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Gender:

Female

Location:

Canada

Occupation:

Family, Youth and Mental Health Counsellor

Age:

31

Member Since:

July 13, 2006

Answers:

410

Last Update:

October 16, 2007

Visitors:

33069

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General Sex Questions

about

Hello All,
I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.

I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)

I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.

advice

what are the symptoms of autism and what causes autism?why do some people have it and not others?
I have a cousin who has autism he's 2 years younger than me he's about 15 years old and when i went to school the other day i punched somebody in the nose becouse they tried to beat him up and i was thinking in my head no they did not just slap my autistic cousin what should i do?

Ok first off there are no proven causes to autism, there are theories but no ironclad reason. There are also types of autism, people who are autistic but very high functioning could have aspergers syndrom where the disease focuses more on the socialization aspect.

Now while I am not someone who thinks that fighting is ever the answer, I do understand that it was a gut reaction. I would suggest that you talk to someone at your school or your parents/aunt/uncle so that he is not targeted in future. If this ever happens again, first make sure your cousin is safe, second don't use your fists use words, ask this jackass how it makes him feel to pick on someone who is weaker then him, does it make him feel like a big man?? Then I would suggest you go talk to a teacher or another authority figure.

HOH.

I really hope someone can help me. I am starting to get a tooth infection. Now, I am taking antibiotics, but, I have to go to work tom. So, my question is, how can I keep the swelling down. I have had this before and usually it starts out like it is now, then I wake up the next day looking like I am hoarding a balloon in my cheek.
Thanks

Ok if you are taking antibiotics that is a good first step, now I would also take advil/motrin every 4-6 hours also keep cold compressess on the side of your face. DO NOT USE HEAT as this increases the discomfort. Sleep elevated and if the pain gets bad and the advil doesn't work try rubbing cloves (the spice) or placing a cool/lukewarm teabag beside the affected tooth and believe it or not it soothes it. If it does start to swell use a bag of peas on your face, its better distribution then ice...

Hope this Helps, I am the queen of the absess/tooth infection.

me and my boyfriend have been together a year the 15th of this month and i have no idea what to get him. i wanna get him something cute or do something cute for him without spending over $100. do you have any cute ideas for me? itd be greatly appreciated.

You don't mention what age you are or what type of things your bf is into. The best bet for anniversaries is usally something that holds memories / special thoughts between the two of you. If you are a teen / young adult then often you can get a sterling silver chain/necklace with a pendent with the date ect. or a watch or make him a cd of songs that have meaning to you. If you want to narrow it down a bit for me like your age/ interest... I could be of more help.

when is it most likely for a girl to get pregnant
in her menstrual cycle.

You are most likely to get pregnant approx. 2 weeks after the first day of your cycle there is usually a 3-6 day window, BUT it is possible to get pregnant at any time during your cycle, unlikely but possible. It is always the smartest idea to use protection not only against pregnancy but std's as well.

The bar scene is beginning to make me sick.
I really wanted to try the whole "interweb dating" thing, so I did! I met someone from MySpace and he completely hated me. You might say "Oh Erica, you're clearly exaggerating."
No. If this guy had a machete, I wouldn't have a head.
I want to date. Any advice, oh hell, just any response whatsoever, would make me happy.

OK I actually have been exactly where you are! In my 20's I tired of the bar scene and started trying the online thing, I met my husband on plentyoffish.com. Don't get me wrong it was not easy, you have to learn to read between the lines of what people say and going on LOTS of dates. I got so I could see a loser at 50 paces and run off!! lol. Seriously though there are tons of sites, many are free for women. lavalife has worked for friends.

Trust me if I could find a man willing to put up with my shit, you can to!!!

If you need more advice, tips on writing an ad or chosing a pic. let me know.

S

In the past month and a half, sometimes when my fiance eats pizza, his lips swell up to about 3 times their normal size a few hours afterwards. It starts in one corner on one lip and slowly travels all the way around until everything is completely swollen. He says that it feels kind of numb. We get Benadryl and he takes 2, but it doesn't seem to help at all. It's just his lips. He's never had any problems like this in the past and we're not getting pizza from new places or anything. I know he needs to see a doctor about it, that's not what I'm asking. I'm just really interested in how this could have happened. Does anybody have any ideas about what could be causing this? Are they putting some kind of new ingredient or spice in pizza now? Could he have developed an allergy to something at age 21? Has anything like this happened to anyone before? Thanks.

Ok yes it could be an allergy, they develop at all ages. The procedure to test for allergies is basically going to an allergist and he / she places needles with common / possible allergens and looks for a reaction. This is pretty much painless and depending on the severity of the allergy he can either avoid it or if it is to an extremely common product i.e. nuts he could be given an EPI-Pen which is Adrenalin and if he consummes what he is allergic to and has a severe reaction he gives himself the shot. There are many things that he could be allergic to which could be in both pizza and cheeseburgers, i.e. garlic it is in most pizzas as well as in ketchup. Also there are allergies to wheat, glucose ect... If this is happening more frequently he should try to avoid known sources of the swelling and get an appointment with an allergist as soon as he can.

Hope this helps.
S

Okay, so when I was 10 (I'm 26 now), I fell off my bike and broke my two front teeth straight across in half. My dentist put a bonding on each one, and it made them look a little too long, and over the years a small stain has started showing along the seam of one, but they work just fine as teeth and nobody really notices that they're not perfect. Now that I'm an adult I have another dentist who's recommended that I have the existing bonding (and what's left of the teeth) replaced with porcelain crowns... the length would be more natural, and they'd possibly use a brighter color and whiten the rest of my teeth to match it. It'd be more permanent and look better, but I'm really struggling with it because it seems like such a cosmetic thing to do and I've always fought against that sort of thing, it seems vain. Like, I'd NEVER have cosmetic surgery, so why do it for my teeth? I know I'm way overthinking this... most people would have had it done years ago. My teeth bug me but fixing them bugs me too. What would you recommend?

Hey there,
Well from my prospective I would do it here is why; I was born without enamal in my teeth, so my teeth were always yellowy and broke / needed fillings/root canals for years. Finally when I turned 30 I got all of my teeth permanently fixed and little did I realize the HUGE impact this would have on me.

I am now more confident, I smile more and people who knew me before and after say that its like I became a more satisfied and happier person. Even if you don't realize it being uncomfortable with your teeth /smile affects how your interact with people on a subconscious level.

I have never regretted it and I don't regard it as a cosmetic procedure, for me it was a physical necessity to stop the breakage ect.. For you the bonding that was originally used will break sooner or later, ask your dentist. So wouldn't you rather make a proactive choice?

Hope this helps

Does Anybody watch 7th heaven and if you do cant you please answer a question for me 1 is The season that just strated is it the 11th season? and 2 is What happened on sunday nights episode?

Ok well as this is my "guilty pleasure" show I do know that it is in its 11th season. Also on Sundays episode Kevin and Lucy found out about Eric taking the twins out of school because of the teacher hitting on him, the teacher (STALKER ALERT!!) showed up at the house and tried to convince Eric that he was attracted to her and wanted an affair. There is something wrong with Eric health wise but we don't know what yet, he is the only one that knows and he isn't saying yet. Also in regards to Eric home schooling the twins he bought them each a hamster, Annie knows nothing yet as she is still visting Mary.

I think that is about it although Kevin is trying to find out what else is going on with Eric, he is using his rusty police investigation skills and this seems to hint that he will go back to the police force...

Hope this answers your questions.

like, what does it mean? does it mean that he, william harvey, was married to the daughter of the queens physician? or that HE was th physician?? i dont get it.. and like is it saying "imagine being married to him, having the best tickets, being with someone who helps the king" or "he had the best tickets..and so on" like do you get my question? i dont really understand what (s)he's trying to say.. and im trying to write an essay on william harvey so it would be good to have the right info. haha :P

What would it have been like to be a scientist in the time of Shakespeare? Best seats at the Globe Theater and invitations to command performances alongside the King and Queen? Why not, if you are married to the daughter of the Queen's physician? Better yet if you have been appointed physician to the King himself.

By all accounts, William Harvey led a charmed life.

To me it looks like William was not only married to the daughter of the Queens doctor but he was also appointed - given the job of - being the doctor of the King. Meaning he had the best seats in the globe theater means that he had the best seats in the house (i.e. front row center)a command performance is when the king orders the play to be preformed for his benefit and the benefit of his "chosen people" like his friends and people he wanted to impress. Saying that he had a charmed life meant that everything went his way and good things always happened to him.

Hope this helps.

I want to apply for a job at Shoppers Drug Mart in Ontario, Canada can somebody tell me how old I have to be, to work there?

Shoppers only hires people 16 and older as do most places in Ontario I do believe that to work in the pharmacy they hire 18+. Individual stores may vary as they have franchises.

If you are living in Toronto then I can give you a few leads if you are younger.

S

What am I supposed to do?
I'm STARVING.
There is no food in the house at all.
I didn't eat dinner last night.
I couldn't have breakfast and I don't have money to buy lunch at school.

Now it's after school.. and my mom won't go to the store to buy food.

I feel like puking. My stomach really hurts.

She won't go because she's "sick" I already asked her and she said I was bitching at her.

I dont know what to do..

OK you don't have alot of options, you can ask her for money or her debit card to go to the store yourself, some grocery stores allow you to order by phone and pay by credit card and they will deliver it and all your mother has to do is sign.

If this problem doesn't get better you need to call Childrens aid and get help no child should have no food. Another thing you can do is talk to your school counselor usually they have vouchers for the cafeteria or extra bagged lunches.

Sorry I couldn't help more, let me know if I can.

Well I'm trying out for a choir, but lately my allergies have been really bad. My throat is always clogged, and I try out next month. What should I do?

13/f

Try some over the counter allergy meds, make sure to clear it with your parents first. Also avoid milk and milk products as much as possible as this gives you flem/and clogs your throat. Hot water with lemon and honey on the day before and day of your audition will work well. Careful about Benedryl as it makes most people drowsy (its the same med that is in over the counter sleep meds).

Hope this helps.

Are there times in a relationship where a partner may have doubts? I mean I love my boyfriend very much. But I dunno today I just didn't feel good and I just thought he was soo annoying and too touchy and I didn't want to hug him. I'm fine now though and I very much want him to be at my house with me.. Is it just me?

Oh my God! At least once every other day I want to throttle my husband. It is totally normal to want to take space or not be touched or touch others. Especially when it is on or around your period but not necessarily. Every day events will affect your mood and who you want to spend time with.

Hope this helps.

i was a cutter for about a year then i stoped for 8 monthes i got back into and now i cant seem to stop my mom dose not know nor dose my boy friend what do i do so i can stop for good and not get it back in my lilfe

Ok First off cutting is an addiction, it is classified as an addiction in the DSMVI (The big blue book dr.'s use to diagnose), you need professional help and you need to tell your mom. If money is an issue then there are tons of free clinics in many areas across the states and Canada. If you are scared to tell your mom then there are counsellors at school and free phone lines that you can call just for support.

If you need names of clinics, phone numbers or any other help that will help you beat this once and for all please message me, the pain you are in emotionally is fixable you just need the right kind of help.

i babysit but i hate kids. does anyone have suggestions so its better for me and them?

OK first off, what is it that you hate about kids, is it all kids? I for example hate whining and when I work with kids I tell them that when they whine my brain shuts off. Also maybe it's that you need more activities, or the particular kids you are babysitting?

At the end of the day it could also be that you just don't like kids, it happens and if this is the only way you can make money right now then you may just have to suck it up until your old enough to get a different job.

If you want more ideas let me know.

ok so i was hooking up with my guy and he was fingering me and he was pretty hard and it felt good ...but when he took his fingers out there was blood all over his fingers and that has never happened before. it burned when i went to go pee. what happened? it was so embarassing he thought i was on my period!!! whats wrong?

It sounds as though he may have scratched you by accident. It happens sometimes this would also explain why it burns when you pee. It will heal by itself just try not to irritate it, i.e. by having any type of sex.

If you were a virgin it may have been you losing your virginity but usually that doesn't cause burning when you pee. If it doesn't go away in a week or so go visit your GP.

I am a 21 woman (living at college) and my neighbor at home is a 15 yr old boy and he got to talking to me about stuff, he calls quite a bit and that's fine, he doesn't really have people to talk to a lot because he's very popular in the high school so he has to maintain an image or whatever, you know how high school is, so he can't really open up to anybody. Anyway he calls me about stuff and I give advice whatever, he treats me like I'm his mom or something (his own mom was never in the picture really) so anyway his dad got re-married last spring and he was fine with the stepmom at first but after a while he started changing and he was calling late at night really upset. Finally he told me why, he said his stepmom's been coming in his room at night and doing stuff with him, I won't be graphic but you can probably figure it out. So I called CPS and they ended up dropping the case, and his dad thinks he was lying, but I know he's not. He's been able to keep his stepmom out of his room and is staying weekends with his aunt and uncle, but it just sucks that he has to go thru this and he's got a lot of trust issues now. Sorry to be so long but you kinda had to know the backstory in order to answer my question, which is how can I help him thru this, what do I say to him? All I've told him so far is that I believe him and I don't think it was his fault.

Hey,
Well first of all by supporting him and re-assuring him that this is not his fault and that you believe him is one of the most if not the most important thing you can do for him right now. You should also encourage him to seek counselling from a professional.

If CPS dropped the case it just means that there was not enough evidence at the time of the investigation, it does not mean that they closed the file. If they have suspicions they will keep an eye on the situation and even make random visits.

I hope this helps, let me know if you have any other questions.

What is up with these 13 yr olds and getting pregnant/asking for advice about fingering and sexual things like that. wtf is our world coming too.When I was 13 I was still playing coodies with the guys next door or riding my bike around the neighborhood. Gahsh by the time I turn 30, 5 yr olds will be worried about sex. WTH

Wow GREAT comment!! As someone who works with teens everyday believe it or not I actually see some 13 yr olds who are sexually active. It breaks my heart because its not that they are ready or at times even want to have sex or experiment its more that they are afraid that if they don't they will become outcasts or lose their boyfriends/girlfriends.

What many young teens - this includes 13,14,15 and yes even 16 yr olds - fail to realize is that sex should be a treasured experience not something that needs to be gotten out of the way. Its a sad state of affairs when a 26 yr old woman become a grandmother, but its happening every day more and more.

im 17 and i have a job but i work maybe 3 days a week. My dad never works around my schedule. he always plans Activities on the days that i work. And he does it purposely. Like the whole family will go bowling, out to eat, to an amusement park or the movies. And of course i have to work. And when i get upset or pissed about them doing things without me i get yelled at about it.

its drving me nuts. Im still part of this freakn family. What do i do?
thanks

- We can do these things everyday of the freakn week but its always the days i have to work. I have explained and begged and said please plan things when i dont have to work, but they dont.

Ok first off could it possibly be a question of money? With you not there it is cheaper so thats just something to think on.

Secondly, you need to have a calm discussion, not one when you are upset, with your mom not your dad if possible. Explain that you are hurt by this and that while you understand that you won't be able to always be a part of all activities you would like to be a part of some. By going to your mom you are hopefully showing her a mature young women and she can talk to your dad for you.

Lastly, is it possible that your dad doesn't want you to work? What he is doing sounds alot like he is being passive aggresive and purposely planning stuff you want to do but that conflicts with your work schedule which in the long run would make you want to quit your job.

Without knowing you or your family this is the best guess that I can give you. Hope it helps.

I was driving home from swim practice when I saw this really cute 17 year old boy playing catch with a 6 year old. It was about 3 houses down from mine. My little brother told me that they recently moved in and that he knows the boys sister. I'm not too shy, but not brave enough to march up to his house and ring his doorbell. I have a dog I could take on a walk, and maybe I'll catch him outside and could say hi, but that seems very time consuming and stalker-like. Does anyone have any good plans for me to meet this guy?

Your best bet is to be the welcome wagon type person. Get a welcome to the neighbourhood type gift like a plant, homemade cake/pie etc.. That way you appear to have a purpose but can meet him as well.

Hope this helps.

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