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Should I walk away?? God give me strength.
I have been "seeing" a man for five months now. Him and I used to be friends in high school. I first became attracted to him when he and my best friend had a physical relationship, during high school. Since though, he got involved with a short slutty crazy bitch. She had his baby. in the middle of their relationship she cheated on him and during that time him and I had our first kiss. I asked him to kiss me, because I always wondered how it would feel. It was just as fantastic as I thought. Things fell apart between us because he went to jail and when he came to see me again he was back with babymama soon to be. I was hurt, but I moved on with my life it was just a kiss. We had always been friends and so it was easy to put him back in that category. Babymama found out about the kiss and um a little physical foreplay nothing more. She did not like that very much. One day when I texted him. She texted me back. Told me to stay away from her man. Three years later, they are no longer together. At this point he decided to hit me back up. We began talking over facebook of all places. He begin driving over to my house and spending time with me late at night. Things progressed and one night we were both drunk and we had sex. a few days later I found out about another girl he had been seeing for over a year. She happened to live at his house,have sex with him, cook his meals, and take care of babymama's child. Needless to say I was irrate, but I did not know what was good for me because I did not walk away. I listened to him tell me that he was trying to get rid of x-girl that the only reason she was there was because she didn't have a place to stay. A couple of days later he asked me to be his girlfriend. Babymama went ballistic and took his baby away, x-girl went crazy and punched him hard leaving a bruise, and his own mother was angry. A couple of days later he stopped talking to me. I dumped him over facebook a day later. I knew that if he wasn't talking to me, he was talking to someone. He decided to hit me up again. Stupid girl didn't walk away again. I told him that I didn't want anything more to do with him and that we should have sex one more time for closure. He seemed really upset about the whole thing. He seemed like he was trying to find reason for why I was doing what I was doing. Like being with other girls wasn't reason enough. Like the inability for him to commit was more reason enough. All the reason he needed was that he didn't care about me enough. I knew he was still rutting around with babymama and x-girl. Closure happened that night it was amazing between us. It always is. He left that night. I hoped I would never see him again, but he called me and yes I answered. I told him I would be his friend. Since, we have seen each several nights. I have not had sex with him, but I couldn't hold myself back from kissing the man. It's just too darn hard. He told me things would be different. X-girl moved out. things seemed to be going well between us. Then on a night we were supposed to spend together, he made up excuses and told me that he couldn't. He was going out of town the next day, so he said he said he couldn't wait to see me when he got back. He was super sweet. He ended the phone call by saying "I'm sending you a kiss through the phone mmmah." I knew something was up. I saw him post this comment on facebook "just keep smiling" on facebook and babymama responds "I enjoyed seeing you tonight." (Although we aren't friends on facebook he hasn't blocked his wall so I can still see everything.) I couldn't believe it. I was heartbroken for the thousandth time. Then he posted another comment "I know it's not right, but what can I do?" I knew what he was talking about. This whole time I was trying to figure it and I felt like I did that night. I remember one night when we had been arguing about being in a relationship he said "Don't think I'm holding out for babymama." Maybe though, this whole time he has been. I decided that he was probably using me to make her jealous. One night when he was dropping me off. I told him that I had posted pictures of us on facebook he begged for me to re-friend him and tag him in the pictures.He was so persistant, I felt like there had to be an ulterior motive. I felt like he was just doing it so babymama would see. I want to walk away, but every time I do I feel helplessly guilty and scared that I'll lose something I'll regret. When he got back from his out of town trip, he called me several times. I didn't answer and finally texted him. Don't call me, I don't want to talk to you. He texted back "Whatever I don't have to deal with your shit" "you'r out of your mind". I was strong with the delivery, I said "I hope so :)" and ended it. Then I read on facebook that he was going to jail the next day (yes I facebook stalk him) and I felt horrible. I wrote him three emails asking him if he was really going to jail, and telling him that I would pray for him, and telling him my reasons again for walking away. All of my emails went unanswered. I then looked him up and found out he was in jail the next day. I wrote him a letter in jail. I told him that I was sorry for being mean, and that I didn't have the money for bail or I would bail him out. I joked that when I am a nurse he could go to jail all he wanted. I told him I would put money in his account so that he could write me back, but I never did because I thought "what if he never writes me?" What if he uses the money for something else?" He is still in jail right now. I secretly hope when he gets out that he will call me again, but I also secretly hope that he doesn't. I know that I deserve more than this. I have told myself that time and time again. I know also that I love this man. And I wonder to myself if it would ever be possible for me to accept this as enough. I would never be willing to be his hoe, but if he wanted me for his girlfriend would it be another story? Can he ever truly get over babymama? Maybe I am just not the right girl to make that happen. Maybe the reason for this is because he believes her to be my superior. I am so helpless I am such a fool.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Whenever I read a story like this, I think of how much time and energy and emotion is being wasted on someone who has so clearly and consistenly demonstrated his unsuitability as a lover, confidante, father, husband, life partner, etc. This guy is a taker. If you want to be sucked dry, by all means continue to fixate on this guy. One day all the drama will get really old and stale and you will discover that you have invested many of your best years with nothing to show for it. In the meantime, you will have missed out on many opportunities to meet men who are everything this guy is not.
Let's clear the fog of infatuation and get a clear picture of this guy. He's a liar, a manipulator, unstable, childish, selfish, and causes chaos wherever he goes. The best thing for you to do would be to never see or talk to this guy ever again (no letters, phone calls, or Facebook) so he can't suck you in again. you will eventually get over him and hopefully move on to relationships that have some promise of a healthy, fulfilling future.
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He sounds like he has a problem with honestly, Will he ever get over the mother of his child. No, That is the mother of his child. This guy may get over her in a romantic way but either way she'll always be apart of his life in some way as they both share a child together. On top of that, He had a girlfriend that he didn't tell you about instead he lied and told you she was just staying at his place. Put two and two together, You have a compulsive liar. I would put this guy on the back burner and move on, If you want a real relationship then find someone who isn't drama.
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