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I never taught my boys to hunt or fish.
I'm father to two grown young men each on his own and making it go in life, but they never learned to hunt or fish from me, they did not learn carpentry skills or motor skills from me because I don't know how to do those things. It eats at me, the guilt. What better lives they could have had had I been a real man instead of a loser.
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Hunting, fishing, auto-mechanical skills, and carpentry do not make a man a man. A man can be manly without ever laying hands on a gun, knife, or bow. A man can be a man without having ever driven a car, let alone rebuilt an engine. A man can be a man without hammering one nail in his entire lifetime.
A man is strong but not necessarily physically.
A man takes pride in his work--even if it's as a custodian.
A man knows right from wrong. He knows when he should push forward and when it's best to leave it alone and move on.
A man is courageous when he needs to be. He may not go out and try to tame lions but sometimes courage comes in small situations dealing with every day tasks.
A man knows respect. He's earned it and knows when to give others that courtesy.
A man cares about others. He cries. He needs hugs sometimes. He holds hands with his lady. He knows he isn't a "wuss" or "pussy" for being human. He's comfortable in his own skin.
Your boys aren't missing out on anything. If you've taught them right then you've raised them well. There is nothing to feel ashamed about. There is nothing to feel guilt for in this.
Move on. Move forward. If what you really want to do is learn these things then do them. You can get low-cost training for hunting at many locations. You can learn how to fish on your own after reading about it online. You can hire a guide for these things.
Then, if you feel it's absolutely necessary, you can still pass these skills on to your sons. Just because they're older doesn't mean they cannot learn from you any more. When they visit you can take them out for a fishing trip. You can invite them over to help you build a shed in the backyard.
Or, you can realize that not knowing those things doesn't mean you're any less of a man. You're still important. You're still a man--just as manly as the next man even. There is nothing lacking within you because you don't know some of those things. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a different life and different experiences from others.
I cannot say if you did well as a father. I wasn't there. I didn't see you help them with their first steps or get excited when they mumbled out "Dada" their first few times. I don't know if you helped them on their first day of school or if you encouraged them to play football when they really wanted to but were scared of a new experience. I have no idea if you met their first girlfriends or if you listened to their wants as young teenagers for new cars or fancy shoes.
A good father doesn't need to know how to hunt or fish. A good father doesn't need to know how to rebuild a house or how to fix the car. Those are not the things that make a person a person. Those do not make you manly. Those do not make you a good person or a father.
You're not a loser. You're just not.
Move on with your life. If you're really interested in those things then start checking out some books from the library and researching them on the internet. If those things don't really intrigue you then that is perfectly fine. You're still a man.
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I adore manly men. My guy knows how to fix a car, build stuff and fix broken things. More than that he excels at it. (his father knows how to do none of that)
You know what? That's not why I chose him or fell in love with him. It's not why I stayed with him.
Here is why, here is what his father taught him. He challenges me to be the best me I can be. He is always there to support me even if he doesn't agree with me 100%.(and argue too) He's ok with me making mistakes. He shows me he loves me. Respects me. When things get tough I can count on him. Sometimes when I don't think I'm strong enough he takes over. He is trusting and secure enough to let me take over too. He goes to the end of the earth for his friends and family. My happiness is important to him in and out of the bedroom.
Have you taught any of that to your sons? That is really want a man is. Someone with honor and strength. Someone who know how to love others as much or more than themselves.
I can go to the store for meat and fish. I can hire a carpenter, plumber, mechanic hell I can google it or take a class. My guy gives me something that I can't hire out. Ultimately a measure of a man (or woman) is how they care for those they love. From your post you are a better example of a man than you think.
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