khadiya's advice column

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Q: So well my question is about this "problem" i've had since I was pretty young. Basicly what it is well..at times evrything I hear will like echo strangely...like its hard to describe but its like I hear the acctuall sound then it echoes back angry and depressing. Like it doesnt even have to be a human voice just like the sound of a saltshaker hitting the table can sound depressing or almost angry at me.

Now its not completely random though...its almost as though I can chose when it starts but then getting it to stop is hard. I dont know. I just feel like im insane....does anyone else get this? is this normal? Please help...

P.S. I'm a 15 year old guy

like you said you choose to hear it when you want to hear it. I cant explain to you whats wrong because im not a doctor.

Q: when you cherry is popped, how much does it hurt, what does it feel like..
got any examples??

yea. you probably want even feel it. If you do, its gonna be quick and fast. I dont even remeber how it felt. It was that quick. But i know it happened cuz i spotted afterwards.

Q: I know this is a stupid question, but HOW exactly are abortions performed..

Does it hurt the woman or do they give the woman amnethsia??

that abortion pil stuff....never heard of it. except for plan b.

Yes they use anestetics. They do an ultrasound to make sure your not that far along. (partail birth is actually illegal in most states.) They do indeed kill the embryo. then tey pull it out.

NOW if its a partial birth, they will put a hole in the baby's skull. suck all the brains out with a vacuum so the skull will collapse, then they take something and pull it out.

sorry so graphic in details.

Q: okay. i met this guy online named Keith, Keith and i started talking because i had just gotten out of a relationship and had my heart broken and i was looking for an easy rebound. But anyways things didn't really work out with me and keith because i didn't feel a connection, however with his friend nick, i did. Ive never actually met them but my friends have and they said that theyre both really nice guys. keith and nick only live an hour away from me and ive never seen them before....me and nick actually started liking eachother ALOT through the summer and we'd talk everynight till AT LEAST four in the morning, we'd call eachother babe and sweetie and all the gushey stuff but then once school started we didn't talk as much because we were busy, then we both started liking different people. well, long story short, nick got his girlfriend pregante only a month after we'd been talking, ((and you have to understand that we had such a strong connection and we were eachothers best friends)) he didn't wanna tell me because he was worried i would stop talking to him, but i was the one to ask him about it because keith had told me. so anyways i continued to support him and talk to him (( i had a boyfriend too)) but i still loved nick. and i could tell that he really loved me too. weve tried meeting so many times and everytime something always goes wrong. now hes a dad and being really resoponsible....and hes still with his gf only because he got her pregnate. its been 2 years since we first started talking and ive thought about him at least once everyday since then.
I am in a serious relationship now where i really love my boyfriend or so i think. but lately all ive been thinking about is nick. i havent talked to him since a couple months ago and thats just thru text, we havent talked on the phone since summer. and that hurts. Ill text him occasionaly and sometimes he doesnt respond but other times he does and says "im so sorry, ive just been busy but i really want to talk to you"...i feel like im not being fair to my current boyfriend by still feeling a love ive felt for 2 years so strong that i think about nick and my boyfriend equally throughout the day, sometime i think about nick a little more....nick wansnt only the guy i love he was also my best friend and i really miss talking to him...what should i do?

you need to decide if you want to be nick's friend or his girlfriend. If nick really wanted to talk to you i believe he would make time for you. So that is just letting you know that he only cares for you as a friend. So dont jeprodize your relationship for this guy nick.

Q: Hey

So the pores on my nose are guess you would say are clogged? their fairly visible with dirt in them i try to wash and i use clinique larifying lotion but i can't get them "clean" what are some suggestions that i should use. Or that I could purchase at wallgreens?

Those are actually black or whiteheads. thats why you just cant wash them. Got some of those nose strip thingys and see if they work.

Q: I really like this guy and have for going on 2 years now. We've known each other for a while but we didn't really get to be friends until 3 years ago. He was in the hospital and I and another friend of ours went to visit him, but he was in surgery so we just left a note and our present for him with the nurse. Today my friend Lisa told me that when she saw him this afternoon, he told her he was glad he was in surgery when we came. Am I wrong to be completely offended by that?

If he meant it in that way, saying he didnt want to see you, then you still dont really have a right to be mad. If nothin hasnt happened in two years between ya'll but friendship, then you know he doenst like you and he is probably gettin tired of being around you so much because he knows you like him.

Word of advice- find a new guy. Show this guy that your life doesnt revovle around him.

sorry so harsh but hey what can i say?

Q: Well, Me And "Mike" have known eachother a couple months and we've gotten close, and i've started to like him romantically. he's like depressive and negative because he doesn't get any action, you know, and i don't either anymore. but like i want to hookup with him and eventually have a realtionship but he hasn't hinted that he wants a realationship. so basically do you think he's using me? should i hookup with him?

I think that he is just trying to get some cat. You said he is mad because he isnt gettin any action right? think about it.

Q: So my hair's really flat and im using that anti-flat sunsilk shampoo. I shampoo and condition regularly, wait for my hair to dry just for a little while then ill use the antiflat cream for my hair.

so my question is how do i use the products so my hair isnt so flat like what they show the girls in the comercial before using their products, or does is it just the shampoo that doesnt do anythihng?

problem is im pretty sure you are actually supposed to blowdry your hair. Try reading the back of the bottle.
my friend actually bends over to blow dry her hair some instead of standing up straight it makes it a little less flat she tells me.

Q: I have a 2004 Volkswagen Jetta.

I know that oil needs to be changed no more than every 5,000 miles (it uses regular oil). However, the last company that changed the oil didn't give me a sticker telling me at what mileage the oil needs to be changed again and the company doesn't log the mileage. I asked the guy that changed the oil what the mileage it needs to be changed at (I asked about a month later). He gave me a rough estimate. My question is, how many miles does it take to start damaging a car (after the last oil change) and what are some common problems the car will experience? Nothing has happened that I'm aware of, but I'd just like to know.

I have this really annoying rubbing noise that happens when I start braking for red lights and such. One person told me it could be the brake hardware. Does that sound correct?

Also, I am at the 40,000 mile mark. What are some things that will need to be maintenanced (not the nitty gritty details, just the bigger things)?

Thanks

Just go get a tune up, and that will answer all your questions. Its possible that you might need some break fluid.

Or you might need some new breaks. Just go to a garage and good it looked over. No need to take chances.

Q: I have an e200 sansa mp3 player and I get my music off of Rhapsody, but when I downloaded the songs this time, it downloaded everything over again. When I went on windows media player to delete the songs it wouldn't let me. I clicked on the artist under music and nothing happened. Does anyone know how I can delete the songs?

Delete Rhapsody and reinstall it. Thats the only thing i can think of.

Q: okay so here's my probelm,,me and my bf have been together for a year and a half, and i really care aobut him , but there's times when im like all excited to see him and really happy about it and sure i love him, but there's times i don't even know what to think about it , i think that it might be cause im on christmas brake and have been hanging out with him more than with my friends and i don't do much things around the house just see him and when im with him i really feel i love him! but when he's gone, i just spend time watching tv or in the computer , and i start wondering things like if i really love him if i want to be with him :S im sooo confuse :S

i think it is cause when i don't go out with no one but him , and i'm just sleeping watching tv and computer all day i think about stupid things , it's these one of those?? cause when i have a very busy week or a week when i go out a lot with friends and him and im just too busy i'm like totally in love with him and wanna see him talk to him every second, i don't know what to think about it ...i don't wanna talk to him about this cause he might think i don't care about us anymore wich i think i really do cause when i'm with him i really like it , or how would i know i like him as a boyfriend and not just as a friend :S im sooo confuse he's really nice and really loves me a lot! and do a lot of things for me but i don't know what's wrong with me!!

Its normal for a girl to doubt a relationship. You said when you are with him you love him, so you dont have a problem. That is normal. You feel it because he feels it and you know its there. If you didnt feel it when he was around THEN that would be the problem. It might be because of the break, when you dont have anything to do you deed indeed think of weird things. I know i do!!

Q: Ok well for the past month i've been having a really difficult time falling asleep. Even if i am really tired i still can't seem to fall asleep, nothing really is on my mind either, nothing bad has happened nor am i stressful. Everytime i try to fall alseep i tend to feel sick or something, i don't know what is wrong with me, ohh and i don't want to take sleeping pills, my mom won't let me, she says then i won't be able to fall asleep by myself. Ohh and i sometimes fall asleep but it's only in the morning time, since it is still winter break for us, i want to fall asleep, so i won't be tired for school. Does anyone have any tips to try falling asleep better? Ohh and i already try counting sheeps and counting down from 100, it doesnt work. Thankyou if you help me! I'm so its long!

i used to have this problem and i did something kind of crazy.

I stayed up the whole next day until it was nightime that night. I was sooo tired that i feel to sleep that night and my schedule corrected itsself from there.

You should ask your mom can you take Benedryl. Its a sleeping aid, but its not an addictive one.
Niether is tylenyl pm. hah i cant spell tylenyol!! lol!! hope that helped.

Q: I cry alot lately. I cannot stay focused on one thing. I often forget what I'm talking about. I hate the city I live in more than anything. I would do absolutely anything to get out of here. I can't stand half of my "friends". I don't have anyone that I can trust or talk to about my problems or whatever. I'm sick of boys. I haven't ate NEAR as much as I used to. I talk to my self alot, I know that's weird.. but true. I day dream alot, about things I wish would happen. I don't feel like doing much of anything anymore. I sleep more than I used to. I never think about suicide or ANY thing at all like it. But I don't know what's wrong with me or what to do. Should I go to a doctor, psychologist, counselor, etc? Or is there something else that can help? Ergh, please help.

If it helps; I'm not fat (i weigh 110) or ugly. I'm popular around my school. I'm 16 years old.

Recently, I made a HUGE change in my life. I used to drink alcohol, party alot, do things I should have never done. But now, I don't drink, cuss, go to parties, nothing. I attend church 2-3 times a week. I pray daily.

Could this have anything to do with it?
-ps; sorry this is so long.

The doctor is a god idea, bt here is another one

YOU ARE BORED AND DEPRESSED FROM BEING BORED!!!

You stopped doin everything cold turkey.
You distance yourself from your friends because they do the stuff that you recently stopped doing.
Go to a party, have fun. You dont have to drink or anything like that to have a good time. Get out and go on a date with a friend guy, you just need to get out and have a little fun. Your not eat because like i said, your depressed.

Keep me posted k?

Q: I hate her she is more immature than me. She's age 40 something.I swear I just hate her. She hurts my feelings too much but for now I am stuck living with her even though I can move out. I hate it I feel so helpless and irritated. She's an emotional abuser now.I've told her my embarrasing secrets hoping that she would understand and help me but no she just used it to annoy me. I wish I was gone.

If you can leave, then leave. You should tell her straight out that she gets on your nerves. The emotion that you showed in this letter, you should show to her. Since she is immature, talk to her like she is one of your friends instead of tryin to keep it inbecause she is your mom.

And you said she is 40 is she going through menopause??? that might be a factor in her craziness!

Q: Okay,
im not usually the type to ask for help but in this situation im soooo helpless.
So theres this boy in my life that i have been crushing on for the past 6 months and he totally knows i like him. at times i think he likes me too but im not certain. im always thinking of something to say or do for him to notice me. is that wrong? or what can i do or say to him to make him want/talk to me more?

I think you should take charge of this situation and ask this guy out. If you keep waiting on this guy and he doesnt like you, you've wasted six months of your life over nothing when you could have had your eyes set on another guy.
If he says no, you should not feel bad because he is only a crush. If he says yes then congrats! Keep me posted!

Q: Ever sence the kid i liked called me fat ive been eating less which i didnt think a problem, i told my friends thatim eating less and lost 5 pound in 2 weeks which is nothing but they flipped and now i dont feel like eating at all.I do though, but not alot just like little things and last night we went out to dinner a an all you can eat chinese place and when i got home i threw up, not intentionaltly just happened and i didnt eat that much.
whats wrong with me cause i always eat alot-always!im known for my size cause my friends love it.I weigh 193 pounds im a fatty no question asked! thats horrible considering im 14.its all in my belly so i started doing situps and running around and up and down stairs but became lightheaded so stopped.I dont want to eat cause ill gain weight but eating a banana and cottage cheese makes me full and i only eat like a spoon full before im like ugh im full.Which i would usually eat the holl container along with a sandwhich!!
why am i not eating and how can i make myself eat more without worring m ganna get fatter.
ps.dont be like ur not fat cause i am i know.

Its great that you realize your problem and your trying to conquer it.

Your not eating because in your mind you are telling yourself not to eat. You know you are big and you dont like it.

Losing weight is a good idea dont let your friends try to sway you from it. instead of not eating, limit your calories. You will be killing to birds with one stone. Eat healthy. fruits veggies, baked meats, etc. Esercise is great but sounds like you were over doing it. You have to start off slow then build yourself up.

AND one more thing, when your loseing your weight think about the dumbass boy that called you fat, and when you get down to where you want to be make sure you show off!!!!

Q: i might be prgenate and if iam im not to sure of how to tell my parents .. wat should i do

I had this problem. Do you have any money or a health dept.? buy a pregnancy test, tak it and make sure you are first. MAKE SURE you rap the box in something before you throw the test away! When your sure be prepaired because your just going to have to come straight out and tell them. No bullshitting. If you dont think you can do that write them a note, tell them you didnt know how to say it but.... then be ready fr the fussing. KEEP ME UPDATED. because i want to know what you are going to do.

The health dept will give you a test and they cant disclose your info to your parents without ur permission.

Q: okay so here how it goes down, me and this boy have been talking for about 1 month and a half now. for the first month i had a boyfriend and once i broke up with that kid me and him got closer and we decided to wait a week till we go out. which would have been new years. but 2 days before new years he found out his dad is making him move to puerto rico for 4 months. so when the first came around we decided not to go out. but everyday we hang out and we get closer and i fall for him more and more as each day passes. he is leaving the 12th and i wont see him for 4 months. i dont want to get hurt when he leaves but i think its to late now. what should i do?

Send letters, write emails, send pics, get a calling card to call each other, jus keep in touch. By sending pictures via email or letters, at least you will see him, you know?

Q: I was thinking of widening my wardrobe. I thought of wearing lower cut tops. But my question is, if let's say a girl reveals her cleavage, will the guy wanna bang her or something? Will he lose respect for her?Because I definitely won't want guys to think of me that way. So, maybe the guys can answer this?

Low cute tops are fine with boys. They will think your cute as long as you dont go too far like all your boobs hanging out your top. As long ass you dont act like you want to be "banged" by a guy, or should i say act like a hoe, they wont treat you like one.

Q: my boyfriend and i have been going out for 4 months today. this weekend we are going to his cousins house and there will be no adults. i am a virgin but i think i am ready for sex. how do i know if i am or not? do i know at all? should i do it?

Im not going to give you the quiz the other person gave you ok? Im going to be real.

If in your head you feel ready, go for it. In my eyes there is no right time. Just dont force yourself to do it. Dont let him force you to do it. AND yes it will hurt a little so invest in sum lubrication ok? And the only thing i agree on with the person above is PLEASE please use protection.

bio

Its A brand new year!! And I havent really been giving advice lately so now IM BACK!! If you have something to ask dont hesitate to ask. DONT BE SHY!! I've been there! Or I know someone who has!

I am a black albino female whose been through alot!!! I have a lot advice to give. Im a very knowledgeable person, and i look at things from many different views. Im very blunt, so if you dont want to hear it straight dont ask me!! any thing else you wanna know get at me!

LET ME REINTRODUCE MYSELF REAL FAST, REAL QUICK!
iM A BLUNT PERSON, IF YOU ASK A GROWN UP QUESTION, IMA GIVE A GROWN UP ANSWER. RECENTLY A GIRL ASKED HOW TO GIVE A BLOWJOB AND I WAS VERY BLUNT AND UPFRONT WITH HER. I GOT SHUNNED FOR MY ACTIONS SO, BASICALLY. IM GOING TO TRY TO AVOID ANSWERING QUESTIONS LIKE THIS. BECAUSE ALL THOUGH THESE KIDS ASKING THESE QUESTIONS ARE YOUNG, THEY OBVIOUSLY BEEN DOING SOMETHING THEY AINT GOT NO BUSINESS DOING BECAUSE THE WOULDNT BE ASKING THOSE TYPES OF QUESTIONS.