not eternally.
I've spent much of my life in love with love,
searching for the fulfillment of a concept,
caring more for caring than caring for another person.
I confused lust with love, intimacy with affection.
And when those feelings waned, when the relationships died,
I wondered why I felt so empty. So hurt.
You changed that, as you've changed so much else.
You taught me how to love.
I wish you knew the me of before,
as you know so well the me of today,
so you could see the difference knowing you has made.
You've changed my life in so many ways,
in ways small and ways important,
in ways you'll never know nor understand.
The impact you've had on me,
on the way I feel and think and act,
will endure forever. Until the end of time.
Like a quiet breeze blowing softly through the leaves.
(link)
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This is a great love poem!
You didn't exactly say you wrote it, just that it was good. Whoever wrote it has a way with words.
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When I was younger I a serious ear infection that was so bad to the point I was unable to hear people's voices. My mom realized something was wrong with i didn't start to develope my speaking skills. As i grew up I {knowing nothing of my hearing problem of when i was younger}I felt as I didn't belong how I didn't know until a several months ago and now I feel that I should be "Deaf" Instead of "Hearing" I just don't seem to belong in the "hearing world" that I should be in the "deaf world". In class i started reading peoples lips for no reason at all but like it so if I ever miss something I can catch it. I wish all the time that i was deaf. Does this mean i have a sick mind? Am I using a deafness as an escape to sort of try and solve my porblems or something like that? If anyone reads this post and is upset by it i'm sorry. (link)
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I understand wanting to be deaf because no one gives you any slack for your hearing problem. They expect you to be able to hear and follow like everyone else.
I guess you have been tested in your school and by a health practitioner that specializes in hearing loss. If you haven't you should. You might even consider a hearing aide. You do need more help than you are getting if you feel this way.
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ok ive liked this guys for six months and he just asked me out like 4 days ago and i was thinking about how much i liked him compared to all of my other boyfriends and this by far is the most serious one even tho weve only been going out for 4 days it feels like i really do love him , but im have 2nd thoughts about telling him how i feel because (1 we are to totally different people as in he isnt a virgin and i am he does pot and i dont and i dont have a problem with him doing it , its just im not sure how he would react (2 he might think im nuts and walk away and tell his friends so they can stare at me even more at me during lunch (3 he may not feel the same way about me . and i have a friend of his who is a friend of mine and says that he talks about me all the time and in the "good" way. ok well let me get to the point im leaving this summer for 3 months and im leaving in about a month and i seriously cant stand not seeing him and i wanted to tell him how i felt befor i left ... should i?
*~a person with love issues~* (link)
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I would wait, since you have only been going out for 4 days. Besides, I think your relationship may not change much whether you tell him or not if he feels similar. But if he doesn't feel the same way, it will definitely change it for the worse, because he will feel uncomfortable. So don't say anything for now.
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Hey Advice columnist i was wondering if you coud help me with a problem I have.
Okay I'm a 14 year old gurl and have had my period sence I was 12, But I have always used pads. What my question is, there really as many risks to using tampons than just pads? my mother keeps saying that they'er awful and that they can get stuck. I have done my home work and know that they'er is very slim chance of getting TSS. But what I want to know is do they really get stuck? I don't believe that they do but I'm asking this for a reason to make sure.
I'm jsut so tired when i have my period that im wet. EWWW!!! and summer will come and I can't go to pool parties with my period unless Im wearing a tampon.
(link)
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No, they don't get stuck. They may be hard to pull out if they are dry, but not stuck. You can even tuck the string inside if it irritates you, but then to get the tampon out you have to kind of reach for it. If you are small or not used to tampons, it may be strange or uncomfortable, but they don't get stuck. Tampons are close to the same length as you are, so even if they move upward, they are still in reach.
As far as being active, they are easier to wear than pads when you are running, swimming, etc. They only time they may be a problem is if your period is exceptionally heavy. They get soaked and may move down and leak. If that happens, wear a pad too.
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I just bought a new bathing suit. It fits me really well and I love it. The problem is that if I am cold or shivery at all, my nipples kinda show up. They show normally when I'm not cold but not as much. What can I do to stop this or make it less obvious? (link)
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I have this trouble so I always wear lightly padded bras. I buy bathing suits that have light padding too. Try large bandaids over your nipples. I don't know if it will work or not, since I have never tried it myself.
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What should I do? There's this girl who I used to go to school with and now I talk to her over the internet sometimes. I'm really confused, though, becasue every time she speaks to me via AOL she always comes out with stories about having epilepsy fits and stuff, not "Hi, how are you?", but "I had a fit in english yesterday... don't tell anyone." I'm really confused because I don't know if she's being honest about it or if she's just fishing for attention. Help! (link)
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I always assume someone is telling the truth until I have proof they aren't. You can have your doubts, but I wouldn't say anything to her until you know for sure. Saying you have epileptic fits seems like a wierd way to get attention.
I would talk about other things. Sometimes people give you clues. For example she might slip and say she did something else during the time she was supposed to be having a fit, or she might mention something about a reaction someone had to her epilepsy. Just steer away from the subject of epilepsy. You'll be able to tell if she is honest with time.
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I'm the one that works at the pizza place and was nervous that nobody liked me and was worrying about losing weight. This is to all the columnist who answered my previous questions: Yesterday a male co-worker came up to me and asked me to go into a back area with him because he wanted to ask me a question. Well, I had no idea what was up and then he showed me instructions for a pregancy test and asked me what does two lines mean verses one line, because he was not sure how to read it. I told him two lines means pregnant even if one is very light. I wonder why he was asking me? I assume he thought his girlfriend or spouse was pregnant or he could've been asking for a female freind who was too embarrased to ask me herself. I was curious, but I didn't ask any questions except, "Is there good news?" in a light-hearted joking way, and he said "It's not for me, I was just wondering." Or something like that. He told me not to tell anyone and I said "I won't." So I think this must mean that people there like me and trust me. I haven't told anyone, and I don't think this counts because it's anonymous and I could be anyone talking about anyone at a pizza place anywhere. I just wanted to let you all know that I feel much better working there knowing that they would trust me with something like that. I have a feeling the guy and a girl there are involved, but I don't know, and I'm not going to say anything, just mind my own business. Has anyone else been in a situation like this where they blabbed and got in trouble? Just curious. I'm not the gossipy type, and I hardly know these people, so it's not that difficult. If they were really close friends, or family, that could be harder, but in that case, it's even more important to keep a secret, unless it's something that is dangerous to the individual, and you have to tell for their own good. Any stories anyone would like to share? (link)
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Maybe it's a test to see if you are a gossip.
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I don't meant to sound mean, but if a person has flab hanging out, they should not wear tight, revealing clothes that a skinny person would wear. I'm tired of seeing women in particular wearing halter and short tops with their flab hanging out the sides, and their bottoms straining the seams of their tight, low-cut jeans. I'm not a skinny mean girl saying this, I have extra pounds on me and I try to dress in a way that flatters me and hides what I don't want to show off. Do these women think they look good? Are they in denial? What is the deal? (link)
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I am wondering why you care about what other people wear. Unless they have some sort of relationship to you, it should not really matter.
I believe people should wear what they feel good in. If it is hot outside, and an over-weight woman has no problem with wearing revealing clothes, then that is ok with me. Self confidence and a smile adds a lot to a person's appearance. And if you look around, you might find that these over-weight women with "flab hanging out" have people around them who care for them and love them and think they are attractive.
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I AM 18 YEAR OF AGE AND I TAKE THE MEDICATION PREVACID FOR ACID IDIGESTION. I HAVE T TAKE PREVACID FOR THE NEXT 6 MONTHS. I WAS WONDERING IF IT IS SAFE TO TAKE DEXATRIM NATURAL TO HELP ME LOSE WEIGHT OR ANY OTHE OTC NATURAL DIETARY SUPPLEMENTS? THANX (link)
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The product information for Dexatrim does not specifically list ulcers, GERD, or taking Prevacid as a possible adverse interaction, but I would definitely not take Dexatrim without talking to my doctor first. You are taking Prevacid for a problem with your stomach, and Dexatrim has caffeine, which is definitely a stomach irritant, plus other ingredients which may irritate your stomach.
Like everyone else said, try other ways to loose weight before adding another medication to your already irritated stomach.
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why do people want to have sex so badly????????? (link)
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It is just a basic animal thing. It seems to be stronger in males. If you are young, female, and don't want to have sex, that is actually not unusual. As you get older and are with someone you trust and love, you'll be more likely to want to have sex.
People often have other reasons. For example, in school they may feel pressure from thier friends. They want their partner to feel more attached to them. They are getting something non-sexual in return. There are lots of other reasons, not always good ones.
(This answer was below a different question and I can't delete it.)
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Ok so when im at school and im around my friends im fine speaking and all, but if im talking in front of groups or just random people i just blank out or say something stupid like, when the principal shook my hand and said congratulations i said," Nice to meet you." Is that normal? (link)
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Yes. I do it too.
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what is a cammal toe
- annonomous (link)
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When a girl wears tight pants that fit too closely in the crotch, it causes a "camel toe." It is usually not very attractive.
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I have a bad sunburn on my face and I would like to know what to put on it OTC or if I should see my doctor. (link)
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Tea bags that have brewed tea and are cooled down might help. Pat your face with them. If your burn is really bad, very painful with blisters, you might see a doctor.
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I can't see straight anymore. I am a 40 year old divorced woman. The man that I've lived with for the past 6 years, that I was to marry, that my three kids call stepfather and my family has accepted as my mate has told me he wants no relationship which requires any devotion, dedication or commitment. To be honest, I cannot come up with such a relationship.
We have been in a relationship which is a certificate away from being married. All of our money, friends, and experiences are entwined in each others. He and my children have been my life for as long as I care to remember. The only thing I have asked for him to do is to give me a symbol of the relationship we have been living for six years. (Tell his family. Give me a frienship ring. Kiss me in public. Anything.)
What should I do now? Am I over-reacting in saying that there is no relationship available to us without some sort of dedication? Help! (link)
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It's the things you put in parenthesis that set off the alarm in this question. You mean his family doesn't know you have been living with him for 6 years? He has never kissed you in public? That does not sound like a relationship that is a certificate away from being married.
No, you are not over-reacting. You need to think very thoroughly about this relationship. You are accepting a lot less than you want. But if you do decide to end it, be sure you really are ready to live without him.
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cOULD SOMEONE EXPLAIN ABOUT THE RATINGS ON OUR ADVICE COLUMN PLEASE BECAUSE, I HAVE TRIED TO UNDERSTAND . IS THE RATINGS GOOD THINGS OR ARE THEY BAD THINGS? HELP ME PLEASE ? (link)
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They are not good or bad. If you answer enough questions, you will eventually get enough people to rate your answers. If your score is 4 or over in a month, you become a Level 1 Moderator and you can rate questions. Ratings are only for information. They are not really something to worry about.
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Look,
(link)
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Am I looking at another computer glitch? This is getting weird.
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hey yall i want to goto a place called YMC it sorta like wood except that mon-wed you only behind bars for 20 min. and then you get to mess around but on thursday and friday they make you feel guilty . if you have suggestions please write me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (link)
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What???? Can you go back and add more information so this is a clear question?
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