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Q: I just found out this week that my boyfriend went out and kissed another female before he kissed his on girlfriend which he didn't know the female. He said that they started talking and then he made a mistake and kissed her which he ain't even kissed me yet which we've been going together for 7mths now. Can you help me solve this love probably that I have?

Seven months and no kissing? You're not going together, you're pretending to date a guy who's a spineless idiot. Break up now or fear my wrath.

Q: I dated this guy for one year and he was wonderful, our relationship was very healthy and for a while I was really happy. Then he started to get distant, but I was really patient because he said he was stressed about school and such. Then recently he broke up with me. He said he still loved me but he really didn't want to be a boyfriend and he was uncomfortable. It broke my heart. Now i'm supposed to go up to see him on Christmas break- I miss him so much! He says he going to "do his best" to not back peddle and be romantic with me- but I want him to, I want him to miss me and to want me back. Do I go and see him and most likely get crushed? Or never see him again??

If I were you I would NOT go see him. He needs space and you need him... the combination can do nothing but harm.

Q: I am a 14-year-old girl and a freshman in highschool. For some reason, I started crying spontaneously tonight. I was practicing my trumpet and sounding really crappy, when all of a sudden I started crying. I don't know why, maybe because I'm tired and was sucking at trumpet. And then I started thinking about how I can't play the trumpet and how stupid I am and how I'm really just a dork in disguise (last year I was an undisguised dork. This year I'm sort of attractive, I guess, before I open my mouth) and no one really likes me anyway cause last year people at my school thought I was an introverted dork and now they probably still do. I mean really, what kind of normal person would start crying over that sort of thing? But it's makling me cry really hard right now and I think I'm hyperventilating. This can't be normal. I sound really dorky writing this and I don't know why the heck I am anyway. Right. And sometimes I feel really lonely and I'd like to make many friends and such but I can't because I'm stupid and no one would want to be friends with me anyway. And after I cry or bash on myself I feel self-loathing for being so stupid. It's a bad cycle. Ok, thanks for letting me vent. Ventilate. Hyperventilate.

Honey, settle! It's probably PMS... I went through a year-long phase once where one day a month I'd cry for twelve hours straight about nothing. Even if it's not hormones, you have to be okay with letting yourself be down. It happens. You feel better afterwards. I'm betting that in the time it'll take me to get to answering your question, you'll feel better. Humanity is about interacting with our emotions, not getting over them or avoiding having feelings.

Q: hi, i had ex- boyfriend who like very much. But I broke up with him to have sex with someone else. After a year we just started to talk. So, I am wondering if he still like me. Or in other words would you go back with me if you were in the same position. (please I need your help)

my ever-classic answer: you broke up for a reason. you should stay broken up for that same reason.

Q: Hello. It’s me again, the trasngender girl (guy) back to bug you with another question. Several people, including my sister, have asked me if I shave my legs. The answer is yes, I do, but of course I lie. It’s bad that my sister has found out, because she may tell my parents. I don’t want them to find out—I think they’d be really let down. Also, some people at school have asked. I don’t want my social life at school to be ruined, but I really want to be myself! And I have a girlfriend who’s aware of my…situation and fine with it, but I feel really awkward—kinda bad—now. What should I do???

If I were you I'd just let it all out. If you're going to be transgendered people are going to think you're a freak, I'm sorry to say it but it's true. If they ask you directly, be proud of who you are and tell the truth. As for your parents... hey, there are worse fears they have I'm sure. Are you on drugs? Failing out of school? In jail? Have you gotten anyone pregnant? If not, than you're a pretty good kid and they won't be as ashamed of you as you may think.

Q: hey what is your opinion on how catholics treat wicca's?

I don't know, I haven't talked to any Catholics about Wiccas. I think you're asking me to stereotype them here, say that they're all cruel and judgemental. But to do that I'd feel obligated to also stereotype Wiccas as being hyper-sensitive and over-dramatic. I think stereotypes are wrong so I'm not going to say any of that.

Q: is fear in religion a good thing, to keep morality, or is it some man made thing to control people?

I'm not 100% sure what you mean, but religion is a real thing, and a good thing, when the fear comes from within. When it's used by a government to control people that's a big problem. People should have free will to decide if they want to be religious or not, otherwise there's no point.

Q: Ok. Me and My x boyfriend had been going out for like 2 years almost, and broke up because he would always like other people and he would ask them out and stuff while i was with him, i couldnt really handle it anymore so we broke it off...there were a lot of problems and i use to cry myself to sleep because of it...a year passes and i havent heard from him until last night, he called me and told me he missed me and he loved me...i dont know if i should believe that he changed or not i really need help on how to decide ...

do not go back. do not even think about going back. never go back. have I made myself clear? I'm telling you not to go back.

Q: me and this kid really like eachother. However, his best friend has liked me for two years and wont get over me. I talked to his best friend who told me that he didnt like me anymore but would still be hurt if i went out with the guy i like...wtf?!!?? This kid told his friend that it was ok to go out with me, but we both know that this isnt true. What should I do? I want this kid to get over me so that I can go out with the person I like, but for some reason, whatever I try, doesnt work.

You don't get to decide how people feel about you, you just get to decide how you're going to let it run your life. Sounds like you've decided to put off dating until this guy decides it's okay. Where'd he come from? What right does he have to put a hold on your life? It's crap, ignore it, do what you want and stop thinking about how everyone feels. Chances are there are guys out there who'll be jealous of this new boyfriend that you don't even know about yet... there's nothing you can do.

Q: I am a 14-year-old male, but I am transgender. All my life—literally—I have felt that I ought to be female. I am very supportive of everything you say on this website, and I think that males are aweful. But I can’t escape the fact that I was born one and that I’ll never be as good as true females.
So I guess my question is this: what’s your opinion on transgender people? Do you think transgender males are not worthy? What do you think of female transgendered people who want to be male?

Well, I don't really think men are awful, I just like to make fun of them. If you'd rather be a woman, or a man, then go for it... people don't just wake up one morning and decide they were born as the wrong gender, if you feel it that strongly, than that's who you are. I can't relate to anyone who'd actually want to be male, but that doesn't make it wrong. As for you wanting to be female... not sure what else to say except, um, you go girl!

Q: I normally get my period every 21 days, was supposed to get it 4 days ago and haven't gotten it yet. What am i to think? Pregnant or not? Don't feel anything out of the norm except no period. Really worrying me.A baby right know would not go over very well with my family. Tell me what to think?

Worrying about being pregnant automatically makes your period late, whether there's any chance that you're pregnant or not. It's a proven fact. Relax. Four days is nothing.

Q: There is this guy i really like and i think he really likes me too, but he's a foot shorter that me! What should i do?

OHMIGOD YOU CAN'T GO OUT WITH HIM!!!

Seriously. What do people think I'll say when they ask questions like this? If you don't like dating short guys, don't date him. If you're willing to try things that not every single person on the face of the earth has tried, then date him. What's the big deal? Really.

Q: I don't know how to clean. Or budget but that's not the point. my room has gotten really dirty and I want to clean it so I can use it to practice for auditions, do homework, etc and not have to throw all my junk off my bed every night.
Does anyone have some cleaning tips, or something? Or can tell me how to clean?

The key to being clean, I think, is organization. Throw out what you don't need, and find ways to store the other stuff. Make sure everything has a place, and the places for stuff you use every day are accessable and easy to remember. Get shelves and bins and boxes and stuff.

Then, make sure to really get the grime and dirt up. Clutter isn't such a big deal, you can take care of that. But dust under the clutter makes your world pretty gross. Once you've got the clutter off your surfaces, dust them off then really scrub them with some hot soapy water.

Oh, and make your bed every day. The whole room looks a million times cleaner if your bed is made.

Q: ok, here's a q for you. Sometimes girls think I'm interested in them (romantically) when I'm not at all. I know because they take me aside to tell me they're not interested and turn me down. I don't think this happens with most girls but maybe they just don't say.

I'm not touchy, I don't stare, and I don't make sexual comments. wtf?

Maybe you just come off as desperate? I don't know. You need to ask someone what "tipped them off"... don't accuse them of self-flattery and say they're all out wrong, because then they'll be hurt, but you need to find out somehow what you're emminating.

Q: Being of a very scientific bent, I'd like to go to college at a technical school. However, every one of these school I read about seems very traditional, with sororities, fraternities, and lots of drinking. They never talk about how liberal the student body is or how much activism there is on campus. Do you know of any quirky, liberal technical schools with character, preferably somewhere in or around the northeast?

Liberal technical schools? Kind of an oxymoron, that, hate to say it, but generally speaking technical people withdraw into their own little worlds, most of them aren't activists :) If you want liberal, go to a decent sized university with a good sized technical program, not a specific technical school. You'll have more options and opportunities there anyway... many times technical employers look for people with good writing and public speaking skills, which might be harder for you if you go to a school with no english majors to attract good writing professors.

That said... I'd just ask for a list of campus organizations. There should be one easily available, and you can use it to look for student groups. Look for political associations, gay-straight alliances, safe spaces, speak out for *, etc. All of these signify a more liberal campus.

Also check out the campus web site and see if any of said groups have a website they maintain. This would signify that the group not only exists, but actually does stuff.

Different colleges are really not all that different. More diversity comes with size, yes, but any school you go to will have its little sub-sections and groups.

Q: My girlfriend of a long time just recently broke up with me, saying that she thought that i was smothering her. she had brought it up before, so i backed off some, we hung out less, she hung out with her friends more, and things were cool. then one day out of the blue she says she thinks we shouldn't date anymore! what could be the story? i asked her, but she just said the above complaint, and this kind of blidesided me, and i don't really think she's telling me everything. i think that i deserve to know the real reason for the break so i can remedy it in the future. what should i do?

She might really just want her space and not know exactly why. Sometimes people just want to be single. It's hard for us to figure ourselves out. Or she might be afraid of hurting your feelings by telling you anything negative about the relationship. I'd talk to her some, let her know that you want breakup details for self-improvement reasons, you're tough and she should be honest. You might get something and you might not. Either way it sounds like you're being understanding, which is awesome.

Q: About a month ago my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me....about 2 weeks later he starting seeing another girl.... How do i prove to him i love him so we can be together again?

What? You don't. If he's seeing another girl he's not good enough for you. Get over your need for a man, or at least find one who values you enough that he won't dump you for someone else.

Q: Could you recommend a good book or Web tutorial on PHP for includes and scheduled occurrences? I'm a bit dense, and so is a lot of the stuff I've found out there (such as the official documentation at PHP.net) or hopelessly specific (such as Webmonkey): I need a Big Picture and lots of examples.

I learned PHP from Julie C. Meloni's "PHP Essentials". It's good, I didn't find anything about scheduled occurrences (I just check dates against ones stored in databases, guess I cheated) but it had great session handling chapters and easy to follow examples.

I chose this book because it was on the bargain table at Border's. Is this a good reason to choose a book? Probably not. If you're not cheap like me you should probably look into a good O'Reilly programming book just like normal (they have a PHP one).

I don't use web tutorials for learning basics. I don't think they're effective and I just don't learn from them as well as I do from books, I'm weird like that. I'll do searches to find ones with little details in them but that's it, if you really must learn something, I say go the book route.

Q: I have a HUGE crush on this guy named Andrew. I also have a HUGE crush on this other guy named Etton. I dont know who to choose! They're both funny, cool and really really cute. They're also smart. Pleaseeee help me!

um... pick the one closest to your height, I guess. or flip a coin. or don't pick one! who says you need a boyfriend anyway?

Q: there's this hot guy that i really like at church and i know he likes me too. so in general, we like eachother. sounds good, huh? well, neither of us are allowed to date. and we cant go secretly cause his dad is the pastor there. the only time we make contact/talk/hug and stuff is when we're all alone and no one can see us and tattle. i can't stand this being a big secret and not being able to just hug him when i want to! how can i survive while sometimes wondering if this is all a big joke to him because we can't talk? can i survive the long way until we ARE allowed to date? (which is in college) somebody help me!!!

Do you have to "date"? Maybe your parents will agree to just let you hang out. Really that's most of what dating is, I mean, the hugging and touching is nice but in a meaningful relationship you'll be comfortable doing 90% of what you do in front of everyone, even your parents. Just spend time together talking, it doesn't have to be dating. By making this such a big deal all you're doing is scaring the hell out of all the grown-ups and they'll never set you free.

bio

I've been in the advice column over five years now so I think I've pretty much heard it all... the love, the hate, the random insanity. I don't take it too seriously, so I'm not always giving the best advice, but my column is fun to read!

I am a 23 year old electrical engineer, a feminist, a Christian. I don't know everything but I can sure pretend to.

Disclaimer: Now that I'm on advicenators I'm getting even more questions every day. It's fast and easy for me to answer them, yes, so at least I'm answering something now, but if your question contains the words "there's this guy that I like..." chances are I won't get around to it. I'm only answering interesting questions that I haven't answered before. Register at the site and ask everyone for advice if you must have an answer, because if people read my column and boring love advice was all they found, they'd never come back.