about

Hello All,
I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.

I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)

I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.

advice

for english summer reading i have to read a biography on any modern american figure. one of my friends in doing marilyn monroe. any ideas of people i could do that would be interesting?

I would try to do this project on Aaron Spelling, He just died but he created over 250 tv shows from bewitched to charmed to 7th heaven that way you incorporate hollywood glamour with someone who made a real impact on modern day society.

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I really HATE my voice, (my talking voice)! One of my friends has the most soothing voice in the world and I just ask her random questions just so I can hear her talk. I sound like a chip munk because my voice is high and its just weird. And sometimes when I'm nervous, I studder when I talk. Like my moms friend asked me, "do you want me to take you home?" and I answered "I don't know if home my mom is." I was SUPPOSED to say "I don't know if my mom is home." When I'm nervous I mix up my words or I studder and can't get them out of my mouth!!! I try so hard to say my words right and I do it slow, but it doesn't come out right. And my I can almost always talk perfect but like a few times I couldn't. So my 2 questions are........

1. How can I make my talking voice more deep but not to deep and more soothing and pretty? Like is there anything I can do, or will I have to deal with my squeaky high voice?

2. What can I do so when I get nervous and talk, I won't mix up my words and studder?

My suggestion would be to go have a consult with a speech therapist, while I am not sure the they could lower your voice they could definitly work with you to get your nerves not to control your voice. Your GP could refer you to one.

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Omg, my mom just used this new brand of very strong hair dye (from the store), and she bought the color she usually gets! Problem is, since the product is so strong, the dye is put in twice as much, so her hair is completely black! (when she bought light brown!) We called the hotline & they apologized, but said we should have got the blonde. Wtf.

ANYWAY, not the problem. My question is, is there ANY way to make her hair lighter faster? Our next door neighbor told us washing your hair with dish detergent helps strip some color, but we didn't try it yet. Any suggestions? (DO NOT say lemon juice, k thanks)

Most places that sell hair dye also sell something called a hair stripper basically it takes all colour out of the hair and then she could add in a gentle rinse like a henna or vegetable dye so as not to traumatise the hair too much, the stripper usually does not take out all the colour but would probably lighten it at most to a dark blonde. My other suggestion would be to call your local hair salon and ask for advice, when I accidentally died my hair flourescent orange they gave me basically the same advise I just gave you.

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Hey! 14/f/california w/ "Mild" Cerebral Palsy in Both legs.

So, I really want to get into a sport,preferably a team. I am not in a wheelchair i can walk and run(pretty well). I would rather not be on a team for disabled people, but that might be might be kind of cool, i guess. I already horseback ride and i have been my whole life.
I was thinking about archery, because i have done that before in PE. But is that done on a team? So i Guess i am just looking for segestions on team sports that i could do that dont invole to much running.

Also, i am going to be a freshman this coming year an it would be nice to be on a school team but if not thats alright.
Thanks so Much to any one who tries!

Hey why not join the swim team? I have worked with many clients with CP who like you have only slight physical issues with their legs and not only is there no running swimming actually will strengthen your legs and enable you to do more.

In answer to your question if you can't jump into the pool the coach can make arrangements with the swimming "board" so that you can start the race from in the pool. This is what we here in Canada do its part of a program in schools called inclusion for all.

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My parents blame me for everything.
Our cell phone bill was high, it wasn't my brothers' faults, it was automaticly mine.
My friend stole my camera before she moved, and has even told people, but it's still my fault its gone.
Its my fault my family has big money problems.
Its my fault my mom is fat.

I`m just a 13yr old girl, sometimes my parents can be so cool, but they`ll just snap and all the sudden I`m the target of their anger! What should I do?

Hi, I have been a counsellor specializing with teens and families for over 12 years. This is a really commen thing, there are various solutions or tactics that you can try. First have a sit down with your parents and tell them how you feel, I have found that using a prop i.e. a stick or rock to hold so that only the person holding it can talk works well so that everyone gets heard. If talking is too hard write your parents a letter outlining how you feel and why you feel it.

It is not your fault that there are money problems, nor is it your fault that your mom is overweight but it is much easier for your parents to blame you then themselves, that way they don't have to change anything about themselves.

If none of this works I would suggest that you talk to an adult you trust maybe an aunt, uncle, grandparent or someone at school like a guidance counsellor.

Having been a 13 yr old girl who was often blamed for things I didn't do I can tell you that as much as this sucks now it will get better the most important thing for you to remember always is that these accusations are not true and that you are a good person who has worth.

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well, i have an ash blonde hair color. it's blonde but it has like this touch of ash and it's a very uncommon haircolor. like not that many people have it. I LOVE MY HAIR! but, recently i just was wondering what i would look like as a brunet. like, a light brown/medium brown hair? but, i'm afraid to use hair dye because what if i never get my ash blonde back? is there anything i can use that won't harm my hair as much.l i hear celophane might work and henna. but, i wanted to get the opinion of others before i went ahead and did it because i
just want to see how i look like with brown hair, i want my blonde hair back after

Hey,
Here in Canada they have these photo places in the mall that can actually show you how you would look with a different hair colour, nose, etc... If you are going to dye I would use vegetable dye (its what pregnant women use) this does not ruin your hair and is grows out naturally.

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I feel so badly right now.

Okay, this guy and I met on the internet. Hes from PA. Talked for a long time, as friends. And then it just happened, like..idk the romantic feelings came for the both of us. I know internet relationships are extremely lame. so please don't tell me again. But I mean, he gave me emotional support, that i needed. and he's taught me so much about life, and all that jazz.

well we got in a big huge argument last week. about me smoking/doing drugs and his drinking. I think we said a lot of shit we didnt mean to. but we both agreed to stop smoking/ drinking completely, so things should be fine. and for me it feels like things aren't the same. we supposably made up or whatever, so everything should be fine. but something inside of me just, makes me feel bad.

well hes going to bootcamp for 4 months on monday. all we have are letters to talk and stuff. and i dont even know what to do. should i stay with him? because i know if i don't, that'll be really mean of me to do right before he goes to bootcamp (which hes extremely stressed about i think.). or should i just let him go and never talk to him again. he said hes coming to california no matter what after he gets out. so there could be a chance that i talk to him again.

bleh.
theres so much to this whole thing,
its hard to write it all out.

Hey there,
Number one not all internet relationships are doomed that is how I met my husband. You need to look at this situation with a little bit more realism, what I mean is yes you feel close and have genuine attachment to this man but have you even met him in person? I mean for all you know when you do meet he could turn you off, lets face it not all internet pics are accurate and he may look good "on paper" but in reality he is not the one for you. I think that before making any major decsions you should continue writing him and keeping in contact but don't shut all the doors for other people to come into your life. If you do meet someone else then you should look at your current situation as more of a friend then relationship, I mean you don't do any of the "normal" dating stuff (Yes I am assuming) if you do meet someone new then you can tell the current man that due to distance and other issues you feel you would be better off as friends then soulmates.

I hope the helps.

Sara

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I am on a medication where your body retains water (predizone to be exact) I have been on it for a few years (if you on it short term for like poison ivy i dont think it affects your weight) anyways

I was wondering is there anyway i can loose the weight i have "gained" from this medication. I know alot of people that take it get really fat but I am only about 10 pounds over weight (well in my mind im 5'1" 115 pounds) but i have trouble loosing weight because of this. Besides around my waist my face is alittle on the chubby side from this too. (although most would think thats my natural face shape without even thinking.. its just rounder) but in the winter when i pack on about 5 more pounds than i do in the summer i tend to look as if i almost have a double chin



My questions is how can i loose weight without like stop drinking water and other beverage because I am very active so I have to have usually 1-2 bottles a day besides what i have with meals. Because for school i would really like to get closer to 100 pounds and be nice and skinny but no matter what i do i can lose pounds but not really size.


Any suggestions? (and please don't say I am at a fine weight my doctors and parents say I am "chubby")

Hi there,
As a person who has to take prednisone on a semi-regular basis, I know exactly how you feel. I also know about some of the other side effects that you may not know, for example being on prednisone for extended amounts of time can also increase your risk of diabetes in the future. I am not trying to scare you or tell you not to take it just trying to give you some facts.

As for losing weight, for your face there is not alot you can do as the rounded face is a side-effect, the reason you may have gained weight is that prednisone increases your appetite so that it feels like you are starving all the time and that you haven't eaten in months, what worked for me to lose the weight I put on was to drink tons of water, and eat 6 times a day, 3 fairly large meals but low in fat and calories I found fish worked for me, and 3 snacks of stuff like veggies, fruit, yogurt etc... and to try not to eat in between. Also incorporate exercise I found swimming worked best.

I don't know why you are taking prednisone, I take it for Chron's disease when I have a flare up, but if it is for a gastrointestinal disease there are so many new therapies out there that are worth trying, if its for something else have a serious talk with your doctor about searching for an alternative if he refuses to try perhaps consult another doctor for a second opinion.

Good Luck

Sara

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Hello. My name is Whitney and about a year ago the doctors found out that I was lactose intolerant. On the 18th of July, they want me to go to a local hospital and get this treatment done. Here is an explanation from what I understand about what is going to happen: I go to the hospital and stay for 3 hours. I drink some sort of liquid and breathe into a bag every 30 minutes.

This is what I am a little concerned about. I don't know what that liquid is that I have to drink. Does anyone know? My mom thought it was going to be lactose.. but my case is very severe. I throw up instantly and my stomache feels like it erodes when I drink//eat something with lactose in it. I HATE being sick from the result of lactose. If it is lactose, will they give me something to stop the vomiting or the upset stomache?

Please, only answer if you have, or you personally know someone that has had this treatment done. I am very nervous and unsure, so I would be very thankful if you could give me a well-detailed answer.

I will rate high.

Thank you in advance..

--Whitney

Hi Whitney,
I have taken clients for this test in the past, at least I think its the same test it sounds like it. Yes the liquid is lactose in it's pure form so it tastes like crap very very sweet (I had a client that made me taste it first). The test is to discover how intolerant you are and to ensure that its lactose causing the problem. You will mostlikely get sick and nauseous.

I think this is the test you will go for and you drink the lactose over a period of time, not all at once hence the 3 hours. If this is not the test I do apologize. Why don't you or your mom call either the doctor who ordered the test or the clinic where you will get the test done and ask for a detailed description. As a patient you have the right to all the knowledge before this test so you can make an informed choice.

Good Luck I hope this helps.

Sara

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16/f
hey guys okay so heres my problem...
ive been with my boyfriend for almost 8 months now and we've been doing great and we're so in love..but lately we're been getting in these stupid fights and on the phone its just been quiet like we dont know what to say or talk about anymore...we've talked about it with each other and we know that its going to get better and our feelings for each other are still the same...but i just dont understand why we've fought soooo much and its just been in the past week...we've had like 4 or 5 fights already its happening like everyday or like every other day...we also talked about how its normal for couples to fight and that a relationship cant go on without one...
but i have a feeling its me because hes such a great boyfriend he never does anything wrong so i think somtimes its just me and that i need some kind of atitude ajustment or somthing...
i have no idea but i know i dont want to keep fighting like this...any advice would be helpful thanks so much...

Hey there,

You're right fighting is normal. The question is what are fighting about, has something happened recently in either of your lives i.e. problems with parents, friends, school? Also lets be real of course he does stuff wrong, you are looking at him now through rose coloured glasses because if he is human (he is right?) then he has flaws the important thing in any relationship is not to date the "perfect" guy but to to love the guy despite his flaws.

As for the lack of things to talk about, maybe you are spending too much time together and then you each know about what each other did throughout the day, set aside 2 days a week where you don't see each other you should notice the change in the phone conversations soon after also if you are spending alot of time together that could contribute to the fighting as you are bound to get on each others nerves consiously or unconsiously.

Hope this helps, feel free to to ask for clarification if need be.

Sassysara

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