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Well yeah I am feeling suicidal,
I just completed my ALevels in the UK and got my results about 2 weeks ago. I didn't do as well as I expected.
I literally worked so so so hard and at the end of it I didn't achieve the grades I needed to get into the medicine course at University.
The problem is all I've ever wanted to be was a doctor and I tried soso hard and just didn't make it. In the 2 years it took to do my alevels every single failure has just upset me more and more and now I really don't see the point in life.
Being a doctor means everything to me. The reason being, I lost quite a close fried just before I started alevel course and he commit suicide. This rereally upset me and I've talked about his death to my girlfriend at the time and still my girlfriend for over a year. I know that all I've wanted to do since that point is I wanted to be a doctor to help kids who feel like that.
I turned 18 a few months back and I have felt this feeling ever since I realised I can't do medicine. Its all I want to do, I've asked universities to accept me up to the point of begging but I understand that it will never happen.
My parents are v.supportive and told me to keep at it and as I asked them I told them make sure I stay in the house and just keep working till I get there. But realistically from the 2/3 weeks ago I got my results I know it will never happen and I just don't know what is the point in living this life when I am just empty.
Idk why I am posting on here I just feel like I need someone to talk to:/
I live in America, but my experiences in high school were similar to yours. I was a perfectionist, and if I didn't get straight A's in everything, I felt like a failure. My school had very high expectations and my teachers kept telling me that we had to do our absolute best or we wouldn't get into a good college. To most students in our school, not getting into a good college was basically equivalent to failing at life. I believed it, and ended up overworking myself to the point where I had to drop out.
The therapist I saw in high school told me that, all too often, we lock ourselves into one 'ideal future' and lose the ability to see all the alternate paths. You want to get into medical school; I wanted to get perfect grades, get into a great college, and achieve my idea of success. But when that one ideal future is disrupted, we don't know what to do with ourselves. If it's all you've ever seen yourself doing, and now it isn't an option, where do you go from there? What do you do?
Part of the solution is widening your idea of 'success' and keeping alternative plans to fall back on. At this point, I have dropped out and moved around rather often. By my old standards, I have failed multiple times, and it is frustrating as hell. But when one thing doesn't work, I try something else. So far, I have managed to graduate high school on time and enroll in college. I got into a 'prestigious university', but ended up dropping out. Now I'm enrolled in another an thoroughly enjoying my classes.
You say you want to be a doctor so you can help kids who feel like your friend did, so I'm assuming you want to go into psychiatric medicine. I don't know how it works in the U.K., but in America you don't have to go to medical school to become a counselor, therapist, or social worker. They can work in schools, private practices, homeless shelters, community health centers...there are plenty of possibilities. And even if these possibilities don't exist in the U.K., that doesn't mean you have to give up your dream. I'll never get through med school and I don't know if I'm reliable enough to become a counselor, but I can still help people online, or make sure lonely people have someone to talk to, or help desperate people find a non-fatal solution to their problems.
And if you still have your heart set on becoming a doctor, you still have options. Based on my web searching, it seems that plenty of people do apply to med school in the U.K. after earning another degree. Here is one such person:
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110808032243AAQeml3
So don't give up yet. Apply to universities and study something else, perhaps something that will help you later on in a medical career (like biomedical science). When you've finished that you can try again to get into a medical course. And if you still aren't accepted, you will still have a solid degree and plenty of options. Don't give up so soon!
Are there any painless ways to commit suicide? I have given up on life and pretty much want it to end since nothing seems to go right anymore. If you want some back story then I will be breif. I am 22 and have attempted suicide two times and they were obviously failed attempts. The first time I shot myself in the chest and survived, the second was overdosing but again failed. I have tried changing my life around but to no success. I have no parents to turn to and I have no siblings. My friendlist is zero and well...I think this can only be fate I suppose. Can anyone recommend a simple method?
I am also a survivor of multiple suicide attempts. When I'm at a good place in my life, I am not suicidal and I don't ever want to die that way, but I always slip back into those thoughts when living seems impossible. I've done almost everything to keep these thoughts from coming back, but at this point I've given up on getting rid of them completely. Now, I focus only on keeping myself from going through with it when the thoughts get bad. I have a permanent folder of suicide prevention bookmarks on my computer, for my own benefit as much as for some of the people I give advice to. Here are a few of the best ones I've found:
First is https://www.imalive.org/.
IMAlive is an online suicide 'hotline' that works through instant messaging. All the volunteers are well-trained and it is completely free. I've been involved with the organizations who created the site, and these people truly want to help. They wont judge you or tell you to smile your pain away.
Next is http://www.qprinstitute.com/Foreverweb.html.
This is an online version of the book Suicide: A Forever Decision. It is a thorough book written specifically for those considering suicide. It's not cheesy or belittling or unrealistic. It doesn't babble on about eternal damnation or anything like that. It is blunt and honest, and it is helpful. It helped me and hopefully it will help you.
Last is this page:
http://suicideprevention.wikia.com/wiki/International_Suicide_Prevention_Directory
It is a wiki page for suicide prevention, and has a comprehensive list of resources for people considering suicide. The link to online resources will probably help you most.
Of course, there are other things that would help you, like therapy and medication and friends. The first two get a bad reputation, but they can work miracles in the right hands. But I wont go into that here. I will say that your lack of friends and family is not your fault, and it is not fate. Bad things can happen to good people, good things can happen to bad people, and sometimes we can't do anything about it. That doesn't mean it was meant to happen.
Things will get better, if you give them a chance. Personally, I am resigned to spending my life bouncing between suicidal depression and 'normalcy', but the times when I am not depressed make the other times worth living through. I don't believe that when I am at my worst, but other people would always tell me that (and most of them weren't being idiots when they did) and I liked to try to believe it. And looking back after I have escaped from that place, I really do believe it. You can survive this, and someday you will feel better. Please, keep trying. Keep surviving. Someday you WILL feel alive again.
I have serious writers' block and it's actually getting me kind of depressed. Are there anyways to break writers' block or to get some inspiration flowing? I'd love to go somewhere, but my family doesn't have very much money...
Remember that writing, much like photography, isn't about having interesting things in your life to draw from. You don't need to seek out new experiences; instead, you need to find a way of approaching ordinary subjects from a new angle. You could write about the texture of a cat's fur, or the flight of a paper airplane, or even a day in the life of a McDonald's worker. You don't need to wait for something life changing to happen to you; instead, practice writing about ordinary subjects in a fresh way.
The important thing is to keep writing, whether you believe there is something to say or not. Practice free writing, where you force yourself to write constantly for a set number of minutes. Structure and syntax do not matter; all that matters is that you keep writing for the allotted amount of time. You can choose a random subject like weather or emotions, or you could write on random thoughts. Over time, this will improve your ability to write on command.
Another thing to do is keep a journal. Write about what you have done with your day, how you feel, things you are determined to do... I wrote a 60 page journal in 2 months just by writing what I felt. Also, keep a dream journal by your bed and write down your dreams as soon as you wake up. A lot of writers have gotten inspiration from dreams.
You can also try writing exercises. A writing exercise is a prompt that is somewhat specific, but also vague enough to give you plenty of creative license. It's a great way to practice writing about things you never would have considered before. Here's a website with quite a lot of exercises:
http://www.davidrm.com/thejournal/tjresources-exercises.php
If you want more choices, just search for writing exercise prompts in a search engine.
I hope this helps you with your writers' block!
Alright so I'm 17 years old, and a female. I am over weight, (... About 220 lbs...) and I loooove to eat. But I never seem to feel full...
Let me explain. No matter what I eat, small meal or huge, mainly meats and veggies or junk food, I can never satisfy my stomach! You see, maybe I'll feel full for a minute or two, but then a hunger comes back. I can feel my stomach is extremely full, like when I take in a big breath? But It's like there's this hunger on top of it... I don't know. But to sum it up, I'm always hungry, so I eat a lot. And it scares me!
I'm trying, on and off, to lose weight. Atkin's always seems to work for me. (I love meat.) And I'll do Jillian Michaels work-outs too, and I do good! For a while... I always fail a few weeks in because I eat and eat, and eventually I just give up and eat junk. I hate it, and I always feel ashamed of myself. But it's embarassing too because on my mother's side of the family, basically everyone's skinny. And they judge people's looks and size. I feel outcast because at their family gatherings, the girls my age have a tiny bit of food and are full. And I have this huge plate and I'm still hungry after. I sometimes have to sneak and hide food just to get by.
It's humiliating, and I want it to stop. I want to live a better life, a happier one. So, can someone help me out?
Here are some other weird stuff about me that might help: I am always tired, at night it takes me an hour or more to fall asleep and I wake up frequently, I get chronic head aches, I get hot easily and I sweat a looot, I crave lots of sugar, I consume a lot of salt everyday and... I'm kinda like a camel. (XD) I'll drink a lot of water at one time, and then not for a while, so on. That's about all I can think of. Please help me, people! I want to change, but with my stomach it's way too stressful and challenging. Anything will do. Thanks for your time. :]
OctoberBeat gave some excellent advice so I wont repeat any of that, but I want to add a few things.
While fruit juices are healthier than soda and are a good source of some vitamins, they are extremely high in sugar. Some juices are also somewhat acidic, so this combined with all the sugar can wreak havoc on your teeth in the long term. Most doctors recommend eating whole fruit for the benefits and limiting how much juice you drink. But drinking water regularly is very important, especially if you consume a lot of salt! Dehydration leads to a lot of problems, and if you don't drink enough water to flush the wastes in your kidneys (salt, first and foremost), you could develop kidney stones. I've never had one, but I've heard that they are horrifically painful. Start carrying a reusable water bottle with you, and sip from it throughout the day.
If you get sick of the taste of water, experiment with different teas (with little or no sugar added) for different tastes. Arizona has a good diet green tea sold in large jugs, and Celestial Seasonings sells boxes of tea bags without a lot of added sugar. I like to brew a bag of blueberry tea with two bags of honey vanilla chamomile, refrigerate the mixture, and carry it with me when I leave the house. But if that flavor combo doesn't appeal to you, there are plenty of others to choose from.
Something that helps keep you full is whole grain. Whole grains take longer to digest than refined grains (like in regular pasta and white bread), so they are more satisfying overall. As long as you can accept the taste difference, it's pretty simple to switch the type of pasta, bread, and rice you use around the house. They aren't lighter in calories, but they are more nutritious, and hopefully they will help you eat less overall.
In addition to lifestyle changes like calorie counting and changing eating habits, I recommend you see a doctor and have a blood test done. Chronic headaches and exhaustion can be signs of a serious medical condition and should be evaluated by a professional. It's possible you have a medical condition contributing to both these things and your excessive hunger. And you are supposed to consult a doctor before any major diet changes, anyway. Most people ignore that step, but if you haven't had a blood test and/or a general check-up in the last year, it's important that you do.
Also, be aware that there are different types of hunger. Here is a basic guide on different types of hunger:
http://www.healthy-eating-support.com/types-of-hunger.html
One part of losing weight is learning to be aware of the source of your hunger and training yourself to ignore it when it isn't welcome. But this is a simplified model of hunger in the body, and it only applies if you are mostly healthy. There are medical problems which can cause you to eat more or less, and they can alter the signals your brain sends regarding hunger. Like I said before, it's important that you go to a doctor to rule out these types of conditions.
Good luck. :)
I'm a 13 yearold girl i'm a blond and blue eyed.A lot of guys ask me out.Anyway my boyfriend is 16 and he changed me into someone i'm not.When we started dating he told i should dress more “slutty”.Then i started waring “slutty” clothes. Our relationship started from a little kissing and making out to being in a sexual relationship.My friend saw the change of my personality, even i saw the change.i turned from a blond who did the right thing to a blond who is a slut and does anything right.i want to change but i don't want to end my relationship with my boyfriend.Please give me advice.i can't stop thinking about my situation.
Ask yourself, is this worth it? You are 13 and he is 16. A three year difference wont mean much when you are 20, but at your age there is something really creepy about it. Very few relationships will last at your age, and a guy like the one you're dating is not worth changing for. Do you intend to stay together for life? I hope not. He will never stop trying to change you. Now he knows he can push you to do something, he wont respect your desire to be yourself. He wont respect you at all.
He is using you. There is no question of it, and it is the raw and painful truth. You are young and don't really know how relationships work yet; he's taking advantage of that to satisfy his lust. This is not fair to you! There are plenty of other guys out there, much better guys, and you will find that perfect someone eventually.
A good boyfriend doesn't care what kind of clothes you wear, because he isn't dating your clothes or your boobs: he's dating you! He will like you for the way you laugh, the way you stand up for the people you care about, even the foods you love and the way you smile when you eat them. And if you smack when you chew gum, or have bad teeth, or wear stupid hats, he will like you anyway.
Does your current boyfriend care that much about you? I doubt it. If you told him you refused to dress like a 'slut' and don't want to do more than kiss him, would he be ok with that or would he get upset and threaten to dump you? If you are unhappy with what your current boyfriend has changed you into, why continue? Ditch him, be the person you want to be, and find people who like you for you instead of your body and the slutty clothes they forced on you. Good luck.
I've been having a little bit of trouble falling asleep. I don't want to take sleeping pills. Does anyone know what I can do to fall asleep faster?
I have problems falling asleep at the right time as well. One very helpful thing is exercise. If possible, get at least 30 minutes of aerobic exercise per day, preferably in the morning. Never exercise after 3 PM. That will actually make it harder for you to sleep. But exercise earlier in the day will make it easier for you body to fall asleep.
Also, make sure there is no light in your sleeping area, or make sure that you cover your eyes. I always tuck the sleeve of a hoodie over my eyes; this keeps out any light and helps me sleep. Light tells your brain that you should stay up, and that is obviously not what you want. If sleeping masks are uncomfortable, just get a long-sleeved shirt and use a sleeve.
There are plenty of breathing and relaxation exercises on the Internet to help you sleep. They don't work for me, but it's worth a try. Be sure to try them for at least a few nights; don't expect instant results. And try not to get caught up in worries and thinking about daily events. I like to daydream about things that are totally unrelated to my life; it helps me get my mind off the stressful things and drift away.
Also, make sure you keep a steady sleep schedule. Don't sleep in, even on the weekends or days off from work. Try to go to bed at the same time each night. I haven't mastered this yet, but it's very important.
And turn off the t.v., computer, cell phone, etc. for an hour before bedtime. The bright lights and extra brain stimulation keeps you awake, and it's really easy to get sucked into an activity for hours before realizing that you've accidentally stayed up to 2 AM. Instead, use this time to listen to relaxing music, or take a shower/bath, or read.
Another important thing is diet. Consume as little caffeine as possible. Some people are more sensitive to it than others, and it can really screw with your sleep. A soda every once in a while, or a little chocolate, is ok so long as you don't eat/drink it after 1-3 PM (depending on when you go to bed). Refined wheat and sugar can also have an effect, although it's not as strong. Anyway, don't eat cake or candy in the evening.
I hope that helps. :)
what does that mean?
Most likely, they mean that you are not sensitive to body language, emotions, and hidden meaning behind words and situations.
For example, women often say they're ok or fine when they really aren't. Sometimes other people can pick up on body language or subtle changes is tone of voice that show that no, they aren't really ok. Sometimes, the situation should clearly show how not ok she is (in tears, curled up in a closet, etc.). And other times, they secretly hope the person they're talking to will pick up on it whether or not there is any visible clue. It's confusing between two female friends, and can absolutely confound guys when their girlfriends do it.
I don't know whether you are female or male, but the person telling you that you are oblivious most likely means that you are not as sensitive to other people's emotions as you should be. You are missing things that they consider to be obvious. Maybe you are offending people without noticing, or maybe you aren't recognizing hurt and emotional pain when you partner needs you to. It could be anything.
People are confusing. The best way to figure out exactly what it means, in this case, is to get that person to tell you. They probably want you to magically figure it out on your own, but if you admit, "Fine, I'm oblivious. I'm also confused. Please explain because I just don't get it," they will hopefully give in and explain. Good luck.
My features: I have skinny arms, an ok six-pack, muscular thighs and calves. I play soccer and I was wondering, what is a healthy way to gain weight so I can have muscular arms? I've heard that by eating a lot of meat I gain weight. Is this true?
Gaining weight on its own will not give you muscular arms; it will give you fat arms, or maybe just a fat belly. Even if you feel like you aren't getting results, it's important that you keep working your muscles if you want them to get bigger. Experiment with different types of workouts and different weight sizes until you find something that works. Once you've gotten into a good workout routine, then you can start increasing how much food you take in.
Eating meat to gain weight is not a good idea. Yes, you will gain weight, but eating enough of anything will cause that. Red meat is high in saturated fats and cholesterol, and has been linked to increased risk of cancer. Personally, I'd rather gain weight eating cake and ice cream than meat, but neither choice is healthy.
If you want to gain weight, you should increase the amount of calories you take in. The important thing with any diet longer than a few days is to balance the ratio of carbohydrates, protein, and fat. You need all of them, but you need some more than others. Here is a decent guide on how to balance the three:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/85014-primary-sources-calories-diet/
Protein is often used in the body for muscle building and repair, which is why sports players tend to worship it. But your body only needs so much of it, and if you really eat too much of it you could damage your kidneys (this is highly unlikely, but possible). So long as your body is getting the protein it needs, bombarding it with far more will not benefit you. How much protein you need depends on your size, sex, level of activity, and several other things. There is a paragraph on this page with some general guidelines:
http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/questions/protein-questions/index.html#howmuch
Also, remember that lean sources of protein (soybeans, nuts, turkey meat, fish, etc.) are better for you than fatty sources like red meat. Protein shakes are a convenient way to get protein, but many people get enough in their diet without added supplements.
If you are really determined and money is not an issue, you could talk to a nutritionist and see what they advise. And be careful when getting advice from coaches, because they don't always know what they're talking about when it comes to nutrition. If you can't see a nutritionist, see if your school has a health or nutrition class. Health was required at my school and we covered the basics of healthy eating. There was also a Food and Nutrition class that covered it in more detail. These classes are a great place to pick up the basics of nutrition.
In fact, those classes are where I learned most of what I know about nutrition and fitness. So obviously, a doctor or nutritionist is a better person to ask than me. :) But I hope I helped you a bit. Good luck!
My friend says Im naive and that I live a sheltered life, but I hang out with him all the time. I dont think Im spoiled either. What does he mean?
Being naive means that you are innocent and more likely to believe anything people tell you. A naive person is also less aware of people's attempts to manipulate him/her for their own gain.
When someone calls you 'sheltered', they mean that you are unaware of most of the evil, illegal, or 'immoral' things that go on in the world. Some of these things aren't necessarily immoral, but some adults feel uncomfortable letting younger people know about them, so they try to hide them away.
Being naive and sheltered isn't totally a bad thing, depending on your age. It's good to enjoy your innocence while you have the chance, because you can never get it back once it's gone. But you may want to learn more about the world around you for your own protection.
Be careful with your learning, too. You don't have to do drugs, have sex, or anything else to lose your sheltered label. Just learn more about these things through reading or talking to an adult you trust, and don't let people push you into doing anything by calling you names or pressuring you. People like that just want to use you, and learning how to ignore them is one part of growing up. Good luck, and be careful.
I dont care if this in the right thing or not I want to die. I was raped buy my boyfriend. I am only thirteen years old. And i don't want to have a baby and I don't want an abortion and I don't want adoption. But I want to grow up! I haven't done anything in my life yet. I want to try things and go to high school and everything i am only in 6th grade! Life hasn't even started yet! I told my mom but not that I was forced and I'm not telling her so don't even ask me too! I told her a week ago it has been three weeks into my pregnancy my mom won't talk to me. My dad is out of the picture. I'm not telling my boyfriend because I am done with him. I have nobody I can't even get a god damn doctors appointment. I just want to die! Their is no point of life anymore I'm going to be stuck with a kid that I don't even want! Please just somebody talk to
Me. I feel like I have no one. I just want someone to understand. And tell me what to do about my mom and if I should tell my boyfriend. Save me
I know it seems like you are stuck with no way out, but you are right; your life has barely begun. There are so many more things for you to experience, and as horrible as this situation is, much of it is temporary. You wont be pregnant forever, and you wont be trapped with nowhere to turn forever. Things can get better, if you give them time. I wont lie; you will feel the pain of this rape for the rest of your life. But it will get better. But if you want to die and decide you want help with this, this website provides free counseling through IM conversations:
https://www.imalive.org/
It's free and everyone there is well-trained. Even if you aren't feeling suicidal, they can help you in any crisis where you feel desperate and trapped.
There is another online counseling service for rape victims here:
https://ohl.rainn.org/online/
Yet again, it's free and completely confidential. These people are trained to help you and they have a lot of experience. Their main website also has a lot of useful information:
http://www.rainn.org/
I know you say you don't want to have a baby, put it up for adoption, or have an abortion. But these are your options, and there is a time limit on your choice. You are only 13; your body isn't mature enough yet to give birth. Yes, you are physically able to give birth. But it will be difficult and there is a much higher chance of something going wrong. Because of this, I would recommend that you get an abortion, but this is your choice. If you don't want it, don't do it. But be aware that giving birth will be rough for you.
If you understand the risks of childbirth and accept them, your next best option is to put your baby up for adoption. After the child is born, you must instantly become an adult, for your child's sake, and your body and mind aren't ready for that yet. And there is no way you can support this child by yourself. You can't get a job yet, you can't rent an apartment, you can't get a credit card. It's impossible, unless your mom decides to help. Even then, it will be terribly hard. Anyway, right now you should be learning about yourself and the world around you, not struggling to bring a new life into the world. A lot of couples are looking to adopt infants, and they can give your baby something you can't: stability.
Yes, you can technically keep this baby and try to raise it, hopefully with your mother's help, but this is the worst option for everyone involved. I would really recommend adoption, or abortion if a doctor believes birth will be too hard for you. You don't have to decide right this moment, but you need to choose SOON.
As for your boyfriend, NO you absolutely should not tell him. He raped you. He has not right to stay in your life or the life of your child. Ending your relationship with him is most definitely the right decision. You need to stay away from him and make sure he stays away from you. He raped you once; he will do it again if you give him the chance. I know you probably wont take this to court and want to keep it secret, but if you have to, you need to tell someone if only to keep him away from you. He's dangerous, especially now. If he isn't bothered by the thought of raping a 13-year-old girl, he probably wont be bothered by the idea of hurting her until she miscarriages just to get rid of the baby. If you want an abortion, get a doctor to do it. Don't let him push you down a staircase or anything horrible like that. He could kill you, either by accident or on purpose.
Also, you need to talk to a doctor. You don't have to give the details of how you got pregnant, but whether you want to have this baby or abort it, you need to talk to a doctor. If you keep it, you will need to take special vitamins and see a doctor regularly to make sure nothing is going wrong for you or the fetus. This is very important. If your mother refuses to help you with this, she is failing you as a mother. And if she continues to refuse to talk to you about it, you will have to try to do this on your own. Try Planned Parenthood (http://www.plannedparenthood.org/index.htm). They will most likely need parental permission for certain procedures, but if you go in an talk to them (or call) and make an appointment, your mother might be willing to at least sign a paper. They charge for services on a sliding scale based on income. You have no income, so it will probably be free. If that doesn't work, you may have to go to your school nurse or school counselor; tell them you are pregnant and desperate, and your mom wont take you to a doctor or even talk to you. They can help you.
But seriously, you need to see a doctor. I don't care if you have to knock on the door of a clinic and yell at them; this has to be done.
As for your mom... You need to try and talk to her. Write her a letter if face-to-face talking is too difficult. You really should tell her about the rape (it will make things much easier for you), but failing that... tell her how much you love her, and how much you regret this, and that you really need her help. She is your mother; this exactly the kind of situation she is supposed to help you with. If you have to, get another adult to talk to her on your behalf. She is doing you a huge disservice by trying to ignore this situation. She is acting like a sulky child when she is supposed to be a mother.
And always remember, you are not alone. There are people who care about you. They may not show it, or they might be concerned strangers you've never met, but these people do care. If given a chance, they will reach out and help you.
Something horrible has happened to you. It was not your fault in any way, but now you are unfairly left to deal with the fallout. But you can do this. Just hold on a little longer, and never stop fighting.
While joking around with my girlfriend, I accidentally pinned her down by her neck and hurt her. The thing is, I'm a lot bigger than her, and I've always had problems being stronger than her (I jokingly slap her arm and it still hurts her when I do it light). Now, she's very very angry at me. I may have lost her. How can I make her understand that it was a mistake, that I didn't mean to hurt her, that I was honestly holding back and doing it as light as I could? How can I make her see that I never ever want to hurt her or anyone?
Male, 28
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you may not be able to get her back. Being pinned at the neck with even the slightest bit of pressure, when you aren't expecting it, is a very frightening thing. If you were held down at the throat by someone stronger than you, with no way to free yourself, would you be comfortable with that? It doesn't matter how light the pressure was; it's a form of asserting complete dominance and it is horrible to experience. You may have instantly shattered whatever trust she had in you.
She is going to remember those arm slaps and the pinning, and she is going to look at all of that as one big picture. Even if you didn't mean to hurt her, these could be the beginning signs of domestic abuse and they can show themselves in men that have never seemed abusive before. Returning to men like that in the early stages is what can get a women trapped in an abusive relationship for years. I'm sure you're not a bad person and you never want to hurt her like that, but you might wake up one day and realize you don't recognize yourself in the mirror anymore. It can happen to the best of us. In her place, I would leave you even if I recognized you as sincere in your apology. People can change and I'd rather leave a relationship early than risk getting trapped like that.
I think your only option, if you are serious about this relationship, is to suggest couple's therapy. This will be more for you to confront your problems than her; you have to recognize that even slapping her arm is not ok after she negatively responds to it the first time, and pinning at the neck is never ok without clear permission in advance. It doesn't matter how bad you feel about it now; you need to address your reasons for doing it in the first place before it happens again. As awkward and shameful as it may seem to drag all this out in front of a therapist, this is the best way to show her that you are serious about the relationship, recognize your mistake, and want to correct it in a way that doesn't force her to be alone with you.
Also, right now it is important that you don't smother her with attention. Showing extreme neediness is another red flag in relationships and will only drive her away more. Show her that you are there and you still care, and call and ask her if she would be interested in some therapy sessions before completely giving up on you, but don't force her into anything or assume that she will be ok with anything. Ask her for permission before doing anything that relates to her. You need to ask her if she wants to enter therapy with you, ask before you hold her hand, ask before you even touch her hair or drop by her workplace to see her. This will help reinforce that you do care about her and don't want to make her uncomfortable in any way.
If you aren't willing to do couples' therapy and don't recognize there might be a deeper problem here than just inappropriate joking (I don't know any men who would jokingly grab a woman by the throat), then you'd best let this relationship go. It'd be best for the both of you.
So I'm going to be turning 17 in a month. The last time I had a birthday party, I was turning 14.
I have no idea what I should do for it. I want to have a lot of friends over. I could just play music but there isn't much to do at my house.
Last time I had a trampoline and a wii that kept people occupied but now we don't really have anything.
I mean all I know is music and food.
So have any ideas to help?
I feel like, if you have a big and delicious cake, people will somewhat forgive you if your party is lacking in entertainment. But obviously, you don't want to turn them loose on a cake in an empty room. :P
Does it have to happen at your house? You could always invite everyone to a private party at a skating rink or to laser tag. Or maybe set up a paintball tournament (with proper safety equipment and perhaps waivers, you don't want to get sued after all). Of course, all of these will cost extra.
If it's still warm enough where you live, you could set up a water fight in your backyard. Buy some water guns, balloons, and all those other water toys they sell at the dollars store... maybe some obstacles to hide behind as well. You could set out some buckets full of pre-filled water balloons and other buckets full of water for refilling. Be sure to tell everyone to bring swimsuits or clothes that can get wet, as well as towels. This would make for an awesome party if it's not too cold and the majority of your partygoers are super uptight.
If all you can scrounge up is music, try to get your guests dancing. Music isn't very entertaining if everyone is just sitting around listening to a stereo. Be sure to find music that everyone will like and be able to dance to, or at least get a bit of music that the friends with different tastes will also like. You could set up a dance area so everyone's a little more scrunched in, and so long as you are SURE no one there is epileptic, you could add in special lights as well. Maybe set up a mini rave with low lights and free glowsticks as party favors.
Depending on your group of friends, you could play some classic party games like truth or dare. Personally, I'd feel weird letting a bunch of teens play truth or dare in my house if they're the 'crazy dare' type. Will you ever get the image of your best friend licking your toilet out of your mind? And if sexual things and genital-harming dares get involved, just... I don't know, maybe try and limit the dares to outside. Just be aware that in some groups it stays boringly vanilla while in other groups you might end up seeing or doing things you never ever wanted to see or do. You know your guests best; you decide.
Also depending on your group of friends, some may show up drunk/drugged whether you want them to or not. If they bring anything with them that you don't want there, there may not be much you can do about it. And drunk or not, they may break things, or steal them... I have seen beautifully painted hollowed eggshells crushed, jade figurines knocked off shelves and broken, knobs on electronics snapped off; plan ahead by moving these types of things to an off limits room.
Anyway, all of these good ideas depending on your friends. I don't know them, so maybe all of my ideas are stupid and inappropriate for them, but hopefully something here can be of use to you. Have fun!
Ok so i started my period about a year and a half ago adn i haven't had it in the last TWO months!! Of course i'm young so i haven't had any sexual activity... Should i be concerned and go and get it checked out?? Or is this normal for just starting your period??
Sometimes you can be irregular and skip a month, especially if you've been under stress lately. But two or more skipped periods in a row is cause for concern. I would talk to your mom (or stepmom, or grandma, or whomever you trust with this) about it and see what she thinks. She'll probably be worried that you're pregnant, so you'll need to make it clear that there's no chance of that. She might want to get you in to see a doctor, or she might want to wait and see what happens. But if you skip your period the next time it's due, you absolutely need to see a doctor. Amenorrhea (loss of menstrual period) can be a sign of some very serious medical conditions and you shouldn't try to handle it on your own out of embarrassment. Good luck, and I hope it's nothing serious!
I can't become famous over night or by just sitting here. So I need help. I'm a 13 almost 14 yearold girl who lives in Massachusetts, I'm not bragging but im pretty and I have a good body and I'm pretty good at acting. I wanna get out there and be famous. So if anyone knows anyone I can contact that are the real deal or any official or real websites. If anyone knows any actresses or actors can you ask them for advice? I really wanna be famous and I think I good.
Why do you want to be famous? You don't have to tell me, but just think about it on your own. I mean, having money and being admired by people is nice, but you can make that happen without being famous. The only thing that fame will really grant you in this lifetime is paparazzi following you everywhere trying to photograph you in your worst moment, tabloids creating rumors about you, and rabid and sometimes creepy fans (some of which would love nothing more than to steal your underwear or put cameras in your bathroom). Maybe you want fame regardless of that and feel there are some really good reasons to reach for it; ok, but you need to remember those negatives, too.
Next, while you can and should looks for tips on better acting skills or general ways to increase your chances of being discovered, DO NOT look for media contacts on the internet. There are a lot of people out there who want nothing more than to take advantage of you. Don't call strange numbers, don't give out pictures, and don't promise to meet people over the Internet even if they do claim to be 'talent scouts' or what have you. There are some legitimate ways to increase your chances of being discovered but for the most part it is just too dangerous to do on the Internet, especially at your age.
While there are a few people who got lucky and became famous just by knowing the right people and having the right looks, those people are rare. They are greatly outnumbered by the hopeful dreamers like you, 99 percent of which will never become famous. Being pretty, having a good body, and being 'pretty good' at acting are a start, but there are plenty of people that can say the same thing and you will be competing against them. You need to have more than that.
In my opinion, the best way to become famous is to find something you love, like acting or singing or painting or whatever, and practice the crap out of it. Perfecting a skill is difficult and becoming famous is even harder. But trying to become famous by taking shortcuts is nearly impossible unless you win some sort of cosmic lottery. Paris Hilton won that lottery, but you would be better off buying real lottery tickets if that is your plan. Practice, practice, practice is the first step.
If your school puts on plays, join them no matter how cheesy they seem. If you want to act, you need real acting experience and everybody starts somewhere. And hey, if you hate acting in the plays then you probably shouldn't dedicate your life to it.
If you want to get into music, join the choir, learn how to play an instrument--generally just take voice lessons and music lessons as soon as you can and keep up with them as much as possible. Having real musical skills gives you an immediate leg up over the average person whether you plan to go into music or acting.
If you throw yourself into these things and develop some mad acting/singing/guitar/or whatever skills, in a couple years you will be on the road to fame. When I say on the road to fame, I mean in three years you might be part of the way there. You may even get to that point and fail. A lot of people do. But if you really want this, honing your talent is the place to start.
Also, if you really like singing, in a few years you could try for American Idol. But be aware: I have a friend who is 20 and has been singing her heart out since she was a child. She tried for American Idol and was actually a finalist within her city to go onto the show. She was beaten out by only one spot; the judges loved her but she just didn't quite make it. This takes a LOT of work and even then the outcome is not guaranteed. So be sure to keep up with your schoolwork no matter how confident you are in your acting ability. Hey, if the acting thing doesn't pan out maybe you could try to be a famous author, hm? J.K. Rowling and Stephanie Meyer are wildly famous for writing alone, and they don't have as many weird tabloid articles written about them as most actors. Good luck. :)
Hello, I have a question regarding my boyfriend’s health conditions, he’s twenty years old.
He gets these adrenaline rushes, and we don’t know how to treat it. He’s gone to different doctors to see exactly his condition but no one seems to have an idea of what it is, or what triggers it.
As he describes it, he gets this severe pain that shoots throughout his body, sometimes causing him to fall to the ground. It usually starts off around his heart/chest area… When he gets these rushes, his body burns up- becoming feverish, he gets headaches, his heart beat increases and he starts breathing quite heavily. It also makes him feel very energetic and gives him a lot of strength. While he gets these rushes, he becomes full of rage and anger and also feels like he has lost all sort of control. It also causes lack of sleep; he hardly could get any sleep whatsoever.
These symptoms are common, however they all occur at once; each time he gets these adrenaline rushes, as well as stop all at once. It also occurs at random moments. Lately he’s been experiencing it every two days or so.
When he went to the doctors, they ran a series of tests such as; blood tests, blood pressure, fitness tests for his heart (treadmill- various speeds, various inclinations) as well as another test that’s like an ultrasound of the heart.
He has been prescribed various medications (e.g. sleeping pills for his lack of sleep) however his body reject them. His body seems to reject something as simple as ‘over the counter’ medication. He doesn’t usually take any medicine per say, he’s very natural and only takes medication when it is absolutely necessary. He doesn’t use any drugs either…
We were wondering if anyone could help us or had any advice to offer.
Thank you.
It could be some sort of endocrine disorder. The endocrine system controls the levels of hormones in the body, including insulin, testosterone, growth hormones, and adrenaline. Different hormones are produced in different areas of the body, and a problem with one of these specific organs can cause an imbalance in levels of the hormone produced there. It's possible that it could lead to sudden releases of hormones as well, leading to these 'adrenaline rushes' you describe.
Honestly, I am not a doctor and know very little about the endocrine system. But I do know that many of the symptoms you mention, including mood swings, can be linked to endocrine disorders. Endocrinologists are the doctors specializing in this area and, if this is the source of his problem, they will be the ones best able to help him. At the very least, they can give you a different viewpoint on his condition than the other doctors he has seen. They may perform different tests like saliva tests, and they have specialized knowledge about endocrine disorders that cardiologists and the other doctors currently examining your boyfriend lack.
Hello,
I was channel flicking the other day and saw a television news channel advertising the role of "TV Program Monitor". You basically watch their television shows, and send them a 300 word report on what you thought. That's the only detail they give, and i checked on their website and they say they pay remunerations of 3000 Japanese Yen (Its a japenese TV channel that broadcasts in english).
So my question is, what is the exact role of of a program monitor, besides watching tv and letting them know what you think?
Also, how good of a useful skill is this? Im desperate for things to put on my resume, and I know that this isn't going to get me a top job that pays well, but would you describe it as a useful thing to put on a resume?
Regards, and thanks in advance.
TV program monitors give television organizers a chance to see what their audience wants. For example, if you typically watch only reality shows or only news programs, and you watch most t.v. between 4 pm and 6 pm, that is very valuable information for people putting t.v. schedules together. They want to know what their viewers want and when they want it, as well as what they don't want. Based on this information, they can create a station that appeals to as many people as possible. The bigger their audience gets, the more money they will make.
I don't think it's a very useful thing to put on a resume. I take online surveys for money, but I wouldn't think to put that on a resume. However, you might be able to use it as an example of how you are proficient at speaking and writing both Japanese and English. That would definitely help you on your resume. Good luck in your job search!
So, I used to be a rather social child, even with strangers (not safe, I know), but I had tons of friends and I was a bit of a wild child. For some reason, at the beginning of this year, I suddenly don't like people. I mean, I don't mind watching people, but it's being around them. Like, if I go to the mall, I get super nervous and I've almost hyperventilated once. My mom says I'm just being a dramatic teenager, but I don't think so. I just get afraid that people are watching me or that something bad is gonna happen and it twists up in my gut and everything. And I always go with my gut instincts because a couple years ago, I got a bad feeling in my stomach the day someone jumped me at school (for hanging out with someone else). Do I have a phobia of public places and people in general? I'm just curious, because I really don't mind being alone. In fact, my best days are when I'm completely alone in my room with the computer... I'm sure that's unhealthy, though.
From the info you gave, it seems like you could have social anxiety. When you are around a lot of people, do you feel like people are watching you and judging you? There are many symptoms of social anxiety, and it shows itself differently from person to person. For example, some people panic at the thought of making a phone call but don't mind grocery shopping, while others are the opposite. Anyway, if going to the mall affects you this strongly, you might want to talk to a therapist or psychiatrist. Both talk therapy and medicine have been shown to help.
Even if it only seems like a mild problem now, it could become more of a problem later. In high school, you can get your family to set up doctor's appointments or make phone calls to the school for you. But when you live on your own, suddenly you have to handle all of that (and more) on your own. If possible, you should start dealing with this now, when it mainly affects your ability to date/go to the mall/go to parties, rather than later when it could keep you from finding a job or going grocery shopping. If your mom isn't taking you seriously, try talking to your school counselor. He/she is probably your best bet for showing your mother that this is more than just teenage drama.
Also, be aware that all of us on Advicenators are just random people on the internet. I can't tell you for sure that you have social anxiety; only a doctor can tell you that. But I have social anxiety myself and your case seems similar. If you feel like this is interfering with your life, you should definitely talk to a doctor about it.
Here is a website with some general info on social anxiety: http://www.socialphobia.org/
There is information about what it feels like as well as statistics and info on treatment. I hope this helps. :)
I'm 16/f and I do not have severe acne. Just a few spread around my face with marks of past zits. I went to a Dermo a while ago and he recomended two medications that I ended up not using because I didn't feel comfortable. I just went to a different Dermo today and he gave me perscription medication when I told him I wanted to try to get rid of it without medicine. Anyway, I still don't feel comfortable with the medicines so if anyone is familiar with them, can you give me as much info as you can about them? He gave me instructions to first in the A.M. to cleanse with Neutrogena, then use Cleocin T Solution, then use DCL light textured moisterizer. And in the P.M. to cleanse with Neutrogena, then used Cleocin T Solution, then use DCL light textured moisterizer, and then add a pea size of Ziana at bed time 20 minutes after the moisterizer. I usually just cleanse with Neutrogena at bedtime and I just bought this Neautrogena light night cream instead of using baby lotion after :P tell me what I should do because I really don't want to spend the money on the medicine if I can just use the two Neutrogena things at bedtime for my acne.(I also used St. Ives blackhead and ance scrub and it just made me break out more so I found on the internet that you can't use it every day when the Dermo said it isn't good at all. Is this true?) Please help out!
I've been in your situation before. I had acne that wouldn't clear up, even when I washed my face regularly and ate healthy. If you are doing both of those things, it might be a hormonal problem. I've had bad acne since I was 15, but when I started birth control pills at the age of 18, 95 percent of it went away. Then when I got back off of it, I broke out again within two weeks. I'm seeing a doctor later this week to get back on birth control, solely for the purpose of clearing up my acne. Many birth control pills only cost 10 or 15 dollars a month, so if your acne really is hormone-related, this is probably the cheapest and most effective solution. The only way to know is to try it. (But be warned, some pills can break you out even worse...Try at least two different medications before you give up on them.) I know you said you want to get rid of it without medication, but it's at least something to think about before you give up and start whatever the dermatologist wants you to.
Also, have you tried hydrogen peroxide? You can buy a bottle of it for 79 cents in most places. After washing your face, or back, or wherever you get acne, apply a q-tip dipped in hydrogen peroxide to pimples. It helps bring bacteria and pore-blocking substances to the surface, reducing (and eventually clearing) them up. However, it can excessively dry your face, especially if you combine it with other acne treatments. I don't have this problem, but some people fix this by using a moisturizer. Hydrogen peroxide can also bleach hair, so be careful not to get any on you eyebrows or bangs. It's not a miracle cure but it's definitely something to try before spending hundred on special acne medications. Search online and you'll find more tips for using it.
Also, I have that exact same acne scrub from St. Ives. I use it once every three days. It hasn't done any harm to my face (though I suppose it could if someone scrubbed too hard), but it does nothing more for acne than any regular soap. I only use it at this point because I don't want to waste it.
Okay well I am extremely, deathly afraid of turkeys and it gets annoying because my neighbors just got some and I'm afraid to go outside. I got attacked by one when I was little and I never really got over it. I need some tips on how to get over this fear. This is serious I am not joking!
Turkeys can be mean little buggers. Really, all animals can be nasty if you give them reason to be. I've been chased/attacked by ducks and geese a few times, so I know how you feel. You should definitely talk to your neighbors about it. They probably wont pen in their turkeys to accommodate you, but if you are respectful toward them they may be able to teach you ways to avoid offending their turkeys and ways to scare them off if they try to chase you. They live with the things so they should have some idea of how turkeys behave.
As for your fear, try learning everything you can about them. Read about their habits. Look at pictures of them. Look up videos of them doing stupid turkey things like fighting their reflections and making silly noises. Even if after all this turkeyfication, you are still afraid of them, you will hopefully have learned something to help you eventually face them.
Good luck conquering your fear! I'm still nervous around domesticated birds, but I don't mind facing them if I have to. Hopefully you can get to that point with turkeys.
Websites like quibids.com advertise expensive products for 5% of the price. Is this legit?
A lot of them are scams, but if you research the specific website on the Internet before you do anything with it, you should be able to avoid falling into trouble. Usually just typing the site name and 'scam' into Google will pull up enough reports to tell you whether it's safe or not.
Also, some web browsers like Firefox have add-ons that show you the trustworthiness of a website. The one I have is called Web of Trust, and it gives you a green, yellow, or red symbol depending on the safety level and will give you more information on the website if you click the symbol. It will make all your web surfing safer and it should help with your auction hunting. :)