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Q: I know you may think this is not a seriuos question,but as I'm a little confused,I'd like to know what you people think about this,well,I like to give my bf presents all the time and not only on special ocassions,I'm practically thinking about what to give him every single day,of course he always says thanks but I know he does not want to hurt my feelings lol:)what do you advicenators think?????:)
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I'll throw out a few thoughts to consider. Gifts lose their special quality when they are received continuously. It can also set up a sense of imbalance in relational dynamics, creating a sense of his "owing" you for the gifts. This can feel like an obligation, creating tension in the relationship.
Maybe your gift-giving is honestly driven by selfless love and a desire to bring him joy, but if he does not see the gifts the same way, then it only benefits you. They are not creating reciprocal feelings and may in fact be counterproductive.
Maybe you and he should have a talk about what makes each of you feel loved and makes you feel closer to the other person. It could be a real eye-opener. The best part, though, would be that all the time and energy you are trying to invest in the relationship would be invested in more profitable ways. Or, maybe he is thrilled with the daily gifts and everything is great. An honest discussion where honesty is rewarded with attentive responsiveness rather than punitive emotion will bring clarity and help you be more in tune with each other, which makes for a healthy relationship.
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Q: Okay, so I'm only 19 (20 at the end of the year) and I went to see my dentist a few days ago who told me I had periodontitis and now I'm terrified.
I did research, and looked at pictures and yes, my bottom teeth have receding gums but I have started flossing, using mouthwash, chewing sugar free gum and bought an electric toothbrush to try and help.
However, when I found these pictures and definitions the gums were red or covered in blood with dark brown shades near the gum. My teeth are relatively white with a little staining, and my gums are pink and not swollen (as far as I can tell), also the bleeding has gone down immensely over the last month and has never really been too bad to begin with. I also don't get any pain when I eat anything hard/chew on my food. (To be honest I am praying he exagerated the condition to scare me into cleaning better - which worked!)
I am sorry to ask, I'm just so scared I'll loose my teeth, I have no self confidence as it is and being toothless won't help, so here are the questions:
1). What else could I do to help keep my teeth and gums strong (I visit the dentist regularly)
2).If my teeth were to fall out, could they make me a fake tooth to replace it, or would thye be able to secure it before it fell out? Or is that it and bye bye teeth?
anyone who has this or anyone in the dental profession would be of great help :/ (and even if it isn't as bad as I think it is, I've been scarred into a better cleaning routine now!)
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Keep visiting your dentist regularly and follow his advice. I went for a period of 17 years without seeing a dentist and, while they were amazed that my mouth wasn't a festering hole of dental corruption, I did have gum disease. Got my rotodent (rotary electric toothbrush) and followed the dentist's recommendations and got a healthy mouth. I can't slack, though, or things go backward in a hurry.
There are a number of options if a tooth falls out, though those options will be limited if there is deterioration of the jawbone from the periodontis. One such option is implants - artificial teeth anchored into the jawbone - but they are pricey. Other options include a single fake anchored to other teeth on up to full denture plates.
If you follow your dentist's recommendations diligently, you should be fine. Next time you visit your dentist, don't be afraid to talk to him or her and ask questions about the things that worry you.
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Q: For my project, I have to imagine that the Pythagorean Theorem is running for president(crazy, I know). But anyway, I have to state the Pythagorean Theorem's opinion on four major issues going on right now. The problem is that I have no idea where to start and it's due on Wednesday. Basically, I need help coming up with ways that I can connect the Pythagorean Theorem to issues like:
Occupy Wall Street
global warming
poverty
immigration
terrorism
jobs
Or any other major issue you can think of...
Thank you so much!
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That IS an intriguing assignment. What class is this for? Is the assignment supposed to teach you something about mathematics, or politics, or logic?
Math is not my strong suit, but let me see if I can prime the pump a little. The theorem has to do with right triangles, so your Pythagorean candidate is likely to be a right-winger. The formula is stated as A^2 + B^2 = C^2, so a relationship between A and B leads to C, C being the conclusion. So the candidate's views on a given subject are likely to be right-wing and the result of the weight of a couple of factors. His views on global warming (C)are determined by the conclusions he draws from his evaluation of scientific evidence (A, we'll say) related to his evaluation of business and industry (B). While the proportionality of the theorem would mean that a high value of A and a low value of B could result in the same number value of C as would result from a proportionately small value of A coupled with a high value of B, the result would be slanted at a different angle. Dunno if that helps or just makes it more confusing.
Actually, this isn't such a crazy exercise if it is an introduction to certain mathematical disciplines related to evaluating, describing, measuring, and predicting behavior. Game theory comes to mind. But, that's way outa my league and I don't know exactly what this teacher's aim is, so I'll just wish you luck and watch from the sidelines.
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Q: i had an abortion about 8 months ago an i wish i hadn't. i cry all the time because i want my baby but its too late. i have been thinking about killing myself so i can be with my baby but i dont know if i should. i just feel like a monster for doing it but im only 17 and my mom kinda forced me to get the abortion. i just want my baby back i cant keep feeling depressed all the time.
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You can't undo what has been done, and killing yourself is not a solution. This was a traumatic thing for you, so it is natural that it is very emotional for you. It's a good thing that you loved your baby, even though it hurts now. It's time to look ahead, though. Your unborn child is safe in God's hands. Learn from this experience and manage your life and relationships so that your next child will be born into a stable environment where he or she can be properly cared for and raised; one where you are old enough and mature enough to make the decisions about your child yourself (ideally, along with the child's father who would be your spouse and not some guy that shows up once in a while to play daddy).
You will get through this, and you can redeem this situation by making wise decisions in life and by being an awesome mother to your future children. In due time, if you have faith in God, you will get to see your unborn child and it will be all the sweeter.
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Q: Okay so, I'm like any other teenage girl: I like boys, and is or was boy crazy. I woke up yesterday not even thinking about a bot, but then again I don't see girls that way. Is it because I'm maturing, or is it just phase.
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It may be a momentary, hormonal thing, or it may be maturity. In any case, it gives you an opportunity to think about boys and relationships in a calmer, more rational manner. And it gives you opportunity to focus your thoughts on things other than boys. Nothing is "wrong" with you, this sounds like a good thing. Even if it's only a phase, the perspectives you gain in this time will benefit you in the future. Enjoy your moment of clarity! :)
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Q: So this guy i know is saying on Facebook that he is going out with me and he didn't even ask! (Even if he did i wouldn't say yes) anyways, i need him to stop!! people are starting to ask, and i don't really know what to say.
PLEASE HELP!
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All you have to say is, "No, I am not going out with him." No complicated explanations necessary. He's the one that ends up looking like a fool.
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Q: am totally fedup and think i can't do nothing to change my destiny. My great ancestors where poor, my father poor that he even abundoned us. Moma poor and the whole clan. I have tried with all the money i had to make it but lost all my money. Moma always tells me i might be like my father yet i hate his ways, style and everything about him.I can't move any longer with this kind of life in Africa when there are people well off!! if i cant have it then my best punishment for failure must be death.am looking for the easiest way to die before january 10th. tried disone but failed to kill me. this year i wanted to join the US army front in either Iraq or Afagnistan in order to atleast die a fighter and easy but i was told they are moving out.what it the easiest and quickes way to die. (roymdking@yahoo.com)
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I'm having difficulty understanding why failure demands punishment. Is not failure itself punishment enough? Punishing yourself by killing yourself won't fix or make up for the poverty of previous generations, or the mistakes of current generations, nor even your own mistakes and failings.
Nobody here is going to tell you how to die. If you will give us a chance, however, we will do our best to help you to live. You are welcome to stop by my profile page and I will listen to what you have to say and will point you in the direction of hope. Your life has inestimable value, and suicide will only cut it short before you can begin to mine the depths of that value.
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Q: Ok I'm 17/f
Me and my bother are very close. We can talk about most anything with each other. We both have a
boyfriend(me) and girlfriend(him.) Let's just call his girl friend Anna. My bother is 22. My boy friend is 18. my bother's girl friend is 20. Now me and his cell phone don't look the same but they are thee same shape.
I got this new cell phone case. But what I did not know is that he had gotten a new cell phone case. The same cell phone case. Now you think that I'd show him my new one right? No. Being dumb me a forgot. We were talking about something else. We found out the heard way that we had the same cell phone case. The phone got mixed up. And we found out stuff that I still wish I had not. Now from text that he sent to his friends I put to gather this: He had got mad at Anna and went out.And he chat on her. More then one time!In all he chat about seven time or more.I know. and all I can look at him now is a cheater. But he also found out stuff about me. I was once in a teen gang. We did the weed and all that stuff. I rob a few house with some so called "friends". My boy is a ex-gang member. He help me stop with all that stuff.
Any way one girls thinks he is the father on her baby. (he only think because she had a boy friend at the time and my bother know it) I said if he did not tell Anna I would. He said he would tell Mom And Dad. Help
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Your brother is an adult. Granted, some of his behavior isn't very adult, but he is 22 years old. It isn't your job to mediate his relationships. It's his mess and he needs to deal with it. All you will do by involving yourself is become part of the mess. If you want to make things right, apologise for snooping in his texts - and you WERE snooping, because it should have only taken one text for you to realize you had the wrong phone, anything you read after that was snooping. If it's any consolation, he obviously was snooping in yours as well and ought to apologise to you, but you can only control what you do. It's okay to let him know you're disappointed in him, but let him know you will stay out of his business. That's probably the best you can do to set things right under the circumstances.
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Q: Last year, I made a Facebook account and was proud of it, until now. I have about a hundred or so friends online but none offline. I feel kinda ashamed because people might wonder why an outcast like me would make an fb account. So should I delete my account or what?
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Even outcasts have every right to have their own facebook. Hey, you have 100 friends on there, so at least 100 people think enough of you to be your FB friend. Who cares what other people think about your making an FB account? Who made them the judges of internet propriety? If you tend to be the shy type, FB is a way you can express yourself and "put yourself out there" more comfortably. Just be careful what you put on there, being aware that it is, for all practical purposes, a public forum.
Do not let shame, fear, or self-consciousness pursuade you to shrink back from life.
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Q: I have been "seeing" a man for five months now. Him and I used to be friends in high school. I first became attracted to him when he and my best friend had a physical relationship, during high school. Since though, he got involved with a short slutty crazy bitch. She had his baby. in the middle of their relationship she cheated on him and during that time him and I had our first kiss. I asked him to kiss me, because I always wondered how it would feel. It was just as fantastic as I thought. Things fell apart between us because he went to jail and when he came to see me again he was back with babymama soon to be. I was hurt, but I moved on with my life it was just a kiss. We had always been friends and so it was easy to put him back in that category. Babymama found out about the kiss and um a little physical foreplay nothing more. She did not like that very much. One day when I texted him. She texted me back. Told me to stay away from her man. Three years later, they are no longer together. At this point he decided to hit me back up. We began talking over facebook of all places. He begin driving over to my house and spending time with me late at night. Things progressed and one night we were both drunk and we had sex. a few days later I found out about another girl he had been seeing for over a year. She happened to live at his house,have sex with him, cook his meals, and take care of babymama's child. Needless to say I was irrate, but I did not know what was good for me because I did not walk away. I listened to him tell me that he was trying to get rid of x-girl that the only reason she was there was because she didn't have a place to stay. A couple of days later he asked me to be his girlfriend. Babymama went ballistic and took his baby away, x-girl went crazy and punched him hard leaving a bruise, and his own mother was angry. A couple of days later he stopped talking to me. I dumped him over facebook a day later. I knew that if he wasn't talking to me, he was talking to someone. He decided to hit me up again. Stupid girl didn't walk away again. I told him that I didn't want anything more to do with him and that we should have sex one more time for closure. He seemed really upset about the whole thing. He seemed like he was trying to find reason for why I was doing what I was doing. Like being with other girls wasn't reason enough. Like the inability for him to commit was more reason enough. All the reason he needed was that he didn't care about me enough. I knew he was still rutting around with babymama and x-girl. Closure happened that night it was amazing between us. It always is. He left that night. I hoped I would never see him again, but he called me and yes I answered. I told him I would be his friend. Since, we have seen each several nights. I have not had sex with him, but I couldn't hold myself back from kissing the man. It's just too darn hard. He told me things would be different. X-girl moved out. things seemed to be going well between us. Then on a night we were supposed to spend together, he made up excuses and told me that he couldn't. He was going out of town the next day, so he said he said he couldn't wait to see me when he got back. He was super sweet. He ended the phone call by saying "I'm sending you a kiss through the phone mmmah." I knew something was up. I saw him post this comment on facebook "just keep smiling" on facebook and babymama responds "I enjoyed seeing you tonight." (Although we aren't friends on facebook he hasn't blocked his wall so I can still see everything.) I couldn't believe it. I was heartbroken for the thousandth time. Then he posted another comment "I know it's not right, but what can I do?" I knew what he was talking about. This whole time I was trying to figure it and I felt like I did that night. I remember one night when we had been arguing about being in a relationship he said "Don't think I'm holding out for babymama." Maybe though, this whole time he has been. I decided that he was probably using me to make her jealous. One night when he was dropping me off. I told him that I had posted pictures of us on facebook he begged for me to re-friend him and tag him in the pictures.He was so persistant, I felt like there had to be an ulterior motive. I felt like he was just doing it so babymama would see. I want to walk away, but every time I do I feel helplessly guilty and scared that I'll lose something I'll regret. When he got back from his out of town trip, he called me several times. I didn't answer and finally texted him. Don't call me, I don't want to talk to you. He texted back "Whatever I don't have to deal with your shit" "you'r out of your mind". I was strong with the delivery, I said "I hope so :)" and ended it. Then I read on facebook that he was going to jail the next day (yes I facebook stalk him) and I felt horrible. I wrote him three emails asking him if he was really going to jail, and telling him that I would pray for him, and telling him my reasons again for walking away. All of my emails went unanswered. I then looked him up and found out he was in jail the next day. I wrote him a letter in jail. I told him that I was sorry for being mean, and that I didn't have the money for bail or I would bail him out. I joked that when I am a nurse he could go to jail all he wanted. I told him I would put money in his account so that he could write me back, but I never did because I thought "what if he never writes me?" What if he uses the money for something else?" He is still in jail right now. I secretly hope when he gets out that he will call me again, but I also secretly hope that he doesn't. I know that I deserve more than this. I have told myself that time and time again. I know also that I love this man. And I wonder to myself if it would ever be possible for me to accept this as enough. I would never be willing to be his hoe, but if he wanted me for his girlfriend would it be another story? Can he ever truly get over babymama? Maybe I am just not the right girl to make that happen. Maybe the reason for this is because he believes her to be my superior. I am so helpless I am such a fool.
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Whenever I read a story like this, I think of how much time and energy and emotion is being wasted on someone who has so clearly and consistenly demonstrated his unsuitability as a lover, confidante, father, husband, life partner, etc. This guy is a taker. If you want to be sucked dry, by all means continue to fixate on this guy. One day all the drama will get really old and stale and you will discover that you have invested many of your best years with nothing to show for it. In the meantime, you will have missed out on many opportunities to meet men who are everything this guy is not.
Let's clear the fog of infatuation and get a clear picture of this guy. He's a liar, a manipulator, unstable, childish, selfish, and causes chaos wherever he goes. The best thing for you to do would be to never see or talk to this guy ever again (no letters, phone calls, or Facebook) so he can't suck you in again. you will eventually get over him and hopefully move on to relationships that have some promise of a healthy, fulfilling future.
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Q: my frinde is scared of caterpillars and i want 2 get rid of her fear once and 4 all!
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If your friend wants your help in overcoming her fear you may be able to do something, but if she doesn't, you are likely to make things worse, and may lose a friend in the bargain. Fears and phobias are often complex things and can be very difficult to overcome.
If her fear is more like discomfort based on lack of familiarity, then perhaps you can help her become better acquainted with them by gradual exposure in a safe environment. Without knowing your friend and the nature of her fear, it is difficult to recommend a specific approach that will help. Whatever you do, though, know when to back off.
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Q: Hello well I have a best friend and her bday is comming up and she is like a siter to me well i want to get her a gift but she doesnt want 1 the gift that I want to get her is $40 +tax so is it really worth it.
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What do you mean by "worth it"? This, I think, is the key to the problem. Would this gift be given with the hope or expectation that you would receive $40 worth of benefit from it? Even if you don't intend it that way, it's possible that her reluctance to receive a gift is because she feels it creates an obligation, either in the form of relational expectations or gifts in return. Perhaps she feels that she will be obligated to reciprocate at the next birthday or other special occaision and it's a bit much for her budget.
A gift should truly be a gift, intended to bless someone without expectation of any kind of return, even gratitude. If a $40 dollar gift is your genuine expression of your appreciation of her friendship, and you have the money to spare, then it is "worth it" at least for you.
In her mind, however, it may create an unwelcome sense of pressure to "repay" the gift either in material terms or in terms of relational transactions. If this is the case, then it's not worth it because it will create tension rather than joy.
Maybe find something cute or silly that you know she'll enjoy without spending a lot. That route may be more "win" for both of you. :)
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Q: ^boring question sorry. but i was wondering... i know dancing is healthy but how? i mean what does dancing help in? ok wait this is confusing i'll make it simpler. what are the advantages of dancing?
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I'm no dancer, but the benefits that occur to me would be, depending on the vigor and form of the dance: improved cardiovascular health (heart, lungs, circulation), increased muscle tone and strength, elevated mood (endorphins), and greater flexibility. I suppose another benefit would be increased balance and grace, since dance would teach your body how it moves in its environment. The improvements in your physical condition will help you to feel more energetic throughout your day.
Naturally, a more energetic and challenging dance form will give more benefits, providing you take care not to overdo it and injure yourself.
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Q: he n i both were loving two different pple and he wanted to be my best friend. we were starting to fall in love and so he left me.. n taken away the friendship as well.. stl i love him n want to forget him n leave him alone.. please tell me how to foget..
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There is no easy way to forget a relationship that was meaningful. One's pain is a measure of the depth of the relationship. But, one thing that will help is to focus your thoughts, energy, and emotions on your other relationships, maybe reconnect with someone you've been neglecting lately. By "investing" yourself in other relationships, you will reap returns on those investments, which will help to fill the hole left by the lost relationship.
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Q: Okay I am really worried. For the past two months, I have been exremely tired. I go to bed around 10, wake up around 8 or 9, fall back asleep, wake up, fall back asleep, and I'm not even up until like 1:00pm!! I feel super groggy and unhealthy....I have talked to my doctors about this but they don't know or give me like a million reasons that don't feel right...I just wanted some opinions on what people think the cause of this is. Thank you
19/f
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I doubt we can give you any better of an answer than the doctors. It could be a lot of things, like the doctors said. Could be depression, could be a nutritional deficiency, could be a medical issue. What, if anything, has changed recently? Lifestyle change? Diet? Illness? Relationships? Did this change suddenly, or has it been coming on for some time?
These are all questions I'm sure the doctors have already asked you, and they have a lot more information (your medical history, test results, etc.) to go on, but I'm just covering the bases as they occur to me.
One possibility is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which is often very difficult to diagnose.
Sorry I couldn't be of more help.
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Q: i've looked online, but i can't figure out how many MPG my car gets, my mom gave it to me, and she's forgotten since she got it
it's a 2005 chevy cobalt.
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Your mileage will probably be different from that obtained by any tests by the EPA or car magazine. Best way is to set your trip odometer to "0" next time you fill your tank. When you fill up again, divide the miles travelled by the number of gallons you put in the tank. Viola! Your actual, real-world MPG.
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Q: 18/f
I have a crush on this one kid and we flirt all the time but then sometimes he will act weird like he doesn't like me. I want to act hard to get but I don't know how. I'll be seeing him this weekend and I don't wanna fall into the trap of flirting with him and then him backing away. help please!!
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You're 18, time to stop playing games. The trouble with games is that they waste time and prolong the agony if things aren't going to work out. Maybe it's time to take a risk and let him know straight up how you feel about him and find out how he feels about you. This kind of directness and clarity make it so much easier to judge whether it's worth investing more time in this relationship and, if so, how to proceed. If he can't handle an honest approach or if he isn't interested in a romantic relationship with you, then you can stop wasting time with him and move on to others and find that special someone that much faster.
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Q: Okay im 14 in the 8 th grade. in 6th grade i wasent popular 7th grade i was popoular and now 8th grade im just loseing my friends , i hang around certain people sometimes i just feel like im following them and i dont want it to be that way cause they end up leaving me going to talk to other people one of my friends say i dont know how to include myself in coversations but thats being nosey and none of my business and they arent really talking to me. also i dont wanna be a loner and be just all bye my self loooking like something is wrong, i lost two of my most important bestfriends over a dumb sistuation caus e she yelled at me telling me that my ex boyfriend dosent like me and she told me to the only way we could be friends is if i cry i know its sounds mean but i told her she was following someone so she was mad at me for that , im very sensative by the way i was talking to my friend she says im annoying sometimes even my family tells me that sometime idk what to do i just waant my friends back and thing to go back to they way they usto be. what do i do.
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You are at what is often an awkward and difficult stage of life. You're growing out of your childhood and navigating your way to adulthood. Part of the problem here is that all your friends are in this same awkward and transitional stage as well. There are no magical, quick fix solutions to your problem, but your situation is far from hopeless. Some issues will resolve themselves as you grow older and more experienced in life. For now, though, the wisdom and support of an adult (preferably female) would be very helpful to you. If your mother is unwilling or unable to provide that support, you could talk to a school counselor and ask for help finding a mentor. If you attend a church, there is probably someone there who could mentor you. If you don't know of anyone offhand, you could ask the pastor, youth leader, or other staff to recommend someone. Perhaps you have a favorite aunt, or a neighbor lady who could offer you real counsel and guidance.
Your friend is probably right in that you don't know how to include yourself in conversations. The uncertainty and lack of confidence you feel is probably evident to others and it makes them feel uncomfortable. This is a very common dynamic in relationships. Unfortunately, fellow 14-year-olds are better at pointing out problems than offering solutions. Saying that you are annoying and to stop being annoying isn't very helpful.
Excuse me a minute, my dog is telling me I need to check on supper. She is very concerned about the meat being overcooked. Be right back.
Okay, I'm back. The meat is fine. I have a few more minutes before Fluffbutt starts bugging me to start eating so she can have her tidbits. One of the things that will help is for you to learn to be comfortable with yourself. It's okay to be who you are, including the awkward parts. You have good things to bring to relationships and you are worth knowing, hanging out with, and caring about. Your relational "techniques" need some work, which is why I recommend a mentor. They will help you with your relational skills and give you emotional support while you work on those skills.
I am a 51 year old male somewhere off in cyberspace, so I can't really offer you the support a mentor could. I was 14 myself once, and I have a daughter that was 14 not so many years ago, so I empathise with your situation. If I can be of any further help to you, stop by my channel and say hi. And now, just as I predicted, Fluffbutt is demanding that I pay attention to supper. Gotta go.
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Q: I'm a christiam, and I am pretty good. Like, I've NEVER smoked or drank, neeever had sex, or even dated/kissed a guy yet! And of course I'm straight. I'm known as the inocent one in my group of friends, the one everyone knows to shut up about that type of stuff around.
Okies so, I like to read some manga. (Japanese comics) I go to this website oniline and it's a place where you can read free manga scans. Of course there's some adult/mature manga on thissite. Sometimes I get some...Urges... (I think you know what I mean.) Sooo, I look up some of that adult stuff. Like, I love romantic stories. So whn I get those... Urges... I look up adult romance stories. So it's love-dovey love story, but it shows some nudity and, there are some sex scenes. But, and I am ashaamed to admit this, I look up yaoi sometimes when the... urges..., get really bad. (Yaoi is'guy on guy') There are some pretty hard core sex scenes and sometimes I can't help myself... Is this wrong? I feel so guilty afterwards. I don't masterbate or anything, I just look that stuff up every ONCE in a WHILE. So, am I being wrong?
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I know everyone else is going to disagree with me but they are free to post their opinions and you are free to consider their viewpoints. So, I offer my viewpoint as a Christian who has had some familiarity with pornography.
Sexual urges are natural, driven in large part by biology (body chemistry). One should not feel guilty about feeling those urges. However, the experience and expression of those urges are shaped by psychology. Things you see and hear, your experiences, and the contextual framework of your values all play a role in how your sexuality functions in your life.
Part of the problem with the things you are viewing is that they are fiction and fantasy and set up an image and expectation of sex that is unrealistic. Your biological responses don't really know the difference, they respond quite well to fantasy and fiction. The problem is that this response essentially programs your sexuality. Your mind and your body form connections between the stories and the images and your sexual responses. This will have an effect on how you experience sex with a real human being in the real world, and the reality is almost certain to fall short of the fantasy.
The guilt you are feeling is due to the nature of the images and stories you are taking in. They violate your values in a number of ways. By violating your values concerning sex, you are bringing shame and guilt into your psycho-sexual mindset. Some would suggest you change your values as a solution. Another equally valid (and, in my opinion, better)solution would be to avoid those things which violate your values.
By avoiding the things which are at odds with your values and those things which set up an unrealistic, fantastical idea of sex, you are free to get married free of guilt and shame and you and your husband are free to shut the door and do whatever feels good and exciting and loving that your crazy little minds come up with. Your experiences won't be constantly compared to stories and images from a fantasy world. You'll be free to explore your own sexual world and your new discoveries and peak experiences will be with each other, which will help build a strong and healthy marriage.
Once again, I acknowledge that most others will probably strongly disagree with me. I'm not here to argue with them or tell you what to think. This is my opinion offered for your consideration.
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Q: Okay so I'm going to make this short. I met a guy online. We've talked for almost a year and a half and we know everything about eachother. You dont need to lecture me about everyone is not what they seem, I know. Even though something is apart of it. Well at one point we were dating for at least a month and he thought this were bad. Which I didnt think so. Well he lied and said he was a girl all along. So after two weeks I was still hurt from it and I had sex with this guy who liked me at the time and tried to comfort me. And I told him, when I thought he was this andrea girl. Then a week after he starts yelling at me, confessing that he had his friend tell me he was a girl. And that he had a threesome...I dont know what to do it hurts when I think about it I want to cry. He says he loves me and I believe it but when I look back at it, I dont know what to do. Whenever I tell him what I'm feeling about it he always says im just trying to make him feel bad when Im not, Im telling him how I feel. He says the only reason he did was revenge on me for having sex and saying im no better than he is. But..he lied, so when I didnt think he existed I didnt think anything was wrong. But he had a threesome knowing about me...I dont know how to move on. I want to but everytime I think of it it hurts. Who would you say is right, me or him? SHould I forgive him for this? I planned on marrying this guy but dont think Im crazy cause we've skyped. Help my heart.
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The best way, in my opinion, to move on from this pain is to make a clean break from this guy and probably from any others with whom you have had romantic attachments. The best way to get out of the tangle is to get out of the net. This guy lies, plays games, and uses sex as a means of revenge; he is no good for you. I also think your having sex with this other guy probably wasn't a good idea; sounds like revenge sex, rebound sex, or sex motivated by other unhealthy emotions. Sex needs to happen in a mature, healthy environment, otherwise it complicates unhealthy situations and prolongs the agony or delays progress toward a healthy situation.
The pain this situation has caused you won't disappear overnight, but if you step away from the situation, the pain will fade. There are many guys out there who have integrity and have the emotional maturity to give as well as take. Take the time to find them and refuse to settle for those weak of character.
Who is right, you or him? He is most definitely wrong in so many ways, as I pointed out in the beginning. You? Well, you made some mistakes and you'll do better in the future because you are capable of introspection and learning from experience. Should you forgive him? Yes, for your own sake. Forgive him and forget him; forgiving him will free you from the emotional entanglements, but it won't make him any less of a liar and manipulator so leave him behind. Be glad he revealed his nature before you married him, you dodged a bullet, there.
And finally, hold out hope for yourself and your future. As I said, there are many guys out there who will be honest with you and treat you with care and respect.
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Info
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Gender: Male Location: Minnesnowta Occupation: Mail Processing Equipment Mechanic Age: 51 Member Since: May 30, 2011 Answers: 76 Last Update: April 25, 2014 Visitors: 4761
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