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Am I over-reacting to my mate's lack of commitment?
I can't see straight anymore. I am a 40 year old divorced woman. The man that I've lived with for the past 6 years, that I was to marry, that my three kids call stepfather and my family has accepted as my mate has told me he wants no relationship which requires any devotion, dedication or commitment. To be honest, I cannot come up with such a relationship.
We have been in a relationship which is a certificate away from being married. All of our money, friends, and experiences are entwined in each others. He and my children have been my life for as long as I care to remember. The only thing I have asked for him to do is to give me a symbol of the relationship we have been living for six years. (Tell his family. Give me a frienship ring. Kiss me in public. Anything.)
What should I do now? Am I over-reacting in saying that there is no relationship available to us without some sort of dedication? Help!
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It's the things you put in parenthesis that set off the alarm in this question. You mean his family doesn't know you have been living with him for 6 years? He has never kissed you in public? That does not sound like a relationship that is a certificate away from being married.
No, you are not over-reacting. You need to think very thoroughly about this relationship. You are accepting a lot less than you want. But if you do decide to end it, be sure you really are ready to live without him.
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THE QUESTION IS , WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP ? TO ME, IT SEEMS LIKE YOU WANT COMMITMENT , MARRIAGE, DEVOTION, AND TRUE LOVE . THATS OK BECAUSE, IF I WERE IN YOUR SHOES, I'D WANT THE SAME THING TOO .IT'S JUST THAT YOU'VE BEEN WITH THIS GUY FOR 6 YEARS , AND HE HASN'T ASKED YOU TO MARRY HIM AND HE SHOWS NO SIGN OF COMMITMENT AT ALL . 6 YEARS . MAYBE HE HAS PROBLEMS WITH THAT BUT 6 YEARS , HE WELL GOT'S TO GO . I MEAN YOUR IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY AND YOUR FALLING IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN, AND IT SEEMS LIKE ALL HE IS DOING IS, WILLING TO LET YOU FALL FOR HIM . GOING THROUGH THE PAIN . YOU DON'T KNOW THE TRUTH OR HOW HE FEELS ? TALK TO HIM ABOUT CERTAIN TOPICS AND BRING UP COMMITMENT , DEVOTION , MARRIAGE . ASK HIM HOW HER FEELS ABOUT THESE TOPICS .IF YOU LIKE HIS RESPONSE KEEP'EM . IF YAH DON'T , GET 'RID OF HIM . YOU CAN SPEND ANOTHER 6 YEARS WAITING .
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6 years is a long time to have been together, and have absolutely no ties. Have you ever stopped to ask what it is that is pulling him away from complete commitment? Maybe he is scared, many men are afraid of big commitments, even if in reality they kind of are in a big commitment anyway. Maybe that certificate kind of scares him. And it seems to me that you do have ties; children, friends, investments. Try to explain to him how important getting married means to you, and at the same time find out what is so unimportant to him about it. Hope I was helpful.
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