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Q: 21/f
Before I start, please do not tell me about the safety of having sex (using condoms to prevent pregnancy, to prevent getting STDs, even if you're on birth control pills, etc.) I am aware of all of these things.
Let me say that my boyfriend and I do not use condoms. We did at first, but I have been on birth control for the past three years. We are also both STD free.
So, my situation is I went through my boyfriend's wallet trying to get a hint of what I should get him for his birthday. His wallet didn't have many things in it and I found a condom. I got to thinking, if we don't usually use condoms, why would he carry one around with him? I thought maybe he forgot about it before he met me or he wanted to be safe just in case? But just in case what? Just in case another girl comes along that he wants to sleep with doesn't give me much of a reassurance.
I just want to understand why or the possibility of him having it would do. I know that if I got him a new wallet, he'll put another condom in it, too. I'm curious on what the purpose may be. Am I thinking too much into it? Should I even be worried about this?
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I am confused as to how searching your boyfriends wallet would help you with birthday gift ideas? Sorry if I'm missing the point but given how little you seem to trust him I wonder if there wasn't another motive for looking through the wallet!?
Trust in relationships is really very very simple in my view. There has to be trust for the relationship to be a happy healthy and positive one. Without trust there will be non of those things.
Obviously no one here can tell you if your boyfriend is cheating or not. What I can say is having a condom in his wallet doesn't mean anything within its self. A lot of guys simply always carry condoms as habit and always have. You don't know how long that condom has been in there even.
This is really not an issue about condoms in wallets it's an issue of trust generally. If you really trusted your boyfriend a condom in a wallet wouldn't send your imagination into overdrive. If your boyfriend has never given you any reason not to trust him then you should ask yourself why you don't. I do not mean this in a critical way - but this is really the important question here.
You could always just ask your boyfriend! Though of course that would mean implying to him you don't trust him and confessing to rooting through his wallet!
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams and live the life you imagined
Ashok
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Q: Hello, porn is wrecking my life. I am 24 and revert to it every few weeks or months for up to an hour - way too much. It makes me really depressed and I feel unstable mentally because of it. I don't want to pursue a relationship till I feel a bit more stable as I don't want to screw up anyone else's life. I guess the obvious answer is STOP DOING IT but it is like a drug that seems impossible to break! :(
What should I do?
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I don't agree with you that you have a porn addiction. You say you watch porn for up to an hour every few weeks or months. On any view, this is not a an addiction. A huge number of people will watch a lot more porn than that with no worry or ill effects.
Maybe you have been taught or brought up to believe that watching porn is somehow wrong. This is nonsense - as long as it's all consenting adults then it's all fun and games!
You are giving yourself a massively hard time about something which is really a non issue. Sometimes people suffering with low self esteem and low confidence fixate on a perceived awful thing they do which is really just how their general low mood and self esteem is manifesting itself but the problem is wider and deeper. I don't know if this true for you, it's something for you to consider.
For what it's worth - I watch porn more than you. I'm not addicted, I don't see it as a problem and I have healthy relationships sexually. I also know it's the norm within my friendship group. Non of us have a problem with porn, most of us watch it more than you!
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams and live the life you imagined
Ashok
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Q: I am 20 years old girl.2 years ago I met a boy (23 years) on facebook.He was from the another city of my country.I never add unknown people. Actually I was searching someone from his company. And I sent friend request to him. But after chatting I came to know that he was not the one. I decided to remove him. But from his old status I came to know that he lost his mother last year. I really felt bad. And decided not to remove him. We became friends. We used to chat for long time. He shared a lot of things with me so did I. He was a nice boy. He cared for me. I forgot to take my medicine. He asked me everyday that I took my medicine or not. He asked my opinion about his business card. I mean he gave me priorities. But after 2 months don't know what happened he started to change. He didn't reply me back like before. I didn't ask why. And I started to realize that I like him. I felt bad about it that how I fall in love with someone on internet. I decided to move on and not to talk to him anymore. But that time it seemed very difficult to me. I decided to remove him. One night I knocked him and told him something about my family and then told him that I am going to remove him. He said please tell me the reason. I told him and removed him.but still I used to message him and he replaid me. That time I came to know from other source that he hided things from me. He didn't told me that his father got married few days ago. He told me that he had a girlfriend for one year but he never loved her. But I came to know that after that he also had a girlfriend almost for 3 years. But he didn't tell me anything about it. After one months I added him again. He accepted friend request and talked to me like nothing happened. Everything became normal again. I gave him my number. We started to chat on whatsapp. Almost like before. It was my birthday. I asked for gift. He asked what I want. I told as your wish. He told me to ask for something. I told him that you won't be able to give me. He asked me what. I didn't want to tell him. But he forced me and requested me to tell what I want. I told him that I liked him seriously and I really wanted to spent my life with him. He told me that we didn't meet each other ever so we shouldn't think about it. One night I asked him,won't you ever love me?He said "you are a very silly girl,stop this childish,it will be good for you and relationship are really trouble thing for me". On reply I said I will wait for you because I am unable to love anyone else.He didn't say anything.One day I called him and we talked for the first time. That day he told me about his father marriage. We talked for 20 minutes. And he was nice. After that we used to talk. His birthday was coming I decided to send him a gift. I asked for his address but he refused to give it to me. But I knew his addressed already so I sent the gift. And he accepted it(There was his another female friend. She also liked him. She also send him gift but he didn't accept it.I came to know from someone.) And on his birthday he called me and said that I am crazy. But he was happy.Every thing was going well. One day I knocked him on whatsapp and after sometime he replaid. Like he always does. But I felt something is wrong. Don't know why!!! But my mind telling me that something is wrong. I felt that he was not replying me. Someone else was doing it. And the person talked to me little rudely. I knew that he couldn't talk to me like that. I end the conversation. I was so upset that he allowed someone to reply me by his phone. After 7 days I knocked him and asked about the matter. He told that it wasn't he. I asked who it was. He told it was his colleague. But he didn't tell the name. I got very angry. He tried to explain me that it wasn't intentional. But I didn't pay any heed to his talk. I asked him how could he allowed someone to message me. He said that his colleague borrowed his phone for some work and I knocked that time and she replaid. She also deleted the message but told him what she wrote. And she did it for fun. I was so angry. I shouted at him. And told him not to contact me ever. At last he also got angry and told me that I was just a facebook friend to him nothing else and he never thought about me.
After that I found out the girls name. She is 1 year older than him. She also proposed him. But he said no. I contacted him again almost after 3 months. He also did. One day he called me we talked for so long. And the next day the girl tried to commit suicide and admited into hospital but he didn't even go to see her. When I heard about it I really felt bad.I come to know that the girl is back in his life.They talk to each other.But they are just friend. He never tells me anything about it ever. I found it out from another source. I also ask him that if he has any problem to talk to me he can tell me directly I won't contact him again. But he says he has no problem to talk to me.
We don't talk like before.He never knocks me. I don't knock him much. I still have that feelings for him. I still like him. But it doesn't hurt me anymore. I am doing okay in my life. I call him sometimes(like once in a month/months) . And he talk to me nicely like before we used to talk. I wonder he still remembers little things about me. I talk to him like a friend. I never talk about my feelings and all this. But last time when we talked he asked me,do I have a boyfriend now? I said,no. He asked,why? On my mind I was telling,because I told you that I will wait for you. But i didn't tell him that. I told him that you know the answer but may be you don't remember it.I was a little angry.
Should I move on?Should I cut contact with him?
And yes I always feel that he has some feelings for me. May be its not love,but its special.Did/does he have?I accept the fact that he would never love me. But I still love him. And I am okay with that.
Tell me what to do now?
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Hi,
Thank you for your question to my inbox - I am very happy to try and help you with this.
I am sorry but I am simply going to have to be quite blunt here. You are sounding like a crazy stalker. I don't mean to be rude, but lets look at the facts.
You have never met him in person - not even once. He has said quite clearly that you are just a facebook friend to him - and even if you think that's a little harsh given how much you have talked on facebook and whatsapp etc. still the fact remains this is an internet only friendship so to say you are 'just a facebook friend' to him is consistent with the facts. He has shown alarm and concern with your behaviour when you are doing such things as declaring your love for him. He doesn't want you to have his address or didn't want to give you his address. Proper friends know one another's addresses - however not wanting to give a person you have never met and only talk to on-line your address is normal.
The above are some of the cold hard facts of the situation - as you have presented them to me. I am sorry if you think this is harsh but you asked for advice and its no use not telling it as I honestly see it.
You asked if you should stop talking to him. If you can't just view him as a facebook friend you chat to on-line sometimes then yes you should as he seems to want nothing more.
I would concentrate on 'real life' friendships and relationships. Don't fixate on people on the internet you have never even met.
The above having been said. Don't let this get you down. We all do things we look back on and wonder what we where doing or why we acted like we did. The past is the past what has happened has happened.
Take a deep breath and move forward. Concentrate on the friends, family, relationships which you have in the 'real world'.
You deserve to be happy. Chasing boys on the internet you have never met and who don't really want to know will not assist you with being happy. You deserve more.
Please do reply to give more info and / or ask further questions about this if you wish.
I wish you happy real life relationships!
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams and live the life you imagined,
Ashok
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Q: I was just wondering if anyone knows anyways that actually work of how to get more Instagram and Twitter followers?
Thanks.
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If you want LOTS more followers FAST then you can use a service to buy them. Google 'buy twitter followers' / 'buy instagram followers' and you will find lots of websites offering this service. www.buyafollowers.com is an example but I am not saying it's the best or recommending it.
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you imagined,
Ashok
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Q: So, im 15 years old and im dating with that guy for 2 months. He's sweet and stuff and i reaally like him and we meet very often. So, last night he came and picked me up with his car and we went to a dark place (but we were in the car). We talked and laughed and then he came on top of me and we started making out. I waas feeling super hot. Then, his hand moved down there and he started ''petting'' the area. It felt good and i wasnt really thinking cos of the atmosphere. At the end, he fingered me and i liked it a lot. However, when i went home, i cried and called myself a slut for enjoying it!. Did I do the right thingg? Am i too young? Am i a slut?
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We (human beings) are sexual. It is perfectly normal what you describe and nothing for you to worry about. You should never feel pressured or forced into doing anything however providing that you wanted to happed what was happening at the time please do not worry about this at all.
Do not EVER call yourself awful names like that - you deserve far more respect and are worth far more. Take care and have fun with guys doing anything provided you feel comfortable doing it.
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you imagined,
Ashok
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Q: I am 12 and I watch porn is that a bad thing
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No! Don't worry. You are on the younger end of the 'porn watching' normal age range however are of an age when you are entering into transition from child to adult and sexual interest and desires are to be expected and will only grow from here. As long as you aren't absolutely addicted then don't worry. Enjoy yourself!
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you imagined,
Ashok
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Q: We just broke up barely 6 months ago. We were together for 9 months and recently started seeing each other again for a few months.after brake up. He never mentioned seeing anyone else at all. We were together last Wed. and he proposed to her on Saturday? He told me in the beginning of the relationship he was over her as she had left town to be with someone else.I confronted him about being engaged and he was really cruel and cold and nonchalant about it! I feel I'm going crazy because I feel it's wrong to sleep with someone you know has feelings for you, and then a few days later ask another person to marry you? He feels he did nothing wrong because he didn't promise me a relationship but he also didn't make it clearly that he wasn't interested in working things out either.
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You could drive yourself crazy with this - thinking about it over and over and getting madder and madder - indeed you have started on this path already. Alternative is cut him adrift, shake yourself off, accept the past as is and leave it behind. Concentrate on your future. This is not a guy you want to be with or should be wasting your time on. You can think endlessly about him and the injustice of it all and feel sorry for yourself or move on with your life and get over this. The choice really is yours, you have the power.
Leave this guy and period of your life behind and concentrate on your future.
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you imagined,
Ashok
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Q: My boyfriend had sex with me yesterday and it was my first time doing it he didnt pop my"cherry" and today I feel sick and my stomach was bouncing, what does it mean? And can I still get pregnant if my "cherry" isn't popped?
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Well felling sick and as if you have a 'bouncing stomach' today is not an indication of pregnancy - you have no symptoms of pregnancy the day after conception. However if you had unprotected sex you may be pregnant - simple as that! Forget this 'cherry not popped' nonsense. Had sex + no contraception = possible pregnancy. If you don't want a baby always make sure you practice safe sex. You are still within the time for the emergency contraceptive pill so you should seek immediate assistance to get this. In any even seek medical advice and help with this and also future contraception. Take care and happy baby free sex.
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you imagined,
Ashok
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Q: Ok so I have became and extremely needy girl towards the guy I love we have only been a thing for like 4 months in the beginning everything was good then i took things way too serious i text him all the time and always ask him if we can hang out... he knows he has me whenever he wants so he takes advantage of it..if i back off and stop texting him and let him make the moves will this keep him more intersted?
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I can not tell you if one action or another will keep this guy interested or put him off - nor can anyone on this site. How could we - we don't know you or him at all. Nor can I tell you - based on what you describe - if you actually are acting in a way that will put this guy off or if you are just being paranoid. What I do know is this: You are panicking about loosing this guy and acting in a way that will make that outcome more likely. You have also decided for yourself that you are acting unreasonably hence describing yourself as 'extremely needy' and 'way too serious' - so whether that is true or not it's how you feel you are contributing to the relationship. You clearly have a lot of anxiety about this and I suspect that you feel it would be the worst thing in the world if the relationship ended.
My advice is this:
CALM DOWN! The relationship may well end and if it does you will be fine and you will move on with your life (no matter how you feel - I truly assure you that you will!!) - if the relationship breaks down that's a part of life and you will learn from it and move on. It will be hard and painful for a while but you WILL get over it. On the other hand if all goes perfectly with this relationship then great, no problem, all is well.
This is a case of worrying far too much about what might happen and assuming you wont be able to cope if you get an outcome you don't want. Stop - calm down - enjoy life - take things as they come - don't worry about what might happen - concentrate on your inner self and internal love and happiness - live in the moment.
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you imagined,
Ashok
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bio
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As a teenager I was an avid advicenators user - hence my motivation to return as an older and hopefully wiser guy, who now has professional training in Hypnotherapy, CBT, NLP and Life Coaching.
My advice will always be honest and to the point. I won't chase high ratings by telling people what they want to hear if that's not what I believe they need to hear! Though your ratings and feedback are appreciated of course.
My mantra in my coaching work is to enable my clients to go confidently in the direction of their dreams and live the life they imagined. That's how I believe we should all live.
Ashok
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Info
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Gender: Male Occupation: Entrepreneur also Hypnotherapist and Life Coach Age: 27 Member Since: August 30, 2014 Answers: 29 Last Update: January 16, 2015 Visitors: 3563
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