ravenrenn's advice column

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Q: Im really getting tired of girls acting like they know guys, "oh, he doesnt care because hes a man,and men care less about stupid little stuff, men move on faster" yada yada yada, they are human beings that have feelings, and just because they dont have the same exact body organ that we have doesnt mean anything,atleast thats what i think,lol.. anyways, me and my ex broke up like 1 month and a half ago, all his fault,all the way.. and hes kind of in that confused "phase" where he doesnt know what he wants , and i should give him some time,but i refused, we were together for a long time.. he bought a necklace, half for him and half for me, it says something very special between the both of us,and we both always used to wear it, we said it kept us Connected,i see him around, and he still wears it, all the time, and he doesnt even bother to tuck it in his shirt, he keeps it out all the time.. what do you think this means? if he didnt wanna be with me, why does he still wear it..

Well you said he is in a confused phase so he might want to be with you but just not be sure about it yet. I think you should kinda let him have his space and let him figure out what he wants. He will probably figure out soon what he wants. Oh and the necklace thing I still wear jewelry my es gave me. Sometimes it means something sometimes it doesn't you never know.

Q: I am almost positive I was raped but I am not 100%...About a year ago I was with my well now ex boyfriend and we had been dating for over a year...One day we ended up at his house and we were doing stuff...Well I always got really scared and wanted to cry so I was asking my "sex expert" of a friend what to do and she thought I was ready to have sex. I told my boyfriend this and he started pushing me to do so. He used everything he could to get me to give in from family, to religion, to friends, to if I really loved him...Even though before he said he would wait as long as I needed...Especially since from the start of the relationship I told him that I didn't want to have sex until marriage and he was perfectly fine with that. When I told him to give me to the next time I saw him so I could make sure I was positive and make it hopefully more romantic he got mad at me and was yelling at me that I was going to do what I normally do and back out then accused me of blue balling him all of the time and how it wasn't fair on his part. Eventually I screamed fine then went to the bathroom and cried a little then went back to his room and just gave in...Is this rape? We were fighting and I know he pressured me but I don't know what it is legally considered...I absolutely hate myself for what I did.

Sorry for this being so long

Okay according to the law when you "gave in" I'm assuming you gave your consent and let him do it so it would not be considered rape in the court of law. However I do think personally that even if you gave in you still did not want to so (again my personal opinion) I think you were raped but, no, it would not be considered rape in court.

Q: What does it mean if a boy is ashamed of a girl he is dating or with?

If he is ashamed of you then the relationship is going nowhere. There is no point in a relationship if it is kept secret. If he really loved you then he would not be afraid to tell his friends that he is dating you and he wouldn't care what they thought. If he can't do that then he either doesn't love you or he is not a real man.

Q: I just started thinking. When I was little I was climbing this metal bar thing and I ended up slipping and landing down there. (I'm a female) When I got home I was bleeding a little. Not sure where because I was 4 or 5. Maybe even 3. Anyway I'm wondering if my hymen could have broke. It is possible isn't it? Just curious. I'm not planning on having sexual intercourse until marriage. Thank you!

That is very young for it to break. It just could have been something else from you hitting it so hard. I wouldn't worry about it.

Q: Is there anyway to make your voice sound better when your singing? I'm a 13 year old girl and I'm not the best singer but I'm deft not the worst. I just need help and advice. Thanks! :)

Make sure to have proper breath support and enough air to back up your notes. Breathe from your diaphragm which is the lower part of your stomach. Posture is very important because if you don't sit up straight then you cannot get proper breath support. Keep your mouth open when pronouncing vowels especially "e". This may feel funny at first but it does make for a more mature sound. Diction is very important too. Make sure the audience can understand what you are saying. Practice these things for a more mature, full sound. Hope this helped!

Q: I really want to die please can you help me find a fast painless way to do so I have been thinking about this for 2months and I am very sure.

However bad it is in your life it is not permanent. Death is permanent. It is no way to solve your problems. There are lines that you can call that deal with suicide that are free and do not show up on your phone bill if your are worried about your parents finding out. I suggest you call them and get help because this is a serious situation.

Q: Well I have had stomach problems for over a year now and I'm just wondering what it could possibly be. The pain is in the right side of my rib cage so I'm thinking it might have something to do with my gall bladder but I'm not sure. It will sometimes randomly hurt and it other times it will twitch or pulse or something along those lines. I have gone to the doctor but he talked really fast and he had an accent so I didn't catch all of it. I have had tests done like blood tests, some sort of IV test thing, an ultrasound,and I'm scheduled to get a camera down my throat. I'm just wondering the possible things it could be so I have an idea of how serious or how minor it could be. Please and thank you.

Thing is I have already taken medication for it and it did not help at all. Sorry forgot to mention that.

Q: The guy that I think is "the one" is moving 1,959 miles away from me and I having a hard time imagining life without him, sure we tease each other but it will never be the same without him. Also I don't know whether to tell him if I love him so much that I can't live without him or wait to see what happens. He is also my best guy friend and we have a very strong friendship. We talk to each other about everything and I really need some advice before I get too depressed. Please anyone? :'(

Mine is moving back to Mexico in 3 days. The way I see it is you have nothing to lose. Tell him how you feel and if you guys are really that good of friends then it probably won't be that bad of a problem either way.

Q: 19/f
For some reason I have noticed that I have always been more attracted to "bad boys." My stomach seems to flip for the guys who treat me the worst. I end up dating sweet and romantic guys but in the end I have dumped them for players and jerks who didn't have true feelings for me. This has happened about 3 times since I started dating at age 14. Is there any explanation for this?

I don't know if this is really accurate but I had a friend who dated bad boys because she liked the thought of being able to change them or something like that. That may not be the case for you but but its a possibility.

Q: Why do others call me stuck up cause I'm shy?
I'm not around family and friends. I'm just sometimes quiet around people I never talked too or I'm quiet when I'm tired. Sometimes when I first meet people it takes me a while to come out of my shell cause I think I'm going to get judged . I'm happy and smiling all of the time. That’s just how I am, a happy person. Since elementary school I've heard girls say that I'm stuck up or "I think I'm all that". I honestly feel like I'm the nicest person I never talked bad about someone even behind their backs. There's no point if you think about it, you never know what someone's going through. I'm not a bitch. It won't get you anywhere in the future. Can someone tell me why people do call me stuck up cause I'm shy? I really don't get it

I have the same EXACT problem! Really the best way to deal with it is not worry about what people say because they don't even know you. If they are too judgmental to get to know who you actually are then its their loss!They are not any better off insulting someone they don't even know anyway. I'm sure it will work out once they get to know you. Hope I helped!(:

bio

I am 19 and I have gone through so much in the last few years. If you send me a question, I will try to answer it to the best of my ability. Don't hesitate to ask me for advice!