Imperfectionist's advice column

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Q: can i have pregnant if my boy puts his cum on my anus?

uhm... not really unless it flys down to your vagina area. but sperm usually doesn't have wings.

Q: I am 39 and recently separated after a long marriage that was unhappy for many years. About a month ago I went on Plenty of Fish and met a man that I really liked. We met in person and it was wonderful. We had instant chemistry. For 2 weeks we texted or talked every day. We saw each other five times. We slept together. I asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he said no. Then I went to add him as a friend on Facebook... His profile did not have privacy settings so I was able to look at his pics. He had a recent picture posted in which he made a comment about coming back there with someone special. There was a comment on it (written that day) that said "can't wait. xoxo" from a woman. I texted him to inquire if he was in fact seeing someone else as well. He phoned me and told me it was a woman that he had been talking to online and that he hadn't met her in person. He then proceeded to tell me that he really likes me but that our relationship was getting too serious too fast. He said he wasn't ready for that as he had too much stress in his life right now. I was devastated. I tried to keep up the friendship with some texts for a few days, but it seemed one-sided. So, I waited... No word from him at all. Then I sent him a message on Facebook in which I poured out my heart. He hasn't replied. I can't stop thinking about him. I feel like I fell in love with this man. I keep thinking about the things he said, the way he acted while we were together. It felt so perfect. I just can't get over him. I am so depressed!

sweetie, to be bluntly honest... you got Played. The thing about online relationships is it's worse than dating offline... you really don't know anything BUT what this person tells you about them and what you can inquire from their social network pages. The guy most likely does what most guys seem to be doing lately which is use social networks to get women all gaga... get them and bed then move on.
But you also should realize the guy was kind of right... it doesn't sound like you talked a lot and you guys had only hung out five times when you actually had sex. keep in mind, you weren't in a relationship when you basically creeped on his facebook pictures to confront him about another girl... a no-no. if he wasn't using or playing you, you most likely blew your chance just by that. and believe me the pouring your heart message on facebook probably creeped him out more.
take your next relationship waaaaay slower. you're probably a sweet girl, but keep in mind the quicker you put yourself out there, the most likely you get hurt.

Q: i am 17 and i am pregnant, my mom is trying to lie to me and mt boyfriends parents sraying i have cancer and i need to get an abortion or i will loos the baby any ways. me and my boyfriends parents think she is lieing. what should i do plz help a.s.a.p

uhm... if you had cancer sweetie, wouldn't you know? I mean a doctor would tell you so then it would be obvious she is lying.

Q: pepole in abusive relatinships never get out untiill someone hurt so bad then someone really has to pay why wait untill it gets that bad theres ways of dealing weith it make sure its the right way

Im confused... is there a question in this? and that's a very difficult subject. the worse part about most abusive relationships is even if it's physical there is always some type of mental and maybe even verbal abuse along with it. The person (the abuser) will build their victim onto a throne. make them feel loved. even slowly isolate them from people they are close too. they will treat them like they are the greatest thing ever and then they will totally change and make them feel completely worthless, trapped, not worthy of even trying to be with someone else. And that's hard for anyone whether violence is involved or not. Knowing that one day someone who means so much to you is making you feel like the light in their life and then within a second watching that same person treat you like a cockroach. And after they do that, they apologize and make you feel great again. But some people do get out before it gets this bad. to those ones. they are lucky.

Q: I don't understand. I'm a black girl myself, and 'nappy' just means "(of a black person's hair) Frizzy". What is so negative about saying that it's frizzy? I do have frizzy hair. It's not relaxed with dangerous chemicals or anything. Other adjectives to describe my hair are 'kinky' and 'coily'. Are the people who see these terms as negative just ashamed of their natural hair? To me, a term like 'nappy' is just as negative as saying hair is curly, straight, or wavy.

It doesn't matter if the person who refers to my hair as nappy isn't black. Why would I get offended, when it's not a bad term? And if someone tried to use the term negatively, I would just laugh, because there's nothing negative about it. An actual negative term is something like the N word, something I think nobody should say, especially black people, since it's "A contemptuous term for a black or dark-skinned person". even if another black person called me that, I'd take it negatively, because I don't think anyone should go around saying derogatory racial terms

It's not just black people who get offended, there are plenty of curly patterned hair people that get offended. I myself have naturally "nappy hair" due to a "nappy hair" white mom, and a black dad. It really isn't about race, it's an insult. Nappy isn't a nice way to put it. They are basically saying you aren't taking care of your hair the way they think it should be. In some cases they are pretty mcuh just plain out trying to say it looks like you don't brush your hair. And the fact that you laugh about it, is great. You should, shows you don't care what people think.

Q: I met my boyfriend just over a year ago via a mutual friend, we hit it off straight away and 6 months later we were moving into our own place together.
I've always had awful relationships and made bad choices with my past relationships but he was different, we both wanted the same things, and showed that we loved, respected and cherished eachother.
4 months after we started our relationship he dipped into his depression which he has had for most of his life. When this happened he started rejecting me intimately. His work was stressing me and the fact that I shared an apartment with a stuffy Flatmate, he eventually changed job and we moved Into our own place.... 6 months living together and we still have the no intimacy issue. He outright rejects me and says hrs lost his drive, it's not me it's him. He gets irritatedwhen I try and talk to him about it.

Thing is, I know he masterbates, I know this because I do the laundry and I can see that he does it every day bar weekends when we are together (I leave for work before him in the mornings) .

I feel so frustrated and hurt and unattractive and diminished that he would rather masterbate than make love to me. When we do, it's rushed and we have no foreplay and I'm always on top because that's how he likes it. I'm just so fed up of feeling rejected. Life is hard enough as it is without your partner making you feel inadequate.

I've asked him if he wants to break up, if he's unhappy with the relationship but he says no and that we'll work through it. Part of me thinks he's lazy! And I'm starting to resent him.

Next week we are going to our GP which he had arranged so that we can discuss what's happening but it's not enough, I need to feel loved, I miss kissing and being touched and told I'm beautiful. He cuddles me and gives me pecks not proper kisses and if I ask him for a propper kiss he out right rejects me, he rejects me over a kiss.

I'm absolutely beside myself. I love and adore him and the thought of leaving him absolutely winds me but I'm in absolute despair.

Please help me. I'm growing very depressed with this.
I hate feeling like this .

this is a hard subject because of the clearest issue here, he has depression. having depression is a very hard thing and when you have any type of mental disorder it weighs in on your relationships. the fact that he says no to breaking up and that you guys will work through it and he is even trying by going to the GP, isn't what you consider enough but it is. he is showing he is trying and that he damn well loves you.
now because you don't have depression and you probably have never dated someone with it, you have to learn this is got to be rough. you are going to have obstacles that most couples don't face. fights that most couples don't understand. and moments where you question feelings for each other and if you are doing the right thing, more then most couples already do.
but if you love this guy, you will make it work and you will talk about it openly. all feelings out from both parties. and if you guys can't both do that... you're doomed.

Q: In april my dad cheated on my mom with her bestfriend and they have had a relationship ever since. My parents divorced and my dad is still dating my moms bestfriend. When my mom was friends with her, she told my mom how she cheated on her husband with her boss and many other people. Her and her husband are divorced now andI have no doubt she's already cheating on my dad too. Anyways, my mom has 90% custody of me so my dad has me 2 days a week. During those 2 days he is constantly texting her, we barely talk. I refuse to be around my moms ex bestfriend because I hate her and everything she does. My dad can't stand that I'm being so stubborn and neither can she. I already told my dad I want nothing to do with her, yet he constantly asks me to come along with them. I've tried explaining how I feel to him but he just gets mad. I want to spend more time with him but shes always there. I can't even go to MY FAMILY events because shes there. I missed out on my grandmas birthday, my great grandmas birthday and I'm sure I'll be missing out on Thanksgiving and Christmas because of her. I just want her gone and I'm afraid soon my dad is going to make me choose between either accepting her or not seeing him. I really want my dad back. This has ruined our whole relationship.

for one thing, you can't let some random women take away time from your father. it doesn't matter the situation. you need to sit your dad and talk about this.. of course understand even though parents were once teens they still never seem to understand even though movies and t.v. will tell you different. anyone who isn't in your exact shoes, WILL never understand. tell your dad you want to spend time with him, no phone. just you guys. but also whether you like this women or not as long as your dad is with her, you are going to have to deal with it. so go out with the two, just deal with her. nobody says you have to like her but at least pretend because you love your dad. and that's more important then her.

Q: Chris and I met on May 11th. We met on match.com. Our first date was a movie night at his house. We clicked instantly. We've spent every single day together since then, with the exception of one day that I drove out of state. He lives in a quaint little apartment in a nice part of the state with two cats.
I guess it started with our multiple trips to the beach. We'd go to the beach, part ways to go to our own home, shower, and reconvein. He asked one day why I didn't bring over my shower stuff and shower there. I forgot my shampoo and conditioner there that night.
I told him the next day, I'd come by and pick it up, but he told me not to worry about it. As time went on, he encouraged me to keep more stuff there like snacks, makeup, and a toothbrush. The other day, we went to Bed Bath and Beyond to go shopping for things that he wanted my input on to make his apartment more of a home.
Yesterday, he gave me a set of keys for his apartment. It came as a complete shock. He has class from 6-10, an hour away from here, so he told me I could go over whenever, get some homework done, and relax.
I am not moving here with him. I am going to be a senior in college and have a dorm on campus. I'm sure that once I have the freedom of living at school, and not under my parents roof, I will be sleeping at his place and vice versa. I do not want to fully move in, and he knows but doesn't quite comprehend why.

My question: As a girl who is VERY new to Chris' life, and already has a key to his place, what are my boundaries? He says he wants to see me everyday and whatnot, but I don't want to impede. Everytime we try to talk about it, he just says he wants me here whenever I want to be here. I don't know how to work with that.

the guy seems to really like you enough where he is making it obvious he wants you and you only. but.. i saw in your additional info you've only known each other 20 days... now that's an issue. you're still newbies, the honeymooners to the real part of a relationship, you probably haven't even worked through any relationship obstacles yet. it is too new for you to be moving in and if you've made that clear already make it clear again. don't accompany him on anymore "trips", tell him you want to take it slow. because rushed relationships do end bad. there the ones where you wake up yours for now wondering how you got there.

Q: hi i have rub my vagina with the penis of my boyfriend but we both have clothes on and there wasn't any kind of penetration the thing is that when i went to the bathroom I saw that my underwear had little blood when i clean myself there was blood in the same day when i go to the bathroom it came blood also i don't know if i loose my virginity or the thing that the vagina has has broken .....pleasee i need to know if i had loose it i am really scared

uhm... it sounds like you got your period, sweetie.

Q: 17/f
i was born with a penis and ive never had a bf cause i dont want to be embarassed.
pleeeeeeeease help, i want to be a regular girl!?!

any advse will be very helpful!

thanks in advance!!

uhm... i'm confused your question subject is completely different from your actual question. you said you have a penis... but you want to get pregnant... you're aware that isn't possible right? even with a sex change, there would be no possible way to conceive since you need to ovulate with a female organ.. now if you are saying you are an intersexual which means you have girl AND male parts... you may not be able to get pregnant since most are sterile.

Q: Am a lesbia have been on it about 5 year ago I have a child with is about 5 year too start been lesbia after
I had my bady am 26yr now I want to marry and setle down I don't how to do it am so inlove with my partner. I want to stop it please help

i would help you but i honestly don't understand what you are saying, the way it was put was really to unclear to actually understand. you might want to try reasking this question is a better way that is understandable because we can't help you if we can't comprehend it.

Q:

I'm looking for a black dress similar to these. What are they called?

http://intheircloset.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/alexander-wang-one-shoulder-goddess-dress-lbd-black.jpg

http://i900.photobucket.com/albums/ac207/ttivy/oneshoulder.jpg

http://cdnb.lystit.com/photos/2012/04/12/alice-olivia-black-oneshoulder-goddess-dress-product-1-3197472-073053029_medium_card.jpeg

http://media.onsugar.com/files/2010/04/16/1/422/4224411/277fe2d86a2c91bb_charlotte-russe-one-shoulder-cinched-short-dress-.jpg

And can you tell me where I can find it if you know? Thanks

try "off shoulder dresses" or "one shoulder dress", i would check out ebay or amazon. much better then your usual mall price.

Q:

I've decided to get a weave just to try it for the first time. I just want it for my graduation. Please don't start talking about how it will break my hair off and stuff. I don't really wear weave. I just want it for my graduation day.. So which one looks better?

go with a sew in, looks better. last longer. glue ins also tend to fall out wierd, like sometimes track by track. which will be alright if you could simply have someone follow you around and glue them back on... but it don't work like that.

Q: Alright so my bf is the best and we Well I need to ask something which is actually really embarrassing. You see we have been moving faster and had a little problem when the lights went out. We ended up giving up and going to sleep because we couldn't communicate. Help me please!!!!

try leaving a dim light in the room, or even communicate before it. you don't need to speak during sex. just let our bodies do the talking.

Q: So my friend was late for her period and was starting to get really worried she was pregnant, so after a week and a half of still not starting she took a pregnancy test and it was negative. But she still hadn't started so she decided shed wait another week to take another one, after 2 weeks she finally just started. Why was she so late?

a period can be late for many other reasons besides pregnancy. stress. hormones acting up. or plain old just your body.

Q: I am dating a guy for a month, and known him for two months. I am finally starting to have feelings for him, but I think he lied to me.

I found that he had a Facebook page (social page online) and he promised me he wouldn't add anymore girls on there. I just noticed he added one, and when I confronted him he said the following.......I saw a girl requested me on my cellphone (that's where he got the request) but I swear on my life & kids (he has kids) that he didn't approve her. I don't know what to think? He kept telling me he really does care for me and doesn't want to loose me. Should I let it go, or should I dump him?

I'm very confused, please help : /

I'm suppose to see him tonight, and don't know if to end this or not.

By the way, he knows I have a facebook too and yet hasn't requested me as a friend nor asked me about mine....Kinda weird too :(

this in all honesty funny to me, sweetheart the real question isn't whether or not you should forgive him... it's why are you so insecure?
there is no reason you should be getting angry over him adding girls on facebook. and i don't even want to know how you would be if he was friends with a girl in real life.
and i can tell you right now the way you are acting, you WILL lose this guy. and most likely it will be cheating because you are trying so hard to control him probably because you feel like he might cheat, that he most likely will.
And then you won't have to worry about him adding you on facebook because since he knows your profile, he'll probably block you.
give the guy some space. add him. and let him do what he wants. he is with you that should be good enough.

Q: Hi,
What’s the difference between people who have to ask if they're gay or not, and those who have no doubts about their sexuality? Trying to imagine having sex with the same gender is really disturbing, if it's not disturbing to you then you must be gay. Or are there levels of gayness or something? There must be; what's up with people who need to "explore" their sexuality? How could you say they are not more gay than someone who doesn't?
Or is there a difference between men and women when it comes to sexuality? I see women all the time asking these questions after having kissed a girl or something, wondering if they are gay.
Thanks

this is a very hard topic, because honestly finding your sexuality or knowing it is a hard thing to do. People can go for years being straight and then suddenly start realizing they like the other gender too. But the thing about that.. is if you really are bisexual, homosexual, pansexual, or whatever.. you kind of always have this feeling like you're different. and you may always be curious and have curious moments. you don't just wake up one day after finding women disgusting and think "hey i like girls" or the same thing happens with men. but then another problem is homophobia, specifically internal homophobia, which could be a person who is gay and has gay tendencies but because they don't want to be THEY FORCE them selves to not question their sexuality to be straight and alot tend to hate on any one who isn't

Q: Me and my boyfriend have been having sex, but we haven't used protection, because I am waiting for my mom to put me on it, but I am afraid he might have got off in me. Last night he got off inside my ass, and I am afraid it could go in my vagina. I just need to know some ways to stop from getting pregnant before i get on birth control.

well.. if its been less than three days u can take a morning after pill. but your best bet is condoms.

Q: How can I achieve a tighter butt?

working out is actually a way to make your butt more firm.

Q: what happens when a man gets feces on his penis -Genitals is it dangerous

Not really.. it's just poop. just wash your dick... lol

bio

Hi, thanks for coming to my column.

The name is Diamond but Dia is fine.

20, female, jersey girl at heart. mixed race taurus natured woman.

So...the reason I made this was during the start of my senior year of high school I had reached a point in my life where I didn't want to live anymore. I was tired of fighting and didn't see the reasons to fight. It was a random stranger that made me realize I would be stupid to take my life and to stop fighting.

So if you think I'm going to tell you life gets easier, I'm not. Let's face it, it doesn't get easier. Through pain you get stronger and learn to open your eyes to those things that give you strength to live.

Mine happen to be music, writing, dr. pepper, anime, the color black, the way rain sounds, and an amazing boyfriend. What gives you strength to live?