Unfortunately it is hard to stop that kind of rumor by just saying I didn't do it.

You can -
A. talk to him - but he is a jerk so that won't work
B. Let the rumor die down - rumors are only good until another better one comes along
C. Just keep saying "Apparently He feels the only way he get a blow job is to make one up. That is some pretty serious self esteem issues."
D. It was a necklace and I knew him for 5 seconds. WOW and you believed him? You look smarter than that.

The point is the people coming up to you probably don't believe him but want to make you uncomfortable. Don't be it will takes the fun out of it for them. A rumor that isn't fun to spread dies quickly. A rumor that spreads far and wide becomes a legend.

That is the real trick here is react like it is the most ridiculous thing in the world.


Funny but not advised
E. admit the lie- simply say "Hey he was so sweet and we where both feeling each other but then he pulled it out and well is yellow goo on it normal? I was not going near it! (alternatives-it was soo tiny is 2in normal? etc etc)

First what seems like forever for a woman or girl is not that long for a guy. Almost a week is a sign that he doesn't have a driving desire to text you.

There could be a few reasons for this.

If you "hookup" or make out each time you meet then the relationship becomes about making out. If he is not interested in hooking up or on the "hookup" high = no drive. If he is hooking up with someone else = no drive.

He will text you again when he feels like hooking up.

If you want to be more to him. Then start having other kind of fun with him

Don't text him and do you own thing. Ironically when women are busy with their own life men find them. (they like the independent passion)

The only way I know how to fully accept your mortality is to live a full life.(whether you are religious or not). Define for yourself what a good life is and go CREATE it.

"I'm afraid of how sudden I could die, without knowing why or saying my farewells to my loved one"

Share with people how you feel about them. Make connections and honor them

"If anything I've done matters when I die."

Make your life matter and you will matter after you die too. Dream big and follow through. Make a difference in the people around you.

"And even if it's not my death, I'm afraid of the day when I lose the people I care about"

Many people in my life have pasted away. From an early age I have learned this.
- Every person that has offered you something in life stays with you. From the smallest thing to the biggest.
- When you feel sadness because they are not here it's always attached to something great. Remember and celebrate that great memory, idea, advice, etc. Let go of the sadness
- It's ok to be afraid of losing the people you care about, they are important and precious in your life. Don't lose site of the fact you have them right now. Spend time, enjoy them, do your best.
- Each death teaches something about life and how to live it. Isn't that the point? how well you live life. Learn the lessons and use them in your life.

I adore manly men. My guy knows how to fix a car, build stuff and fix broken things. More than that he excels at it. (his father knows how to do none of that)

You know what? That's not why I chose him or fell in love with him. It's not why I stayed with him.

Here is why, here is what his father taught him. He challenges me to be the best me I can be. He is always there to support me even if he doesn't agree with me 100%.(and argue too) He's ok with me making mistakes. He shows me he loves me. Respects me. When things get tough I can count on him. Sometimes when I don't think I'm strong enough he takes over. He is trusting and secure enough to let me take over too. He goes to the end of the earth for his friends and family. My happiness is important to him in and out of the bedroom.

Have you taught any of that to your sons? That is really want a man is. Someone with honor and strength. Someone who know how to love others as much or more than themselves.

I can go to the store for meat and fish. I can hire a carpenter, plumber, mechanic hell I can google it or take a class. My guy gives me something that I can't hire out. Ultimately a measure of a man (or woman) is how they care for those they love. From your post you are a better example of a man than you think.

The best Condoms have approx a 2% chance of breakage, higher for thinner condoms. There is a approx 1.5% of chance of slippage. (meaning a condom that is full of sperm and on might slip off in the vagina). Even if that does not happen there is still a 2% chance of sperm getting through (no joke).

There is a chance of a higher failure if with a manufacturer's defect, expired package, package damaged after manufacturing, including when you open it. If the condom is used for more than one ejaculation. If the condom is double bagged (2 condoms put on instead of one)

It is always best to use at least 2 methods of protection when having sex. Condoms for protection from some STD's and pregnancy plus another form of birth control. eg. pills (best) spermicide (avoid oral tastes bad, etc - discuss all options with your doctor

You have not listed how old you are. So here is a list of minor access laws by state.

http://www.contracept.org/minorsaccess.php


Condoms reduce sensitivity, while the thinner ones help with this issue they also have a higher percent of breakage.

DON'T have sex without a condom (including oral) Condoms can protect you from some very serious STD's (not all std's).

There are quite a few responses to him saying It won't feel as good.

via Menstuff.org. http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/condoms.html

Some of my favorites -

"if you wear a condom then we can both relax and enjoy ourselves"

"you won't feel anything unless we use a condom."

If is his unwilling to wear a condom walk away no matter how hard it is. A guy who doesn't respect your health and feeling about something so important doesn't respect you. That is a guy not worth having sex with.

Venting is a normal human reaction BUT (behold the underlining truth) 3 months is a long time to vent. While she may have done something cruel and heartless to him. That is no reason for him to be cruel and heartless to you.

Every time he vents he re-lives the pain of his past relationship and unfortunately makes you watch. She was cruel to him over 7mths ago. He has been cruel to himself ever since. Why give her so much power? Makes you wonder if he still has feeling for her? The answer is yes, even if it isn't love. He has feelings of pain, anger and resentment. That has no place in your relationship with him. Explain to him that you after that you don't want her hurting him or you anymore.

Let him know that it is healthier for him and your relationship if he lets this pain go. Tell him he gets one long, epic rant. He can curse, shout, complain and even whine about her. You will be there to hear him, love him, comfort him and be understanding. But that is it. In the future it's just you and him. His ex and feelings about his ex are in the past. Let them stay there.

Exception: if he needs to use her or any other ex as a example to improve his relationship with you. eg. I don't like it when you...because X use to.... (it's difficult to explain feelings and former examples help, ex's do sometimes come up in new relationships - it should be very limited)

The definition of rape is forced, unwanted sexual intercourse. If you are unable to consent (underage, drunk or drugged)then it's rape.

Legally it would be difficult if not impossible to press charges because he may have not have known you didn't want sex. From what you described you were not clear about your feelings or wants with him. From what you describe you weren't incapacitated enough for the legal system to act.

That doesn't change the frightening and traumatizing experience you went through. It doesn't change that you still need care, comfort, and a way to heal. It doesn't need to be labeled "technically" not rape. It was unwanted sex. It was emotionally scarring sex. Isn't that all that all that needs to be said?

What happened shouldn't of. Sex shouldn't hurt. It shouldn't be emotionally scarring. It should feel good even if it is rough. It should be consensual. Your partner should notice that if you are crying during sex. They should make sure you are ok if you are crying. They should be aware if you are in pain. They should be concerned with your feelings and your pleasure.Don't blame yourself. There is nothing that justifies having being treated like this.

Go to the doctor. Get a check up. Even had this not happened you need to get checked for stds regularly.

Deal with the feelings. Traumatic past experiences can effect your future experiences. Talk to someone. Either a therapist, group, or hotline

Rain has been giving free online and phone support for years.

http://www.rainn.org/


"Ray" may not fully believe you or at least thinks you may be leaving things out. This is not unusual. People don't want to believe that horrible things happen. They like reasons. They like to feel they can protect the people they care about. They are comforted in the idea that a cause = a certain reaction. It's difficult to hear that someone have a romantic interest in has had sex with someone else. When that sex is traumatic, forced or hurts the person you care about it brings a level of intensity that is uncomfortable.

Ray's reaction at best is immature. He is trying to figure out if he can trust your version of events. If he does what can he do about it. That is no reason to call you "dummy". It's disrespectful and insulting.

Yes you have a right to feel "weird" and yes you can talk to Ray. Let him know that whether or not he believes what you told him, you needed (and need) his support and care. Don't do it to get Ray back (that is his decision) Do it because it is time to speak up. He should be clear about why you told him. Knowing what you need gives him a option of how to deal with the situation. It helps you take a step towards a stronger you. It helps the healing. In the end his reaction matters less than your bravery in dealing with your feelings and needs. Care for yourself by speaking up about how you feel. Start being clear about what is acceptable and not to you. Then take action and get help.

Keep making progress but don't be impatient. Take it slowly. Healing takes time.

WARNING LONG RESPONSE-

I started working when I was 15 and at times worked 2 jobs or 3 a year. Some seasonal, others temporary or on call and some at the same time.

I have had unusual work experience.(still do)
Jobs I have had under the age of 18.

in NY-
*Model - artist and print (on call - did until I was about 20)
*botanical gardens - planting, fertilizing, weeding
*baby sitting (on call)
*Riding stables - grooming horses,feeding and shoveling manure
*selling and making jewelry/art (still do this)
*street vendor - books (seasonal and did for a good part of my adult life too)
*cotton candy maker in fairs (seasonal)
*movie theater concession
*Fried Chicken place - washed dishes and cut chicken in the back (summer)

1 summer out side of NY
*veal farm - care of 115 calves

A few summers outside of the US
*Volunteer Forest firefighter - First in charge of care of equipment then fought forest fires using a fire flap, backfire torch, shovel, etc.(for the longest time I wanted to be a smoke jumper)

I got paid for all of these jobs except the forest firefighting job. A great experience and confidence builder.

To write a resume without WORK experience is simple. You write down your other experience and how it may apply to a paid job. For example I spent summers in my childhood on my grandparents farm. I read books, loved art, visited museums, took care of my cousins, helped my neighbors with their lawn and shoveling snow, etc. Get the picture.

Write down your talents and qualities- I spoke 2 languages (then), was willing to work hard, learned tasks well, enjoyed a challenge, etc

Write down your hobbies and clubs - I collected vintage jewelry repaired them, painted, wrote stories, I gardened with my godfather (not sure that was a hobby then it was more of a chore, but I'm glad I did it now)

Write down your awards and achievements - grades count (there is a lot of work done), I was on the honor roll, published in the school paper, had been in school plays (forced I was unbelievably shy), etc

The most important part? Get letters and references. Ask your teachers, parents, friends of parents, neighbors, etc. Ask them to write down your qualities, what are your strengths, how do you work, learn, etc. Ask them if it's ok for a prospective employer to call.(never give out contact info with out permission) Remember that these letters represent your former "bosses"

Consider volunteering to get some work experience and references.

Talk to people and ask questions. Be open to trying new things. A lot of the jobs I have had came from conversations.

If you are an artist or have something to sell there are online venues like Etsy, Ebay, artfire, etc. (read their rules)

I understand more than most the desire to work in something other than a mainstream job but don't just discount it. It's not the job but you and the people you work with that is what makes it interesting or worthwhile (of course the paycheck also). One of the most boring job I had was model(really).

If you are a medium frame woman you are actually medical book weight (perfect) 115lbs.

That said...

Whether or not you lose 10lbs of weight by Oct at a calorie intake of 1200 depends greatly on

1- your previous intake
2- the type of calories they are
3- the amount of stress it puts on your body
4- metabolism
5- the amount your body moves

Let me explain if you have been maintaining your present weight at 1200 or less then the "lifestyle" plan will make no difference.

If you are eating 1200 calories but they are high in sugar, salt or unhealthy foods you won't drop as much or as fast as you would like and may gain weight if you stop the "lifestyle" plan

If you are stressed about weight or in general your body interprets that as danger and pumps in a hormone called Cortisol. Chronicly that can change your Metabolism, blood sugar, fat storage and food cravings. All of it is designed to help you survive.

A 18 year old woman generally has a higher metabolism than a 30 or 40 year old woman. That means that you burn more calories and also need more calories. A calorie intake that is good for your aunt may not be a good number for you.

Move more drop more weight. If you live a active life style then more calories are burned. If you don't move a lot and your spare time is spent watching movies or going to friend homes and you have desk job then you burn less calories.

This is a calculator to figure out how many calories you need for your age, goal weight and activity level. It has a 7 day zig zag option use it. It lets you raise and lower calories for more active days when you do muscle related exercise or you find your self more hungry.

http://ht.ly/2uHno

Ok now the best way to get a better body and really have a "lifestyle" plan. -

Find out how many calories you need using the calculator. Then move every day.

A person needs to have 1/2hr of movement every day to be healthy. if you want to be fit 1/2hr extra. That may seem like a lot but it's not. Humans usually move quite a bit. So if you are already walking places during the day you may only need to add 1/2hr a day. That exercise can be in the form of walking, running, dancing, sports, weight machines, basically anything that moves the body.

Weight training, cardio and stretching should be included in an all around exercise practice.

Weight training makes muscles stronger, burning fat, slimming the body, increasing calories burned in a "resting" (muscles burn fat constantly) and reducing body pain such as back pain and other aches later on.

Cardio burns massive amounts of calories, builds strong heart and lungs, increasing calories burned in the "resting" state because more oxygen get to your muscles, reduces stress and your chances of getting various health problems (heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc)

Stretching makes for an overall healthier body. It reduces the chance of sprains and injuries, Elongates the frame (think dancer's body)by elongating the muscles, increased flexibility, increases mobility and reduces stress.

Feed your body well (healthy) and treat it well (move). You will have a slimmer more pleasing body but you will also have a strong body that lasts and treats you well.

Visiting a doctor can get you on a long term plan and evaluate any health risks you may have before reducing calories or exercising.

Working out is great when dealing with "the blues" even with lessening clinical depression.

Studies have found that that exercise can

* Releasing feel-good brain chemicals that may ease depression (neurotransmitters and endorphins)
* Reducing immune system chemicals that can worsen depression
* Increasing body temperature, which may have calming effects

It can also help gain confidence, increase social interaction, keep your mind busy, keep you active in a healthy way.

Studies also show that going out side in the sun (Vit D) can ease the blues. Surprisingly the pills are not as efficient as a walk outdoors.

Yes tell your nurse about the depression. It's important when choosing the dose and kind of birth control.

The numbers Peeps gave are if everything goes perfectly.

Your chances go up if you miss a pill, take other medication (one example -antibiotics), eat certain foods (one example - grapefruit juice) that interfere with the pill. Smoking make increases your chance of becoming pregnant while on the pill. So does where you store your pills. If it is too hot or damp the pills become less effective.

Get a list of things that interfere with the pill from your doctor. Inform them of new medications and even vitamins or supplements (for example St John's wort can interfere with the effectiveness of birth control pills) before you take them.

If you are having sex with someone you can't see in your life long term it is always best to use a condom as well as the pill.

The phrase "wake up" has nothing to do with your mental ability. If fact it is often said to people who are smart. It was probably believed that you weren't 100% involved in what you were doing, instead you were dazed, daydreaming, etc.

A little blood is normal after loosing your virginity (and possibly the first few times after) The amount of blood varies from woman to woman. It should stop soon a day or two.

If you begin to bleed heavily (more than period) or are in pain check in with your doctor.

E-mail:
Gender:
Location:
Occupation:
Member Since:
Answers:
Last Update:
Visitors:
Main Categories: