jewishgurli91's advice column

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Q: but does chorlerine pool water take away your tan, like say you tan all summer and then you go swimming for like a couple hours does it take it away?

no, it wont take away your tan at all!
-mari :D

Q: hay i dont know what to do... i want to be loud and outgoing but when im with my friends im kinda quiet and i dont contribute to the convasation much... most of the time i just dont know what to say?! how can i be more lound funny and outgoing without trying to hard?

dont try at all. just completely let loose. dont over analyze anything just go for it. dont think before you talk (unless its something that might hurt someone) and dont regret anything. just completely let loose and you should be fine.
hope that helped
-mari :D

Q: how far apart can multiple orgasms be??

it can be considered multiple orgasms if its in the same sitting i guess. like if your masturbating say, on your bed, and you orgasm once and you stay there and keep masturbating and have another orgasm thats a mltiple orgasm, and so on. but if its like a completely different time than its not. but the virtual length between when the orgasms hit doesnt really matter. if that makes sence?
hope that helped
-mari :D

Q: I've been wanting to ask this question for a while now, but i just didn't know how to put it and not sound racist. I'll try to make it as short as possible.

I'm 15/f. I'm hispanic and so are most of the people in my community, as well as african american. When my friends and I go to the mall it's pretty diverse, but there are a lot of white people. Not to kiss ass, but the girls look like dolls, even without makeup, and the guys, ughh, as if they had been chiseled by God himself.

But here's the problem: they only date other white people! i'm not conceited, but i am NOT ugly, or indecent or dirty-looking at all, and i know people like me and my friends have bad reputations amongst them, but are they really SO unattracted to us? am i really THAT repelling? Or is it that they're racist, or shy and not at all as outgoing as hispanic men. They [the men] can't even look us in the eye for more than a second.

Now again, im NOT racist, im just really curious about this. i've never had a caucassian boyfriend, and i dont think i ever will,and that's peachy because hispanics are just as cute, but i just need to know why, and what is it that they think about me when they see me. Do they need ME to make the first move or what?! Thnx in advance for your consideration...

its just that they see you differently. i dont think that these people say 'oh shes hispanic, not worth my time' thats not true, they dont think that. they just think 'were different' and its always hard to mix and try new things. people dont like that kind of change. so im guessing they're just sticking to what they're used to because they dont want to put the time and energy into changing the way it is. if that makes sence? so basically you make the first move. and they'll likely follow you
hope that helped
-mari :D

Q: I have been playing video games ALOT lately and its hard to stop. I have an xbox 360 with xbox live (to play with people around the world at any time) and its very fun. I also play soccer, lacrosse, and basketball. I love sports and its getting harder to play video games and practice my sports together. I am not addicted to video games because whenever I have friends over or go to a friends house we dont play them but when I'm alone I play them alot. I just want to be able to do both with an increase in my skills in sports. Thanks!

maybe tell yourself that for every hour you play sports or practice whatever you can have two hourst top play video games, and if its a nice day out instead of staying inside go pick up a basketball and play for an hour then go in and play video games, idk just like divide your time and stick to y our agenda
hope that helped
-mari :D

Q: 17/f.
alright well i have this boyfriend and we have been dating for about 2 1/2 months. we were good friends before we started dating and the first month and a half was good. we did everything together. but now he's an asshole. he texts other girls and flirts with them. he never wants to hang out with me. he wont even buy me something little like a pack of gum. the first month and a half he was the nicest guy and bought me anything and always wanted to be with me. well i started being mean to him to when he starts being an asshole. and when we are together he doesnt want to go out and do anything.
plus i started liking this other kid.. and i think he likes me too.
when me and my bf were friends, he was so nice. and hes like me for like a year now but he just changed when we started dating a little while.
he doesnt want me hangin out with any of my guy FRIEND.. there nothing more than that. ive known them before him. he gets mad when i party with out him but its alright for him to do it without me.
my friends want me to break up with him and so does my mom! i dont know.
what do you think i should do?

thanks in advance =]

first thing to do is sit edown with him or next time your alone say 'Why do you do this stuff (flirt with other girls, dont pay attention to me, treat me like shit etc)? and tell him you dont think its fair that he can go and party, hang out with girls but your not even alowed to talk to guys. then tell him that you dont know if your relationship can work and that you feel like you want to break up.
then give hima little time to change if he doesnt change, then take a break give yourselves time to date around, then if you still feel that you want to be with eachother, get back togeter
hope that helped
-mari :D

Q: I really like this band called Modest Mouse. Some of you might of heard of them but they are an indie rock band that me and my best friend like. We are trying to get other people to like them to get them more popular. We once offered to go to one of their concerts but my best friend couldn't go because he had football. We keep having them listen to their songs and they seem to like them but they don't really talk about them. Please let me know if you have any suggestions for making this band popular for me and my friend!
Thanks!

modest mouse is really popular already! i love them...but its kind of hard to force people to like certain kinds of music. You're style might be indie rock but they might like hip hop/rap and they probably just dont prefer indie stuff. but there are tons of other people who like modest mouse so maybe find them?
hope that helped but if you still want to make it popular with them, just keep introducing them to more modest mouse stuff and sing it all the time and tell them cool stuff about them, like that they were a band featured on tv shows like the oc and one tree hill and stuff like that
-mari:D

Q: This whole summer i hung out with 5 people. I LOVE THEM!! THERE MY LIFE!! THERE AMMAAZZIINGG!! now summers over everyone is home and i wen ton town and saw my EX-FRIENDS. they all looke dlike they were having so much fun wth each other and i was like embarresed to be seen. like i ahte when people see me because wer not friends anymore. and i was so jelous that they were with everyone and all i had was like 4 friends. i have the best friends in thr world. why am i so depresssed. what can i do??

you can be happy that you have the four best friends in the world. Your ex friends sound mean and whatever for ditching you im guessing that they wont be friends by the time you graduate and you'll be glad you got out of it quick and made some real friends.
i totally know how you feel though, when i see these four girls that i used to be bestfriends with. i go hide and dont want them to see me. but i think that next time when you see them you should go up to them casually and say hey how are you, whats going on? etc. it will see that your not lost without them. They want you to be lost without them they dont want you to make new friends and they want you to want to still be friends with them, if you've showed them that you've moved on then its like defeating them its showing them that you dont need th em to be happy and it will make you feel a ton better
hope that helped
-mari :D

Q: okay so i'm gonna try to make this as short as possible, but i'm sorry if it gets long.

so basically, i was best friends with these two girls [let's call them sue and marge] since freshman year of high school. but during sophomore year, all this drama happened and we weren't friends anymore, but marge and sue remained best friends. i don't know what to do because i still care about them, but i know they've moved on and stuff. and i feel like such a loser coz i can't move on like they did. sometimes i think it's normal that i feel that way coz they're the ones that left me, and they have each other, so it makes sense that they can move on so quickly. and i don't understand why i still get jealous when i see them hanging out and stuff. i feel like i'm a weak person for being so attached to them.

sue actually started talking to me though, but i know it's not gonna be the same. me and marge spoke, but i feel like i never really got the closure from the whole situation because we never really talked about it since we fought. i want to stop having hope that we could be friends again though and i want to move on. i have other friends, but because of all the clicks we have in school, it's hard to find that tight group you want to be in. like i was in a "group" i guess but it was with sue, marge, and other people. so now it's awkward hanging out with them because theyre there too. so yeah.

i don't know if i should talk to marge or sue about the whole thing because i dont know if they want to bring back everything that happened in the past. but i feel like if we got things straightened out, it would help me move on easier instead of hanging on to them. so what should i do?

again, i'm sooo sorry it got long.

Ok i think there are two things you could do, actually three with the first one being forget about it, but thats obviously not what you want to do
so
one thing you could do is get them alone and tell them you want to talk about what happened and tell them you miss them and want to be friends again like you were
the second thing would be call them up and ask them to come over to hang out just the three of you act casual and just make it seem like old times.
if none of those work then seriously they arent worth your time, if they cant get over a fight that happened way back in the past. remember to keep telling them that you care about them and you love them etc.
hope rthat helped
-mari :D

Q: I'm a boy in 8th grade and to some girls I don't know what to say. I try to come up with things but I have no idea what to say. But to some other girls things come easier and I don't have to think about it. Could you please tell me things to talk about or why I might be able to talk easier to some people. Thanks!

The reason why your probably scared to talk o some girls is because either you think that ythey are above you socially and the other girls that you can to are below you. But, if you never talk to the girls your scared to talk to, they probably wont even know who you are or ever want to come up and talk to you. So the only thing i can say is to gather the confidence and talk t othem. Maybe start off talking to them online because thats easier than face to face. If you have some classes with them talk about that say 'what was the homework' or 'dont you hate that teacher' that might sound stupid but at least its a conversation. Then just work your way from there, a common interest, a hobby, ask her about her life? girls want to be talked to by guys so whatever you say will be fine
hope that helped
-mari :D

Q: alright so heres the situation.

im 15/f and pretty sure im pregnant.
i havent told anyone yet except my ex boyfriend.(we broke up a couple weeks ago)
if i keep the baby, people will think of me as a slut and whore and my relatives would probably not be supportive at all, but if i got an abortion i might feel guilty and i might regret it later in life.. but im 15 my ex boyfriends almost 18..but hes really calm about it and we would probably get back together if we decided to have it.. but i really dont know. but anyways i want to know other peoples view on abortion.

personally, i am pro-choice. So, obviously i would tell you to get the abortion. Only because by keeping it it would virtually ruin the rest of your life. Your friends would view you differently , your family would, the whole world would see you as a teenage mother and people automatically judge you. Plus, once its born you can pretty much forget about having a life, youll be taking care of the baby. And forget about college and being able to get a good job that will support you so you can live a comfortable life. Some people can make it work but most cant. And the cfhances of ou and your ex staying together in the long run is extremely slim. So, i think the abortion would be the best choice, even though of course youll feel guilty and all of those things but in the end, when yor older and really ready to have a kid, youll appreciate your decision.
-mari :D

Q: I am entering high school next year and I am scared. My brother is a sophomore this year and he said it was extremely hard to find his classes the first year. I am also scared I will be made fun of for being late or just the way I am. Please help...thanks.

dont be scared. im also going into ninth grade. and so is everyone else in your grade. They are all scared, and none of them no the school like the back of their hand either. everyone will be late for the first couple days, the teachers will understand, and if people make fun of you they arent worth your time, just try to laugh it off with them too. Stressing about that kind of stuff is worthless you just have to keep living and keep going so whats the point of worrying. and if people do laugh at you when your late just shake it off, theyll most likely forget by the next day. oh, and just be yourself. i know its hard but really, its the only way.
hope that helped
-mari:D

Q: okay i masterbate and i really like think its bad so is there any way for my to stop this habbit???

ok, first of all its not bad. its normal. most people do it. and it makes you feel good, so whats wrong? its not bad, maybe you do it to much so just do it maybe once a day:? or three times a week? cutting back doesnt mean you have to stop doing it. its a good way to release your sexual feelings and again, its perfectly normal. so have fun :]
-mari:D

Q: I need a non biasis answer. Is pot actually bad for you? I do not smoke, and I do not believe that I will ever. Someone close to me does and seeing that person high botheres me. To hear them talk about, be around it, or etc. bothers me. I think its wrong.. maybe I think its wrong because its against the law buuut I know its legal in other parts of the world.. so they wouldn't make it legal if it harmed you, would they? I just need some good advice on this... Am i overreacting when bothered about pot?

ok, pot isnt as bad as some other drugs like heroin or meth or other things like that but its still harmful. Its an hallucinogen so it distorts your views on things and makes you act in a different way than you would normally. and it slowly kills braincells and if you continually use it over and over for a long time youll become closer and closer to basically just being a vegetable [but that takes a LONG time] plus its illegal, if your caught with it, you'll pay fines and if you get caught repeatedly, even jail tme. Plus, you can get hookep on pot, where if you dont have it, you'll feel like you NEED it or else you wont be able to function and thats never good because being addicted to anything can ruin a way of life. you shouldnt need a substance to feel healthy and normal. and if your cousin/friend becomes hookedshe wont feel normal unless shes smoked pot recently. so all in all, its bad, its illegal, and it can ruin your life, your friends views of you and break your families hearts. sooo hope that helped
-mari:D

Q: my hair just naturally flips out at the ends, and its really annoying me. are there any ways i can get rid of it?
i have a straightener and i know i can use that, but it takes so long because my hair is so stubborn and i can never really tell if i did it right.

thanks♥

the only way i can think of making it not flip is to use your straightener, but not on your whole head, just start at the tips and hold it on the flipped part and tilt it inwards so that the flip goes away

-mari:D

Q: i absolutely love this book, no question about it. are there any book that you can recommend that have the same topic .. like about relationships&sex

gossip girl is great for that
or like the clique and any meg cabot books
theres a bunch if you go to a book store and ask for the teen section theres TONS
hope that helped
-mari :D

Q: kay so like.. i really need some ideas on something to wear when im going on a date. like ive been on about 3 dates with this guy.. and like im running out of ideas on what to wear ahah. even though i have a ton of clothes im just like so confused. any ideas??

honestly your guy probably won't even pay that much attention to what your wearing but i would stay away from mini skirts and really low cut shirts because it makes you look like your trying to hard i would try just a pair of jeans that you like and cute top or just a fitted t-shirt and a long necklace something like that would be cute
hope i helped
--mari :D

Q: Im going to a private school next year for the first time, and i have to wear uniforms which is basicly a skirt and a collored shirt. We have to have our socks showing, but not like all the way to our knees. My question is, what do people usually wear for shoes?! I wanted to just wear flats, but socks with them would look pretty weird. And i dont want to wear tennis shoes because that would look ugly. They say the color has to be black brown white or blue... and i have no idea what people wear! any help!? I start school Monday.

i think what would look the best is classic birkenstock clogs they'll never go out of style and are totally privateschool-esque, at least where i live they are also any fashionable tennis shoes i know coach has realllyyy cute ones also just to make a fun statement you can get like knee high juicy socks or from any store basically with fun patters and wear them with whatever shoes and thats also really fun
hope that helped
-mari :D

Q: hey. i have a plain black v-neck sweater. what can i wear with it to jazz it up in the wintertime? it's full-sleeved, from Gap. it's not low enough to wear a lace cami under it, but what bottoms can i wear with it? & what accessories? thank youu!

depending on where you live if its warmer than freezing pair it with a cute colorful patterned skirt from any deartment stores or a store like urban outfitters spirit or free people
also skinny jeans would look really cute with bright shoes either gold silver or red which would really make it pop
also chunky jewlery ina bright color or just classic silver or gold

--mari :D

Q: Ok, so my school has a uniform, and you can wear colorful knee socks with your skirts, but i cant find any. Does anyone know where i can find cute, somewhat cheap COLORFUL knee socks? [ argile, striped, patterns, pokadots? ] THANKYOU(:

juicy couture has them for 7-12 dollars which is kind of expensive but really cute

also urban outfitters, delias
and also places like target, kohls, old navy etc which are even more cheap

--mari :D

bio

hey. im mari. Im 14 and completely and 100 percent me. just mari, nothing else. I try to be myself always not let others influence me. I act on a whim, my first instincts and always have fun no matter what im doing. Right now im just focusing on being a teenager and savoring every last second of it. I love to play soccer, play tennis, ice skate, listen to music, dance, singg, be silly, hang out with friends, basically everything a normal teenager likes. but i also love to help people and give advice. I think im pretty good at it...most of the time :D so drop one in my inbox and you can see for yourselves!